Raining_again
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Posts posted by Raining_again
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Ok so there isn't a muscle on my body that isn't aching right now. That's a bloody effective workout!!
Oh and I'm really pissed off, have put on 3lbs overnight on top of the weeks 0.8. Arghhhhhhhhhhhh
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I'm always up and down but haven't been this uncertain for quite a while. I suffered from anxiety, panic attacks and all sorts back in school, missing 6 months at one point thanks to not being able to leave the house. It was weird and if I'm honest, I can't remember most of it, when I try to remember what happened in year 11 it's pretty much completely blank.
Anyway, as time went by I started to improve and pretty much become completely fine again, I'd always get the odd day where I was on edge and stuff, but I made friends and even started hanging out socially.
It was pretty crazy. Anyway yeah, since then I've been on and off. I don't think anyone really knows though, I don't really speak much about my sanity. But anyway, that brings me onto why I'm here. The last few months have been really weird.
My anxiety has been through the roof, and whilst I'm not as bad as I was (I still attend social events and stuff as oppose to hiding away in my room) it certainly seems to be a downward spiral.
I don't know, I get like this every now and then, I'll probably be fine in a few days, but the last few weeks have been really hard and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it, so this seemed like the best place to spurt my feelings.
Some days I just don't want to get out of bed, I just feel like staying there and letting the world go by. I know it will pass, it always does, but I don't know. I suppose my anxiety always gets worse when bad stuff is happening, and this year seems to have been handing out shit on a plate.
Whether its a temporary thing or not it's definitely a good idea to see your gp now. It's easier to deal with a problem before it takes over your entire life. I always feel the worst first thing in the morning, it is when I have those doubting thoughts, the ones that make me want to hide away from the world.
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I've only recently started back into my training routine. (like we're talking 2-3 weeks) Would probably use a 10 but they haven't got a 10 in my gym, and 12 is too much of a jump. 8 is the starting weight for women, I know lots of women that can barely press a 6, and theyre fitter than I am! Not enough weight training in their life methinks lol
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Just keep at it Raining. Your weight will fluctuate with retention and all. And plus 0.8 isn't bad at all.
Instead of concentrating on the weight, think about how much better you are feeling about yourself instead.
Thank you ^_^
I took it out on my training session this morning. Did a lot more than I expected and had no vomiting woo. My trainer has given me a pyramid routine as follows:
Kettlebell 2 hand swing x 10 (just a regular kettlebell swing) -8kg-
Trx rotational rows x10 (holding onto trx straps and doing a pull forward row, while twisting my hands from overhand to underhand) -bodyweight-
Clean and press (vipr) x 10 -10kg-
Kettlebell alternate hand swings x 10 -8kg-
Trx lunge and row ( in a pulled forward row, I push back into a back lunge and up again) -bodyweight-
Squat up & chop (vipr) holding middle of vipr in right hand. Squat and grab hold of front of vipr with left hand. Push up and push left hand up to touch left shoulder while stretching right shoulder as far as possible. X10 of each side. -6kg-
And repeat all of that with 12 reps, then again with 15. (except the squat up &chop, it's 10 each throughout as it's a very tough exercise)
Did the 10 and 12 set today and it took a good half hour, what a flipping work out. It's very simple once it's shown to me and doesn't take a lot of equipment or moving around the gym. I also did 1.4km on the cross trainer before that
Lots of what I call non scale victories, so the scale can go fuck itself lol. Plus I have muscles on my legs! And my size is definitely smaller!
Also I used a 10 kg vipr! Never used a 10kg weight before
(asides swinging my dads monster 24kg kettlebell 3 times and nearly dying ha) -
So I was right about having a bad week, +0.8.
