Regrets (not a very happy thread)

[Fierce_LiNk]

Yesterday, my Mum told me that my good neighbour, called Dorothy (we call her Dot) would be celebrating her birthday tomorrow in Coventry.

 

A little background information on Dot: She moved to Newport from Jamaica around the same time as my Mum, and she's been a good friend to my family since then. She was always a friendly woman and would often talk to me in the street if we saw one another. She always visited and i think my Mum enjoyed her company.

 

This morning, in the car with my brother, he told me that Dot had been taken to hospital. By the time we arrived home, we got news that she had died.

 

This absolutely shocked me. Dot was like family. That's a lie..she was more than family. There would always be quarrels with each other in our family, but Dot was a rock. She was always there and always friendly.

 

Another thing occured to me..she had died on her birthday. Yesterday, my mum had decided to give her the card before she went to Coventry. Yesterday, i stumbled across this poem that i was thinking about including in my sig:

 

"He who learns must suffer.

And even in our sleep pain that cannot

forget falls drop by drop upon the heart,

and in our own despair,

against our will,

comes wisdom to us by

The awful grace of God."

 

This has always been a favourite poem of mine, and it was recited by Robert Kennedy to the city of Harlem on the night that Martin Luther King died. It reminds me of the inevitability of death and how it cannot be avoided.

 

 

My mum was telling me some things about dot this morning. There was an advert on tv about a tree stump, and my mum said that dorothy didn't like this advert. She didn't like it because she used to get abused as a child, and she would run to this tree stump because it made her feel safe. Of all the years that my mum knew dot, she didn't get told this until a few days ago.

Part of me feels glad that she died as a happy person, and that she died on a happy occassion. A bit like a happy ending. I'm glad that she didn't suffer any long term pain and that she didn't die in any circumstances where she wasn't on good terms with anyone. She had died on her birthday, after receiving a birthday card off a person who she considered to be like a sister.

 

It occured to me that this woman, who has been with my family since the beginning, is not going to be there anymore. It scares me to think that my Mum and Dad (who are actually my grandparents, its confusing) will, one day, not be there anymore either. My regret is that i did not say goodbye to dorothy, and that i didn't tell her that she was like part of our family. My regret is that maybe one day, somebody else will die, like my Mum and Dad and i will not have said goodbye to them properly.

 

What are yours?

[Hero-of-Time]

I cant think of any at the moment but I have to say that was a very moving story.

[ThePigMarcher]

Firstly can I say sorry for your loss.

 

My regret is that i did not say goodbye to dorothy, and that i didn't tell her that she was like part of our family.

 

When I read this bit , the first thing that came to my mind was a quote from The Crow (one of my favourite movies).

 

"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever."

 

 

As for my regrets I have a few , mostly trivial ones compared with this , although I do regret never being around when my Nan died.

[The3rdChildren]

Everyone has regrets. It's a part of life.

[BlueStar]

"Non, je ne regrette rein..."

[Mokong]

How did she die can i ask?

 

I ask because it sounds sudden and unexpected, so in those terms you can't regret not getting to say goodbye cause you didn't know it was going to happen.

 

As for it happening to someone else, the way i see it, saying goodbye isn't the important thing. What is important is that, that person knows how you felt about them and you keep their memory alive with you as you move forward.

 

And as long as you have their memory, they are always with you.

 

Thats my view anyway

[Fierce_LiNk]

We're still not sure how she died. She had a wheezy cough yesterday, and a bad chest. So, that probably had something to do with it. She just collapsed.

[Aimless]

My regret is that maybe one day, somebody else will die, like my Mum and Dad and i will not have said goodbye to them properly.

You can only regret that which has happened, not what might. I'm a pedant, sure, but that isn't why I say it: You can talk to your (grand)parents, tell them how you feel. It might seem strange, and you might feel stupid saying it, but they'll know what they mean to you. As long as the truth doesn't die on your lips, it will live forever.

[Katie]

When I was about 12 me and my friends met a woman that lived in the old people's home in my street and started going round hers to visit. We used to chat, play cards, feed her cats, go shopping with her, it was a strange friendship but we all liked her.

 

After a while me and my friends fell out so I stopped going as much mainly because I didn't want to bump into them. After we'd started talking again I still hadn't gone much and I didn't go at all after my nan had died, then a couple of months later I was told she had died. I fel bad that I hadn't been to see her for a while before it happened. I was really mad that my friend didn't tell me when the funeral was because I would really have wanted to go (he also spoke to her daughter so he knew and went).

 

I don't think of it like that anymore though, it's not important if you said goodbye or what else you didn't say, just as long as you had good times.

 

I wasn't expecting to type that much.

[The Bard]

As a wise man once said "Regret's only make us weaker." Don't regret it, there's nothing you could have done, I suppose it's good for you to know that you're that touched by the loss of a person close to you, a lot of people wouldn't really care if something similar happened to them, so be glad that you're not as jaded or unfeeling as those people.

 

"It's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't done."

 

I'm only 17, but I have so many regrets, it's honestly the saddest word in any language. Do you sometimes think, that if you had the chance to go back in time and relive your past years with the knowledge and experience you have now, that you could have changed things for the better? That's the worst feeling you ever can have, and I get it far too much

[The3rdChildren]

I regret not trying harder in school. Life would have been a lot different if I'd just applied myself better.

[Meik]

I regret forgetting about that bagel which I put under the grill 10 minutes ago, then coming back to it and finding it was like charcoal.

 

It was the last fucking bagel in the packet as well.

[MunKy]

Do you sometimes think, that if you had the chance to go back in time and relive your past years with the knowledge and experience you have now, that you could have changed things for the better? That's the worst feeling you ever can have, and I get it far too much

 

Very true and F_L, sorry for your loss.

[Hero-of-Time]

I regret forgetting about that bagel which I put under the grill 10 minutes ago, then coming back to it and finding it was like charcoal.

 

It was the last fucking bagel in the packet as well.

 

That seriously made me LOL.

[dabookerman]

I regret going to St thomas more school. Kinda ruined the purity of my childhood.

[Charlie]

I regret the things I haven't done, rather than the things I have done.

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I've know someone who is really similar to what Dot was to you, Link. When my Gran and Great Gran left Singapore in 1939 because the war started, on the last boat (the one right next to it was bombed and sank), she went to South Africa and stayed with a woman, Winifred. They then moved to Scotland and she's been like family ever since. We now call her Winifred Auntie because she is one of us, we've spent Christmas' with her and now go to visit her whenever possible at the Old Folks Home she lives in.

[Marshmellow]

i sometimes regret wanking for odd reasons...

[BlueStar]

i sometimes regret wanking for odd reasons...

 

You regret it for odd reasons, or you wank for an odd reason and then regret it?

[Marshmellow]

lol, i regret doing it haha

[KingJoe]

Don't let regrets cloud your present. Make mistakes, learn from them, but always focus on the present- you can't cange the past but constanly living in the past will drain you. The best thing to do is embrace the feeling of guilt as a necessary part of moving on and consider yourself extremely lucky to have met this woman. The good times are worth putting up with the bad times for. People have to die, there's nothing you can do about it, you have to accept it.

To add to the cheesy quote quotient, "regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention"

[somme]

I don't regret anything. Everything happens for a reason and I wouldn't be who I am today without making the mistakes I've made.