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Raining_again

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Posts posted by Raining_again

    Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    I've been tooting around on okcupid, talking to a few nice people. Nothing majorly serious. Just trying to keep my head out of that place...

     

    I got a text from him earlier saying "Just in the shower, will be with you in about an hour". Cue major confusion and upset, paranoid that he's going to see someone else and it was all a shambles. But it was just his mother-in-law. (long story, but hes on good terms with his ex wife's family, shes more like a sister to him, and his mother in law is like his real mum as he has a really bad relationship with his own mother)

    Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    I don't even know what to do with myself on Saturday night anymore... not that I DID anything, asides spending time with my best friend :( Every time I think about never going up to see him again, it feels like my heart is being physically pulled out of my chest..

     

    its pretty bad when you actually look forward to your job so you can take your mind off all of the shit going on in your head..!! Breaking up with me just before a 4 day weekend was poorly timed on his part!!!

    bad stuff thread.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    Oh, I'm so sorry. :( Is it definitely over? There's no possibility of you getting back together once he's better?

     

    He still loves me. He's just not in the place where he can fix himself (he's pretty much had a full blown mental breakdown) and maintain a relationship. He has to be selfish to get better. He admitted he has treated me like absolute shit for the past few weeks or so and it was destroying him.

     

    I think now that its over I really can't see us getting back together. Would be a lovely dream but we won't see each other on a daily basis because we live so far away. We're only ever in contact or spending time together BECAUSE we're in a relationship. I fear he will end up getting better and gradually become attached to someone else, as you do. You forget people that aren't there in front of you I guess.

     

    I happened to see our chat history on facebook when I was talking to someone else, and i read some. Just realised how fucking different he was. A lot of me was brushing it off as me being silly but he really has changed. I miss how loving, sweet, and excitable he used to be. There is just nothing there anymore :(

    Computer buying halps.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    Ok, later on I'll make sure it's no more than 600. You need the OS?

     

    Yes I do indeed.

     

    Not price checked any of this, just thought I'd get a quick benchmark up.

     

    CPU: AMD FX-8350 - £135

    RAM: Kingston 8GB 1600MHz - £55

    GPU: Radeon HD 7850 - £110

    PSU: CoolerMaster V550S - £70

    SSD: Kingston V300 240GB - £85

    DVD±RW: Samsung 24x - £11

     

    ~£466

     

    That'll leave you with ~£134 for a case/mobo (didn't suggest a case as they're pretty personal, didn't suggest a mobo as it depends what CPU you go for/mobos are boring).

     

    Anything you can reuse from an old PC? PSU, RAM, Case, DVD drive?

     

    Nothing, I sold all my old PC's as whole units a long time ago. I do have laptop hdd as an option, but they are a fair age, so maybe need replacement

    Computer buying halps.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    because i look at the build it yourself options and my budget suddenly gets forgotten about.. i get attracted to the nice shiny computer things :(

     

    Every single time I aim to spend about 500/600 on the tower, it ends up more like 1k.

    Computer buying halps.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    I'm looking to buy a computer tower, mid range gaming type. Just the tower, no peripherals needed. About £600 budget.

     

    Got rusty in my computer buying skills! Realised I have no idea where to go on the internets, and need some suggestions. I am capable of building a system but prefer a prebuilt.

     

    Thanks muchly =)

    bad stuff thread.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    I was talking to the lady at occupational health (work sickness review type service) and it really occurred to me that I've genuinely not been well at all, for a long time. Just something clicked when talking it over with the woman. She was really understanding. And explaining the whole situation made it really hit home that I'm going to be on this medication for the rest of my life, and its already having an impact. Just one of those really surreal moments where you actually wonder if this is your own life you are seeing, or someone elses?

     

    Everything in my life is shifting and changing so rapidly, for someone like me, with a touch of autism and OCD, it is proving difficult. I seem to be leaning towards my work for that solid state of comfort and reassurance. The one true, boring, and safe thing in my life... From not even a year ago, living a life that is NOTHING like this. Fuck, 6 months ago I was stuck in my OCD box existence. Yet in a strange way the disaster is oddly satisfying.

     

    I don't feel bad, I don't feel good exactly.... Just strange?

    Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    because i'm gonna go around saying that when I know he could see it... no he does not know about this place. :)

     

    Its better for me to talk to relatively anonymous people on the internet than go mental and explode, or talk to someone in real life who will know exactly who he is.

     

    Yeah, it's embarrassing as fuck being a Nintendo fan.

     

    Sorry to hear about you and your man's troubles, Raineeng.

     

    He's definitely not a ninty fan.... sorry :P

    bad stuff thread.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    Boyfriend told me he was abused as a child (full story in relationship thread)

     

    Granny is dying

     

    Aunt has a tumour wrapped around her aorta and there is nothing they can do to treat her

     

    In the past 6 months i've suffered from a really bad infection, and broke out in blisters all over my face. (impetigo) Not only was it as sore as hell, the infection was on the back of my neck and threatening to travel into my spine. Suuuuuuufuckingperb

     

    All the stress has been relapsing my daily migraines

     

    I need a hug :(

    Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    Oh, shit, that's heavy. Poor guy. Poor you. I hope he can get help.

