Paj!

Hi. My name is Paj and I barely ever come here. I barely go to any of my old forum haunts. I had about 3-4 regular ones I used to LOVE. I was thinking about the years of my life I loved being part of the communities online, and the little identity I created on them. I had a great time. Originally on a Heroclix website, where I 'met' ReZ, then on his funny little forum, then here. ReZ 4 lyf <3 He was my mutha and my brutha. <3 <3 But...my time on forums and similar dwindled incredibly in the last few years. Mainly since leaving home and being at uni. It's a time thing but also (as my course isn't constantly time-demanding, only in bursts)... I've found my own, real identity. When I was active on forums, I was like... 14 onwards. And obviously somewhat struggling with identity issues of my own, as well as body image etc etc. So I think, looking back now, having a little, manageable identity in a community like this (and others) was very attractive. And fun. And I learned stuff. And I made some friends! But...I'm FINALLY finally exactly who I really am in the REAL WORLD. I'm proud to be myself and I love who I've become, because it's me. It took 19 tears or so to get there but now I'm so happy to be able to walk around as an out and proud gay man. I'm in love. I'm completely supported , loved and accepted by my family and friends, and really...life has never been better on an individual level. Yeah I have problems to deal with, real, big, adult problems concerning THE FUTURE...the sort of stuff that wasn't on my plate back when I was active on here. That takes up my time. While many people on here I really enjoyed the 'company' of, and even the ones I loved to argue with, I have sort of...moved on! When I come back sporadically I'm sorta reminded of my old self and past times, which feel kinda alien to me now. All I ever seem to post here is in the User Image Gallery. How telling. Me now, everybody, look! Then having nothing else to contribute. I think I'll sometimes check Hamish's thread, but he's a friend of mine in real life now so I see him anyway/could just check his tumblr. I know this isn't the same story for everyone - but that's my story. I found myself and (unfortunately?) it's led me away from here (for the most part). I'm still gonna have fond memories of this forum, the people on here, and the other forums I used to frequent - but for now, most of them are kinda...done for me. I'm a different person than I was at 14. Fierce and love, Tyra xox

The Stooshe one is fine, but very safe and x factor-y. TLC's one is IMMORTAL and a staple at any 90's/r'n'b/hip-hop night. <3

I've heard clips for all of Unapologetic. My body is so much more ready.

<3 Synecdoche, New York. Need to watch that again actually. So awesome. I love the ending.

I really should but then it feels too presumptuous - I do enjoy getting told I look like someone the entire world seems to fancy, but I don't want to go out and say it myself. If that makes sense. Last year I went as Bill thingie from True Blood.

^ Stunned by the spaghetti lighting for candles one. Done that and then did the toilet roll speaker one. Works, but then reminded me I already knew that if you put it in a box it would sound louder. So yeah. Some awesome ones there though.

Oh yeah! I remember having to DL Delta (even though I would have bought it) 5 years ago! (god...was it that long ago?) PS She looks fierce on the cover.

While I always have facial hair (shaved it fully off twice in like two years), I keep it down because it kinda just goes..fluffy and unkempt, rather than becoming a lovely beard or anything. My moustache is blonde too, so it's kinda pointless. eeeeeeehhhhh

Nah...I like songs about love that have a specificity to them. Can't be bothered with generalisations. Also Take That are no.

