nightwolf Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Hey aunty...I need some advice. Basically, Last weekend I took the number of a lady I recently started to work with and we have gelled rather well, we've been speaking at midnight etc and give each other sensual hugs - we're at that stage. Problem (or 'problem'): Through random conversation I realise that she ended a relationship just before christmas that lasted for a year and prior to that she had a 3 year relationship apparently with a dude who was also a friend of her family. She called her last relationship a "mistake" by how she 'rushed' into it. But it looks like she is doing the same thing this year with me. The question orbiting around my head is why she is interested in me...We had a text conversation last night with me saying that perhaps she should reconsider and think about going into another relationship so soon after the so-called 'mistake' because I can only be in a relationship that is full of pure open love...Nothing less. I',m in complete agony this evening......Part of me is guilty for concerning myself with her private life but the other side is happy that I came out with it. *sigh*...What do my N-Europe brothers and sisters think? What should I do? Should I not care and just go with the flow? or am i right to ask her to repose? Thanks for any advise. At the end of the day you've confronted her about it, I know I would have if I were in the same situation, you've told her what you want and now she needs to realise what she wants and hopefully that's you!
rokhed00 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Hey aunty...I need some advice. Basically, Last weekend I took the number of a lady I recently started to work with and we have gelled rather well, we've been speaking at midnight etc and give each other sensual hugs - we're at that stage. Problem (or 'problem'): Through random conversation I realise that she ended a relationship just before christmas that lasted for a year and prior to that she had a 3 year relationship apparently with a dude who was also a friend of her family. She called her last relationship a "mistake" by how she 'rushed' into it. But it looks like she is doing the same thing this year with me. The question orbiting around my head is why she is interested in me...We had a text conversation last night with me saying that perhaps she should reconsider and think about going into another relationship so soon after the so-called 'mistake' because I can only be in a relationship that is full of pure open love...Nothing less. I',m in complete agony this evening......Part of me is guilty for concerning myself with her private life but the other side is happy that I came out with it. *sigh*...What do my N-Europe brothers and sisters think? What should I do? Should I not care and just go with the flow? or am i right to ask her to repose? Thanks for any advise. Rushing in to things sounds like a definite no go to me, she has already done that and regrets it, but still wants to do it again. Get to know her better, hold back on the physical side, if you don't then it's more than likely any relationship with her isn't going anywhere.
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 At the end of the day you've confronted her about it, I know I would have if I were in the same situation, you've told her what you want and now she needs to realise what she wants and hopefully that's you! ... Thank you. But I'm going to phone her later this evening...But I don't want her to have to feel like she has to explain herself to me...Apart of me blames my relationship inexperience as quite frankly I've never been in one! Aahaha....:/...I just want to be sure-footed. Rushing in to things sounds like a definite no go to me, she has already done that and regrets it, but still wants to do it again. Get to know her better, hold back on the physical side, if you don't then it's more than likely any relationship with her isn't going anywhere. Yes, that is what i am starting to feel...Go easy on the hugs and perhaps the late night conversations which get a bit too initimate...Cheers.
nightwolf Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 ... Thank you. But I'm going to phone her later this evening...But I don't want her to have to feel like she has to explain herself to me...Apart of me blames my relationship inexperience as quite frankly I've never been in one! Aahaha....:/...I just want to be sure-footed. I wouldn't blame her either, but my point was that you two need to talk and make sure you know where it's going .
rokhed00 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Yes, that is what i am starting to feel...Go easy on the hugs and perhaps the late night conversations which get a bit too initimate...Cheers. No, no, no, hugs are fine, in fact hugs are good, and conversation is always good. This is exactly the side of things you want to develop, without taking it to anything sexual. Emotions are very powerful and precious things though, it's like playing with matches in a firework factory.
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 No, no, no, hugs are fine, in fact hugs are good, and conversation is always good. This is exactly the side of things you want to develop, without taking it to anything sexual. Emotions are very powerful and precious things though, it's like playing with matches in a firework factory. Yeah? the thing is I am very emotional and it tends to be hard for me to 'let go'...Basically two weeks ago I didn't feel very much for this girl, she was just a pretty face at work who i said hello to with a slight flirt here and there, but since we've been speaking on the phone, my emotional spiderweb is slowly but surely attaching themselves to her, as I am with all my close friends and family...But I wouldn't want this to develop if deep down she doesn't really know what she wants but another boyfriend. Meh...Love eh?
rokhed00 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Yeah? the thing is I am very emotional and it tends to be hard for me to 'let go'...Basically two weeks ago I didn't feel very much for this girl, she was just a pretty face at work who i said hello to with a slight flirt here and there, but since we've been speaking on the phone, my emotional spiderweb is slowly but surely attaching themselves to her, as I am with all my close friends and family...But I wouldn't want this to develop if deep down she doesn't really know what she wants but another boyfriend. Meh...Love eh? Distance may be of some help to you, I've been in very similar situations with people, the only thing that stopped me making some terrible mistakes was a bit of distance, doesn't even have to be that far, just enough so that you can't see them every day should do.
