Paj!

I'm reading Mrs. Dalloway. Slowly. And technically not finished To The Lightouse yet. Both = great, great writing. The humanity Woolf puts into the work I've read is amazing.

Uh oh! Razziatoire won't be happy...Tori Amos just postponed her show tonight to May 11 due to illness.

Well, Dom, that's kinda what I mean by the universe being me. (and to you, being you and so on) Obviously there are people that need and feel within my universe, but ultimately it's in my head. (your head and so on)

Yeah but not everybody feels that way (though from you perspective I can see that it makes perfect sense). I obviously have a fear of "the end", like people have a fear of small spaces or heights.

My feelings are basically represented by the second half of Hounds Of Love by Kate Bush, also known as The Ninth Wave. It's a suite dealing with struggling to stay alive/death etc.

Because the universe is me. Like I said, if I could watch the universe go on without me once I died, like a film, I'd deal with death. But I can't and that feels like wrists straining against leather straps on a gurney or something. Unbearably painful. I assume it'll have some psychiatric diagnosis/name.

It's stunning, but Bjork acts with horrrific realism. And yeah, it's gut-wrenching.

I'm surprisingly optomistic and care-free/lazy for how shit some the cards life's dealt me are. Obviously they could be worse, starving children, AIDs etc. But yeah. In my universe, I have to take care of no.1, so things are a bit more important when they concern my own person. That said, I feel like I'm only "inwardly selfish". It might come across that I'm self centered and uncaring, but not at all, when others are concerned. In fact, I think I need a distraction at all times of some sort, so other people are a perfect thing to occupy my time with. Caring for them, listening to them, being with them. I also like my own company however, as I find people are dissapointing more often than not. I dunno. I'm obsessed with life. Virginia Woolf's writing, David Lynch, the psyche, trying to understand/analyse our everyday lives. But in the end, does it mean anything? I mean, we can mostly agree that a bearded old man isn't going to pick me up to let me bounce around cloud palaces and visit my family in spirit form when I die. The thought of the lack of my own mind in the universe (that really only exists in my mind) is so terrifying my blood goes a little bit cold if I go on about/think about it too much. Some people are obviously very matter of fact about it. That's great. I just don't/can't feel that way. I'm scared that if I reach old age (I have a feeling that I won't...I can't visualise myself as an adult) these feelings won't have gone, and I'll still be as torn up as I am now. What do I do? Pretend to be religious? Make myself believe it, hoping my senile brain will forget my fears. Agh. I just anticipate myself rolling around on the floor crying when I know I'm going to die (if I got a disease or whatever). Worst thing of all...what can I do with my life? I have no talent like singing or acting (really) to do something like that, which what I really love. I'd love ot be able to make music or movies, but atm I don't know anything about either/ can't, and as an artist, I'm pretty shit compared to others I'm competing against for a place at art college and then jobs after. Not to mention a supreme lack of confidence in my own abilities. I want a purpose in life. But I think I'll just drift along, until I die, however impossible it is to me. [/outpour]

I want PJ Harvey to be my mum.

Anything vaguely mediocre or cringey, you can always assume ReZ likes.

Just back from PJ Harvey and John Parish. Aboslutely brilliant. AMAZING VENUE. What gigs should be like, intimate, no security guards in the way, really personal, her dancing in the crowd (which had candle-lit tables and stuff), and us actually being able to talk to her. But yeah, she is a legend. There's no denying it. She's a musical figurehead of the late 20th/early 21st century. I bow down to her.

Of course, but It's not like I choose to feel the way I do. And I don't know what I am or why I am.

My first guess. :p

. . .

I know Chair feels the same way. I struggle with the idea that I will end. The world as I know it begins when I open my eyes and ends when I close them, every day. To lose that is unfathomable to me. It's why I really want children. A part of it is my own selfish desire to leave something behind/cling onto life in some way. It wouldn't be as bad if I could watch life continuing on from death, but...I can't. And I want to tear out my hair and beat my head against the desk everytime I think about it.

No. I know and appreciate eccentricity in it's various forms.

Hmm. *scores Scientology off religions he might respect*

... Rick Dangerous?

I agree. As I said, you basically just perturb my sense and sensibility. You aren't evil. Just occasionally moronic and usually annoying.

Because you live to irritate me and like most douches, get off on it? In your defence, you annoy me unusually, so I have an adverse reaction to whatever you say, making my responses far more extreme than they should/normally would be.

Ooh...close. Also searched Huey, Louie and Dewey. No matches. So; Donald, Daffy, Daisy, Howard, Dewey, Huey, Louie, Scrooge (just searched), Darkwing, Nega-(duck) are all out.

I also searched for Darkwing, but there is no such member.

I'd probably accept as well.

Oh quiet, Villan. I really can't bear you sometimes. *debates whether to put a wink or not. Doesn't, but at least the thought was there* I didn't comment on Jay's post yet, the bits that I didn't get. -I'm not "trying to look clever" by posting things that might not be understood by everybody. What? -And the thing about not feeling cool enough...is a bit silly. - And the bit about "whoever the fuck is cool this week". Everyone knows it's only ever Bjork, Tori Amos or Pj Harvey (but she's hardly mentioned).