True and Life Stories From You

[ReZourceman]

(Do not have to be true)

 

Disclaimer ; I cannot be held responsible for the emotions you are likely to feel in the following story. Im not gonna lie to you theres good times and theres bad times.

 

It all began

The day was July, the month was Summer, and it was a typical mornings sun. I was having a picnic on my own when a man and a woman wandered over to me. I was actually drawing at the time. They came over and said "Hi" etc. I found this quite forthcoming. However they didnt come over to admire my handiwork as it soon became clear. They bizarely asked me if I had any wrapping paper on me. This was weird - no no not what they asked, but rather the fact that I DID have some wrapping paper on me. I opened my bag and handed them the paper, but it flew away on a whispering summers wind. We cursed but there was nothing we could do.

 

The man (His name I found out was Sir Empirely McDoogle) looked down at my sheet of paper I was doodling on. He whispered something to his wife (well I assumed it was his wife...although I wasnt certain) then the woman said to me "Wow, what you are doing...its basically ideal as wrapping paper" I looked down, and yeah she was right it was perfect for wrappig paper. But alas I could not let her have this, because of various reasons.

 

I packed up my picnic and went about my business.

 

The coming weeks

 

In the coming weeks I could not get this out of my mind. All I could do was doodle various wrapping paper designs. By the time the end of the weeks that had ended had finished I had a portfolio of over one and a half million different designs. every single one completely different and unique but with slight alterations, and every single colour under the rainbow, rainbow included. It only made sense to expand this into a business. And so off I went to Chickinuania.

 

Chickinuania

 

Chickinuania is an interesting place. In case you have never been it is essentially a gene pool full of children who will work for a penny a day. 1p. For a days labour. Freaking bargain! It should be noted that at this point I did not realise that employing the Chickinuaniaians is illegal, but thats okay. So I setup a factory and they started producing my wrapping paper. Soon after this it went on sale in 17 stores in the UK, US, Australia and Russia. You may have heard of the brand name it was called "Wrapping Paper Co". I dont want to delve too much into profits and amounts that were being sold, and without saying too much...they were popular. One magazine called them "the best paper in the world. Not just wrapping paper, but damned paper." I was selling 1 millions rolls per day, and the profit margine was huge. I was raking in hundreds of pounds every single month.

 

It all turned sour

 

September the 24th. The day it all went bad. In the very same magazine that had praised me but the month before there was an article about me....and my Chickinuaniaian employees. They ripped into me, slanderous terms such as "Child manipulator" and "Dr McSwindle Kids" were thrown around. The business was in ruins. My name was trashed...fortunately I used an alia name so the Jamieson name was not tarnished, but alas it bought shame upon myself and of my business. The business I had forced children to work so hard on now lay in tatters. I sought redemption and the only thing that I could do was to give all the profits I made to the children that I had betrayed. And so I did. I sold the wrapping paper designs to the high street chain of stores Birthday Cards and Plus For You, and used the proceeds to pay off the legal fees.

 

Epilogue

 

The mistakes I made were learnt from, and since then Ive had thousands of succesful businesses and business products, not exploiting illegal labour. I hope you liked my experience, and that maybe you too can take something away from this just as I have.

[MoogleViper]

That story is shit.

 

The story about "Ugly" the cat is far more moving.

[ReZourceman]

Who is this cat you speak of?

 

I implore you to tell me a story.

[MoogleViper]

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love.

 

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly.

 

To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.

 

His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!"

 

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

 

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

 

Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear- Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

 

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

 

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

 

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

 

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly.

[ReZourceman]

Here is part two of my story. (I should explain these all came about from me making wild claims at work, like I had a wrapping paper business when someone was wrapping a present and stuff like this)

 

(Just as with the previous tales of Little Timmy Big Toe, and The Wrapping Paper business, this story is completely true and no aspects have been fabricated. Also, I know its long, but stick with it. It gets exciting.

 

You may of/have (Not sure which one to put there...English GCSE = D/C sorry mates) heard the story of my second failed business. Well heres the story of the first.

 

An Email

 

It was a freezing cold night in the middle of October. I was sat in a friends basement just doing some calculations/work for a project we were working on. My pet hampster, Mister Munching Seeds was running in his wheel at a rapid rate. The familiar beep of MSN telling me I had a new email came out of the PC speakers...this was extremely strange as I didnt think the speakers were plugged in....I checked and they were actually. So I opened this new email.

 

From ; Professor Scalpton

 

....Who? I did not know who this person was. So I opened the email. "Meet me. Now." I was very curious....but they had forgotten to tell me where, so I emailed back. "Erm who? Is this? And where? kkthxbai." they emailed back almost instantly "Outside the library" Always one for wanting a bit of adventure I grabbed my coat, threw a raisin in the cage for Mister Munching Seeds and left my friends basement to head for the library. When I got in eye sight of the library I could see a man standing there under an umbrella. I walked over to him. "So did you send me the email?" He looked up at me and said...."No." I was suprised...was this a trap? Then I saw a person waving me over just a few metres away - must of been him. I walked over. This man had a long white beard - he looked like a disfigured man baby if Santa Clause and Gandalf the grey made sweet passionate love. But I digress...

