Posted October 31, 2008 Really like to hear from the women of the board too. And when I mean 'loved', I mean that you were actually in a relationship and not a form of unrequited, love-thy-stranger. Is your first boyfriend or girlfriend always in your mind? Do you often think what could have been? And even when you're currently in love and in another relationship? If so, would you say those feelings are unfair on your current partner? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 31, 2008 To your question: Yes. You can get over it. You move on. I guess a small part of you will always love that person, and you always will have memories of them. But, over time, you will have more memories to remember, and that person you loved becomes a chapter in that great book you call life. So, in short, you can love and then love again. At least that's what I've learned. You're not meant to forget or not care about them completely. It makes you the person who you are, and it takes a lot of determination, time and heartache to let go of that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 To your question: Yes. You can get over it. You move on. I guess a small part of you will always love that person, and you always will have memories of them. But, over time, you will have more memories to remember, and that person you loved becomes a chapter in that great book you call life. So, in short, you can love and then love again. At least that's what I've learned. You're not meant to forget or not care about them completely. It makes you the person who you are, and it takes a lot of determination, time and heartache to let go of that. Great answer... I think as a person, I can be a little 'needy' and perhaps slightly possessive. Once I have opened my heart to someone (which is rare, as I've always liked the free as a bird ladies man thing ^^), its incredibly hard for me to let go. I really hate the feeling of unmutual love, and I feel your first love always gets a big chunk of your heart and everyone else after that... well it might not feel the same. If my current rela (which is my first) was to end, I reckon I would either have a greater degree of focus in the things I love doing but be extremely weary of entering another relationship or I just wouldn't love the next one(s) as much as my current... even if they were like my perfect match... kinda sad, and I don't just mean emotionally but the fact that I doubt I could move on completely. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 If my current rela (which is my first) was to end, I reckon I would either have a greater degree of focus in the things I love doing but be extremely weary of entering another relationship or I just wouldn't love the next one(s) as much as my current... even if they were like my perfect match... kinda sad, and I don't just mean emotionally but the fact that I doubt I could move on completely. I'm not claiming to be an authority, but I don't think you can quantify feelings like that. I understand why you might doubt your ability to love someone else as much as your current partner, but I would say that is largely down to the shock of the new; feelings rushed at you as if from nowhere, and it's hard to believe such an ostensible miracle could happen twice. It's a bit like tasting chocolate for the first time as a kid: even if it was the cheapest bar in the shop, it's so sweet and different to anything else you've experienced before it's hard to imagine something topping it. I'm not trying to cheapen your current relationship with that comment, by the way; maybe you hit upon the Lindt bunny first time, so to speak. But even if that is the case, it doesn't mean you're doomed to a life of relationships that can't live up to that first bite. It isn't like people go, "I have 55 love for my current partner, but I had 72 with the first person I met." There isn't a gauge or any kind of measurement system because that isn't how feelings work. Do people love newer partners in the same way as their old ones? Most likely not. But it isn't a case of 'better' or 'worse', but one of 'different'. So if your relationship was to end you could well never know love like it again. But you would love again, and it could be just as strong in its own way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 I have no current partner. I still have strong feelings for my first girlfriend; my 'first love', even so much as to say i may still love her, i think about her a lot, more so than a lot of people probably think. Interested to find out how i end up feeling when in another relationship. It can be hard sometimes, just started uni and there is so much change around. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 I'm not claiming to be an authority, but I don't think you can quantify feelings like that. I understand why you might doubt your ability to love someone else as much as your current partner, but I would say that is largely down to the shock of the new; feelings rushed at you as if from nowhere, and it's hard to believe such an ostensible miracle could happen twice. It's a bit like tasting chocolate for the first time as a kid: even if it was the cheapest bar in the shop, it's so sweet and different to anything else you've experienced before it's hard to imagine something topping it. I'm not trying to cheapen your current relationship with that comment, by the way; maybe you hit upon the Lindt bunny first time, so to speak. But even if that is the case, it doesn't mean you're doomed to a life of relationships that can't live up to that first bite. It isn't like people go, "I have 55 love for my current partner, but I had 72 with the first person I met." There isn't a gauge or any kind of measurement system because that isn't how feelings work. Do people love newer partners in the same way as their old ones? Most likely not. But it isn't a case of 'better' or 'worse', but one of 'different'. So if your relationship was to end you could well never know love like it again. But you would love again, and it could be just as strong in its own way. Brilliant analogy lol! Wonderful post. (Thanks). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 No. Mainly because I was too proud a fuck to chane my mind. The probable second thing which has sapped my emotion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Think so, well it depends on the situation, but yes definitely (and are some things really love when...yadda yadda yadda) Yes to the other thing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Yep, course you can, unless of course it is the love of your life/kindred spirit/soul mate/the one, but that so rarely happens first time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 I don't think I've ever loved someone, I'm very anti social Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Yes it happens and I think the best answer was flinky's. It's a difficult thing to let go off, espcially your first love, it can take a long time, but you can move on and love somebody else. It's one of those things you just have to be patient with, people are in such a rush to fall in love, get married and have kids. At the end of the day real love doesn't work like that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Yeah. She was a bitch. Doesn't sound like love... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Doesn't sound like love... Love can quite easily turn to hate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Love can quite easily turn to hate. No thats fear...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Yep. I managed it. Have been best friends with her ever since, although it is slightly awkward but that's to be expected. Haven't spoken to her in ages though so seeing this thread has made me want to go and give her a buzz. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 I guess it depends on the circumstances, not to mention how young you are at the time. I don't at all imagine it's easier if the relationship ends badly or not, but if he/she moves far away it could be easier to deal with, and there's also no-one to blame. But yeah, I could never speak from personal experience Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 No thats fear...... Fear? Surely fear would be just before the end, rather than after. edit: or am I really that tired not to know what you are on about? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Doesn't sound like love... Actually...lol...My girlfriend is a bit of a bitch too. She would do shit like not pick my calls for no reason, or say i should call back later... then she sleeps on me. Hasn't ever considered splitting the bill on dates, rarely asks about me and how I'm doing in a general make-conversation sense, and one killer blow! Once she has came, she won't wait for me to!!!!11!!!11!!! ...But I uh... still love her. I ended the relationship like last week cause of the communication issue. But then melted and reconciled. (am I an idiot people?) I KNOW that someone out there can treat me better, who may just be even more beautiful and sexy etc but the thought of being with someone else right now (and even for the week we were away) just seems undoable. Fear? Surely fear would be just before the end, rather than after. edit: or am I really that tired not to know what you are on about? Yoda reference. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 Actually...lol...My girlfriend is a bit of a bitch too. She would do shit like not pick my calls for no reason, or say i should call back later... then she sleeps on me. Hasn't ever considered splitting the bill on dates, rarely asks about me and how I'm doing in a general make-conversation sense, and one killer blow! Once she has came, she won't wait for me to!!!!11!!!11!!! ...But I uh... still love her. I ended the relationship like last week cause of the communication issue. But then melted and reconciled. (am I an idiot people?) I KNOW that someone out there can treat me better, who may just be even more beautiful and sexy etc but the thought of being with someone else right now (and even for the week we were away) just seems undoable. Yoda reference. You need to see if you can outweigh the bad with the good, if you can't, it's time to let go. She sounds abit of a bitch I have to say, woman can be quite testy at the best of times, but surely spiltting the bills etc is just plain annoying. Who says you need to be with anybody just now? Why can't you just take a breather and then when you feel ready, whenever that happens to be, you find somebody else? and ta haha, I knew I was being slow. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 (am I an idiot people?) Depends on how hot she is to be honest. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 You need to see if you can outweigh the bad with the good, if you can't, it's time to let go. She sounds abit of a bitch I have to say, woman can be quite testy at the best of times, but surely spiltting the bills etc is just plain annoying. Who says you need to be with anybody just now? Why can't you just take a breather and then when you feel ready, whenever that happens to be, you find somebody else? and ta haha, I knew I was being slow. EXACTLY! : peace: ... But the 'good' may be subjective. For example, Im all good just to see her, be with her etc. Annd right now that 'seems' to outweigh the bad or at least balances out. But thats only because I guess i don't ask for much or need anything more than that. Yeah, its annoying especially considering she works longer hours than me and most her outcome go to clothes etc, while I'm slaving my ASS in two part time jobs as a full time student and a full time athlete. LMAO. Technically, shes nothing but a burden on my finances... Even still... I still love her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 1, 2008 EXACTLY! : peace: ... But the 'good' may be subjective. For example, Im all good just to see her, be with her etc. Annd right now that 'seems' to outweigh the bad or at least balances out. But thats only because I guess i don't ask for much or need anything more than that. Yeah, its annoying especially considering she works longer hours than me and most her outcome go to clothes etc, while I'm slaving my ASS in two part time jobs as a full time student and a full time athlete. LMAO. Technically, shes nothing but a burden on my finances... Even still... I still love her. haha but love doesn't always have to be like that and shouldn't be like that, love means you support one another. If my other half had an issue with money, I'd drop by clothes and help them out. As it is I don't know her other than what you've said, so my opinion is very biased. But alot of the time when you question things you already know the answer is no you shouldn't be with her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
