Women not having children.

[enchantress]

Both my parents are from a humongous family too, but I've never considered if we're expected to have kids. If anything it takes some of the burden off of us cos the family's going to exist one way or another anyway! That does lead me onto my question I wanted to ask though, what was the family situation with your cousin's husband?

 

I did mention that my mother was the youngest of eight children so I should also mention that this cousin was the daughter of my mother's eldest sibling. Because of this there is a large age gap between my cousin and myself so she was already dating him when I was growing up (I can't remember her being single). As a result, I loved him as though he was family, not just an in-law, and was actually closer to him than to her because when they'd stop by to visit he'd play with me while she would chat with my grandmother. I still have a picture of him on the swings in the backyard with me when I was about eight or nine.

 

But anyway, getting back on topic, I'll summarise all I know.

 

They were both career oriented and enjoyed the freedom that a life without children gave them. His family was fine with her, and treated her really well in the beginning. Hints were being dropped in the early years about children but when nothing eventuated his family started asking what the problem was. Was she sterile? What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she conceive? His family had simply assumed children were a part of the marriage contract. At this point they announced they didn't plan on having children and that's when all hell broke loose. Suddenly she was the worst person in the world and wasn't allowed to be included in family events until she came to her senses. This went on for a few years until his family finally accepted that children weren't a part of their life plan. They were still resentful and occasionally tried to push the issue, but stopped being completely unreasonable.

 

Then one morning when they were getting ready for work he started having chest pains. She wanted him to go to the doctor, he said he'll be fine. Twenty minutes later he was dead.

 

Everyone was in shock. His heart attack was so sudden, none of us had seen it coming. Although we were devastated, his family was unconsoleable, especially his mother. She saw my cousin as devil spawn and didn't even want her at the funeral. It wasn't a pleasant time. To this day she's not forgiven my cousin for 'corrupting' her son, because apparently he'd wanted to have a family when he was younger and it was her fault he'd not.

 

Whether they both felt the same about not having children, or one of them respected the wishes of the other and chose to forego having a family because the other didn't want one, doesn't really matter. It's a decision they came to a final agreement on together and as such is a decision that should have been respected by both families whether they liked it or not.

 

Hope that answers your question:)

But yes, having a large family does help in the sense that there are so many children around that nobody's really looking for when the next one will be coming along, so it's easy for all of us to slide under the reproduction radar :p