     

    Yeah I hope so too, thanks :) I tried to find help in the ice cream tub :heh:

     

    Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that, hun, but in saying that, I'm relieved too. Relieved because you can, in some way, rest that he has now told you. There's nothing worse than second-guessing someone or something but now you know. Also, it must mean something if he's told you the truth in that. I mean, he must really trust you because, if I was in his shoes, I'd only tell that to someone I'd really trust.

     

    I think it's right that you both have space but stay together. It's awesome that you both haven't split up over it, it just shows how strong it is. It's easy to break up but it's harder to go through the tough times but when you're at the end of it, it'll make you both stronger both as a couple and as individuals.

     

    Here's hoping the doctors and the medical attention will help him and I hope that the scum who hurt him will stay away.

     

    Yeah it was worse not knowing. I knew just by looking at him trying to spit it out several times over that it was hard for him to say. I am the only person in the world he has told (apart from someone at the time of incident who told him to stop being silly) and I'm not going to give up on him.

     

    Wow, that's really heavy Raining but, like Animal said, it seems positive that he's told you. I really hope you two can work through the problem and you can both get back to ejoying each other. :)

     

    Yeah it really is. I cried my eyes out in front of him (would you believe I'm really not normally a crier) and he held my hands and told me that he knows he loves me (even if he can't feel it now) and told me I was the single thing pulling him through this.

     

    I shouldn't have read that at work i'm welling up :(

     

    I've known people who were abused, people who had counseling and those who bottled it up*, and its a huge step for him to tell you and amazingly positive too! He can get the counseling he needs now and with time and lots of love care and any space he needs, will slowly go back to the person you fell in love with.

     

    As much as he feels numb now he will get through that and deep down he does love you very much, thats evident in him telling you and wanting to stay with you, as has been said above its far easier to push others away in this situation.

    The downside to this is you need to push your own insecurities aside and in a way neglect your own feelings to be strong for him, its not much of a downside as you'll both probably come through this stronger.

     

    *I won't name names, or give indication of whom or what relation this person is to me, but i know of a person who bottled this sort of stuff up for years, they eventually told their mother who didn't believe it instantly, so the person bottled it up moved out in a few days of telling and became cold to everyone never giving them a chance to process what had gone on and help them - there is wrong on both sides. This person grew up had children of their own, shunned all family and was even cold and heartless to their own children, having a more stern teacher like role to them, even to the point of forcing them out of the family home once they reached 18, and since then sees them rarely. Its a sad sad situation, as because of how this person became its hard to feel sorry for them, they are depressed and devoid of all friends and family except their immediate loved one (who apparently gets little affection), and its entirely of their own doing, but yet its understandable, worst still they know they have the issue, they've shunned family, of which most have died, but sees it as too late to seek help now.

     

    So my point being thats one potential outcome of bottling it up and in your boyfriend telling you and wanting to progress he can achieve a degree of normality, and wont descend to the above levels of self depreciation, he's made a massive step

     

    all the best, be strong and remember that for both of you there is light at the end of the tunnel

     

    Thank you for that. For all those years he has bottled it up, and just that slight reminder on facebook brought it all up :( Its been like a light switch, complete change over in an instant. I'm so scared for him and I just hope he can pull himself through. I told him that he has to do it himself, but i am always here for him every single step of the way if he needs me. I just need to remember to look after me from time to time so I don't go crazy lol :)

     

    In a way it makes a lot of sense, I always wondered why he had such a out of character hatred for religion... it was a priest that abused him :(

    Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    holy fuck. There are no words for how I feel right now. We met up this weekend to talk. Turns out something was on his mind. We went out for a walk and he just wasn't talking to me. I figured it was something big so I just gave him the time. We got in and sat down. And he foofed and faffed about trying to say something for ages, like it was on the tip of his tongue.

     

    Eventually he told me - he was abused by someone when he was younger and he came across someone talking about said person on facebook... which brought it all back.

     

    He said that he has no feelings for anyone or anything. His best friend and basically like a brother tried to hug him a few days ago and he was horrified. He wouldn't sit with me or hug me.

     

    He looked into my eyes and said... "i know i should feel love for you when i look at you, I want to, but I just feel nothing". To which point the tears started tripping down my face. Mostly because I know how desperate that numbness is..

     

    He took me to the bedroom for some sexytimes (not through my initiation), and his whole demeanor changed. I just knew in his eyes that he was forcing himself to do this in the hope of something. There was no love or tenderness at all. It felt like he was just going through the motions.

     

    However he has seen his GP and by now will have seen a specialist counselor, so... fingers crossed it helps.. We've agreed that space is needed for both of us, but we're staying together.

     

    I just hope I can stick out the ride...

     

    TIME FOR ICE CREAM :)

    Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

    in General Chit Chat

    Posted

    So....I think he's having a mental breakdown, or I'm soon to be getting dumped. His personality has changed completely. Won't talk to me about anything and shows me very little affection. Compared to him being embarrassingly lovely in private (which I enjoyed anyway).... to nothing. He has had issues with changes to his work rota, and general troubles with work which does effect our relationship, but to me its not an end game. Feels like he's just given up and completely withdrawn. Normally when he is not working (he doesn't work thursdays) he is texting me a news feed of all the random goings on, but today, not a thing. Yet hes posting random crap on facebook...

     

    My heart is breaking into pieces :(

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