Jav_NE Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Yeah, long-distance uni relationships rarely work. For one, there's the distance. Obviously. But the most important is thing is the freedom. When people go off to uni they are in most cases free for the first time. This wouldnt be a problem, but with so many new friends and faces encouraging the whole going out and meeting new people thing, its a miracle any of these relationships last. throw in cheap drinks and you might as well have called it a day before she went. I dont mean to sound horrible, but you're not the first it has happened to. I had a few mates at uni, guys and girls, who either broke up with their partners so they could have more fun, or their partners back home broke up with the them because they couldn't trust them. Its just never a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 I want to ask you guys and gals something. When a loving relationship ends, would you say your heart gets just a little bit colder? And you grow a bit desensitized to 'love'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goron_3 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I want to ask you guys and gals something. When a loving relationship ends, would you say your heart gets just a little bit colder? And you grow a bit desensitized to 'love'? For a while yes. I mean when i broke up with my first love i found it really hard to trust girls and wasn't even thinking about falling in love again. Though after time everything feels different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolFunkMan Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Tbh, I'm not too fussed any more. Me and my ex seem to be getting on a lot better as friends now, so I guess the split was for the best. I want to ask you guys and gals something. When a loving relationship ends, would you say your heart gets just a little bit colder? And you grow a bit desensitized to 'love'? For me, I was slightly cold hearted, but only for a short while. I'm certainly cautious of women now, and I'm not really in any rush to find anyone tbh. It's just put me off relationships for a bit, though if something happens, then I wouldn't mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightwolf Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I want to ask you guys and gals something. When a loving relationship ends, would you say your heart gets just a little bit colder? And you grow a bit desensitized to 'love'? It depends on the person. I know alot of people who have loved someone alot, had their heart broken and been able to love quite quickly again. Personally, I'm not sure, I used to say I'd never be able to love again, when infact it was really I wouldn't be able to love somebody the same way again. It can turned people very cold and awful, most of the time they come out of it, usually by the presence of somebody else! It makes you cautious, but if the right person comes along then it tends to go completely out the window! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolFunkMan Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 It depends on the person. I know alot of people who have loved someone alot, had their heart broken and been able to love quite quickly again. Personally, I'm not sure, I used to say I'd never be able to love again, when infact it was really I wouldn't be able to love somebody the same way again. It can turned people very cold and awful, most of the time they come out of it, usually by the presence of somebody else! It makes you cautious, but if the right person comes along then it tends to go completely out the window! Actually, I think this is more like what I was trying to say. Couldn't have said it better myself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 For a while yes. I mean when i broke up with my first love i found it really hard to trust girls and wasn't even thinking about falling in love again. Though after time everything feels different For me, I was slightly cold hearted, but only for a short while. I'm certainly cautious of women now, and I'm not really in any rush to find anyone tbh. It's just put me off relationships for a bit, though if something happens, then I wouldn't mind. You both seem to be more cautious... Was it that your first loves hurt you? Like couldn't fully understand or trust you. Right now, Im in heart ache (I know its not a 'tough' thing to say but whatever), basically it feels like I'm willing to make greater sacrifices for my girl but she won't for me. Its hurtful whenever there is a hint of unrequited love. Just when you thought things were going to a next level, when one feels the need to 'hold back' it just halts everything, because the trust does not seem mutual. Call me sad, but I couldn't really sleep and my heart is still pounding, and I feel immobilised to do stuff right now. These were the same feelings I felt when I broke up with her before... Its hard because I reveal everything about me, say how I feel, be honest, and re-re-reassure her almost every time we speak but nothing seems to change her feeling of caution. Both in a relationship feel pain, so why would one be any cautious? I think if this was to end, I would be just as you guys felt and a bit more determined and focused in my everyday things. Its funny; even though I love being in love, I know a lot of time, money and effort are expense... Yet I still love it. Yet I know if I wasn't in love, those colder emotions would drive me to be great in a lot of things, and I would also have the spare time and money lol... It depends on the person. I know alot of people who have loved someone alot, had their heart broken and been able to love quite quickly again. Personally, I'm not sure, I used to say I'd never be able to love again, when infact it was really I wouldn't be able to love somebody the same way again. It can turned people very cold and awful, most of the time they come out of it, usually by the presence of somebody else! It makes you cautious, but if the right person comes along then it tends to go completely out the window! Well said, I guess this is the treatment I am getting... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightwolf Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I think if this was to end, I would be just as you guys felt and a bit more determined and focused in my everyday things. Its funny; even though I love being in love, I know a lot of time, money and effort are expense... Yet I still love it. Yet I know if I wasn't in love, those colder emotions would drive me to be great in a lot of things, and I would also have the spare time and money lol... It's an interesting situation to look back on, at the time it feels as if everything is crumbling and it's just not worth doing anything, but every day makes alittle easier, you remember slight perks of being single and being independant, ok so you miss the hugs and the kisses and the little things. But then you remember you don't have to check in with your other half...you can look at people without being caught guilty. Those sorts of things. It's a pain, it feels like somebody has shot you, but then the shot heals and leaves tiny scar for you to remember! Just because you cannot love somebody the same way again doesn't mean you won't have a fantastic relationship with somebody else . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tapedeck Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 King_V...I totally feel your pain. I'm on the mend at the moment too. But don't do the running mate. Never do the running. It's a power game and you need to just look after yourself. Don't give your affections or anything to her. Sadly, she's not worth it. I've absorbed myself in work (and new ventures and people) but it's always difficult. Time is the healer here. There's always meeting someone else for a bit of flirty fun which does help. Afterall, your pride and emotions have taken a blow - the quickest way is to find company that appreciates you and finds you as you are (a good, decent, person). That is the road to recovery. (And what Nightwolf perfectly said.) Mind you, you will love differently (and better next time), if you learn from it. Learn to guard yourself more perhaps. Or learn to be a bit more callous? Or a tad more "mysterious". These are the things most people are anyhoo. I'm slowly learning lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ten10 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Well since we're on the subject, when my lady decided to go chasing after someone else at the end of September, I have to admit its like a sword was thrust in my chest, but I was being kept alive and tortured, as much as I wanted to die I couldn't. Then one day I eventually did, and became a heartless soul. Still not sure what was more painful, dying or being dead. But after death will eventually come rebirth, and your equaliser. In my case the guy she left me for wasn't worth it, she's now pregnant with his child and he's pretty much gone bye bye. Now when she was looking to come running back I had already moved on, wasn't in the same place she left me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamba Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I think that you learn a lot about what/who you want. I think that you gain a very unbalanced taste for what you DON'T like at first but that evens out with some perspective. You feel the need for big change so your life can get better and at first a relationship is the same thing that you have just been doing. So you're trying to get away from that.... But each person you go out with, you will fall in love with completely seperately. There's no way of explaining how that is going to feel or how that could possibly happen again but that's one of the reasons why it is so great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 King_V...I totally feel your pain. I'm on the mend at the moment too. But don't do the running mate. Never do the running. It's a power game and you need to just look after yourself. Don't give your affections or anything to her. Sadly, she's not worth it. I've absorbed myself in work (and new ventures and people) but it's always difficult. Time is the healer here. There's always meeting someone else for a bit of flirty fun which does help. Afterall, your pride and emotions have taken a blow - the quickest way is to find company that appreciates you and finds you as you are (a good, decent, person). That is the road to recovery. (And what Nightwolf perfectly said.) Mind you, you will love differently (and better next time), if you learn from it. Learn to guard yourself more perhaps. Or learn to be a bit more callous? Or a tad more "mysterious". These are the things most people are anyhoo. I'm slowly learning lol. Thanks Deck... ... Had a talk yesterday so things seem a bit lighter on the heart... But I still have a bad feeling about wether I can stomach this feeling of mistreatment. Apparently, she just likes to have things done her way. The most annoying thing is, when she makes a rule but doesn't stand by them herself, and when she does stuff and can't hack when its done back to her. For example, when I say I love her, sometimes it could be replied by her with "thats nice to know"... fair enough (mind, I always say I love her in response if she says such), but when she rarely plucks out the courage to say it, I responded once with "ah, thats nice to know" and then she gets all moody! Annoying, isn't it? I just like equality and mutuality above all. But i don't seem to be getting it... Right now, I feel as if a bit of the love has faded away permanantly. and I'm the most optimistic person you could find. But I do believe in miracles and I also feel that if you can stomach bad experiences, everything else after will seem like a bed of roses... So I guess I'm still optmistic nonetheless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eenuh Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Maybe she has gotten a bit cautious about saying 'I love you', maybe after some