Posted July 30, 2009 Hey everyone. I need some help....to do with getting dumped. Being dumped sucks. Firstly, I'm gay. I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off since December 2007, it began as a long distance relationship but he moved nearer, to manchester which is about 25 miles from where I live to see me more often. However, this year the relationship has hit the rocks. We're both to blame, he kissed a guy on a night out and flirted with him after and also sent rude pics to one of my friend and I've done similar things im not proud of. However , in the year we were together we were both very much in love and did alot in a short amount of time together, we were best mates. Recently however, we have been arguing pretty much week on week and so he refused to see me for 5 months. I did start most arguments, but they were over silly things such as him not texting back . These arguments take place over msn mostly. I know the error of my ways now, he says im controlling but I know I'm not but I do accept my part in the arguments. However he has said he doesn't want a relationship anymore, that he's not up for it and that I'm not the same person as he fell in love with. As far as he is concerned I'm a different person. This is not the case, I just went through a rough patch where we didn't see each other for 5 months despite being a 30 min train ride apart and where he felt like I was not giving him enough space. It's very hard to reach a compromise with him either. So...I would like to start afresh properly, I know my mistakes and I wont do them again, I love him, he still admits loving me but wont take me back. I cannot really make myself stay friends with him, if he sees someone else the jealousy would be hard to take and control and the spilt wasn't mutual. I understand I maybe argued too much with him, and he reached a tipping point but my parents argue alot and so do alot of couples, I mean we only got to see eachother once a month and so it would be very hard not to go by without feeling unloved. So what should I do? Ignore him? Give him space? If I do ignore him do I tell him that I cannot be friends with an ex because it would just make things worse for me. He says that nobody else is involved and I believe him. Thanks for your help! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 (edited) this is a candidate for ...."Nice story, Stop being a EMO, here have a free lock for your thread ". someone referred to it as the good old days of old A test of the moderators will.... a game i play often edit: found the reference I remember back in the day someone would post something emo like that, and we'd lock the thread saying "thanks for the life story *locked*" hahaha. Edited July 30, 2009 by blender Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Sorry, blender, but compared to your most recent thread, this has more interesting and debate-worthy content. I'm afraid I can't be much of assistance, Karl. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Jordan? Anyways, I'd recommend the taking it slow bullshit. Bollock on about not being "a couple" but give all that close friends crap and see where it goes. Also stop being an emo ¬_¬. If he's not interested, move on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 (edited) Yeh I'm sorry for the generic emo style topic. But breaking up in a relationship is a pretty real and hard thing to go through. I was rushed when I posted the thread..so sorry if it's hard to read. Im not being emo, I dont think anyone is happy to get dumped . So all I'm looking for is some advice on how to approach getting dumped . Please don't lock it , and please post some fun stories/ advice. Cheeers! What I'm really asking is.... Would u stay friends with your ex? I shouldve just posted that really lol Edited July 30, 2009 by Karl619 Automerged Doublepost Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Forget about it. Take it from me that when a relationship has gotten to that point its already over. Do yourself a favour and end it, move on, get over him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 I don't find this topic emo, to be honest. I think it's perfectly natural to feel upset about a broken relationship. I don't have much experience with relationships, but I'd say the option of staying friends with your ex is very much down to what went wrong and how it was dealt with. My only ex whom I only had a short relationship with, well, we just didn't match, so I'm fine with her. We're not exactly close friends, but there are no hard feelings. An example of a worse scenario would be if one part cheated on the other. That might be more difficult to handle. It seems like you've both done some things, and your ex seems to find it hard being with you. He may be split between still having feelings for you and finding it hard to forgive some of the things you've done. I don't know the details, nor do you need to share them here. But my best advice is to try to understand how he feels - and why - and go from there. I hope you find a way to at least remain on good terms. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Im going to say what i think. You didnt see him for 5 months. Move on and stop being such a stalker. Im guessing (just from what you have said) that this was your first 'proper' relationship. Weve all been in the place you are in now. But you will learn from it. Move on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 I'm not trying to be an ass or anything. But I swear I've seen this thread on here once before. But anyway breaking up sucks it doesn't do any party any favours, unless one of them is a cheat. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 FALCON PUNCH! The answer to all life's problems. the best advice i have heard Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 (edited) Well thanks for the advice. I'm not a stalker or an emo. Just troubled haha you may as well lock this thread now, doesn't seem popular Edited July 30, 2009 by Karl619 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 I've been through a few break-ups, particularly after one relationship where my partner had been cheating, so things got intense towards the end between us and in the end things just become un-resolvable for us. However, it doesn't work that way for everyone. Many couples out there are able to work through the difficult, bad or terrible patches. But, both partners need to be willing to try. If that is not the case, then you risk facing an up-hill battle where you may not get anywhere, and risk hurting yourself further. Being honest and being willing to allow things to take their time is the best thing. If he's reluctant to start a relationship again, all you can do is try to promise that you'll take things slowly and that you will do your best. Sometimes people get second chances and sometimes they don't. But, it's worth a try. Also, if he is just wanting to be friends, then don't throw away that friendship so easily. If you lose a relationship but keep that friendship, then at least something has been salvaged, and that could be the silver lining. It'll be hard at first to accept that you'll both be seeing other people, but you'll use this experience to empower you for future relationships. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 I'm the last person to give advice because my attitude to relationships seem to be to coast while not taking anything for granted. I might as well give my two cents since you can easily ignore them if I'm speaking crap (which is likely). These arguments take place over msn mostly. As a rule, I try to avoid 'talking' over the internet and the like. As Daft Punk so marvellously said, 'It's amazing what you'll find face to face'. Confrontation/communication is key. Thank god I have a boyfriend who forces me to talk explicitly about stuff. What exactly do you argue about anyway? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Forget about it. Take it from me that when a relationship has gotten to that point its already over. Do yourself a favour and end it, move on, get over him. Thiiiisssssss. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 As others have said, if you hadn't seen each other for five months and were arguing it sounds like the relationship has been essentially over for a long time. Judging from what you said a friendship probably won't be possible, but thats only really something you two know. I always find the best way to deal with a loss/general misery time is indulge it for a bit (although try and set a limit so you don't keep using the "i'm indulging in my misery" excuse) and then each day try and do something fun or something which you personally enjoy. Gradually you'll start to feel better but the worse way to get over someone is to live as before/in a miserable pit of emoness...in my opinion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 I posted this on one of those agony aunt websites and the response I got back was - "Sounds like your an overly controlling annoying person, better called AKA Drama Queen, get over yourself". :-o Ive never been so offended in my life. What makes me seem like that? He's probably a "fag" hater Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Hey everyone. I need some help....to do with getting dumped. Being dumped sucks. Firstly, I'm gay. I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off since December 2007, it began as a long distance relationship but he moved nearer, to manchester which is about 25 miles from where I live to see me more often. However, this year the relationship has hit the rocks. We're both to blame, he kissed a guy on a night out and flirted with him after and also sent rude pics to one of my friend and I've done similar things im not proud of. However , in the year we were together we were both very much in love and did alot in a short amount of time together, we were best mates. Recently however, we have been arguing pretty much week on week and so he refused to see me for 5 months. I did start most arguments, but they were over silly things such as him not texting back . These arguments take place over msn mostly. I know the error of my ways now, he says im controlling but I know I'm not but I do accept my part in the arguments. However he has said he doesn't want a relationship anymore, that he's not up for it and that I'm not the same person as he fell in love with. As far as he is concerned I'm a different person. This is not the case, I just went through a rough patch where we didn't see each other for 5 months despite being a 30 min train ride apart and where he felt like I was not giving him enough space. It's very hard to reach a compromise with him either. So...I would like to start afresh properly, I know my mistakes and I wont do them again, I love him, he still admits loving me but wont take me back. I cannot really make myself stay friends with him, if he sees someone else the jealousy would be hard to take and control and the spilt wasn't mutual. I understand I maybe argued too much with him, and he reached a tipping point but my parents argue alot and so do alot of couples, I mean we only got to see eachother once a month and so it would be very hard not to go by without feeling unloved. So what should I do? Ignore him? Give him space? If I do ignore him do I tell him that I cannot be friends with an ex because it would just make things worse for me. He says that nobody else is involved and I believe him. Thanks for your help! 5 months?! You never saw him for 5 months? See, if that was me and I never saw my girlfriend for 5 months, then I'd take it that she weren't interested. The best thing to do is to move on, no matter how difficult it may be. Plenty more fish in the sea, mate. Good luck with whatever you choose. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Don't some people go on 'a break' though? ...or some shite like that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Don't some people go on 'a break' though? ...or some shite like that. I believe this is a myth perpetuated by mediocre 90's sitcoms. Or at least, I believe if it exists its something you agree to do, whereas this sounds like they just didn't make any effort to see each other for five months. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 I believe this is a myth perpetuated by mediocre 90's sitcoms. Why would TV lie to me?! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 He basically refused to see me everytime we argued, which was a bit of naff tactic because it just made me more angry each time he refused to go to the cinema or something :-p. Looking at it now I probably was the problem. We don't hate eachother at all, far from it, he just thinks I'm too hard to handle! I'm just unsure whether to ignore him now...it might be best for the long run. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 Why would TV lie to me?! Part of its evil bid to rule the nation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 I posted this on one of those agony aunt websites and the response I got back was - "Sounds like your an overly controlling annoying person, better called AKA Drama Queen, get over yourself". :-o Ive never been so offended in my life. What makes me seem like that? He's probably a "fag" hater Yeah he probably is a 'fag' hater :indeed: that must be the problem. Not that you are 'overly controlling annoying person, better called AKA Drama Queen' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 30, 2009 He basically refused to see me everytime we argued, which was a bit of naff tactic because it just made me more angry each time he refused to go to the cinema or something :-p. Looking at it now I probably was the problem. We don't hate eachother at all, far from it, he just thinks I'm too hard to handle! I'm just unsure whether to ignore him now...it might be best for the long run. Well, to me it sounds like you should try to just settle with a friendly relationship. It seems unlikely that you will get together, but you might still save your friendship. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
