Very Special Request

[Iun]

Calling all Liverpool fans!

 

Hi!

 

Listen: I have a friend here who's a reasonably high-level Chinese bigwig, not a politician but he owns a big company that promotes Chinese culture and traditional entertainment in China. He's got some friends in high places -e.g. the Mayor of Shanghai. He's a very close friend of my wife and we regularly eat together and go out on trips (I took his daughter swimming yesterday).

 

Thing is, he's a very loyal and big Liverpool fan, and he desperately wants to get a shirt signed by Gerrard and Torres as they are his favourite players. According to his wife, it's all he's been talking about for a while.

 

Now, the question is: how can I help him get this done? He speaks no English, and I'm the only foreign friend he has. He even wrote a very long letter in Chinese that my wife is slowly translating, it's really sweet the way he talks about these guys.

 

Anyway, I have no idea how to make this happen, so does anyone have any suggestions or clues?

 

Many thanks!

[danny]

If hes rich write to someone (dont know who) offering to donate money to a charity of there choosing? Just a thaught.

[Kirkatronics]

Write to the players, or the football club.

Like danny said, offering a donation may help.

[EEVILMURRAY]

He's rich. He can pay them. It's that simple.

[Iun]

Rich is relative, he earns a little more than I earn every month, and I earn a good wage for China. But we both have mortgages, plus the RMB is not a good currency to convert from, so realistically neither of us is "rich" by any definition.

 

We can go down the money route, but I want to know if anyone has any contacts or advice other than that. Donating to Charity is out for political reasons :/

[EEVILMURRAY]

Ok ok, you say he has friends in high places. But you come to friends of low places [iE us (no offence people)] and expect us to help more than his high class contacts?

[danny]

I will be honest i think you will find it hard to get one without either buying it straight out (expect to pay a lot) or giving to charity this will probably be the cheaper method. These guys arnt short of money so on the whole there not intrested in selling there signiture but are normally quite happy to help good causes.

 

Meant to add perhaps you could get lucky on Ebay but obviously beware on there.

[Pyxis]

Just google their signatures and write them on yourself. Keeping it Real Fake.

[Iun]

Ok ok, you say he has friends in high places. But you come to friends of low places [iE us (no offence people)] and expect us to help more than his high class contacts?

 

Different worlds, my friend. When you get into the world, you'll be surprised how compartmentalised life can be. You can be the top man in your sphere of influence, but when you try to access another place, often you have to start at the bottom.

 

He can get me free tickets to the Beijing Opera in the Stalls any time I ask him: I can get his friends into any school in Shanghai with a little effort. Neither of us has any contacts within the world of football, unfortunately.

 

He can buy a shirt outright, does anyone have any suggestions as to where would be a good place? I don't really want to risk getting a fake one.

[James]

http://www.subsidesports.com/uk/store/product_list.jsp?id=72057594037930930&mid=-1&oby=&hos=0&srs=-1&txtSearch=&cmbPriceStart=-1&cmbPriceEnd=-1&page=0&brc=

 

And i do believe they ship all over the world

[Wesley]

Ok ok, you say he has friends in high places. But you come to friends of low places [iE us (no offence people)] and expect us to help more than his high class contacts?

 

Okay, that's the last straw, you said you use squared brackets because you're lazy; and then use curly ones inside them.

 

I hate you to death.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Different worlds, my friend. When you get into the world, you'll be surprised how compartmentalised life can be. You can be the top man in your sphere of influence, but when you try to access another place, often you have to start at the bottom.

 

He can get me free tickets to the Beijing Opera in the Stalls any time I ask him: I can get his friends into any school in Shanghai with a little effort. Neither of us has any contacts within the world of football, unfortunately.

 

He can buy a shirt outright, does anyone have any suggestions as to where would be a good place? I don't really want to risk getting a fake one.

So why don't you use the regular army? Waddaya need us for?

Okay, that's the last straw, you said you use squared brackets because you're lazy; and then use curly ones inside them.

 

I hate you to death.

That's right, I use [these] as standard, because I'm too lazy to hold shift everytime for (these).

 

I hate you too.

[Shino]

I don't really know how these work, but if you go to their training session isn't there a high possibility they'll sign it?

 

Also, what's that very specific Chinese word for corruption?

[weeyellowbloke]

I would have thought the best way would be to get a Liverpool shirt and just send it to the club with a letter asking if it might be possible for them to sign it. I remember I did this years ago with Oxford United. I asked them if Malcolm Shotton would sign my 1986 Wembley Milk Cup final Oxford United scarf. When he did it was one of the most amazing days of my childhood. Then my mum stuck the scarf in the wash because it had a pie stain on it and it washed off.

[danny]

I would have thought the best way would be to get a Liverpool shirt and just send it to the club with a letter asking if it might be possible for them to sign it. I remember I did this years ago with Oxford United. I asked them if Malcolm Shotton would sign my 1986 Wembley Milk Cup final Oxford United scarf. When he did it was one of the most amazing days of my childhood. Then my mum stuck the scarf in the wash because it had a pie stain on it and it washed off.

 

Not being funny but Oxford united and Liverpool are two very different things. Can you imagine how many requests they would get at liverpool from all over the world, compared to how many Oxford would get?

 

Havent got any sugestions as to any where specific to buy a genuine article but it shoudnt be hard to have a look around the net. Sure there will be some forums for people whos hobby it is to collect this sort of thing.

[weeyellowbloke]

I'll have you know this was back when Oxford United were in the first division, but fair enough I see your point. I thought it might be worth a shot as you never know unless you ask.