 

The offer

 

Professor Scalpton led me to his car. I was cautious, pepper spray in hand but alas it didnt come to that. I sat in the front seat as he put the key in the igniton. He did not turn the key. The engine did not start. He looked at me...I looked at him. "Ive seen your website" he said calmly. And then it hit me. It hit me like a slap around the face with a well endowed mans gigantic genitals. But a year before I had a website with a few scientific experiments a friend and myself had carried out. Amongst the various things we looked into were teleportation and time travel. We had come up with a calculation that we believed would work on a short distance to transport a very small piece of object (we based the calculations on a 1 penny piece) and move it forward in time 5 seconds, and 5 centremetres. We could not follow through with the actual experiment however as it would require various components we figured to come to a cost of around one hundred million pounds or more. Whilst I was rapidly thinking about this Prof Scalpton had driven us to his lab. He stepped out of the car and said some fateful words to me.

 

"How much do you know about teleportation through space and time?"

 

Staggered by stagger

 

I followed the professor into his house. When we got in he immediately pressed a large yellow button on the wall. I made not that it was yellow and not the cliched red from oh so many cultural movies and tv shows. This made me chuckle. But I had more pressing matters at hand and no time for light comical relief. A door automatically opened and some stairs appeared leading down to a basement/lab. This looked mega high tech and I was super excited. I noticed a framed photo on the wall. It had the flag for Chikinania in the back ground and a child sitting in front smiling, on his t-shirt it said "Teito" It was sweet.

 

The steps were bleach white, very clean and very shiny, but not slippery. This guy was clearly a big cheese. As we got deeper down I got to see his lab. There were many glass boxes, all lined up, all with different substances in, beakers everywhere, open flames and all kinds of things like this. Then I saw at the back of the room, a large metal rod with a point on the end upside down pointing to a large metal slab, like a work table. This is the exact type of instrument that we had eluded to in our calculations. Prof Scalpton walked me over to the work bench. I was excited, and I walked closer to the table I saw a one penny piece lieing under the rod.

 

The Proposal

 

The professer was fairly quiet up until now, but then he went into a huge speech. He had previously dabbled with teleportation himself but he couldnt get the calculations right no matter how hard he tried. He explained how when he stumbled across our site it all made sense. Some of our calculations were incorrect or needed minor tweaking but he explained that it wouldnt of been possible to do without us showing the calculations and that it was purely by chace that he found it, when he was searching for some interesting pictures on the internet, of which also happened to be on our site. He pressed a red button on the machine (I smirked to myself, ah heres the cliched red button) and the machine started to hum. A purple light came from the rod, and flashed. The penny was gone.

 

1...

 

2......

 

3....

 

4.....

 

5.....

 

The penny reappeared a mere 5 centre metres away on the same slab. My jaw dropped and I looked at the proffessor. "Holy carp! It worked" the Professor then explained to me that he had been working on this for over a year and that he had plans for a small hand held device, that could send small objects, upto the weight of a one pound coin, over distances of over 10,000 miles. This would be ground breaking and a brand new form of communication. The possiblities were literally massive and we were both very excited. I shook the professors hand. I shook the professors hand. I shook the professors hand.

 

Prototypes

 

A month had passed and we had finally finished building a fully working prototype. In this form, it required a receiver as well as a sender so two were made. We tested this with coins and notes, initially thinking that a form of banking would be one of the more useful ways. This worked perfectly, and this is when we arranged an appointment with the large brand Toshiba. We hopped on a plane to Japan or wherever Toshiba are, and went to the building and meeting room. To say they were impressed would be an understatement. However our celebrations were short lived as we were about to experience the slippery slope that could almost be the script of a sci fi movie.

 

Tai Whan, the point of contact that we arranged with at Toshiba started asking us some questions that frankly we hadnt covered. I was starting to feel very tense and i could feel the Proffessor was feeling the same way. We hadnt even thought about the points that Tai was raising, let alone discuss them. His first question was "Is the device hack proof?" Security. Why didnt we think of security. The device is fully open to hackers. It is fully changable, we just didnt think about it. We of course lied and said it had a whole host of trigger devices that would render it useless if it was tampered with. The next thing that happened we were not prepared for at all.

