Expelled

[Roostophe]

It's really cool when you're lying in bed and suddenly a story pops up in your head, pretty much fully-formed and you know what you're gonna do with it.

 

That's what happened to me this morning, lying in bed and an idea for this story suddenly crept into my head, amongst all the dreams of Aston Villa winning trophies, girls taking their blouses off, Aston Villa winning trophies while girls took their blouses off and they're wearing claret and blue tassles...AHEM! soz.

 

So, yeah, that's what happened. Story crept into head, fully formed and based on some experience of my own school life.

 

It's not too long, won't take you a few minutes to read. This is all I've got down so far, I'm still writing down the storyline and shizzle like that.

 

The first thing Ellie saw with her waking eyes was the digital clock on the bedside table telling her, with bright red numbers, that it was only nearly half-past eight in the morning. This was always the time she woke up, and always the time she could not go back to sleep. It was simply how her body clock worked.

The weak morning light shone through the blue curtains, creating a cosy blue hue over everything in the room. Although the room was decked completely in blue to begin with. With the blue wallpaper and the blue carpet, it really did not look like a girl's bedroom. Even the crumpled-up clothes and socks on the floor suggested that it was also a boy's bedroom.

She clambered out of bed, her slim body cloaked in a black Nirvana t-shirt. Her eyes made contact with a bare shelf on the wall, which she frowned at.

Having just gotten out of bed, she looked a mess. Her hair was plastered to one side of her head and it straddled across her face. She brushed the hair out of her eyes with her hand but chose not to sort out her appearance. Instead, she left the room.

Through the window above the stairs, the sun shone in a cloudless sky. It dazzled Ellie when she began making her way down the stairs. The plush brown carpet felt warm and soft on her bare feet.

Her path from there was automatically to the kitchen. She headed in slowly and suddenly stopped in her tracks.

Her mother was still at home. She was packing her handbag with items. Her smart work clothes showing that she was somebody who had a good job and had got somewhere in life.

She had been humming her favourite song, but when Ellie walked in she stopped.

They both stared at each other. Ellie's look was of awkwardness and anxiety, her mother's face was not pleasant for her child to look at in the slightest.

The warmth of the kitchen had been replaced with a chill similar to Siberia the moment Ellie entered. The quiet sound of birdsong outside and the humming refrigerator did little to break a frosty silence.

Because Ellie was standing in the doorway closest to the front door, her mother opted to leave through the back door. Ellie looked on as she left and walked quickly past the other side of the kitchen window, her face still locked with that unpleasant, annoyed look.

After a heavy sigh and burying her face in her hands. She sat down at the kitchen table.

There was a faint smell of toast and orange juice in the room. A plate on the table was covered in toast crumbs, and an empty glass next to it still had a small amount of orange juice left. There was no spare pieces of toast left for her, not that she wanted something to eat; bumping into her mother had suddenly made her feel sick.

Her eyes scanned the kitchen. She looked over to the shelf next to the serving hatch, which led into the dining room. Here, she noticed the opened envelope with her school's address on it as well as the school's motto: "Where Quality Education Matters". It had not moved since it had been opened, read, and placed down.

She grabbed the envelope and re-read the letter inside it.

 

Dear Mr & Mrs Brown

 

I am writing this letter to inform you that your daughter is no longer welcome at St Arthur's School.

 

Although we have strong evidence insisting that Eleanor was provoked into attacking Amy Moore, one of her fellow students, the injuries inflicted on Amy were serious and immediate action had to be taken.

 

The hospital results revealed that Amy has suffered a fractured wrist, a broken nose and collarbone, three cracked ribs and temporary loss of hearing in her right ear.

 

While this was the first time Eleanor had misbehaved at school in any way, clearly we could not waive her actions away with simple a warning and an after-school detention.

 

We strongly believe that the students should be able to come into school every day without any fear for their own safety around their fellow students. However, it's not only the students who are worried; their parents are also concerned for their childrens' well-being, and they should not have to worry about their child's safety at school.

