Mr_Odwin Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 At church we have a "Roadshow" once a year. The separate units from a reasonably large geographical area get together and put on a 10-15 minute play with songs and dancing and humour. Anyways, I have to organise the one from Macclesfield this year and I always wanted to write one so gave it a go. I regret my decision to do so. It was well tedious. This year's assigned theme was "It's a wonderful life." I could do with some constructive criticism: http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dc9r9p84_374cskmzg4x It's a church thing so any ideas should be family-friendly/clean and ... er ... yeah. It's not professional actors or anything and we'll have to make all the sets/costumes ourselves so nothing too over the top can be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashley Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Few things; Maybe some reference to the child (how old is this sarcy kid anyway?) not knowing A Hard Day's Night. Maybe a 'Who are the Beatles?' kind of line. Just to you know, make the audience feel old :p Was going to say the first skit (A-Team) was a bit too adult-orientated but the rest balance it out. I presume there is going to be a sizeable child audience so they need some payoff. Maybe a bit more slapstick and a bit less talk in places. The writing has a wry wittiness to it but I'd imagine most of it would go over children's heads, so perhaps add some silly visual humour in there. It may be a faff but after the A-Team sketch maybe the kids could be dressed as monkeys (even if its just monkey masks). Perhaps after the Willy Wonka skit when the granddad and child are talking the granddad could say something like "yeah that was weird but it had its up sides" and pull out chocolate...perhaps? I'd just make sure whoever plays B.A. really plays him up. Yes, overdramatise B.A. :p I think the reference itself will fall flat with the children but an OTT person always impresses. Good work all in all though p.s. Can I play Faceman? :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 If you want, you can indeed play Faceman. My wife said I made him a bit too sexual (and waddayaknow, Ashley wants to play him ) so I may have to edit that. Your ideas are all great and I really appreciate them. I'll rewrite at some point and include them/attempt to include. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayseven Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 A good read - nice parodies and your wick sense of humour is always a pleasant thing to observe! I was just wondering if you had enough time for all the scene changes in 10/15 mins? You have three (at least) songs and probably about 10 mins of dialogue? I tried to time myself reading it aloud but I lost track of the time I started... "They are in for some pain! Their heads must be emptier than Murdock's" I think the simile should use something/someone other than Murdock. Maybe. I mean on the one hand, Murdock's reaction could prove humorous, but if the younger audience members don't know who the A Team are then they would benefit from a comparison to someone real, or something notoriously empty ("my bank account?" I don't know)... Faceman sounds like a parody of Zoolander... "really, really, ridiculously good looking". I'm certain a quick vogue moment here will play really well. Pehaps write in some of the actions or reactions to help shape the play physically. Everyone's line is a response to someone else's line, little is in response to a gesture or an action, which you may need more of to keep an audience's attention - I mean, while the actors are talking there needs to be some physical movement to keep the pacing dynamic and the audience focused. Small idea; perhaps in the child's room he has some toys here and there, and after each story sequence you'll see granddad perhaps standing in different places; by the window or over the bed, or in the chair or by a desk, each time with a different toy in hand that reflects the story you've just seen. Maybe an action man for the a-team, a toy guitar for the beatles song... er... yeah stuff like that. For script posterity, 'Child' should be called Kevin, really :P Hope that was more constructive than critical! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 I've just been reading through it and I think you guys are both right about it needing more action and physical movement and stuff like that (for the kids and just to make it feel more alive), especially in the A-Team scene. Fortunately I get to direct it so I'll make B.A. be all pacey and fist-pumpy, Faceman will be doing vogues all over and Murdock will do all the actions as he talks about monkeys. I've changed it (but not in the link) and made Faceman more Zoolandery. Added the joke about the beatles. Tweaked here and there elsewhere too. Cheers guys. Recruitment/first practice is tomorrow night. When it gets played out in March I'll record it and stick it on youtube for you guys. What a treat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashley Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Tweaked here and there elsewhere too. Presumably mostly in the nipple area yes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Child: You're here to tell help me sleep granddad. I assume that was originally "tell me to go to sleep" but got changed. Was quite good. Will the show be recorded? I'd love to see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 I'll try to get it recorded (it's on March 21st). We had the first get together last night and the parts were cast. Everybody wanted me to be B.A. Baracus so I bowed to the pressure. Now I just have to massively overact and all will be well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 And ... here it is!!!! (For those that aren't my facebook friends) http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=2867176373027256381 It's rough. Lots of mistakes. Lots of line forgetting. Kids can't act, adults can't act. It did it's job though - bonded the people that have been rehearsing it for the last 6 weeks. Good community feeling and all that jazz. My wife and daughter are the ribbon people between scenes. I am B.A. Baracus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hero-of-Time Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Thanks for this! I have fond memories of being in the Roadshows as a kid and I will check this out later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Thanks for this! I have fond memories of being in the Roadshows as a kid and I will check this out later I hope your roadshows were smoother than ours. Still, it went alright and I think if we'd been in any other stake we might have won - but the standard of the others was crazy good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirkatronics Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Only watched a few minutes of it, looks likeit was great fun =] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ten10 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Geoff from Absolute radio would love this just on the basis that its in Macclesfield. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Was ok. I thought you played a really good BA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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