Raining_again

Hahaha yesss cast iron! Aye I bung in the ingredients, cook them fully, put the egg over it, give it a good shake and cook it til it slides in the pan easily (then the bottoms cooked) then I throw on cheese, and bung it in the grill til it's well done. I also don't completely whisk the egg because I like how rustic it is, and it tastes different in every bite nom nomlette. I'm freakin useless at flipping omelette, it nearly always ends up broken or a mess. :p I'm in a very good place right now and I'm so revved up to fix things, really pushing myself and feeling the achievement of success in facing my fears.

Been having a bad week weight wise this week. I weigh myself daily but record losses on a weekly basis. I'm currently up by 1.7lbs as of this morning!!! I've not done anything different either. but yeah think I'm having tummy troubles, and got my women thingy too, double retention whammy!! Official weigh in is tomorrow, need the whooshie fairy to come overnight lol Was very close to throwing my fancy pants wifi scales out of the window this morning... But I do feel slimmer so they can go to pot. as we Brits say, keep calm and carry on Also I started my fast at5 today, have a whole heap of sweets in front of me and it isn't bothering me in the slightest. Normally I'd have eaten them and more (4x nerds, 3x polos, 6 x milky bars, crunchie) that's a fucking spectacular thing for me. I used to be such a demon to chocolate and crap, couldn't have even looked at it on a diet. My insulin levels are normal, so much so that I nearly never crave crap, even on my woman thing my blood pressure has gone down 30 units both ways, was 130/85, now around the 100/65 mark! They don't think the drop in bp is from my meds after all, just the loss in weight!!!

Hahahahaha that's brilliant

Wow so I had a mental health group seminar session thing with 4 other people. (it was an anxiety workshop) boy what an eye opener that was. I was by far the least severe in the group. People on anti depressants for years. People who were normal and had a sudden shift, unlike me who's been this way since forever. Made me feel a bit appreciative of life and other things. One of the girls had no family to help or talk to and had daily panic attacks. Fortunately I rarely suffer from panic attacks or anything like that. My problems are more centred around OCD&autism so the anxiety is only really a byproduct of this. Though saying that I think a lot of the techniques and suggestions are very very useful for lots of different mental problems, like relaxation and thought shaping. I'm kinda already halfway on the track they are suggesting by being healthy and keeping a positive mind, so it's good to have the additional ideas and knowing I'm on the right path. It was good to talk to people with similar problems, and I let out a lot of my anxieties by just talking about it. Strangely it was easy talking to people isolated from my inner circle of family and friends.

In the post mess had feelings for you but now we're just gonna be friends thing, it's nottt fun. (still on slimgate for anyone who read my previous posts) In my weakness I texted him and asked if he wanted to spend some time with me (even though he now has a gf) and he actually said yes..... Really really regretting it, was in a bad place when he waved his lil charm wand in my face. Just as he probably knew... Now to make myself sound really busy and hopes he forgets about it. Fuck.

I've decided to fuck with them all. I'm holding my head high and moving on. Not going to be a bitch about it but making myself less available. I'm worth more than being a desperate loser. Pft. I've put out the offer of spending time with him and if he doesn't respond that's his loss.

Yep, between 11 and 13 is considered normal for someone at 6'1, BMI wise. My healthy range is between 9'13 and 12'6, think I'd be very happy at 12 stone. Considering I'm 18 stone currently it's a long way off but I'll get there eventually at the moment I'm just focusing on getting my BMI down by one each time, which is about 7lbs a time. Nice small manageable steps I started with a BMI of 40, and I think I'm 35/36 at the moment, yay. (edit:35.9 as of yesterday) Long term target is to get under 30.

