EEVILMURRAY

Expect a plethora of sigs/avatars from Ashley.

Join the Facebook group, I know Facebook blows something awful compared to MySpace, but it seems to be popular. http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2208523152 To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often. 2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize." 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. 7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day." 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself. 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion. 13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it). 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. 16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your co-operation. [Old? Don't care]

Simplest term would be drinking induced epilepsy. Tongue's still aching a bit after my last sexy fit.

I'd consider it if peanuts didn't taste like crap.

Yes, to actually mean what you said in your cynicism topic. I'd like to drink less. To take my seizure rate down to nothing, and be able to drive again.

We all know Rounders is where it's at.

Fair enough, I thought you'd like to take credit for doing something clever.

When's that picture going to be photoshopped then? I'm liking the use of my phrase O_O

Watching Wallace And Gromit's A Grand Day Out inspired me to indulge in some Mature Cathedral City and some crackers. Awesome.

Nein. However I do like your green remixing.

I think that title would go to Howl's Moving Castle.

They had a Master Bates I believe but not a Seaman Staines From the Wiki There is a persistent urban legend, originating in the now-defunct UK newspaper the Sunday Correspondent, which ascribes sexually suggestive names - such as Master Bates, Ben Dover, Seaman Staines, and Roger the Cabin Boy - to Captain Pugwash 's characters. John Ryan successfully sued both the Sunday Correspondent and The Guardian newspapers in 1991 for printing this legend as fact. According to one version of the legend, the character was referred to as "Bates, the ship's master" to avoid making this too obvious. According to another version, "Pugwash" also had sexual connotations e.g. it could be a term for oral sex used in Australia, but no evidence to back this up has ever been found. The wide acceptance of this falsehood probably owes something to the long standing associations in people's minds between sailors and ribaldry, as in the song, "'Twas on the Good Ship Venus". This legend may also have been subconsciously reinforced in some people's minds by the fact that there actually were fictional nautical characters with names a bit like these suggestive names. Swallows and Amazons, a very well-known British children's novel, really did have a male character called "Roger the ship's boy" and a female character called "Titty". In The Onedin Line, a very popular BBC television programme in the 1970s, the ship's mate was called "Mister Baines", which in some people's minds could become merged with "Master Mate" to create "Master Bates", and Charles Dickens regularly refers to The Artful Dodger's accomplice Charley Bates as "Master Bates" in the literary classic Oliver Twist. It has also been suggested that the pronunciation of "Master Mate" was slurred at times thanks to Pugwash's rather nasal voice, and some people could mishear it. Popular industry screenwriting website Scriptmania, presenting a feature on UK Children's television, have produced a soundbite which they claim is taken directly from an episode of the show, containing the supposed words "I certainly did, Master Bate", which can be heard here: - Click this link. There may even be a sly reference to the myth in the DVD of the computer animated series Captain Pugwash - Sticky Moments And Other Swashbuckling Adventures. Nevertheless, it should be stressed that the characters' names were Master Mate, Tom the cabin boy, and pirates Barnabas and Willy DemonMike, I'm curious as to what your wandering mind is wondering about. Is "Busy Bees" slang for jizz in your neighbourhood?

Completed the game a couple of days ago. Was good. There was just something lacking I feel, as formentioned earlier. Link To The Past still remains king.

Weren't you supposed to have buggered off?

It's nothing special.

The magical world of Nottingham. The other lass. Nothing says happy new year better than cheating on getting off with another lass in front of ye missus.

Why don't you come to us? Bitch \O_O/

Yes. Yes it is.

Fancied something different so you're going to a place you've been to numerous times? I myself shall be doing something incredibly unheard of - imbibing vast amounts of alcohol. I fancy something different you see.

I will Bob. I will... soon.

I was watching bits of it during the commercial breaks when watching Muppet's Wizard Of Oz on Five. Have it on DVD anyways.

Safestyle UK. http://www.n-europe.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11372 Post in the adverts that blow topic bitches!

Daokta Fanning is an amazingly shit actress.

Indeed. It's as if that's the point of the movie...

Damn right, hence the banging quotes in my signature.