EEVILMURRAY

Well you did say you wanted to have a look at my sexy dissertation, I could send you that instead.

That is a fucking awesome concept! Imagine pulling this tasty lass, getting married, few years down the line you're asked about the night you first met. M: Yeah... was a wireless disco. F: It was amazing, the music lit up the room and I saw him M: I'm feeling the love baby, then she started moving and shaking it to the song, I couldn't believe she could dance like that to that song F: It was From Paris To Berlin M: Ooooh... well that makes more sense. F: Why, what were you dancing to sweetheart? M: Rocket Man by Elton John.

And as the delightful Suggs, after being the victim of what appears to be a Critical Hit from an Articuno's Ice Beam, says that's why Birds Eye don't use any other preservatives. Which begs the question - what are Morrisons using? I always wondered how he got that trolley on the top of a lighthouse.

Phil Jupitus did a cracking pisstake of him on Never Mind The Buzzcocks. I've tried j00t00be but can't find it. That confused me slightly. He doesn't want fresh fish that are caught, taken to the store frozen then thawed. But FRESH! As if he wants it caught from the canal 10 metres away and still splashing about like a Magikarp.

Here is me in the audience of Britain's Got Talent: In fact that is not actually me, but some amazing look-a-like which has prompted no less than two immediate messages from people asking if it was me. I see the likeness, but he isn't as sexy.

Yeah, the Brooker-mon has been linked before. But it's always worth linking again because it's that damn sexy. Some new additions: Magnum minis: Ignoring the fact that Eva 'bitch' Longoria revelling in the fact that for whatever reason, she was right during an argument with what I presume was her boyfriend. The main gripe comes from the noise of her biting the Magnum, which has featured in nigh on all Magnum adverts but is made ultra-annoying. Magnums would only make that noise if they had been frozen on full power for about a year, but then the ice cream inside is hard as fuck so your teeth aint going anywhere. Dominos Pizza sponsoring Britain's Got Talent: This is a major issue I have in all pizza adverts is that they're all undercooked, no pizza if you put it in the oven at the temperature stated for the time instructed it does not end up that yellow.

bluey can only count to two, and is not ashamed to admit it!

On a debt shit note, the lovely Ocean Finance advert featuring hurdles. The camera angles are a joy to watch as you know the hurdles that they are shown jumping over are about 2 inches off the ground, because the girls can't jump for shit. Then they rub it in for the elderly by not even having him jump a hurdle, coming last, yet still breaking the tape at the end. Colgate Total: Some bell end comes at you with some shitty statistic that many adults will expect gum problems, as if we're meant to shrug it off. Imagine being told that you're impotent/sterile/whatever and then is said it happens to 30% [?] of all wo/men. Are you meant to shrug, say Que sera, sera and move on. Bullshit. Because his dentist has told him that healthy gums are critical to healthy teeth. No shit? There I was thinking healthy skin, heart, lungs etc wasn't that critical to healthy life. Then mentions using Colgate Total, because his dentist obviously said the toothpaste he was using was shit [assuming the man wasn't using shit in the first place, thus causing his gum problem]. Another classic point is the bit at the end "Ask your dentist about healthy gums"... and what? I'm not sure what he's meant to say, apart from launching into a masisve lecture which will cut into many peoples' appointment time for the entire day. [On a sise note: I've got shit gums, I've got Gingivitis and they expect me to floss? I don't see the point]

On a similar note. The Weight Watchers sponsorship of Neighbours is slightly clever occasionally, but mostly annoying.

In celebration of your birthday, as about 2:10 this morning I had a Maryland Chicken, the finest fast food you will ever taste. If anyone wishes to visit me in Leicester within the next 30 days, we would most definately visit this fine establishment.

I don't mind it, it's just that I expect and advert to at least try to promote the product on its merits or whatever. Watching airport vehicles have a race and ruining peoples luggage doesn't inspire me to have some Dairy Milk, neither did the Phil Collins Gorilla. The fact that Dairy Milk is fairy shit didn't even come into the equation. Fuck off, it's obvious that every car can transform into a robot and grind along the barriers on a mountain road. I guess you haven't found the button yet.