But I have got my time of the month. I do feel slimmer and I've noticed lately that I've developed a bit of muscle in my legs. Could all be contributing factors I guess. And 0.8 is not a lot in the grand scheme of things! (29 lbs off in 16 weeks)
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If it was my pet I have no doubt that I would turn into a monster and do ten times over to him... It sickens me that people are capable of doing that, and that they treat an animal as if it's not got any value. I read that story this morning, a tear came to my eye and my cat rubbed against my leg and meowed as if he knew.... ;(
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I....euthanised a cat on the side of the road today.
Basically, I saw a car swerve and hit something about 50 metres away from me. The driver got out, kicked something up into the air with vitriolic force. It looked at first like a plastic shopping bag filled with apples. The driver got back into his car and drove off. As I approached the scene, I hear the most heart-wrenching mewling: it was a cat, writhing painfully on the floor. Half its face was gone and it was bleeding in several places. Obviously it was dying. No idea where the nearest vet was, I took out a towel from my bag, held it down....and smothered it. I cried my eyes out as I did it, and this security guard from the nearest compound sauntered over. "It's not your cat, why do you care if it's in pain?" should tell you everything you need to know about Chinese people's attitude to the sufferings of animals and others.
As a cat lover, I feel sickened to my stomach that I would do that. But at the same time, surely it was better to stop the pain from lingering...
...my hands feel filthy, and no amount of washing has made them clean.
Please, did I do the right thing?
Oh my word that is heart breaking
you absolutely did the right thing, total respect to you for putting the poor lil moggy out of its misery -
I only have 4 breakfasts in a normal week, on the two weekdays that I eat I low carb, usually some eggs or some full fat natural yoghurt and nuts. I have a fry up most saturdays, and a big ass bowl of bran flakes with drizzle of golden syrup on Sunday :3
I'm an elevenses breakfaster, normally I can't even stomach the thought of food at 7am!
Today I'm fasting so breakfast is likely to be a glass of water or a cup of tea.
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Hahaha yesss cast iron! Aye I bung in the ingredients, cook them fully, put the egg over it, give it a good shake and cook it til it slides in the pan easily (then the bottoms cooked) then I throw on cheese, and bung it in the grill til it's well done. I also don't completely whisk the egg because I like how rustic it is, and it tastes different in every bite
nom nomlette. I'm freakin useless at flipping omelette, it nearly always ends up broken or a mess. :p
I'm in a very good place right now and I'm so revved up to fix things, really pushing myself and feeling the achievement of success in facing my fears.
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Been having a bad week weight wise this week. I weigh myself daily but record losses on a weekly basis. I'm currently up by 1.7lbs as of this morning!!! I've not done anything different either.
but yeah think I'm having tummy troubles, and got my women thingy too, double retention whammy!! Official weigh in is tomorrow, need the whooshie fairy to come overnight lolWas very close to throwing my fancy pants wifi scales out of the window this morning... But I do feel slimmer so they can go to pot.
as we Brits say, keep calm and carry on Also I started my fast at5 today, have a whole heap of sweets in front of me and it isn't bothering me in the slightest. Normally I'd have eaten them and more (4x nerds, 3x polos, 6 x milky bars, crunchie) that's a fucking spectacular thing for me. I used to be such a demon to chocolate and crap, couldn't have even looked at it on a diet. My insulin levels are normal, so much so that I nearly never crave crap, even on my woman thing
my blood pressure has gone down 30 units both ways, was 130/85, now around the 100/65 mark! They don't think the drop in bp is from my meds after all, just the loss in weight!!! -
R_A don't let the severity of others' problems nullify yours. Hopefully the perspective helps alleviate your symptoms rather than serve to fuel them through some form of guilt
Gaggle I'm glad things are continuing to progress well for you. You got any omelet tips? I have to turn mine into scrambled eggs' date=' even if the heat is on low.[/quote']
I think if anything it made me glad that I went now, and am dealing with it before it becomes completely disabling like the other girls had experienced. Every single one bar me had been off on long standing sick leave at some point. Although I was pretty close to that myself. That was the breaking point I needed to say here woman sort yourself out!
