Posted December 19, 2008 I guess you want to ask yourself why you want to stay in your current relationship. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 19, 2008 Until you're like middle-aged and single wondering what went wrong. Being middle-aged and single isn't wrong. It can be a choice... Anyway. Baring in mind I have a very blase approach to relationships I would personally break it off and see what may. Whether it be with girl 2.0 or something else that happens but if you're beginning to doubt you're only going to get worse. See how the christmas period goes, its meant to be a happy time you share with your loved ones. If its feeling forced or whatever perhaps its time for reconsideration. But again, my own personal angle and probably a silly one. Good luck with it Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 As Daft has said, you should sit down and ask yourself why this relationship is worth working on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 Straying is something I just can't comprehend for the life of me. When I've CHOSEN to be in a committed relationship, then I stay committed! What makes you think the feeling you have with your current girl won't arise with this new one?... Then the never ending cycle begins... Until you're like middle-aged and single wondering what went wrong. No matter how bad things get, i'd never be serious about going after another person, only until we have both come to an agreement to end it and even at that stage it must have been something terrible. Stand by your loved one and work things out... I don't think this new girl is the answer. In fact, i'll bet on that. I get this...its a very confusing feeling to being in as I am a very committed man and to suddenly find myself questions that is on a par with questioning a belief system. I do also fear that this could just be me. Something I will always feel at some point in like you say a never ending cycle. Discipline. Because once you get emotionally involved with another, its not just about you. Feelings are feelings, but just because I 'feel' like screwing that chick, I won't because I'm not selfish. Actually, i am in control of my feelings and I restrict them from running wild. I know thats the worst thing about it I won't do anything with this girl until I have decided what I want and told my girlfriend. It isn't just about screwing anyone it is far more than that. Being middle-aged and single isn't wrong. It can be a choice... Anyway. Baring in mind I have a very blase approach to relationships I would personally break it off and see what may. Whether it be with girl 2.0 or something else that happens but if you're beginning to doubt you're only going to get worse. See how the christmas period goes, its meant to be a happy time you share with your loved ones. If its feeling forced or whatever perhaps its time for reconsideration. But again, my own personal angle and probably a silly one. Good luck with it Only really commenting on this because you said 2.0 funny how web language and apply to normal. Anyway this is the tact I am taking look over xmas try and enjoy myself. Who knows I may have a good xmas get back to work on 5th and realise that I'm not that interested in the other girl. Or perhaps even she may say she doesn't wanna be home wrecker and tell me to forget about it... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 All I'll sat from past experience is the grass is always greener on the otherside. Me and my girlfriend hit a massive rut. I effectivly told her where to go and went off with someone else. Only took me a week to realise it was a mistake and I would do anything to get her back now but it's too late. Think long and hard about it before you do anything and my advice is definately try and sort out any problems with your current gf now because you never know what could happen. An attraction is just that, it could be that you have very little in common and if you've been with your girlfriend for 3 years there's obviously something special there. Relationships go up and down and 3 years is about the time they hit their lowest point (apparently)... If you love her ride it through and see where you are at the end of it. If you're unsure, have a talk with her about your feelings. Hope that helps. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 I stand by my advice: Listen to your heart, but take your time to find out what it's actually saying. It could just be the excitement of something new coupled with a low period in your current relationship that is evoking these feelings. My advice fits with Daft's: Sit down and find out what it actually is you/your heart wants. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 Remixing on what Ashleymon said: Do one of those "take a break" bullshit those Yankyland residents keep talking about on TV. Seems to work for them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 Remixing on what Ashleymon said: Do one of those "take a break" bullshit those Yankyland residents keep talking about on TV. Seems to work for them. oh god no...my first girlfriend who I was with for 2 years did that to me, was one of the most drawn out painful things ever...she later admitted it was just an excuse and that she just didn't wanna dump me out right. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 Only really commenting on this because you said 2.0 funny how web language and apply to normal. Anyway this is the tact I am taking look over xmas try and enjoy myself. Who knows I may have a good xmas get back to work on 5th and realise that I'm not that interested in the other girl. Or perhaps even she may say she doesn't wanna be home wrecker and tell me to forget about it... lols. But yeah you may end up realising it was a moment of doubt and what not. Remixing on what Ashleymon said: Do one of those "take a break" bullshit those Yankyland residents keep talking about on TV. Seems to work for them. That is the complete opposite of what I said..