other relationships that turned bad? I know that for me it's something I will not just say anymore whenever someone else throws that sentiment my way. Sometimes it's best to keep it for when you're really sure you love someone. So if she's cautious about saying it, maybe that means she's not quite sure yet what exactly she feels for you? I don't know, sorry if I'm not making sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 Maybe she has gotten a bit cautious about saying 'I love you', maybe after some other relationships that turned bad?I know that for me it's something I will not just say anymore whenever someone else throws that sentiment my way. Sometimes it's best to keep it for when you're really sure you love someone. So if she's cautious about saying it, maybe that means she's not quite sure yet what exactly she feels for you? I don't know, sorry if I'm not making sense. Thanks, and I understand perfectly, and of course its one of the first things I thought/think. But I have spoken about such, and she says that isn't the case. She says I should trust her and not jump to my own conclusions... so I've taken it upon myself to trust her. She can tell me she loves me, but only after I've said it, she could barely say it independantly. If it was so that she doesn't love me, after everything, then that would be so much better to know rather than to be 'victim' to strange behaviour or energy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Me and my (ex)girlfriend split up on wednesday. It's been pretty much over for months though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raining_again Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Me and my (ex)girlfriend split up on wednesday. It's been pretty much over for months though. Yikes, I hope you are okay! Still staying friends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Yikes, I hope you are okay! Still staying friends? I dunno. She never spent any time with me when we were together so I don't see why she would now. I think she still wants to be friends but I don't. I had bought part of her christmas present but when we split I took it back. I asked for my stuff back and she had given me some presents and had written something along the lines of, "Despite recent events I still want you to have this." (she had written it because that's the only way she can communicate. She avoids conflict but that's always created more problems as they never get sorted out.) So yesterday before work I went back and got what I had got before, but this time they had 10% off. So when I take her stuff over I'll give her that. My mum keeps saying that she's going to get her a christmas present anyway. She always has to make things more awkward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raining_again Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 I dunno. She never spent any time with me when we were together so I don't see why she would now. I think she still wants to be friends but I don't. I had bought part of her christmas present but when we split I took it back. I asked for my stuff back and she had given me some presents and had written something along the lines of, "Despite recent events I still want you to have this." (she had written it because that's the only way she can communicate. She avoids conflict but that's always created more problems as they never get sorted out.) So yesterday before work I went back and got what I had got before, but this time they had 10% off. So when I take her stuff over I'll give her that. My mum keeps saying that she's going to get her a christmas present anyway. She always has to make things more awkward. Awh that's sad. *n-e hug for moogle* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Awh that's sad. *n-e hug for moogle* I don't feel sad. TBH I wish I had ended it months ago. I've wanted to for ages but didn't want to regret it. I didn't want to end it and then feel like I'd never be with someone again. I was just wanting her to give me a reason to end it. I know it sounds weird but that's how I felt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raining_again Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 I don't feel sad. TBH I wish I had ended it months ago. I've wanted to for ages but didn't want to regret it. I didn't want to end it and then feel like I'd never be with someone again. I was just wanting her to give me a reason to end it. I know it sounds weird but that's how I felt. moogle, you silly, you are an awesome catch! Saying that, I understand how you feel though. Its like being stuck in something safe (but unhappy) and not wanting to go out into the dangerous wilderness. Or something At least you know its what you want rather than have rushed it and regretted doing so, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strider Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Me and my (ex)girlfriend split up on wednesday. It's been pretty much over for months though. I heard last night, i was quite shocked to be honest. I understand why you were like you were last week now (sorry if i said anything stupid). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 I heard last night, i was quite shocked to be honest. I understand why you were like you were last week now (sorry if i said anything stupid). No you didn't. How did you find out btw? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strider Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 No you didn't. How did you find out btw? Kate told me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Sorry to hear that Moogle. As R_A said, you can be more sure you won't regret it as you gave it a chance rather than doing something rash. I hope you feel happier now, at least in the long run, if you weren't happy before. If you need a hug from an NE relative stranger, I'm here *Massive hug*. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Hugs are our speciality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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