Ps omelettes need to be fried on the bottom don't flip it over, just put the pan in the grill with cheese on the top. But does slightly bork your pan so don't use a horrendously expensive non stick one that your parents own, like a certain person did
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Hahahahaha that's brilliant
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Wow so I had a mental health group seminar session thing with 4 other people. (it was an anxiety workshop) boy what an eye opener that was. I was by far the least severe in the group. People on anti depressants for years. People who were normal and had a sudden shift, unlike me who's been this way since forever. Made me feel a bit appreciative of life and other things. One of the girls had no family to help or talk to and had daily panic attacks. Fortunately I rarely suffer from panic attacks or anything like that. My problems are more centred around OCD&autism so the anxiety is only really a byproduct of this. Though saying that I think a lot of the techniques and suggestions are very very useful for lots of different mental problems, like relaxation and thought shaping. I'm kinda already halfway on the track they are suggesting by being healthy and keeping a positive mind, so it's good to have the additional ideas and knowing I'm on the right path. It was good to talk to people with similar problems, and I let out a lot of my anxieties by just talking about it. Strangely it was easy talking to people isolated from my inner circle of family and friends.
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In the post mess had feelings for you but now we're just gonna be friends thing, it's nottt fun. (still on slimgate for anyone who read my previous posts)
In my weakness I texted him and asked if he wanted to spend some time with me (even though he now has a gf) and he actually said yes..... Really really regretting it, was in a bad place when he waved his lil charm wand in my face. Just as he probably knew... Now to make myself sound really busy and hopes he forgets about it. Fuck.
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I've decided to fuck with them all. I'm holding my head high and moving on. Not going to be a bitch about it but making myself less available. I'm worth more than being a desperate loser. Pft.
I've put out the offer of spending time with him and if he doesn't respond that's his loss.
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Yep, between 11 and 13 is considered normal for someone at 6'1, BMI wise.
My healthy range is between 9'13 and 12'6, think I'd be very happy at 12 stone. Considering I'm 18 stone currently it's a long way off but I'll get there eventually
at the moment I'm just focusing on getting my BMI down by one each time, which is about 7lbs a time. Nice small manageable steps
I started with a BMI of 40, and I think I'm 35/36 at the moment, yay. (edit:35.9 as of yesterday) Long term target is to get under 30.
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I definitely know what it's like to be hung up over a single person for a long period of time, even when you know it's bad for you. Shit, I still haven't gotten to the point where my last relationship doesn't colour the way I see romantic prospects.
Fuck that guy though. He's just fucking with you for personal validation; he's not in a place where he can make a relationship work, so you should be fucking stoked that you're not in that position.
Right on the money... It's freakin awful when someone has that kind of effect on you. I was into him for a good year, if not more. I had gotten over it for a while but it's always gonna be hard when they find someone else. Just sorta threw me back for a while. If he had been a complete wanker in person and completely ignored me I would have probably been ok. I think he knows this though. He always did enjoy the attention even when he had no interest in taking things further.... Just keeping me hanging on to validate himself... Like you say
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Another 1.7lbs gone this week! That's a total of 29.8 in 15 weeks.
woooooot -
Hahaha thank you that made me laugh <3
I still feel freakin awful about slimgate, the weak part of me wants him so much
I sent him a text asking if it would be inappropriate if I asked to spend some time with him, and he hasn't replied.... Rejection... Yay lol. Oh well, time to move on. At least I know for sure. When we were close it used to be me that had to come to him, he never wanted to go out anywhere, god forbid being seen in public with me! Now I hear he's away out with this girl, and taking wine with him, when he refuses to drink himself. (which was noteworthy enough that his brother mentioned it) yet he sends all these confusing messages in person. Probably a good idea just to pretend he doesn't exist from now on!!
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Oh my freakin god.