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Distance may be of some help to you, I've been in very similar situations with people, the only thing that stopped me making some terrible mistakes was a bit of distance, doesn't even have to be that far, just enough so that you can't see them every day should do. Ya. That would be perfect for me as I am on holiday for a week from work next week...So maybe that would be enough to think things through. Seeing her everyday might not be a good choice as she says my eyes are very intense because I often stand there and just gawk at her lol.
Slaggis Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I have another problem - (Woo!) Right, in my sort of group of mates, I'm always the guy that gets insulted for a laugh. Most the time, I think it's really funny, and we all have a good laugh, but sometimes, someone goes too far and all I can do is pretend to laugh. If I say "thats too far" or whatever, they think I'm joking. There's one guy, (old mate, now someone I dislike, alot) who eggs them on and when he says stuff it really hurts. I have no idea what to do. I want the old mate to stop being such an arse towards me, everyword he says to me is insulting, but I don't want to over-react to my mates and end up sounding melodramtic.
Guest Stefkov Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I've never had experience of this but I would confront that friend one on one. Be it msn or in person, the latter would be ideal. Just tell him you're getting annoyed at him, if he can't stop it then you just can't stand being his friend anymore. Or just plain ignore him from now on. Bulk up at the gym and just give people stares if they say something. It's worked for me, the latter, I just stare and whatever they say they take it back.
blender Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Mama,just killed a man, Put a gun against his head, Pulled my trigger,now hes dead, Mama,life had just begun, But now Ive gone and thrown it all away
nightwolf Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I have another problem - (Woo!) Right, in my sort of group of mates, I'm always the guy that gets insulted for a laugh. Most the time, I think it's really funny, and we all have a good laugh, but sometimes, someone goes too far and all I can do is pretend to laugh. If I say "thats too far" or whatever, they think I'm joking. There's one guy, (old mate, now someone I dislike, alot) who eggs them on and when he says stuff it really hurts. I have no idea what to do. I want the old mate to stop being such an arse towards me, everyword he says to me is insulting, but I don't want to over-react to my mates and end up sounding melodramtic. I had this problem whilst in high school, I'm not sure which is the nastier group the girls or the guys, for me it was the girls. Unfortunetly I put up with it until I left. Bulking up at the gym will do sod all, it won't bother somebody as nasty as that, confronting might work or it might make them go completely the other way. If it is possible I'd say lose contact, nobody needs somebody like that in their life.
Jamba Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 I have another problem - (Woo!) Right, in my sort of group of mates, I'm always the guy that gets insulted for a laugh. Most the time, I think it's really funny, and we all have a good laugh, but sometimes, someone goes too far and all I can do is pretend to laugh. If I say "thats too far" or whatever, they think I'm joking. There's one guy, (old mate, now someone I dislike, alot) who eggs them on and when he says stuff it really hurts. I have no idea what to do. I want the old mate to stop being such an arse towards me, everyword he says to me is insulting, but I don't want to over-react to my mates and end up sounding melodramtic. Personally I would just ignore him. Make it so purposefully done that everyone will notice. You are the key to everyone's jokes and if you show everyone else that your not happy then they should back down. And if that guy starts trying to wind up the crowd then just take the piss out of him for doing it.
rokhed00 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I have another problem - (Woo!) Right, in my sort of group of mates, I'm always the guy that gets insulted for a laugh. Most the time, I think it's really funny, and we all have a good laugh, but sometimes, someone goes too far and all I can do is pretend to laugh. If I say "thats too far" or whatever, they think I'm joking. There's one guy, (old mate, now someone I dislike, alot) who eggs them on and when he says stuff it really hurts. I have no idea what to do. I want the old mate to stop being such an arse towards me, everyword he says to me is insulting, but I don't want to over-react to my mates and end up sounding melodramtic. Seriously, smack him one. That type only understands physical force, so give him your best shot.
Gizmo Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Do his mum. That will shut him up. That wasn't very helpful, sorry.
Slaggis Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Seriously, smack him one.That type only understands physical force, so give him your best shot. I would love to, but I'm just not that kind of guy. I can't talk to him, he'll insult me. If I tell people it's really bugging me, they just think I'm kidding. So I'll have to try what someone said and insult him back. But I'll have to be witty about it, he always tries to make spiteful little comments at me, and I'll just try and turn them back at him. Thanks for the advice guys.