Right on the money... It's freakin awful when someone has that kind of effect on you. I was into him for a good year, if not more. I had gotten over it for a while but it's always gonna be hard when they find someone else. Just sorta threw me back for a while. If he had been a complete wanker in person and completely ignored me I would have probably been ok. I think he knows this though. He always did enjoy the attention even when he had no interest in taking things further.... Just keeping me hanging on to validate himself... Like you say

Another 1.7lbs gone this week! That's a total of 29.8 in 15 weeks. woooooot

Hahaha thank you that made me laugh <3 I still feel freakin awful about slimgate, the weak part of me wants him so much I sent him a text asking if it would be inappropriate if I asked to spend some time with him, and he hasn't replied.... Rejection... Yay lol. Oh well, time to move on. At least I know for sure. When we were close it used to be me that had to come to him, he never wanted to go out anywhere, god forbid being seen in public with me! Now I hear he's away out with this girl, and taking wine with him, when he refuses to drink himself. (which was noteworthy enough that his brother mentioned it) yet he sends all these confusing messages in person. Probably a good idea just to pretend he doesn't exist from now on!!

Oh my freakin god. I was over at friends house last night, his brother is slimgate (the one who'd date me if I was skinny). He isn't normally very social, if I was ever over at their house I was the one always making the effort to go speak to him. Anyway...I was having a laugh with slimgates bro, we played some games and just generally caught up. Slimgate came downstairs and offered to make me a cup of tea. That was ok, and he sat in with us for a while (abnormal for him) and I just felt generally a bit crap in his company but by fuck was I letting on, noooo way. later on both me and slimgates bro were leaving to go out (me back home with sister and he was going out with his mate). So slimgate got in silly business hugging his brother as if to say don't leave meeeeee. I've seen this many times before, he does it so it's not a big deal for him to hug me. I just stood there in shock as he grabbed hold of me... I went to bed with his scent on my neck (he leaned right into my flesh for the love of god) and I was completely pissed off. Of course because I could smell him I had nothing but dreams about him too. Fuck this is punishing. I dislike him and I dislike my stupid feelings I get nothing but shit one worded texts from him most of the time, like he really can't be arsed with me, then he's all huggy and yick in person. Is it just me or is that kind of really personal contact a bit odd between a guy and a girl who aren't particularly friendly, and when the guy is seeing someone else?

Look like a ship in full sail. Clothes that baggy are not attractive lol

30lbs, about 70 to go Thanks

Haha thanks guys Me and no strings have decided to not bother with anything sexual and just be friends which is a huge relief. I'm still gutted about the other guy but it'll just take time I guess. My love life is a complete roller coaster of crap feelings but I feel so much more positive about myself looks wise. I've got pretty much to my lowest adult weight, I bought trousers 3 weeks ago that now are falling off me. Hurrah Ive been talking a lot to a friend who I've always connected with. We've been friends for about 8/9 years. He's basically my brain twin, we think pretty much identically. We've got the exact same sexual preferences, he's a dom and I'm a sub (lol) but the big stop point is the fact he has a girlfriend. Me not being confident and him being a head melting mess has kinda prevented us getting together in the past... Right person wrong time.... Sexually and romantically. He said the same thing himself, that he knows if we had an affair, and ended up together, it would always be in the back of my mind. We're very sexually attracted but we are also good friends, so it's not worth risking it. Wow this conversation feels very weird, telling a forum about my sexual preferences... I've never had the confidence to do that before now lol

I found out that the guy I was in love with is now seeing someone else. The one who said he'd date me if I was slimmer. Thought I was over him but obviously not. Been talking to a friend who is in an unhappy relationship with sme suicidal woman (according to him anyway) and he wanted no strings sex. Oh so not going there. But I think he's developing feelings for me now. And it's confusing. I've known him for a very long time and the feelings there are so complicated. I'm power tripping over the fact he finds me irresistable, yet terrified over the whole messy part. All this happening when I reduced my anti depressants leads to a black cloud lingering over my head for the past few days.. I had a massive crazy panic attack/episode over it all last night and I felt really really horrendous. Never felt that bad before in my life. I felt nauseous and like I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Getting attention from people just makes me realise how lonely I am.

Had to go home sick today, bp was 102/66 and I felt like I had no blood left in my body. Gave the dr a call and he said it might be an idea to reduce my meds to 2x a day rather than 3x. When you go from 130/85 to 102/66 it's a bit of a shock to the system!

