Forever Came Tomorrow

[Athriller]

Konnichiwa folks, another poem. I will greatly appreciate feedback/criticism, so tell me what you think. Hopefully you'll understand the point.

 

Forever Came Tomorrow

 

I was dreaming in the classes,

Reading the lines of trite,

Passing off fake glances,

It's all well and fine,

If your heart's in tune with the carol,

But not when your life's down the barrel,

And your heart's out of tune,

- Your heart's always out of tune

.

 

Riding on the dreams of youth,

Watching the world go by,

Living a life uncouth,

It's all well and fine,

If your heart's in tune with the choir,

But not when your hopes are dire,

And your heart's out of tune.

- Your heart's always out of tune

 

 

And then forever came tomorrow,

Tell me fate, why so soon?

Oh, oh, oh, why so soon?

 

 

And I'll sell you back your freedom, boy,

If you can tell me where my dreams went,

And I'll sell you back your rights, boy,

If you can pay for another weeks rent,

I'm leading the beggar’s life, boy,

This wasn't meant to happen to me,

No, no, no - I aspired, boy

But I lost track of reality,

And that's not game, boy,

That’s not game at all.

 

Dreams, traitors of Jeroboam,

Writing words in seminars,

To fully construct this poem,

It's all well and fine,

If your heart's in tune with the band,

But not when your dreams bite the feeding hand,

And your heart's out of tune.

- Your heart's always out of tune

 

 

 

Dreams of recognition and glory,

Speaking words of grandeur,

But all the effort bores me,

It's all well and fine,

If your heart's in tune with the symphony,

But not when your only heir is sympathy,

And your heart's out of tune.

- Your heart's always out of tune

 

 

And then forever came tomorrow,

Tell me fate, why so soon?

Oh, oh, oh, why so soon?

 

And I'll sell you back your freedom, boy,

If you can tell me where my dreams went,

And I'll sell you back your rights, boy,

If you can pay for another weeks rent,

I'm leading the beggar’s life, boy,

This wasn't meant to happen to me,

No, no, no - I aspired, boy

But I lost track of reality,

And that's not fame, boy,

That’s not fame at all.

 

Beliefs that sorrow would pass,

Living for the then and there,

Giving into the pleasure and the farce,

It's all well and fine,

If your heart's in tune with the lullaby,

But not when your dreams are set to fly by,

And your heart's out of tune,

- Your heart's always out of tune

 

 

Tempted by the seductive lethargy,

Roaming without consequence,

Beaten by my dream’s treachery,

It's all well and fine,

If your heart's in tune with the hymn,

But not when your faith is about to give in,

And your heart's out of tune,

- Your heart's always out of tune.

 

And then forever came tomorrow,

Tell me fate, why so soon?

Oh, oh, oh, why so soon?

 

And I'll sell you back your freedom, boy,

If you can tell me where my dreams went,

And I'll sell you back your rights, boy,

If you can pay for another weeks rent,

I'm leading the beggar’s life, boy,

And now I’m just a wasted lifetime

You see, I was meant to be famous, boy,

And all I had to do was try,

And that's a shame, boy,

That’s the greatest shame of all.

[MoogleViper]

It sounds good to me but I'm not that much of a poem fan.

[AshMat]

Im not a huge poem fan myself, so this could be good for all i know. Im not going to give a rating because i know nothing about poetry

[mike-zim]

i am going to be hated like simon cowel. it did not flow. the word you used seemed to be forced in because they rymed. it is not bad the meaning is a little difficult to get to and it is a bit long.

 

those are the criticisms. there is a good use of a range of language, and you do perservier.

 

My rating is a solid 6/10. good effort.