Raining_again

Dating someone new, things are good. As much as I loved my ex, I don't regret it. We had good times together, but now I just feel normal. Like how its normal to walk around the city hand in hand and spend time with someone who talks to you and not necessarily at you?

Oh my I've not been here!! Thanks for all the birthday wishes folks I had a good one

I agree with all of the above, move on keep messaging. Try not to take it to heart if they don't reply or stop replying. Its far better than them leading you on and letting you think there is a chance, right? Talking to lots of girls (or even guys) is not wrong, you do not have to isolate your social needs into one person... It might help you if you do talk to more than one person and just take it easy. If one doesn't reply someone else will. And don't send more than 1 message without a reply!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhmygawd >_< I went to his, he invited me in and had the kettle on before I could really say, like "hey I'm not staying" I gathered up my stuff. He was talking to me as if we were mates... it felt really uncomfortable. :/ "No point in asking you how you are then?" he said. (my face obviously painted a picture) "It's my grans funeral tomorrow" - his face dropped.. so after a bit awkward silence, he made tea, came back in. Commented that my face was clearing up (and that I looked lovely), but then I told him that it is spreading everywhere else, and theres a possibility of me having contracted mrsa. By this time he was looking at me like his heart was broken. I could see it in his eyes. So I just looked away because I was gonna cry right there. After more bloody awkward silence he tells me he has a new job, 22k, and a company car. (so he can sort that kind of shit in his life out and im dumped, but yeah at the same time I'm happy for him) Talk a bit about the thing, hes told some of his family, 3 people, 2 believed him and one cried and told him to get out. (nice eh) Then! I said, so what about [the ex], have you been keeping in touch with her? (she was up sniffing round him claiming to just want to be friends) He's like oh yeah tells me a bit about it. Then says, "you know, when she found out (that we split up) she was round here trying her luck, I told her to get to fuck" MY SIDE OF THE BED IS COLD FOR 5 FUCKING MINUTES YOU BITCH. He also noticed my lack of internet presence, I deleted facebook and fetlife accounts. I said, well y'know, i don't mean it personally I just had to do it. (cue looking away awkwardly) Fucking fuck fuck fuck. I didn't cry infront of him but I cried the whole way home. :'( I don't even know how to feel. Its like asides the relationship/sexual aspect, nothing has changed with us, which is so fucking odd. I just...don't know.

I'm going to collect my stuff tomorrow. Fuck fuck fuckedy fuck. Why is this even happening? I've spent the past few weeks (probably unhealthily) absorbing myself in the world of Terraria to try to forget. My sister tells me he's been very buddy buddy with the ex (via facebook, ideleted my account) who was sniffing around before we broke up. Fuck the whole thing. I'm gonna either get really mad or cry my bloody eyes out in front of him tomorrow. Wish me luck :/

nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgle I've been on okc and talking to some seemingly decent people... but my heart is just not in it. Anytime its brought up (someone asking ohh are you still seeing the fella etc) and I tell them I'm not with him anymore, I almost feel the need to correct myself, as if... what am I saying, I'm still with him? I have not had any closure in this whatsoever. Reality and how I feel don't match up. I feel like by talking to people, flirting etc that I am cheating on him. Even though I know I'm not.

My granny died on Sunday. I'm still not over the train wreck of a breakup that I had. Geh.

I know! Its like.... god must be 6 years old + and it still works (got it electrically tested by my dads mate). And its purdy! I have the blue one! I went for the cheaper option in the end. I'm not really an uber hardcore extreme gfx kind of game player so I think it'll do the job just fine I got the bits last night - the cpu comes with a standard heatsink, but with the overclocked bundles you get a big beastie of a heatsink... with an a3 page of instructions...which were totally wrong and i ended up installing the thing myself..... It JUST fits in the case and no more.....