Trx squats are hardcore. My legs are burning to fooooook But for once I'm tired muscle wise and not in any pain joint wise, so something is working

I have lots of regular protein, I'm looking for the ready to drink stuff Funnily enough, I do buy the h&b stuff when it's on offer... £15 for a kg is pretty decent I'm going to start making protein flapjacks for a 1 hour preworkout snack

Thanks I'll take a look! I had my first meeting with my personal trainer today Had my induction with another one of the fellas, he's a level 2 so able to do basic instruction and showing you the ropes, but he's not qualified to do full personal training. Pity cause he is lovely. And pity that I slammed myself so hard that I vomited in front of him. How attractive... Lol But he recommended another guy and that's who I was chatting to today. He gives me props for my fasting. Said he tried it but could only do 16 hours max at once (but he's a lot more active than me as a trainer!) he usually advises his clients to start a carb cycle, as in going 2/3 days a week with minimal carbs. Because I'm fasting he said that is pretty much the same thing. He took a look at my typical eating and advised to take down the carbs and up the protein a bit, which I have to agree with. Gonna gradually start working on my eating days. I've just got into the fasting thing so I don't want to go guns blazing and change too much to rock the boat. I'm very happy with the chat we had, I was pleased that he was not going to tell me to stop fasting and was useful rather than critical with my food choices. I know I've got work to do on my diet, and it'll get there in time. He was pretty happy with me because I knew all of the theory behind the different gym equipment and I'm happy to do anything besides a lot of running and I said I'd like to keep that demon stairmaster until I'm a bit lighter, which is really common sense. Gonna do some c25k style training to get my cardiovascular health up a bit. And it's easier on my joints than solid running. In with him for a proper session next weekend and I'll be going to him every 4 weeks or so. And spinnnnnnnnnnnn I can't wait to do spin again the cute induction guy does spin on Saturdays so I think I'll start on the Saturday after my pt session.

Aye that's very likely, and I think the leisure industry has taken a massive hit over here, not many can really afford to fork out for even a 26 pound membership. I'm looking some advice from all you gym peeps out there. Wanting to get some sort of ready made protein shake and not sure what to buy, or even where to get it. My gym does some but it's like 400 odd cals, really designed for body building which isn't what I'm after. 200 would be more appropriate for me, as I still need to lose weight, 400 calories would nearly defeat the point of going to the gym for me! I'm also thinking of splitting my workouts a bit more, like doing leg days and shoulders etc. trying to collate lists of exercises to do and wondering if any of you can suggest good websites for stuff like this?

I'm going to try to stick to what I'm eating on regular days. The only extra I'll intend to consume is a 100ish calorie protein shake. I don't intend to be gymming a lot, possibly 2-3 days a week and my fasting days/times wont be changing at all. I joined up today and my membership is only 25.99, I paid a tenner a month more the last time I was at the same gym, for the exact same thing... They must be desperate for members!

I've finally decided to join my gym again. Gonna pop in tomorrow Now that I've really got my diet down to a "way of life" I think it will be a lot less stressful managing both. I'm still losing weight gradually. It's taking time but I'm happy for it to keep going at the rate it's going. I feel slimmer than I should be at the weight I am, apparently this is a side effect of alternate day fasting. I know a lot of people who have experienced the same. I do 24 hour fasts starting at 5pm on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday like so Saturday: normal eating all day Sunday: normal eating until 5. Fast after 5 Monday: fast until 5. Eat normal dinner Tuesday: normal eating til 5. Fast after 5 Wednesday: fast until 5. Eat normal dinner. Thursday: normal eating til 5. Fast after 5. Friday: fast til 5. Normal dinner. I go from work at 5 to the gym, so the fast days (m,w,f) would probably be inappropriate. Could go Sunday morning, Saturday anytime, and tuesday/Thursday. Really looking forward to starting spin again ^^ I wanted to really nail my diet before I rocked the boat with exercise. But now it's getting to be second nature so now is the time to add a bit more

I made a pizza dough with onion. About a quarter of an onion really finely diced, rolled up in the dough. Fucking delish!!

moar pizzza yess pls.