*ahem* I've never been more aware of how easy it *can* be to be gay and *single*. But I never expected the thought of losing someone from my life would be so awful. I didn't miss people until 9 months ago. I was content and incredibly loved by family but never by another person who I wanted to spend all my time with and who fitted into my life. I love the fact I now hear songs in a different light. You can think you understand everything there is to understand about relationships, but it's only objective until it's subjective. I've learned so much about *life* in the 9 months I've been with my boyfriend, about how absolutely amazing two people can make each other feel, about how terrible and unfair things can be, about what one can and cannot change, and what could make you want to change. To know love has been the greatest thing I could ever have experienced by leaving home and coming to uni somewhere else, and it was completely unexpected. I have transformed, physically and mentally too, in the last 3 years, and falling in love came at just the right time. Falling in love helped me accept myself and my sexuality and finally come out. It taught me about how another person can become so important to you that all you care about in regards to the future is that they're happy, that they grow into who they're meant to be, where they're meant to be. It taught me a little bit about selflessness (though still need to work on that one a lot). It taught me that, no, falling in love isn't just an expression of desperation or clinging to another person for support or as some sort of confirmation we're not alone. It's not just an acceptance of someone because you're scared of being treated badly by someone else, treating someone else badly, or not finding anyone else entirely. It's something so indescribable and when obstacles appear that have the potential to forcibly end or strain a relationship, it puts such a shot of fear though your heart - that you don't realise how much comfort you've gained from this person, and you never ever want to lose that - and if you did have to because of circumstances out of your own control, it would be absolutely awful. Because what you have is so good. I don't know what will happen with me and my boyfriend, purely down the potential interfering circumstances that could come up in the future, things completely unfair and out of our control. It's something we'll talk about more as time goes by. As we talked about it recently, the possibility of what could/would/should happen, this song came out and smacked me right in my face. Will you take a moment, promise me this That you'll stand by me forever But if God forbid fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children some day When they point to the pictures Please tell them my name Tell them how the crowds went wild Tell them how I hope they shine Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life, with you - Long Live, Taylor Swift See what I mean? I mean I loved Taylor before, but her song actually affected me! I have my Joni's, Fiona's, Bjork's etc too, but sometimes it's where you least expect it...where you never noticed it. Until you understand. Many musical artists told me about love, but what they all say only makes real sense once you know love. It seems silly but I love it. *gasp giant picture* Happy 9 month anniversary to my boyfriend (few days late! And he's not on the site, but felt like sharing). Sorry being so soppy. I just felt like it.

I might go as Ghost Rider. I have a leather jacker that is a biker one...though not really typically Ghost Rider. And black trousers and boots (not big and motorcycle-y but whate'er). I just need gloves, chains (cooooool) and of course...the skull face. Never done skull facepaint but should be ok. And I need to do the flames. Might just get orange spray for my hair. It's ashy blonde atm so it'll take well.

Yeah if I suddenly click on a Speak Now track it does feel very different. I am biased though since I know Speak Now so well. P.S Starlight is growing on me with each listen. *spins* Also: Probably not best choice for a single but this album is on track to sell 1million units in the first week *faints* so she can release whatever the fuck she wants. And it's a lovely closing song for the album. I think Red will be the next pushed single, she performed it on Letterman. And can I just say...this is fierce. Unf. I wish I was her. She is a very underrated pop songwriter. She has those *killer* lines that she does so well. The lines other people might base an entire song around. *lips parted and fringe in eyes, floppy hat blocking the song, he walks away through the corn fields*

Yeah it's a different album for her. While Speak Now is actually *perfect* and the ultimate complete zenith of her amazing 'makes you want to run through the streets in a ballgown towards/from your one true love' sound, RED is much more...mature? Even though it's her first foray into pop/electronic sounds on this album... I loved her mission statement in the booklet. That this album wasn't about the love we all want, the love that is meant to last forever, it's about 'red' love. Love that ends/explodes or something. And that makes sense. There's few epic sweeping songs here, and while maybe that's disappointing at first, I hear a maturity and growth. I guess she's probably done with those sort of grand/'girly' romantic gestures atm. If you remove the (admittedly fun by flighty) pop songs from RED, you can TELL she's growing up. The production is more raw, more rock (a little), and just it feels like someone who isn't trying to say everything anymore, just detail what matters to her atm. Something like this tracklist: State of Grace - yessssss. About Jake Gylanhaal. Ugh. I wish I was either of them. Red - Hey hints of electronic sound Treacherous - To me this is like...her admission she's had sex. Finally. All Too Well <3 <3 I Almost Do The Last Time - Nice appearance from Snow Patrol, guess she was going for her own Set The Fire To The Third Bar? Holy Ground <3 Sad Beautiful Tragic - love the mutedness of the production The Lucky One <3 - LOVE THIS one actually. It's like Britney's Lucky only filtered through another dimension. The melody is everything. Everything Has Changed - Considering I'm "..." on Ed Sheeran, this is nice Begin Again <3 - Reminds me of Tin Angel by Joni Mitchell. Not in atmosphere, just sentiment. Throw in The Moment I Knew somewhere there too. To me you can tell where she's at now. But the pop stuff shows a willingness to just do whatever and fits the theme of 'red love'. I think all this 'red' business is just her polite way of referencing the concept of 'no promises, no strings' etc. Sort of. Like she realises that's what life is about. But she still retains the bit I love about her stuff, the romantic stuff. SORRY I LOVE HER SHE IS EVERYTHING. It's not Speak Now and I think that's thrown people, but I love that she's shown she can do that stuff, can write these epic songs, but now wants to explore *this* side of things. Basically had it on repeat since I got it. EDIT: My thoughts on the unmentioned tracks: We Are Never... - Very fun actually. Sounds like a sober Ke$ha. The best of the pop ones. 22 - Fuuuuuun buuuuuut maybe needs more sex/drugs/rocknroll to really work? Sorry. Starlight - Want to love love it and sounds nice but not quite there for me. EDIT: It does give me the image of her with hair tied up and wearing a blue/yellow dress - and there's font of some sort all with a cheap and tacky 'glow' effect, like something you'd find in GIMP. I Knew You Were Trouble. - The infamous dubstep song!! Fun but doesn't actually feel like anything special to me. I love how the production really works though. The full-stop in the title is my best though. Stay Stay Stay - The only one I'd completely remove because I don't like. LAME.