 

Big mistake....no...massive mistake

 

A tall man in a dark grey suit walked into the room, Tai practically shoting demands to him in Japanese. He was carrying a small tank with leaves and twigs in. My immediate reaction was that of what the f*ck, but it soon became clear. Tai asked us if we had tested the device with organic material. I answered no, and was actually quite curious what would happen if a leaf was put through the device. So Tai picked a leaf out of the tank, then proceeded to put the leaf to one side....I was scratching my head, he seemed to have something else in his hand...GASP! he had a freaking spider! I was very worried.

 

We hadnt dabbled with sending across live living live specimins. It all started to kick off, the Proffessor screamed at them "NOOO! You cant! We havnt thought about this!" But the Japanese business men did not listen. The professor was getting extremely anxious! Tai and his minions did not stop and they were about to switch the device on. The professor ran towards the window, and he jumped through, smashing through and plummiting 15 storees. I looked back and Tai had completed the transportation...but the Spider was nowhere to be seen yet. Suddenly there was a large electrical noise, and one of Tais minions screamed in pain, throwing the receiving device out of the window.

 

Everyone in the room rushed to the window, and collectively dropped what they were holding and jaw dropped. Well its not everyday you see a 100 foot tall spider monster.

 

Suddenly these Japanese business men jumped into action. They pulled blinds down from the wall, and pressed many buttons. The walls flipped around revealing gigantic guns, of many types. I had surely stumbled into slumberland as there was no way this could be real. I asked Tai to pinch me, but instead he slapped me around the face several times and handed me a massive pistol, with a green tank on - a toxic gun it appeared to be. The massive Spider (that the Japanese men now seemed to be calling "Spidera") was rampaging through the city. It picked up an oil tanker and looked directly at us. The men all fired at the beast, but he shrugged it off. He threw the tanker towards our building. FU*KKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!! yelled one of the men. I didnt want to stick around for this, so I ran as fast as I could, no time to pick up the device. I got out of the room, and there was a stream of people all running towards the stairs going UP. I was confused, but no time to dwell on this confusion as a massive BOOOOOMMMM echoed through the building. The force threw me to the floor, and my ear drums were ringing, vision blurred and nose bleeding. I stagged (meaning?) towards the stairs, no time to help the injured people around me, and followed the few other people that were walking up the stairs. As I reached the top I saw a helicopter loading people, and I saw clearly the beast, and just ran for the helicopter, my hearing coming back. The helicopter took off and I saw the wrecked city. The Toshiba building was flaming and falling apart.

 

My new professor accqaintance was dead. A giant spider was wreaking havoc in the city. My device was gone. It was a strange day to say the least. All I wanted to do was get to the airport and back home to England to put this all behind me.

 

Conclusion

 

When I was on the plane I heard a news report. A news report that stated several workers had been killed and injured at the Toshiba building in Japan and the surrounding area...following a strong earthquake. I couldnt quite believe what I was hearing, but it was best for me to try and rest. I decided to investigate how this was covered up, and by who and the strange things that I had witnessed during the time - like the large beast, or why normal business men had large guns hidden within their walls. I was determined to investigate these matters, and so I did. Maybe I also dug up more than I bargained for whilst investigating these matters. Maybe they were part of a much larger conspiracy...and maybe the events link into to other things I have encountered, but now was not the time. I was on a direct plane to England, and frankly...I was damn tired and a bit horny.

 

 

END OF STORY.

 

Saga continued...........

[Supergrunch]

Er... this thread is strange.

[ReZourceman]

Part three.

 

The Day I Saved Lives At The Zoo

 

Safety Net

 

It was a cold afternoon in Chikinuania. Salvador Balone (female) received a phone call stating her daughter had been injured in an explosion at a wrapping paper factory. Salvador was enraged. She found out the name of the owner of the factory. The name was Renton Wrexford. As you may or may not know, when I had a wrapping paper business I ran under the name Renton Wrexford, as a safety net as I was aware that my labouring of children wasnt 100% on the correct side of the law. Salvador Balone did her research well...and traced Renton Wrexford back to England, the country in Europe. Had she tracked me? No. She had not. I chose the name of a famous businessman in England. This story is a story of coincidence.

 

The Plot

 

Salvador Balone had tracked Renton down to working with animals and amusement parks. It turns out he was the owner of Pillsford Mews Zooilogical Park amongst other attractions. Salvador had little money, but she used what she did have to fly to England and so the plot began. She had setup an elaborate set of traps and tricks at Renton Wrexfords Zooilogical park in Pillsford Mews. It was the crack of dawn on the 15th February and Salvador (female) started to setup her traps.

 

Leaflets

 

I awoke on the 15th February, unaware of the day ahead. My friend Martini Two Sugars had told me he was going to take me out today as he was unable to make it to my birthday celebrations on the 12th. Martini Two Sugars arrived at my house bright and early in the morning. He bought with him many leaflets to various attractions. Hourtsborough Mine. Thorpington Towers. The International Museum of Continental Residence. And finally, Pillsford Mews Zooilogical Park. My choice was obvious. Obvious to anyone who knew me. And so we set off in the car with Martini Two Sugars driving. When we arrived at Hoursborough Mine we were devastated to find that it was closed. It had in fact been closed for 5 years, but Martini Two Sugars just grabbed a leaflet he found in his drawer. So we left Hoursborough for the nearest attraction which was the Zoo.

