Emasher Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I made this comic for your enjoyment but you may not like it.
Nintendork Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Close but no cigar, the problem is.. the art is lazy and disproportionate (in a bad way) and the comic doesn't flow. In my honest opinion it wasn't worthy of a thread and you should have posted it in the art forum to get some feedback. Don't give up, I'm sure the internet needs another webcomic about Nintendo. Just make it a bit more original guv.
mtg101 Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Rather than rant on about how this hardly stands up to comparison with Moore, Gaiman, Ellis, et al, I'm going to try and be a little more constructive... Title Area Let's start with the title area. This takes up a lot of space, and as we can see below you're having problems with the space available for the dialogue, so you don't want to be wasting space in the title. So firstly, do we need the "Web Comic" bit? I'm on the web, I can see it's a comic... plus it might be mistaken for being titled "The Nintendo Fans Web Comic", in which case you'd have to face the anger of many apostrophe pedants (myself included). And then there's the date. Being part of the title I initially thought it was the date the comic was released on, only later did I realise that it was meant to be the date when the comic was set. While I'm on the date, I assume you meant to set the time at 10 minutes to midnight on the day before the Wii is released? In which case it would be 11.50pm, not am! Also not everyone in the world gets the Wii in November, most of us get it some time in December, so maybe "10 minutes before the Wii is released" or "The day before Wii-day..." Panel 1 This is already overcrowded with dialogue, and it would be even worse if you had to include the date-stamp that I suggested moving from the title. However there does seem to be a lot of free space in the next 3 panels... Panel 2 I think in this panel is meant to show the friend going online to catch up with news. It's really not clear though. Also not clear is the transition - has the friend gone home, or is he using the protagonist's computer? Plus there's lots of wasted space that could be used for dialog. Does the computer need to be so huge? Just a flatscreen with n-europe's logo an the top would be enough. Panels 3 Once again not too clear what's going on, maybe realisation about the news. Panel 4 Pretty clear what's going on here, the friend is panicking that he's late to get his new toy... Panel 5 ...so the friend heads off to "eb" games ("games store" or "local games store" might be better, we don't all get "eb" stores where we come from)... Panel 6 ...and the protagonist gloats. Keeping the same basic story, and assuming you, like I, have the artistic talent of a colour-blind hedgehog in a bag, I'd suggest you could rearrange the flow as such: Title Area Just has "The Nintendo Fans" as the title, with a small byline for yourself, as well as an issue number (you're doing more strips... right?). Panel 1 Graphics: just a door, centred to the left of the panel Caption: "The day before Wii-day..." Speech from door: "Dude, I'm back!" Speech from off-screen on the right: "How was your year in South America?" Panel 2 Graphics: friend on left, protagonist on right (just like the original first panel) Speech from friend: "Later... give me Revolution news!" Speech from protagonist: "Er... your mean give you Wii news..." Panels 3 Graphics: same as panel 2, but friend is looking shocked Speech from friend: "What the... Wee? Like..." Speech from protagonist: "Yeah... anyway... it comes with nunchucks..." Panel 4 Graphics: same again.... even more shocked looked on friend's face Speech from protagonist (probably needs two bubbles): "...and a light saber, and you can download classic games, and... and... you should probably get home and read about it!" Panel 5 Graphics: friend is stood in a huge queue Caption: The next day... Panel 6 Graphics: protagonist at home with his Wii Speech from protagonist: "I really should have told him I had one preordered..." Finally... keep trying Evan, nobody gets good at something without practice!
Atomic Boo Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 wow! thats a lot of constructive criticism. Im surprised anyone could be bothered to write so much about a little cartoon, but well done anyway. TBH (and i probably couldn't do much better myself ) I agree very much with the things mtg101 said and I always think that if you make comics like this you need a good punchline/tagline otherwise it fails. Also, if you look at IGN's cubetoons comic, they have lots of detail and add things that arent really neccessary, like a light-switch, cracked wall, cobweb etc. It makes it seem more professional and more effort has gone into it.
Patch Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Keeping the same basic story, and assuming you, like I, have the artistic talent of a colour-blind hedgehog in a bag Finally... keep trying Evan, nobody gets good at something without practice! Wait a minute - are you his mum? I think it had potential, but it needs better clarity. Especially the punchline. Also, how about having a 2x3 grid instead of a 3x2 grid? It might flow a bit better then.
Atomic Boo Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Oh btw the heads are way off centre and the bodies seem to grow into the head. I know you were probably trying to go for the basic looking characters effect because sometimes it looks good and its easier than making them more realistic. Argh im so rude.
mtg101 Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 I assumed all Canadians looked like that. They do on South Park
dabookerman Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Please Stop. Show em how its done TurbomanChris
Emasher Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 i showed it to my friend first and he thought it was funny. i guess he thinks every thing is funny. i agree it could use some graphic emprovements. it was originaly intended for a north american audience thats why it says eb games and the original name was different but could not be used on this forum. i'm going to redo it with better grafics. and no we don't all look like that in canada.
Nintendork Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 i guess he thinks every thing is funny. Try pissing on him, just to see his reaction. Failing that punch him. If he's still laughing you've got a winner.
Shorty Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 If this thread doesn't seriously change for the better (ie, more intelligent) from this post on, it's getting locked. Don't be dumb guys.
dabookerman Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 If this thread doesn't seriously change for the better (ie, more intelligent) from this post on, it's getting locked. Don't be dumb guys. Lock it
The3rdChildren Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Try shortening your work to three or four panels, and then try some kinda style to the art other than stickmen. It will help develop personality for your work. You may also want to hunt down a funny little man who you can co-write with to ensure a double-perspective on comedy. Might want to sit down and design some characters first, and maybe even some reoccuring ones as well. Most importantly - backgrounds. Backgrounds add leaps and bounds to a comic. I got a feeling this is all going to fall upon blind eyes though.
mtg101 Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 You may also want to hunt down a funny little man who you can co-write with to ensure a double-perspective on comedy. Working in a partnership, or group, makes a lot of sense for comics. Commercial comics are rarely created by just one person. Often one person writes the story, another draws the art, and then others colour in the art and put the text on the panels. If you've got a friend who you can work with and split the work between you, and bounce ideas off each other, that might really help. Or maybe you could find someone on the internet to work with.
Emasher Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 i'm going to post a new series (done as a sprite comic) soon could a mod change the title of the thread to "Post Your Webcomics Here" or something like that.
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