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 If you weren't with your current girlfriend, I mean if it ended right now and tomorrow you woke up alone and your 3 years was over and you weren't getting her back, would you care? Would you miss her? Would it hurt? Do you think you want what you have to be over? 'Duh' question but... do you love her, or not? You need to ask yourself how much you care about the girl you're with before your eyes stray elsewhere. And if you've become comfortable and begun to take your current girlfriend for granted then maybe this other girl looks great, but maybe if you hooked up with her you'd be incompatible after a couple of weeks. What if you get with the new girl then desperately miss the old one? That's gonna hurt 3 people. Or maybe 3 years down the line you'd be in another 'rut' with this new girl. I don't think you need a forum to figure this out. You just need to be honest with yourself and figure out what the heck it is that you really want. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 Just make sure it's not that the 'freshness' of a new girlfriend (that sounded wrong) isn't just more tempting than the actual girl herself. It might just be lust driving you towards the woman. What do you know about her personality? This comment stands out for me. Grass isn't always greener on other side n all that. If you do decide to leave ur gf you need to make sure ur doin it for the right reasons and not coz ur interested in another girl n u know she is interested in you. I was there about 6 months ago, pretty much same situation as u, been with my gf since sept 04, another one came along, i went to go with the other girl but realised i was making a mistake and stayed with my gf. Not regretted this decision as we are getting on great again. See how you feel after christmas. If you still feel like there is something wrong talk to your gf, you can probably work through it. I made the mistake of not talking to mine and almost lost her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 oh god no...my first girlfriend who I was with for 2 years did that to me, was one of the most drawn out painful things ever...she later admitted it was just an excuse and that she just didn't wanna dump me out right. I know. It's fun for all the family. So now you know it's a do or die position. Continuings on what I've been recommending in earlier posts, a quote from Ten Things I Hate About You has popped into my head: "Sweet love, renew thy force" Now we know what Ledger did with this advice, do you have a band you can take advantage of? That is the complete opposite of what I said..... That's what makes it a pr0 remix ¬_¬ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 Give it a go with your current gf. Talk with her about your feelings, then at least in a few months if you dont feel things have improved she wont be suprised when you break it off. But, things may improve and you could be happier than ever. In any case, this girl at the party said she was drunk. She's obviously embarrassed for telling you she liked you, thats all. Dont worry about her, you owe her nothing. You've known her for years, persue her later if you cant work things out with the current missus. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 You've known her for years, persue her later if you cant work things out with the current missus. I almost read that as "peruse her later". Now I'm kinda wishing you did say it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 Haha, oh shit yeah. Should be pursue shouldnt it. Nevermind, either one works! You can peruse her all you want from a far, then pursue later. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 If you're three years into it with the girlfriend then and it doesn't seem right then surely it's time to at least take some time apart. If I ere you, and i'm not, i've never had a girlfriend for longer than a couple of months, I would break it off and try things out with the new girl. Is she hot? Pictures etc. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 The way I see it - you were testing the waters with what you said the next day to this other bird after she said to ignore it. Shepherd's advice was very sound if you ask me - think about how you'd feel without your current gf and for that matter, without anyone. Are you only wanting to leave your current relationship because there's someone else or because you feel that it's just time to end it anyways? To me, I get the impression it's the former and if so then what you're doing (that is, attemping to make a comparison between the two) is pretty dishonourable in my opinion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 The way I see it - you were testing the waters with what you said the next day to this other bird after she said to ignore it. Shepherd's advice was very sound if you ask me - think about how you'd feel without your current gf and for that matter, without anyone. Are you only wanting to leave your current relationship because there's someone else or because you feel that it's just time to end it anyways? To me, I get the impression it's the former and if so then what you're doing (that is, attemping to make a comparison between the two) is pretty dishonourable in my opinion. I wouldn't say this is the case because I have had other "offers" so to speak and promptly declined them and not thought twice about it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 I wouldn't say this is the case because I have had other "offers" so to speak and promptly declined them and not thought twice about it. Well that could be because you didn't have any actual interest in them whereas you make this situation sound like a much more lucrative opportunity. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 20, 2008 I agree with what many others have said, a relationship of 3 years is not something to throw away because it seems the grass is greener. I say work at it with your girlfriend, see how you feel and if it's still not working, then make a decision. Don't make it based on another girl. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 21, 2008 Start being a bit colder to your current missus. (But not nasty!) If she comes running to you wanting to vie for your affections you'll know she still wants you. And this is a massive deal in any relationship. The knowledge that your partner "wants" you. Your currently feeling that you don't want each other (for external reasons) so your subconscious I going to be looking elsewhere and putting your energies into other endeavours (maybe people or even dreams). Only now that this "concious" development has arisen you have suddenly had this stronger feeling that something really is amiss. I would say be a little more selfish with your current missus (like say she should come and see you because you KNOW she wants you tonight (or whatever similar). Jest with her, tease her and you will soon find out if she wants you or not. If not then you can say to her that things aren't right. (And you've been trying with your recent "come on's" THEN proceed to talk to the other person -only if you both decide to go your separate ways (not saying you will) (But remember: For all you know this other girl could just be playing a power game with you or sommat - and you could be left alone. How would that make you feel? You don't truly know someone until you "know" someone, you know? :p) These are the things I would say you need to think about doing. Teasing etc...See if it works. You've nothing to lose if they do and (in reality) nothing to lose (but a failing relationship anyway) if this doesn't work. Trust me...this WILL work things out for you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 21, 2008 Lol, Tapedeck no offence but you're clearly suffering from girl withdrawl :P Your response of, basically, be nastier to her for a bit is what all blokes say when they've had their heart used as a dog toy. Blame the girl I love these threads. I don't really have much to add, though. I would say one thing, though; these situations we're talking about are entire relationships, entire people that you've attempted to sum up with such brevity so that it can fit into a single post. All we have is your description of the three of you and how things are going. It is pretty much teh minimal amount of information a third party can have about a problem. But from how you described teh sitch, I can do some faux-psychoanalysis and suggest that you want to leave your girlfriend because you're bored of the sex, or you're not getting enough, so you want moar. I have also found this time very confusing and questioned my relationship etc... What else have you questioned? What answers did you uncover that you wish you hadn't? The moment this friend told you that she liked you is summed up as if it is freely floating in space - what led to this moment? What happened afterwards? The image of two people walking to teh middle of a room, having this exchange then walking off in different directions is quite funny. To me this suggests that you place emphasis on her rather than your own actions that led to this moment, and your actions afterwards. Not talking to her the next day and not having her on facebook already means you aren't really that friendly, too. Yeah I don't really know where I'm going with this. Sorry. Finally, I do wish you'd change the "fried" to "friend" in the OP. Makes me hungry for eggs. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 21, 2008 Lol, Tapedeck no offence but you're clearly suffering from girl withdrawl :P Your response of, basically, be nastier to her for a bit is what all blokes say when they've had their heart used as a dog toy. Blame the girl I said be colder, stand-back a little and make her come to YOU. Don't be nasty. (That way you will know if she still wants you...which is what you will want surely?) There's a real difference here. When you get into a long term relationship the chemicals have changed from "lets have sex 3 times every night and see each other every second" to something more like "lets settle down and have three kids and buy a Ford Focus". Or even "This is boring as everything is...familiar and easy to guess". I'm merely saying put some spice back into things by taking a stand back and inviting her out/teasing her saying "you know you still want me". Cocky but not arrogant. Colder but NEVER nasty. None of my advice is about any of my recent shenanigans. I'm citing what I know to be true. What I know works. It's easy for you to say "it's because of this" but that's not the case. No offence taken. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 21, 2008 Have you been reading those dating books again tapedeck? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 21, 2008 You can learn this stuff from books?! 0__o *Flees to Waterstones* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