 

Should the penguin be snorting that coke?

 

We got to the Zoo, and meandered our way through the various cages, ponds and animal attractions. We stumbled across the Arctic section. To our suprise there were no polar bears, there were however Penguins! Woot! Penguins are pretty cool. So we stood next to the enclosure and were watching when Martini Two Sugars suddenly gasped. I immediately saw what he was looking at. A penguin was snorting coke. The drug. He was snorting it. And he was a penguin. He started flapping about, and then fell back into the water on his back. Weird. We alerted an attendant, and they closed down the penguin like bit. Well that was certainly very strange, but Id certainly seen stranger in my life so didnt think too much of it.

 

The Danger Zone

 

We had reached the gorilla zone. As we walked to the main cage we saw a large poster advertising the contents. "Mr Gorilla, the worlds largest zoo'ed Gorilla" this was rather exciting to be honest. Must be a big a*se gorilla. But there was no gorilla visible. Upsetting. Behind us we heard a large group of people. I turned around and suddenly felt quite bad. There was a group of children clearly on a school trip. I felt bad as they would not get to see this awesome beast. There were approximately 30 children. My sorrow was interrupted by a large scream. "MY NAME IS SALVADOR BALONE! THE OWNER OF THIS ZOO HURT MY CHILD! AND ANY HAVOC CAUSED HERE TODAY IS ON HIS HANDS!" With that the cage door slammed open. Emergency area shutters slammed down. We were locked in the area. A large rumble was heard, and a large rock lifted in the enclosure to reveal a pit. ROOOAOAAARRRRR!!!!

 

Holy effing help! This bee shiz nit just got rill! I looked around trying to find something that could help the helpless people all around us. I grabbed a pen knife that was in my pocket, and a near by branch. Furiously carving away I had made a large spear. I found a nearby tree, and set my pen knife to hack saw mode, and cut out a large chunk. I had now made a great shield with a small insignia of a p3nis on. Couldnt resist that insignia. A gigantic gorilla then leaped out of the pit and staggered over to the cage door, the childrens screams only made him thirsty for blood.

 

Skillful warrior

 

I screamed out to the gorilla, and he looked at me dauntingly. I challenged him by poking him with the spear, but he was not impressed. He leaped for me, but I threw myself to the floor bracing his force with my legs and kicking him back against the cage. He saw Martini Two Sugars and something compelled the out-of-control-animal-to-attack-Martini-Two-Sugars. I was worried for my friend, but there was nothing I could do . He was running towards him. Not even my gold medal standard javelin aim could guarentee a hit on the beast, so instead I grabbed a child and used her as bait. "Heree! Here Mr Gorilla!" he saw me and ran for the child straight away, she was crying but alas she was part of a greater scheme. I threw her to her friends and wrestled the large gorilla to the ground. He jumped on top of me, moaning as if he was in pleasure. I then noticed he was in pleasure....he had a petruding ERECTl0N. To say wrestling a large gorilla with a solid peny weny made me feel uncomfortable would be a huge understatement, but alas I had to battle this beast, and the gorilla it was attatched to. Using my shield and spear was becoming difficult. Despite my fantastic handiwork and smoothness of wood (the shield and spear...dirty) I did have the odd splinter in my fingers. I used his pleasure to my advantage, grabbing his manlihood in my hand and pulling it down as hard as I could. He yelped in pain and screamed, he fell to the floor. Whilst he was down I ran as fast as I could towards the crowd of children. "HIT THE DECK!" I yelled, and the children simultaneously fell I jumped and flew through the air doing a spinning round house kick on the emergency hut, smashing the door open and landing as gracefully as an angel. I grabbed the sedetive dart, and kicked off the back wall running towards the beast. As he stood up off the floor and noticed me charge him he slobbered everywhere and began his advance to me, we both jumped through the air clasing above the floor.

 

But alas it is too late for him. His blow deflected by my advanced fighting skill, and the seditive injected into his arm. He fell the floor, and I checked for casualties. Of which there were none. I had saved some lives today. In fact...Id probably saved about 100. The emergency shutters lifted, and a crowd of people were gathered around. An ambulance came through and a paramedics got out. I gave Martini Two Sugars a hand up from the ground and we walked out exiting the section. "Have a good day" I said to everyone, winking at the paramedics as I left.

 

Did today answer anything for me? Not really. I had yet one more thing to investigate however....who is this character Salvador Balone? (Well obviously I know now but I didnt then) and will she return?

 

END