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Help with my best man's speech

MoogleViper

By MoogleViper
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MoogleViper Newbie

MoogleViper

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Ok I've written a best man's speech, but it feels unfinished for some reason, and I'm not sure why. So I call upon you good people, to aid and guide me.

 

NOTE: A bit of background that should help you understand some of it. He's marrying my sister. Skye is the name of their Great Dane.

 

I've known Nick for quite a few years now, and I've also known the bride for a while as well. I was delighted when he asked me to be best man. The first thing I did was go on the internet and research what a best man has to do. One of the duties was to stay with the groom on the night before the wedding, and help him get dressed in the morning. I decided to skip the last part, because he's 26 years old, and as you can see, he's almost learned to do it himself.

 

I know best man's speeches typically make fun of the groom, but I thought I'd be polite in my speech, and I hope you'll be polite with your laughs as well. So I'll start by saying some nice things about Nick… …moving on.

But I don't want this speech just to be making fun of Nick though, so I've decided to list some of his achievements. I sure Nick now considers marrying Terri one of his greatest achievements. I know he feels very lucky to have her. And Terri, you've got Nick. But who said marriages have to start out balanced.

 

I’m sure many of you know that Nick and Terri met when they were both working at Goldsmiths. But their story actually begins before that. Before joining Goldsmiths, Terri worked at Ernest Jones. When she was talking to everyone there they all spoke of this amazing guy called Nick, who had recently left to move to Goldsmiths, and how she was unfortunate to not have met him. So a few months later, Terri left Ernest Jones in pursuit of this mystery dream man, and got an interview with Goldsmiths. During the interview, the manager mentioned to Terri that she could have met Nick, but unfortunately he was on his lunch break. But the interview was successful, and Terri got a job at Goldsmiths, finally she would meet this god-like figure of man.

 

Well you know what it’s like when you get your hopes up.

 

But we’re here today, so Nick obviously managed to charm Terri along with everyone else in the jewellery trade. And I think this is proof that it all works out, if you pay people to say the right things about you. Isn’t that right Nick?

 

Nick, now that you're a husband, you're gonna have to be the man around the house. Currently Skye holds that position but I'm sure she'll let you have it.

 

But in all seriousness it’s great to see these two together, and today is the start of a new family forming. So I hope you’ll all join me in raising your glasses, to the future.

 

Yeah so any pointers, criticisms, suggestions.

 

Be kind.

 

EDIT: One thing I'm not sure about is this bit:

 

"but I thought I'd be polite in my speech, and I hope you'll be polite with your laughs as well"

 

Does this just sound really shit?

Edited by MoogleViper
MoogleViper Newbie

MoogleViper

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I don't know the proper amount of ridicule for such a speech, but Nick sure gets his fair share. :heh:

 

It's not just in this speech.

 

Also, some of the jokes might be a bit too cleverly worded; I could imagine a few of them going over some people's heads.

 

Really? I thought I'd kept it quite simple/low brow. Which ones in particular?

Dannyboy-the-Dane Newbie

Dannyboy-the-Dane

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It's not just in this speech.

 

Totally fair. :) As I said I don't actually know how much is appropriate, I just remarked that there was a lot of it. :heh:

 

Really? I thought I'd kept it quite simple/low brow. Which ones in particular?

 

Well, it might just be me who's slow, but I had to reread the "marriages don't start out equal" part before it really sank in. I also wasn't sure if the "I've also known the bride for a while" was supposed to be a joke, but I think Coolness Bears is absolutely right in that it's all in the delivery; it's much easier to highlight the punchlines when actually holding the speech, so I'm sure it'll go well. :)

MoogleViper Newbie

MoogleViper

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Added/changed a little bit. Trying to make it not entirely against Nick.

 

Start:

It’s nice to see everyone here, today’s been a great day, and I’d like to thank both sets of parents, and everyone who’s made today possible. Hopefully I can keep to the same standards.

 

I've known Nick for quite a few years now, and we’ve become good friends during that time. I've also known the bride for a while as well.

 

End:

But in all seriousness it’s great to see these two together, and today is the start of a new family forming. Today’s been a wonderful day, and I’m sure it’s a sign of great things to come, I know that these two make each other very happy. So I hope you’ll all join me in raising your glasses, to the future.

 

Maybe mention that there was no hanky panky when you spent the night with him, before not helping him get dressed.

 

But I don't want to lie.

 

I also wasn't sure if the "I've also known the bride for a while" was supposed to be a joke,

 

Yeah that's a joke, because the bride is my sister.

Dog-amoto Newbie

Dog-amoto

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Bit of blue for the dads, maybe?

 

When I did my best man speech for my bro, I wished them both well and hoped that they were going to enjoy their honeymoon they were having in Wales. Obviously, the groom looked confused and wondered what I was going on about. I then said "but you said you were just going to Bangor for two weeks"

 

Got a good laugh. But I suppose if the bride is your sister...

 

Believe it or not, I actually used an old Sega Master System as a prop in my speech. When we were kids, he got annoyed with a game and stamped on it (there's a great big crack in it) I presented it as a gift to the bride to serve as a warning of his competitive behaviour and to hide expensive stuff if it happens again. Used a few other props too. If the groom is/was into something a bit nerdy, like Pokemon or Dungeons and Dragons, then you can use certain things to bring into your speech if you want to make him squirm a bit. Was a bit different I suppose, speech went down well.

 

Best advice though is to just relax. I'm not bad at speaking in front of people, as I need to be confident at communication in my job. But no matter how well written your speech is, it'll fall flat if the delivery is wrong.

Edited by Dog-amoto
Dannyboy-the-Dane Newbie

Dannyboy-the-Dane

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Added/changed a little bit. Trying to make it not entirely against Nick.

 

That's actually much better. :)

 

Yeah that's a joke, because the bride is my sister.

 

Yeah, I realised that afterwards. :heh: But yeah, the jokes will naturally be more obvious when spoken out loud. You always have to be careful with clever jokes, though; you don't want your audience to miss them. :)

MoogleViper Newbie

MoogleViper

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When I did my best man speech for my bro, I wished them both well and hoped that they were going to enjoy their honeymoon they were having in Wales. Obviously, the groom looked confused and wondered what I was going on about. I then said "but you said you were just going to Bangor for two weeks"

 

Well they aren't having a honeymoon. Instead they're just going on holiday with the two bridesmaids.

 

Who are a lesbian couple.

 

 

Yes I'm aware of the potential for comedy, but I think I'll play it safe and leave it.

 

(Also nice bangor joke.)

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