Do you really get over the first person you've Loved?

[weeyellowbloke]

In my case, maybe, or to put it another way, sort of. There are still some residual feelings there, but to be honest it was pretty much unrequited love/lust. She's one of my biggest regrets in that I didn't take opportunity to make a perminent arrangement when I had the chance. But now she's moved in with a fella and I've got my girl and we've both moved on. If she broke up with her man and asked me again would I do it? Hmmmm, no I think I'm happy enough where I am at the moment. Guess I am over her after all.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

In my case, maybe, or to put it another way, sort of. There are still some residual feelings there, but to be honest it was pretty much unrequited love/lust. She's one of my biggest regrets in that I didn't take opportunity to make a perminent arrangement when I had the chance. But now she's moved in with a fella and I've got my girl and we've both moved on. If she broke up with her man and asked me again would I do it? Hmmmm, no I think I'm happy enough where I am at the moment. Guess I am over her after all.

 

...Doesn't sound like you've completely conquered the feeling...

[Jav_NE]

You hold a place for them in your heart, but that's all. I remember my first girlfriend and i can think back to that time dearly, but i dont still love her.

[Rummy]

Lust and Infatuation are both seeds of Love as far as I'm concerned. They plant in your heart too, and they never ever leave. Just as a bit of fun reading, I'm gonna mention and suggest people check out the Triangular Theory of Love which deals with all types of love, but I think it rather interesting to consider. I also use terms like Love and heart loosely in this post, interchangably maybe with Lust and head, I guess. I'm doing exactly what I'm going to criticise, and dressing it all up.

 

Alot of 'love' relationships grow from a seed of lust, I'd say it grows into infatuation and eventually into love. But my biggest problem with love(I'm a massive cynic) is that it's so over romanticised. Let's face it, we're just animals at the end of the day and it's just alot of shit happening in our bodies. I'll back this point up with the example of people who come out of relationships(or are supposedly in them) and speedily move onto the next person. Apparently loving each and every one of them. It devalues Love, in my eyes.

 

Love is shallow, it's just so intense but also hard to obtain/achieve at times, and very sorely missed when lost, that people inevitably dress it up as some mystic thing that's more than it is. It's a dangerous thing too, it can make and break people, utterly destroy them. Sometimes only for a while, sometimes forever. The pain you get from a broken heart, a broken love, is just as intense as the love itself and it's fucking brutal because you always forget that it actually hurts that much. It puts me off love altogether, sometimes.

 

Being so intense, I think it's impossible to forget or that people just choose deep down not to let go. Why let go of a happy memory(or at least a memory of something so good)? Why give up something that made us feel so alive?! That's what love does, it makes you feel ALIVE, more alive than anything else! Personally, I think no love ever truly dies, it withers and stays in your heart as a dead love, but it's still there as a memory. Even when you 'move on' you still hold a part of that love, that person, in your heart or whatever. You CAN love again though, you can find something new and alive to grow in you, outgrow that old and dead kind of love, and maybe it'll last, or maybe it'll just die as well. I've kind of moved into ramble here.

Also gonna highlight jay's post as I found it amusing but also think it's spot on.

Rokhed's comment about infactuation is along these lines, I'd say. My first love was some mega-hot chick, whose personality was pretty damn wrong for me. But once someone lets you in, you treat that as a reason for love, rather than the stuff you find within them, which you may not like at all and convince yourself it's something you can put up with because you don't think you'll ever have as much sex ever again.

 

My first love stole a bit of my heart. Some say I gave it to her willingly, but I think it was all part of her master plan. She's probably got a pile of heart chunks, and spends all her nights trying to piece them together to make herself a proper, blood-pumping heart to replace the stone-cold one that does nothing but make her a-- .... yeah. Yeah I'm over her. She's stupidly skinny now, too.

Some other people have touched on it too, how easily love can turn to hate and bitterness. Does it make it easier to cope? I don't know. If love is so great and so good, why does it turn so easily and readily to something so black and horrible? How do we go so quickly from supposedly loving a person to hating them?

My original thread was going to be along the lines of love, whether it dies, whether you truly get over things, move on, but also most importantly(why i liked j's post) what IS love? When does love start, what makes love love? Why isn't an infactuation love, why isn't childhood love love? When does love turn from lust to love?

 

 

EDIT: I think I want to swap Infatuation and Lust around. Infatuation is the start, then Lust, then Love. Maybe. Damn you love, you confusing bastard!