I was over at friends house last night, his brother is slimgate (the one who'd date me if I was skinny). He isn't normally very social, if I was ever over at their house I was the one always making the effort to go speak to him. Anyway...I was having a laugh with slimgates bro, we played some games and just generally caught up. Slimgate came downstairs and offered to make me a cup of tea. That was ok, and he sat in with us for a while (abnormal for him) and I just felt generally a bit crap in his company but by fuck was I letting on, noooo way.
later on both me and slimgates bro were leaving to go out (me back home with sister and he was going out with his mate). So slimgate got in silly business hugging his brother as if to say don't leave meeeeee. I've seen this many times before, he does it so it's not a big deal for him to hug me. I just stood there in shock as he grabbed hold of me... I went to bed with his scent on my neck (he leaned right into my flesh for the love of god) and I was completely pissed off. Of course because I could smell him I had nothing but dreams about him too. Fuck this is punishing. I dislike him and I dislike my stupid feelings
I get nothing but shit one worded texts from him most of the time, like he really can't be arsed with me, then he's all huggy and yick in person.Is it just me or is that kind of really personal contact a bit odd between a guy and a girl who aren't particularly friendly, and when the guy is seeing someone else?
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Have you tried wearing a belt?
Look like a ship in full sail. Clothes that baggy are not attractive lol
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Hurrah for wasting money!
Seriously congrats on the weight loss. How much left?
30lbs, about 70 to go
Thanks
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Haha thanks guys
Me and no strings have decided to not bother with anything sexual and just be friends which is a huge relief.
I'm still gutted about the other guy but it'll just take time I guess.
My love life is a complete roller coaster of crap feelings but I feel so much more positive about myself looks wise. I've got pretty much to my lowest adult weight, I bought trousers 3 weeks ago that now are falling off me. Hurrah
Ive been talking a lot to a friend who I've always connected with. We've been friends for about 8/9 years. He's basically my brain twin, we think pretty much identically. We've got the exact same sexual preferences, he's a dom and I'm a sub (lol) but the big stop point is the fact he has a girlfriend. Me not being confident and him being a head melting mess has kinda prevented us getting together in the past... Right person wrong time....
Sorry to hear that, Raining. When you say lonely, do you mean romantically or socially in general?Sexually and romantically.
Aww, I'm sorry to hear you feel like this, Raining!Try as best as you can to forget that jerk though, that man is deluded for wanting to change you in the first place! Also, I wouldn't go for that man who wants no-strings sex with you because if he's doing that and he's in a relationship, he could do the same to you if you two get together (does this make sense because reading back, it does to me but I can see if it confuses people, lmao).
I hope you'll be happy soon, Raining! Just know that you're not lonely, you have us! When you feel down and you think there's no-one to turn to, just think of us! We're always here for you!
He said the same thing himself, that he knows if we had an affair, and ended up together, it would always be in the back of my mind. We're very sexually attracted but we are also good friends, so it's not worth risking it.
Wow this conversation feels very weird, telling a forum about my sexual preferences... I've never had the confidence to do that before now lol
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I found out that the guy I was in love with is now seeing someone else. The one who said he'd date me if I was slimmer. Thought I was over him but obviously not.
Been talking to a friend who is in an unhappy relationship with sme suicidal woman (according to him anyway) and he wanted no strings sex. Oh so not going there. But I think he's developing feelings for me now. And it's confusing. I've known him for a very long time and the feelings there are so complicated. I'm power tripping over the fact he finds me irresistable, yet terrified over the whole messy part.
All this happening when I reduced my anti depressants leads to a black cloud lingering over my head for the past few days..
I had a massive crazy panic attack/episode over it all last night and I felt really really horrendous. Never felt that bad before in my life. I felt nauseous and like I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Getting attention from people just makes me realise how lonely I am.
bad stuff thread.
in General Chit Chat
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I know our council wouldn't give us extra recycle bins even though we use them (stupid much) but I think it's different in each council area. Worth asking.
I've got a damn coughing flu thing coming on that my mother and sister had... Lung death ahoy...better make sure I have my inhaler on me...