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Absolutely. I have nothing better to do with my time than make up obvious lies about my sexual prowess. Luckily she woke up just after I had called 999, so I got them to cancel it. But from then on she was always out of it for 5 minutes after her orgasms.

You can have Ameobi if you like. Some has got to want him... Anyway, about the Allerdyce thing... I have to agree with Bluestar, sod attacking football, let's get in the habit of NOT LOSING then we can worry about doing better in the league. Everyone needs time to settle, and Allerdyce didn't have enough, neither did his players. Though to be fair, he has never been that inspiring for me personally, so how the players were supposed to perform is beyond me. Can we also get rid of Stephen Carr? kplzthnxbi.

I gave the ex 8 in a row and she was unconscious for 30 minutes afterwards. I called an ambulance because I was so worried.

Oh loneliness, oh hopelessness, to search the ends of time - for there is in all the world not greater love than mine. I have just hit a down period (remember mentioning that I have manic depression?) the first big one for about 3 months, and it comes - you guessed it, right around my birthday. Which happens to be tomorrow, and no-one is available to do anything, as per usual. It's as if the sheer effort of having fun at Christmas puts the world off celebrating the ignominous day when I was spawned. This year, I have a girlfriend, for what that's worth. A girlfriend who you have to tell your feelings to directly and clearly, sometimes even writing them down to get her to take notice. Otherwise it's another "You don't communicate" argument evening, that ends with me apologising for snapping at her. But then I think, how much clearer than "I'm tired and I want to go to bed" can you get when faced with the prospect of yet more dull films. Then of course there's the half an hour pre bed ritual that ends with me half dozing off, or incapable of sleeping because I KNOW when she finally comes to bed she's (a) going to make a damn great noise and (b) start asking questions about future plans, career etc and totally mess up any chance of sleep. Then there are the jobs. Don't get me wrong, being listened to by children all over china is a massive buzz when you know how well the books are selling, but at the same time, I can't help but feel that I could be making more of an impact. Expecially when the Chinese don't seem to know the difference between quality work done by foreigners and that don't by people having a laugh and taking money they don't deserve. And let's not forget the school where I've been writing (from scratch) the curriculum for 4 years of schooling, designing the books, arranging the learning curve and AT THE SAME TIME teaching the supposedly more experienced members of staff how to teach kids. But... this is all just pointless venting, it doesn't do any good because having problems out in the open does not solve them in these cases. The answers, if there are any, are obvious. Solutions however, are not easy to come by when you just want to lay down and die.

I had a small bag of sweets earlier, they were delicious. I'm trying to convince myself that I don't need any more delicious chewy wonderful sugary tasty ARRGGGGHHHHH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!

Agreed. It could mean someone who is very drunk. As in "Av bj w str8 gy in st8"

...she does actually look a bit fake. Still if you saw her in a bar, you'd feel like taking a crack at her, so to speak. Course, the question is which crack...

There are one or two shemales working in a chain of Thai restaurants here in Shanghai, and lemme tell ya, you would not know the difference until the underwear came off.

Or even worse, Zombie prawns! How much would that suck?

I was offered that by the doctor. She just said "You're depressed, have prozac". And people say the NHS is going downhill...

Yeah, the problem is that there will always be some stinking lefty who rises up and says "Why don't we try and talk to the zombies? I'm sure we can come to a reasonable conclusion."

Underground tunnels are a good idea in theory but Sod's Law says that any zombie will find his way into them, drawing others there while a large group attacks from the surface.

Let's try and prepare ourselves for every eventuality. No matter how unlikely That way when civilisation ends, we won't be left scrabbling in the filth hoping to find some edible dirt.

Well, work that trunk, girl! Walk more and you'll be surprised! My ass goes from pair of water balloons to peach in a handkerchief in no time if I spend an hour a day walking!

Ah, the jock Everyone stand behind this guy, he's first for the chop.

*Cough* *ahem* ooh... Back on topic... gosh. Anywayso. I'm planning on a gruelling regime of...gruel. And exercise to get back to my weight division so I can start fighting again. Tomorrow morning sees day one in the running-round-of-the-apartment-complex exercise regime. Hopefully my stomach will begin to even out and I can go back to the pounding of other half naked men in the boxing ring.

So this is something I've been thinking about for a little while: a Zombie Apocalpyse. Let's face it people, it's going to happen sooner or later, and I am curious how well-prepared everyone is for this frightening eventuality. Recently, I've been stocking up on essentials like water, dried and canned foods and disinfectants. plus antibiotics and other pills. I'm going to have a whirl online and see what I can find about wood burning generators and other means of survival when the human-chomping starts to go down. Also, don't forget that you're going to need plenty of heavy and sharp implements immediately to hand and something that you can set fire to if faced with large groups of the freshly-resurrected. I'd also like to get people's opinions on high-rise buildings: personally I think they're good for defence but raiding parties and foraging will be dangerous if you have too many steps to climb on the return trip. And while we're on the subject, everyone here should get a CB radio and swap frequencies so we can maintain contact when the worst happens. So, how prepared ARE you?

You turn me on more and more every post. I've got something you might like to chow down on. It's a big plate of noodles I made earlier. I am a useless cook. Anyway, where was I? Don't try to lose weight too quickly, it'll only end up back on quicker than it went.

Also, make sure you drink more water, it helps you to feel full - especially as a lot of people don't drink enough water and mistake dehydration for thirst.

Stop eating. Or: No more sweets except Wine Gums, alcohol no more than 1 unit per day, ideally no more than 5 per week. No more sugary drinks.

Best of luck getting Rare to do an interview.

Why not have it so you can transfer your pokemon to an "on-the-go" setting as well? Sort of the reverse of the Stadium games I guess. What would happen is that you would build a team on the Wii in the main RPG and then be able to transfer them to a cart on the DS then go looking for "action" as it were. The main bulk of the RPG would be on the big console, but you coul level your pokemon on the go with the DS and play training matches etc.

Bah, humbug. Everybody seems to be getting good results except us. Major argument - well, me shouting at the girlfriend last night. She decided to start doing her nails, polish and all at 11.20pm when we both have to be up early. I really feel like I'm turning into a monster with her, she's so inconsiderate though and damnably lazy.

A mere 7 for a Villa fan? What is the world coming to?

Aw, you're a sweetie. Anyway, continuing with the football example, I was 13 and playing 1st Eleven football for 3 months, then one guy got pissed with me because I lambasted his poor attacks (run at defenders with ball when he had no pace) and I got taken down the pecking order because he was popular with the others. The team actually deprived itself of a good asset and as a result, started to flounder. They deserved it, frankly. At the time I was really cut up watching from the sidelines. It just highlighted everything that is wrong with our social structure, it's the top dog who gets the picking, not the one who is best, just the one who shouts loudest. Same with our rugby side, full of a bunch of people who were convinced they were good at the game either because their fathers played (our community was an old mining town with several rugby clubs) or because they were popular and had to be in every team. Not that I played rugby of course, being on the small side, but some genuinely good people were left out in favour of the ones who talked about their fathers in the loudest voices. Depresson can manifest itself in many forms at any time, and just because you're happy one minute, doesn't guarantee the next minute will be filled with the same joie de vivre. That's what most people wh haven't been ill with this before can't get their heads round properly: depression doesn't give you a warning sign, it just happens and you have to deal with it.