Fiona Aple is life. I assume you have her first album and most recent one too? Both stunners. There's nothing wrong when A song ends In a minor key - Werewolf, The Idler Wheel..., 2012 ---- I've been massively into P!nk in the wake of her new album, which is more of the same from her, but reminded me I have all her albums (except her first one, but that's not even her style) and loved them when they came out. The video for this new song is great: And when I wake up THIS MORNING I am rushing out to buy Taylor Swift's new album. Speak Now is one of my favourite albums from beginning to end. It's perfect. I hear this new one is a bit different and not as stun, but my body is ready.

Resident Evil 5 was my greatest. It's the one franchise I've convinced myself to enjoy and never criticise. It's just beyond that now. I mean...this film is effectively a giant side-plot from the main thrust of the series (which never feels quite explained anyway). It's like a watching a meandering comic series on screen. Alice is always fierce though. Loved the final battles. Bitch-fight! And one thing - this was a near perfect video-game adaptation. It felt exactly like a video game, lots of exposition, different levels with different themes...you all know what I mean. I want to play this game! So not a good adaptation of RE, but of the format of video-games, yes yes yes.

I re-iterate a lot of the points here...a lot of cases it seems like there should be some sort of division between people seeking out and abusing small children and then the cases where an older person runs away/falls in love/has sex with someone in their teens, with consent etc. It's just a minefield, as many said. The issue is somewhat close to home (a relative) who was part of a vague situation. Though it was legal, just frowned upon due to the situation (married teacher and pupil). It's pretty much Notes on a Scandal. But that was a result of a failing marriage and various personal issues that drove these people together, y'know? It was just a terrible situation cause the pres attention/professionalism/laws around the profession blaaa. It is hard because as someone said, a 15-year old can be much more mature/intelligent/head screwed on than a 19-year old. But I guess the law can't be on a purely individual basis or assess someone's personality in such a way, to see if it was 'ok'. Meh. I mean I've been with older people than myself, and if I imagined I was 3 years younger than I was at the time, I was pretty much exactly the same in terms of how I thought. But not everyone is.

I don't really (stopped in the second series) - but my boyfriend does. And I've been surprised by some stunning song choices. One episode had Hole in it! And they played (which I for some reason thought only I knew existed) as background music in one scene. But yes. Still kinda bleeeeurgh.

My boyfriend just moved back to Brighton (after the longest run of bad luck regarding uni I've ever come across), and while it's not exactly long-distance (I'm at uni in London), it's a lot more distance than I'm used to (we spend most our time together). Selfishly, I know it'll be good for my work - in third year now and the workload is so much more! Compacting him into weekends is kinda annoying but my work needs a lot more attention. I just feel sorry for him cause going home for him isn't that nice. But I'm happy. We did watch the last Glee episode where all the long-distance couples broke up the morning he left though.

Definitely needs a cut. I'd say go completely sans fringe, into a modern/current/trendy style of short sides, some length on top. Not to the extreme of either though. Pretty much, neat and tidy, but you can play with the top if you wish.

^ Yeah I saw the boots, but why the random collections of Rihanna/Kim Kardashian etc? Who cares? They're still famous so it seems a bit redundant to museum-ify them just yet.

What's with all the framed collages/newsclippings of various female celebrities? That whole place looks like some movie psychopath's inner sanctum.

^ I wish she had done more on We Are Young. She felt really pointless on that song, which she should never be. Her album reminds me of the start of first year of uni. Specifically waiting in the enrolment queue. I barely listen to it now...but I really really like it.

The woman's voice is uncannily similar to Bjork. So so similar.

Makes me cringe/wish it was in Swedish/looked good. UNTIL I SAW FAMKE JANSSEN. One of my favourite faces. <3

I hope Sam and the Womp's song gives Bjork a wider audience.