THE JOKE THREAD .

[blumeanie.]

 

Ok where the hell is your sense of humour . Ive noticed on a few forums that there is a joke thread but this one seems to be somewhat lacking .

I understand that some jokes can be funny to a lot but may actually be rather offensive to some others , So i think it would be sensible to keep them free from any racist or religious content . And , should anyone feel offended by any joke that is posted i accept full responsibility and have no complaints should admin decide to delete or lock the thread .

 

Well , im sure everyone has a good joke to tell .

Allow me to start with one .

 

This gentleman boards a plane heading to new york for his holidays , as he finds his seat a man and a labrador dog join him . Rather curious , the man asks why he has a dog on board with him . The man with the dog quietly explains that he is an airline narcotics agent with a sniffer dog .

When 30,000ft up the agent lets the dog off the leash and the dog walks down the aisle a few rows ,points its nose at an old lady then walks back and lays one paw on the agents lap . What does that mean ? asks the curious passenger . The agent says that the dog just told him that the old lady is carrying cocaine in her bag and she will be arressted when we land . Amazing , says the passenger as the dog walks to the back of the plane , points its nose to a young man , walks back and lays two paws on the agents lap . Even more curious, the passenger asks what it meant this time and the agent explains that the dog shows that young man is carrying heroin and will be arrested on landing also .

The agent decides to show the abbilites of his dog one more time and commands it to the front of aisle where the dog points its nose to a middle aged man then runs back , jumps on the seat and shits all over it . Gagging on the stench the passenger asks , what the hell is that supposed to mean then? . The agent replies , were fucked , that guys got a bomb in his bag .

[Marshmellow]

good story, not a good joke...

[Atomic Boo]

i liked it

hehe

[blumeanie.]

Come on , someone must have a decent joke to tell us .

Get us laughing man !!.

[Fields]

THE JOKE THREAD

Is that supposed to be ironic? Because this thread has failed to make me laugh.

[Atomic Boo]

god you are so annoying ^^^

always here to dis people and moan. i get frustrated when people have nothing but insults to say to each other

[Fields]

Come on Boo, lighten up. This is the joke thread after all.

[harribo]

Oh well here gos my turn:

 

Why are tornadoes named after women?

 

 

Because when they cum they're wet and noisy and when they leave

they take your house and car

 

 

Made me laugh when I heard it.

[Fields]

 

Now that is a joke!

[Josh64]

Lol that was funny. Cant think of any good jokes myself though

[MunKy]

This is really bad taste but I like it.

What does AIDS stand for? Arse Injected Death Sentence.

[rizz]

The dark knight see's up in a tower a beautiful princess, and wishes to marry her.

He goes to the castle door where he is greeted by the first guard,

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'How can I help?'

'I want to marry the princess'

'Find me the biggest diamond and i'll let you past'

 

The dark night goes and finds such a diamond, and returns to the castle.

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'do you have that diamond?'

'yes, here it is'

'ok, you can go past now.'

 

He goes and finds himself facing the second guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'How can I help?'

'I want to marry the princess'

'Bring me 1000 gold coins and i'll let you past'

 

He goes down and see's the first guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He robs banks and rich people to get the gold coins.

He goes to the castle and see's the first guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He gets to the second guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'do you have the money?'

'yes, here it is'

'ok, you can go past now.'

 

He finds himself infront of the king

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'How can I help?'

'I want to marry the princess'

'Find me the biggest ring and I shall let you past.'

 

He goes down and see's the second guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He goes down and see's the first guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He finds the biggest ring and returns to the castle

He see's the first guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He see's the second guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He see's the king

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'do you have the ring?'

'Yes, here it is'

'ok, you can go past'

 

Finally, he finds himself in the princesses tower

'who are you'

'the Dark Knight'

'yo, wassup'

'I want to propose to you'

'then find me a big load of silver'

 

He goes down and see's the king

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past'

 

He see's the second guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He see's the first guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He finds a load of silver and makes his way back to the castle.

 

He see's the first guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He see's the second guard

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He see's the king

'Who are you?'

'the Dark Knight'

'ok, you can go past.'

 

He gets back to the princess

'who are you'

'the Dark Knight'

'do you have the silver?'

'Yes here it is'

 

He hands her the silver, then gets down on one knee, puts her hand in his and asks her to marry him.

 

She looks into his eyes, and softly she replies. 'no'.

[Mr. Bananagrabber]

All of these jokes are AIDS.

[Ashley]

All of these jokes are AIDS.

 

Something unfunnier than unfunny jokes? Using AIDS as an insult/punchline/whatever you wanna call it. It was World Aids day yesterday and all.

[Colin]

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. :wink:

[rizz]

The joke is on all people who read my joke all the way through.

[Girly hiyaz!~ Gamer]

Not a joke, but a quote:

 

Peter: If Lois finds out I'm ditching her to play golf, she'll hit me with a frying pan. Which is why i'm going to drink this frying pan antidote. [gulp gulp] Alright, hit me with this.

Brian: [whacks peter]

Peter: Didn't work. [crashes onto floor]

[MunKy]

Something unfunnier than unfunny jokes? Using AIDS as an insult/punchline/whatever you wanna call it. It was World Aids day yesterday and all.

 

Fair point, but I make jokes about everything tragic or distasteful. Its how I deal with it. I like my humor dark and twisted.

[Charlie]

Got a letter from Grandma the other day.

 

She wrote:

 

The other day, I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus” bumper sticker.

 

I was feeling particularly sassy that day, because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting; so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did!

 

What an uplifting experience that followed!

 

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus, because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!

 

Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! JESUS CHRIST, GO!"

 

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there, because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"...

 

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

 

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii; so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing... why even he was enjoying this religious experience!

 

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

 

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again, and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared; so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

 

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

 

Grandma

[Infinete]

ok, heres one:

a man walks up to a solicitor and asks

"how much do you charge""

the solicitor replies

"1 grand for 3 questions"

The man replys

"really?"

the solicitor smiles and replys

"yes, now whats your third question?"

[dabookerman]

why did the chicken cross the road

 

to have sex with the goat

 

[Mr_Odwin]

No more rubbish jokes or insulting each other or posting crap please.

My favourite joke/thing:

 

Two parrots are sat on a perch and one turns to the other and says "I smell fish".

[Ninty 182]

Ok here we go. Prepeare yourselves for the ultimate jokes. (you may need a second pair of underwear handy.)

 

Joke No.1

Why is the sea made of salt water?

 

Because if it were made of pepper water all the fish would sneeze.

 

 

Joke No.2

What's grey, wrinkley and jumps up and down every 10 seconds?

 

An elephant with the hiccups!

 

[Guest Jordan]

Ok here we go. Prepeare yourselves for the ultimate jokes. (you may need a second pair of underwear handy.)

 

Joke No.1

Why is the sea made of salt water?

 

Because if it were made of pepper water all the fish would sneeze.

 

And i always thought it was due to all the Whale semen.

[Mundi]

heres my Joke:

 

One day superman was extremely bored so he decided to call Flash if he would want to come to or something but when he called him he said he couldn´t because he was to busy practicing running so he decided to call batman but he was to busy fixing the batman mobile to come with him so superman decided to fly around for a while, in one of the building wonderwoman was lying there naked on a table with her crotch open,Superman thought then hmm with my super speed i can fly in there in a split second have sex with her without here noticing, and that he did flew in and did his stuff in a second. After that happened wonder woman said: What was that? I don´t know but my ass is killing me. Said Invisble man