[Iun]

So why don't you use the regular army? Waddaya need us for?

 

 

Hilarious! ANOTHER Arnie movie reference!

 

But listen: if you don't have anything useful to add to the discussion, go and troll another thread. When we want to know what Arnie's cock tastes like, we'll ask you.

 

BTT:

I'm thinking I could contact the PR department and make it into some kind of cross-cutural promotion. Hmm. Got to play this one carefully. No-one has any connections inside Anfield?

[EEVILMURRAY]

Hilarious! ANOTHER Arnie movie reference!

 

But listen: if you don't have anything useful to add to the discussion, go and troll another thread. When we want to know what Arnie's cock tastes like, we'll ask you.

It's only a semi-reference, and semi-useful. I still don't understand how you expect us to help. Don't be mad at meeee. I bring you love. And to show you my hard masculine love I shall ask around. Just for you.

 

And I have it on good authority it's like coconut.

BTT:

I'm thinking I could contact the PR department and make it into some kind of cross-cutural promotion. Hmm. Got to play this one carefully. No-one has any connections inside Anfield?

Sounds like a good idea, and if you were to use an internet forum, a football one might have better luck.

Now, the question is: how can I help him get this done? He speaks no English, and I'm the only foreign friend he has. He even wrote a very long letter in Chinese that my wife is slowly translating, it's really sweet the way he talks about these guys.

You don't know Chinese?

Edited August 10, 2009 by EEVILMURRAY

[Iun]

It's only a semi-reference, and semi-useful. I still don't understand how you expect us to help.

 

Well, you'd be surprised who might have a vague contact somewhere somehow... I mean, I know the guy who was in charge of the British intelligence effort during the first Iraq War! Which is kinda useful if someone wants a book about it or a non- NDA related piece of info.

 

Don't be mad at meeee. I bring you love.

 

And I have it on good authority it's like coconut.

 

I'd imagine it tastes like a sweet kind of axle grease and strawberry sherbert. And awesome.

 

Sounds like a good idea, and if you were to use an internet forum, a football one might have better luck.

 

Have you ever been to one of those places? They're scarier than shoe shopping. I might have to actually talk to people who don't know about video games!

 

So you don't know Chinese?

My spoken language is pretty fluent - to the point where I cussed up a group of motorcycle taxi drivers today by telling them every time a foreigner boinks a Chinese girl she feels scared because we're all so much bigger than Chinese men.

 

However, my understanding of the written language is pretty basic. There's no commonalities between characters and as each character represents a different syllable, it's just... well it's a f*cking ridiculous language in written form to be honest.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I'd imagine it tastes like a sweet kind of axle grease and strawberry sherbert. And awesome.

You might know more than me :p

Have you ever been to one of those places? They're scarier than shoe shopping. I might have to actually talk to people who don't know about video games!

I can imagine, since I know nigh-on fuck all about sports. Better luck could be had maybe.

My spoken language is pretty fluent - to the point where I cussed up a group of motorcycle taxi drivers today by telling them every time a foreigner boinks a Chinese girl she feels scared because we're all so much bigger than Chinese men.

Now I'm well interested, how did that come about? Was someone trying to insult your piece?

However, my understanding of the written language is pretty basic. There's no commonalities between characters and as each character represents a different syllable, it's just... well it's a f*cking ridiculous language in written form to be honest.

Plus there's about 100 different types isn't there? Sounds like Hieroglyphics as well.

[Iun]

You might know more than me :p

*coughcoughnotnowtalklatercough*

 

I can imagine, since I know nigh-on fuck all about sports. Better luck could be had maybe.

 

Yeah... I just... they... you know, they're all like Ramar but just... worse. I'm going to go down the PR route if nothing else turns up.

 

Now I'm well interested, how did that come about? Was someone trying to insult your piece?

It was earlier today when I got off the metro... I hate being called "Laowai" which is a not so nice term for "foreigner" in China. They were all trying to get my attention and just kept shouting abuse, I took one look at them and thought "fuck, you're unregistered workers paying no tax and I get taxed to shit and you're insulting ME... not happening"

 

I started by asking them if it was true that all Chinese men are gay and that's why Chinese girls get all hot under the collar when they see our manly penises. In retrospect there were 6 or so of them and I could really have got my head kicked in. But I get sick of the uneducated casual racism so many people engage in here.

 

I was talking to this other old guy at the station the other day about living in China and I told him how I felt China was my home now with my wife living here and he just turned round and said "China will never be your home, you're a foreigner, this is our home. You don't belong here." I could have lost it with the guy. And the thing is, the Government tries to promote this progressive image to the outside world with the Olympics and the 2010 Expo, but it's all just a big lie.

 

Plus there's about 100 different types isn't there? Sounds like Hieroglyphics as well.

 

Yeah, don't get me started. Four different tones which are almost impossible to distinguish for non-natives - basically the same word with a slightly different inflection e.g. xia = shrimp, xia = next, long = lane, long = dragon etc. The rwritten language is a throw back to the days of the empire where basically a means to control the population was through different levels of education. If you have no common frame of reference for a character or vague recognition of it, then you have no way to know how to say a word. Which again, keeps people below a certain standard from achieving anything. Similar, I suppose to moveable type.

[Esequiel]

Your gonna struggle mate. The only way really is to turn up to a game, stay until they kick you out of the stadium! Or even better go to an away game, something obscure like Wolves, the players are always more friendly with travelling fans.

 

Except Neil Mellor, he was a cock and only ever signed the ladies shirts.