"Writing To Escape, Drinking To Forget"

[Stranger]

Hi guys.

 

This is my first proper attempt at creative writing. It can be read here, on my website. Feedback and criticism would be appreciated.

 

Called “Writing To Escape, Drinking To Forget”, it portrays a sad young man in the corner of a pub, drinking to get away from something that’s causing him a great deal of distress. All the while, and as the alcohol begins to take hold, he scribbles his thoughts in a stream-of-consciousness fashion into a little book he keeps with him.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Also, there's some poetry/song lyrics/other creative writing pieces on here. None are anything special, but I'd love some feedback regardless. My personal favourites are Hazel Elizabeth, 21st Century Sonnet, Suicide, Man and Journey Home.

 

Any thoughts, comments and critique you can provide would be much appreciated. There's plenty of stuff on there to check out.

[Dan_Dare]

You know...that aint half bad

[Aimless]

You know...that aint half bad

So it's all bad? Is that what you're saying? For shame!

 

Anyway, I really like it — I've always been a sucker for extended metaphors.

 

The '21st Century Sonnet' raised a smile, whilst at the same time being ever so slightly depressing.

 

You've clearly got a lot of talent, and I'll be sure to bookmark your site. Not the deepest of critiques, granted, but you're already on the right track so just put your foot down.

[DanielTimothy]

That was great!

[Shorty]

From Emo (the forumer who never posts who lives next door to shorty...):

 

I just said to shorty that it is very personal and emotive, something written mostly for the Author's sake, if only to get it out of your head and onto a piece of paper to perhaps clear things up a little.

 

As a short story, what felt missing was the compulsion to carry on reading I wasn't reading in order to find out what happens next in the plot, you know? - However, teh narrative style was very strong, if anything, I was reading on because your words and ideas are fun to read.

 

I also giggled at your 21st century sonnet

 

Shorty:

 

Sonnet woz wikkid yo!

[Stranger]

From Emo (the forumer who never posts who lives next door to shorty...):

 

I just said to shorty that it is very personal and emotive, something written mostly for the Author's sake, if only to get it out of your head and onto a piece of paper to perhaps clear things up a little.

 

That's very perceptive of you, and you're quite correct.

 

 

As a short story, what felt missing was the compulsion to carry on reading I wasn't reading in order to find out what happens next in the plot, you know? - However, teh narrative style was very strong, if anything, I was reading on because your words and ideas are fun to read.

 

My idea was that the compulsion to carry on reading, aside from the narrative style, would be the gradual discovery of what it is that is actually upsetting the character. It's clear from the start that he is upset by something, and I was hoping the narrative style and a few subtle hints in the text would make the reader want to continue - to find out what's wrong.

 

I also giggled at your 21st century sonnet

 

Shorty:

 

Sonnet woz wikkid yo!

 

safe blud.

[Shorty]

Just to clarify, I didn't write any of that including the last bit. Although I did say something to that effect.

[conzer16]

I really liked it. It played like a monologue in my head, and really spoke to me.

 

Well doe

[killthenet]

Sorry to disagree, but I didn't like it. Pretty cliche and didn't really have any compulsion to read on. And your 21st Century Sonnet is an uninspired, unsubtle piece of writing that a load of GCSE English students are writing variations of for their coursework.

[Shorty]

Sorry to disagree, but I didn't like it. Pretty cliche and didn't really have any compulsion to read on. And your 21st Century Sonnet is an uninspired, unsubtle piece of writing that a load of GCSE English students are writing variations of for their coursework.

GCSE English students have to write sonnets now?

 

I think some constructive criticism might have been better than that, please be a bit more thoughtful.

[Stranger]

Sorry to disagree, but I didn't like it. Pretty cliche and didn't really have any compulsion to read on. And your 21st Century Sonnet is an uninspired, unsubtle piece of writing that a load of GCSE English students are writing variations of for their coursework.

 

Thanks for your input, killthenet - genuinely. I'm not one to shy away from criticism. However, I would appreciate some more specific and constructive comments.

 

I assure you, I am no GCSE student, and nor have I met a GCSE student aware of the form, structure etc etc required to write a sonnet. The unsubtle style of the piece is quite deliberate, and I would be interested to know why you called it "uninspired".

 

And would you be so kind as to explain which parts of "Writing To Escape..." you felt were cliched, and why you didn't feel any compulsion to read on?

 

Thank you.

[Supergrunch]

I think it's on the whole pretty good. It's true that it's a bit cliched, but I think that's because the topics you're writing about (drinking, friends, lovers) are common to so many people and have thus been written about many a time before. It's definitely not without originality... I like the comments on studying English at the beginning, and the way that drinking turns you into a n00b. As someone who does maths, I think maybe your first paragraph would make more sense if you changed "equation" to "problem" or something similar, as equations don't have all that much to do with sums.

 

But anyway, your attitude (or the attitude of your protagonist) towards friends is very similar to that of Rena from the anime series Higurashi no naku koro ni... I wonder what you'd think of Tsumihoroboshi-hen.

[Aimless]

And would you be so kind as to explain which parts of "Writing To Escape..." you felt were cliched, and why you didn't feel any compulsion to read on?

To be fair, I didn't like it for its innovation — I've seen many similar things, and I don't think it said anything that original, to be honest. I just enjoyed the style, gleaning enough enjoyment from that to keep reading, and I don't think it makes the piece any less for not being a literary breakthrough.

 

For what it's worth, I thought your sonnet was inspired. So there.

[thirtynine.]

I really liked it. It played like a monologue in my head, and really spoke to me.

 

Well doe

 

Agreed. i REALLY enjoyed reading it.

[killthenet]

Well it's structure felt a little out of place to me and it also felt far too wordy. The structure seemed far too disjointed and takes you out of the reality of the piece. It would read much better as one long piece of prose, without the diary-esque time breaks and I think it would definately flow better as a shorter piece. You could still leak the information about his problems throughout but I think it would certainly be more succesful if it were shorter.

 

About the 21st Century Sonnet, I just found it to be quite an obvious thing to do. It's more to do with personal preference though, I just don't like things being so literal.

 

Also, you seem like too much of a career writer and far too up yourself and only prose can have a narrative? When did they come up with that rule??

[MoogleViper]

Stranger are you doing English at university?

 

We need more stories on here.

[Shorty]

Stranger are you doing English at university?

 

We need more stories on here.

MoogleViper, are you doing English at Uni? I am. If you have anything new to share, you should.

 

 

I however, won't be just yet

[MoogleViper]

MoogleViper, are you doing English at Uni? I am. If you have anything new to share, you should.

 

 

I however, won't be just yet

 

 

No I'm not doing English at uni. I'm still at school. And the only story I wrote (or part of anyway) I posted on here.

[Stranger]

I'm currently doing English Literature at A2 level.

 

I’m hopefully going to write another extended creative piece soon. I’m going to take a few of the concepts I have explored in previous pieces I’ve written, including Writing To Escape..., and hopefully rework them into a bigger, more complete whole. It will either be taking the form of a narrative (written in prose), or if I’m feeling adventurous, in the form of a set of lyrics for a concept album.

 

More as it happens.

[Haver]

It's all a bit Lit Kid wet dream. Spend your Christmas cheques on some T.S. Eliot. Find something to write about, other than writing.