jayseven Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Read my story. ... I've written up something that happened to me with some stuff that didn't happen to me. There's a header image I made and some pictures i took in the story too. I hope some people actually read it as I want some sort of feedback - what bits suck, any glaring errors, any tips... Anything. Thanks to retro-lover who commented on the story already. :P
AshMat Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 np, here's the post again to get the ball rolling: Wow, that was one great read man. And very freaky. Written very well. Is this a true story or one really well written piece of work, because if it was true, i would have never got back to sleep if i were you (i do know now that it wasn't true, dont laugh i believe in this stuff)
jayseven Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 oh but it was! THe gost story itself is true. The stuff I made up is pretty much the padding to the story - the proverbs, the chinese stuff, the stuff about the kids - But the core to the sory happened.
Guest Jordan Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 And this is why we have a creative board :-/
soag Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 And this is why we have a creative board :-/ true *moves to creative* damn someone beat me to it
Konfucius Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 A great story with lots of tension, very skilled use of word and brilliant descibtion but sometimes it's a bit confusing because of story gaps where you tell about the story your dad told you and also tell what you are doing and sometimes you move too far away to describe something (ie: Now, pause right there. I stood for a few heartbeats to let the adrenaline hit me, to feel the kick of seratonin as my chest pounded me into a wide awake, non-vegetated state. Watching the end credits roll back up again. Watching the last scenes of a twisted movie trying to work out what the fuck just happened. ). That thing about the ghost is pretty disturbing and it really happened like this? Are you sure you didn't make the footprint on the floor? It looks pretty big for a six year old. And is that thing about the door behind the radiator real? If so, what was behind the door?
jayseven Posted January 25, 2006 Author Posted January 25, 2006 yeah, the door's real - and no, I didn't open it. No idea what's behind it! I've seen enough horror movies to know that you're Not To Open Blocked Doors. Thanks for the feedback Konfucious. You highlighted something I noticed too, it's definately something I need to work on. Yeah, the basic truths in that story are that I saw a ghost, I saw blood then later I saw a door. The footprint is a little big though, isn't it?
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