So I decided that I need some facebook rehab.... Too many reminders of him and his friends... I feel oddly freed? I had kinda been talking to him a bit here n there, nothing major. But a couple of nights ago I was like, y'know I feel like I really need to move on, would you be ok if I start seeing other people and we still be friends... He basically did not give a toot, but at the same time I feel like he hinted that he really didn't want me to? So I started getting frustrated, as you would. I apologised for getting cross, and said i was here if he was having a crisis, but that I did also need space. I think its the best chance of us ever having a friendship again. I feel fucking awful, but it gets easier every day

How the fuck do you confuse peoples numbers these days? I mean that sounds like a reply text, and nearly all phones follow a conversation style system. How the fuck can you make that mistake? Its not even possible? Its not even like Ellie is likely to be near to Hannah in the alphabet lol

I've been tooting around on okcupid, talking to a few nice people. Nothing majorly serious. Just trying to keep my head out of that place... I got a text from him earlier saying "Just in the shower, will be with you in about an hour". Cue major confusion and upset, paranoid that he's going to see someone else and it was all a shambles. But it was just his mother-in-law. (long story, but hes on good terms with his ex wife's family, shes more like a sister to him, and his mother in law is like his real mum as he has a really bad relationship with his own mother)

Managed to acquire a (tested) Hiper 580W PSU, and an NVIDIA fanless 7950GT gfx card. For free! Yays! Would that + http://www.overclockers.co.uk/showproduct.php?prodid=BU-231-OK&groupid=43&catid=2512&subcat=2693 be a reasonable enough setup? w/ssd of course.

I don't even know what to do with myself on Saturday night anymore... not that I DID anything, asides spending time with my best friend Every time I think about never going up to see him again, it feels like my heart is being physically pulled out of my chest.. its pretty bad when you actually look forward to your job so you can take your mind off all of the shit going on in your head..!! Breaking up with me just before a 4 day weekend was poorly timed on his part!!!

He still loves me. He's just not in the place where he can fix himself (he's pretty much had a full blown mental breakdown) and maintain a relationship. He has to be selfish to get better. He admitted he has treated me like absolute shit for the past few weeks or so and it was destroying him. I think now that its over I really can't see us getting back together. Would be a lovely dream but we won't see each other on a daily basis because we live so far away. We're only ever in contact or spending time together BECAUSE we're in a relationship. I fear he will end up getting better and gradually become attached to someone else, as you do. You forget people that aren't there in front of you I guess. I happened to see our chat history on facebook when I was talking to someone else, and i read some. Just realised how fucking different he was. A lot of me was brushing it off as me being silly but he really has changed. I miss how loving, sweet, and excitable he used to be. There is just nothing there anymore

Yeah I think he needs the space for now, but maybe I'll contact him in a while and see how he is. We're not enemies. I haven't deleted him off facebook, I haven't slagged him off to anyone. I still love the guy as a best friend, its just under sad circumstances that we could not be a couple at this point in time.

I got dumped today.... Excuse me while I make my way through approximately £15 worth of chocolate

Yeah.. We're only breaking up because he can't be in a relationship while he sorts through all this stuff. He needs to focus on himself and not have to worry about how its affecting me. If you love em let em go type scenario... I saw it in his eyes, he was breaking into pieces as much as I was...

So, I'm single.

Yes I do indeed. Nothing, I sold all my old PC's as whole units a long time ago. I do have laptop hdd as an option, but they are a fair age, so maybe need replacement

OK so it feels like i'm drawing blood from a stone every time I talk to him. I'm so unloved at the minute, its not even funny.

because i look at the build it yourself options and my budget suddenly gets forgotten about.. i get attracted to the nice shiny computer things Every single time I aim to spend about 500/600 on the tower, it ends up more like 1k.

I'm looking to buy a computer tower, mid range gaming type. Just the tower, no peripherals needed. About £600 budget. Got rusty in my computer buying skills! Realised I have no idea where to go on the internets, and need some suggestions. I am capable of building a system but prefer a prebuilt. Thanks muchly =)

I was talking to the lady at occupational health (work sickness review type service) and it really occurred to me that I've genuinely not been well at all, for a long time. Just something clicked when talking it over with the woman. She was really understanding. And explaining the whole situation made it really hit home that I'm going to be on this medication for the rest of my life, and its already having an impact. Just one of those really surreal moments where you actually wonder if this is your own life you are seeing, or someone elses? Everything in my life is shifting and changing so rapidly, for someone like me, with a touch of autism and OCD, it is proving difficult. I seem to be leaning towards my work for that solid state of comfort and reassurance. The one true, boring, and safe thing in my life... From not even a year ago, living a life that is NOTHING like this. Fuck, 6 months ago I was stuck in my OCD box existence. Yet in a strange way the disaster is oddly satisfying. I don't feel bad, I don't feel good exactly.... Just strange?

hahahah thats awesome