Ask him if there is anything decent coming out soon. Additionally, if there are any 'things' he can't tell us. Wink wink. Coming from Jordan I wouldn't have said so. Naughty boy! Mentioning the fact that someone is 11 and calling them a foetus. I wouldn't be surprised if Tellyn is going to be crying himself to sleep tonight.

I love the bit where they claim women make the safest drivers, yet are not keeping their eyes on the road, nor with their hands on the wheel.

Old news, but I expect it to be shit.

If I remember rightly about those ads, boys everywhere are thinking that offering a lass some chewing gum is guaranteeing a shag.

I agree, I wasn't aware there were people apart from me who found the advert pointless. Due to people bumming the Gorilla Drumming advert.

I've been neglecting making this topic, due to the fact that since Uni is done for me as of 2 weeks ago, all I do is playing various games at my home in Leicester and drink beer at all hours of the day. However watching these adverts shown again and again, seemingly done with the sole intention of pissing me off. And you also my friends. Firstly: Davina McCall for Garnia. Again. Not confusing her braindead mother with adjectives on her dress/hair dye this time, but patronising the consumer [which is expected giving the target audience] with a foam [assumption] ball. One thing I love about that is as she squeeze said ball to show wrinkles and releases so they vanish, you have 'Dramatisation' on the bottom of the screen basically saying the product's bullshit. Another clue to the customer that bullshit is being thrown at the customer is her repeated use of the word 'appear'. "Wrinkles Appear Reduced" equals "Does Fuck All". Middle aged women are still under the illusion that age is concept which can be escaped by coating their face with Polyfiller, only enhancing the despair that when they get home from going to a teenage wine bar then wipe the Garnier gap filler from their faces when they get home they are left glaring at their true face. Added insult to injury is finding out they only had a quick dance with some blokes was because they were on a 'Grab-a-Granny' mission. Another is a small mention, I was watching Golden Balls for some reason, I think I was waiting for something to cook. It was sponsored by ITV Bingo [POWERED BY PARTYGAMING!] The latter three words are explicitly pronounced by that fat black bitch who was on Big Brother some years back. Think Sylvester the cat - but without the lisp. If someone said 'Powered by PartyGaming' to your face in this manner, you would be left drenched in more spit on your face than spunk on a porn star. On the subject of Golden Balls, I find it amazing that they can stretch, what basically is a giant bullshit lying game to an hours worth of programming. They always both Steal at the end, making the whole 60 minutes worthless. The last one which springs to mind was some Easy Fit blinds[?] with Charlie Dimmock, christ she's gotten fat, whether she's pregnant or not it doesn't make up for what I saw on the screen. There was something about this advert which annoyed my immensely but it eludes me at present. Thank the fuck christ. I'm half-tempted to go on about Jane Fonda for Loreal, but I'm holding myself back. Your turn people, j00 know the drill. Do feel free to mention the new Cadbury's ad.

I concur, you see people both crying and spunking over music, possibly at the same time. Personally I don't see attraction in such respect.

It's a risk I'm willing to take. Show her one of the pictures of me as The Joker and ask if she fancies a root.

In the songs that everyone listens to, or the dodgy articles/interviews which no one is that itnerested in? I disagree, I don't know about the second article because I got bored halfway through, mainly seeming like an essay. But the first one was rather sexy, highlighting the shitty parenting skills. I think they're being too kind. I believe is stands for 'Emotionally Retarded', or crippled if you prefer.

How many people are you posing with Bluey? TWO?! CORRECT! Your Yankie friend has a quality spread. Give her my love.

I got the Magic The Gathering Newsletter today... COINCIDENCE?!

Awesome. I thought you were beginning to create another 'Heaven' for these people, giving chance for more suicides... Might not be a bad idea.

Hannah, described as a model pupil, had started cutting her wrists but told her father it was part of an initiation into the Emo fashion. This is complete bullshit. No father in their right mind would believe such anal discharge. I'm finding it very hard to believe the coroner can call this loss 'tragic' with a straight face. Have you misread Parade as Paradise or am I missing something?

Apparently they've built a DeLorean to go back in time and convince Shigsy not to make Wind Waker.