Jamba Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 If he's being spiteful say something along the lines of "ahh that's bitter. Not like you that.... starting to sound like you're my ex-girlfriend or something. I told you man, I don't do dick." Edit: Oh duuuh *smacks head repeatedly* You're not straight are you?
Slaggis Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 If he's being spiteful say something along the lines of "ahh that's bitter. Not like you that.... starting to sound like you're my ex-girlfriend or something. I told you man, I don't do dick." Edit: Oh duuuh *smacks head repeatedly* You're not straight are you? Nope, but he doesn't know that. Thats an awesome comment! *writes it down*.
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Haggis, my friend, I'm no agony aunt but do you really need friends like that? I understand school can be the most spiteful experience of our lives BUT real friends at some point will start to take your feelings into consideration. Are these your friends or just guys you roll with? Though when you leave school thats probably when they feel bad about the way they treated you...The balls in your court though.
Slaggis Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Haggis, my friend, I'm no agony aunt but do you really need friends like that? I understand school can be the most spiteful experience of our lives BUT real friends at some point will start to take your feelings into consideration. Are these your friends or just guys you roll with? Though when you leave school thats probably when they feel bad about the way they treated you...The balls in your court though. No, no, most of them are really good friends of mine. It's just a few of them, but mainly this guy that takes things to far. I don't mind having the mick taken of of me, when it's funny, but you can tell when people are just doing it to spite you and this guys one of them. I give as good as I get most the time, which is why it's always funny, but with this guy I just have no idea what to say back, because it always comes of as a joke, whereas as I'd just really love to smack him. (Though I won't).
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Ah ok. Then i agree with Rokhed that dude needs a tw@t around the ear hole. Though I can sort of relate, one of my old school friends was bloody good at cussing and all his cusses were funny that even the one being cussed would laugh. The only difference is I was a sort of classroom 'superpower' (lol), I wasn't a bully but I was big so that was my deterant. So if he cussed me, and I was pissed he would know when to stop. One of my other friends was in your position but it stayed that way till the end...So its really up to you. Have you been proper mad at one of his cusses in front of him?
Slaggis Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Ah ok. Then i agree with Rokhed that dude needs a tw@t around the ear hole. Though I can sort of relate, one of my old school friends was bloody good at cussing and all his cusses were funny that even the one being cussed would laugh. The only difference is I was a sort of classroom 'superpower' (lol), I wasn't a bully but I was big so that was my deterant. So if he cussed me, and I was pissed he would know when to stop. One of my other friends was in your position but it stayed that way till the end...So its really up to you. Have you been proper mad at one of his cusses in front of him? He said something to me earlier today in the common room, but he didn't actually say it directly to my face. He always says it to someone near me and trys to make them laugh by insulting me. He said something about what happened earlier last year (assulted on the way to college) and how I deserved it etc and I just went up to him and asked why he was being such a tw@t towards me. He came out with some shitty reply a 3 year old wouldn't be proud of an walked off and started saying stuff about me to someone else. It really makes me feel like shit when I get some guy insulting me 24/7, I'm not the most confident guy as it is.
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 He said something to me earlier today in the common room, but he didn't actually say it directly to my face. He always says to to someone near me and trys to make them laugh by insulting me. He said something about what happened earlier last year (assulted on the way to college) and how I deserved it etc and I just went up to him and asked why he was being such a tw@t towards me. He came out with some shitty reply a 3 year old wouldn't be proud of an walked off and started saying stuff about me to someone else. It really makes me fell like shit when I get some guy insulting me 24/7, I'm not the most confident guy as it is. Ugh! that guy is a tw@t. If I were you I would just avoid him or halt the level of friendship with him and just focus on the better friends. Personally, i would use emotional guilt to calm him down. Like slowly telling your better friends how much of a tw@t he is, making them slowly realise it and steadily move away from him. If this were to happen I'm sure he would calm down because all he really craves is attention. Good luck though, I'm rooting for ya.
Aimless Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 However you look at it the guy's a bully, and if there's one thing those types hate it's for their comments to be completely ineffectual. Now I don't mean you should just ignore him — although that's certainly one course of action — as in my experience confronting them with their own ineptitude is far more effective. Relying on wit can be a bit hit and miss as the perfect comment tends to pop into your head just after the fact, although if you're well prepared you could have some stock answers for comments he's likely to make; bullies are very predictable creatures. Fool the world into believing you can't be hurt and eventually it gives up trying.
Mr_Odwin Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Mama,just killed a man, Put a gun against his head, Pulled my trigger,now hes dead, Mama,life had just begun, But now Ive gone and thrown it all away Pointless post. Don't post spam.
Recommended Posts