 

We hope you understand that the Police's involvement is at Mr & Mrs Moore's request, and it is only right that we co-operate with the Police with their enquiries.

 

If you can, we would like you both to attend a meeting with the school board and West Midlands Police on Tuesday at 11 o'clock regarding Eleanor's future.

Amy Moore and her parents will also be at this meeting, which is why we strongly suggest that Eleanor must not attend with you.

 

Finally, you may take some comfort in the news that Emily's placement is unaffected, and we look forward to having her at our school in September.

 

Yours Sincerely,

Mr C Stone

Headmaster

 

She stuffed the letter back in the envelope and threw it onto the table, where it slid across the surface and fell off the other side onto the floor.

She sat, bored out of her mind. She could not do much to amuse herself because her parents had banned her from watching television, taken the DVDs out of her bedroom, and even banned her from playing computer games with Emily, her little sister.

As she sat there, she wondered about what her classmates were thinking about what she had done. Whose side would they take? Would they think of Ellie as a deranged student who attacked another girl for no real reason? Would they insist that she was provoked, but took it too far? Or would they just be glad she had been expelled?

Suddenly, her mobile phone, which had sat forgotten by the kitchen sink until now, beeped and vibrated. Ellie went over and checked it: She had received a text message.

 

i just herd u got expelled, i cant believe it! that cow had been bullying u since year7, she deserved the beating u gave her!

 

i hope we can still talk 2 each other. i hope we can still meet up. im gonna miss u at school.

 

Sally x x

 

Reading a hurried and mis-spelled text gave Ellie a lump in her throat. Immediately, she set about texting back her best friend.

 

I'm gonna miss you too, I might miss school too. I don't know what's going to happen to me. Beating that bitch up felt like the greatest thing ever, but I'm not so sure now.

 

I hope we can still meet up as well. But I'm banned from going out. They'll probably ban me from calling you guys up too.

 

Say hello to Mr Gordon for me. He's the only teacher I'll miss. But let him know that I still think Liverpool FC are crap!

 

Lots of love, Ellie. x x x x x

 

After checking for any grammar and spelling mistakes, she sent the message and placed the phone down on the table. Then decided to go back upstairs, ignoring the sound of the postman delivering a letter. An authoritative-looking letter addressed to her.

 

 

That's all I've got at teh mo. I felt it was as good as the last big story I posted here that I just had to share it with you 'delightful' people.

[MoogleViper]

Was a good read. Here are two things I noticed.

 

There was a faint smell of toast and orange juice in the room. A plate on the table was covered in toast crumbs, and an empty glass next to it still had a small amount of orange juice left. There were no spare pieces of toast left for her, not that she wanted something to eat; bumping into her mother had suddenly made her feel sick.

 

-----

 

Whilst this was the first time Eleanor had misbehaved at school in any way, clearly we could not waive her actions away with simple a warning and an after-school detention.

 

The first change I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) is a correction. Plural should be used for zero.

 

The second however is just a preference change. Personally I feel that "Whilst" sounds better than "While" in this instance. But more importantly, it's an official letter and schools like to sound more educated and proffessional, "Whilst" gives off those connotations.

[Roostophe]

 

"I see."

 

I've also noticed another mistake in there: clearly we could not waive her actions away with simple a warning and an after-school detention.

 

D'oh! on my part.

 

Cheers for reading it and the feedback, Moogle. *thumb is up*

[MoogleViper]

I've also noticed another mistake in there: clearly we could not waive her actions away with simple a warning and an after-school detention.

 

D'oh! on my part.

 

Cheers for reading it and the feedback, Moogle. *thumb is up*

 

I noticed another mistake in that.

 

Bolded for lolz.

[Roostophe]

I'm not sure about that one...fuck it, I'll change it anywayz.

[MoogleViper]

I'm not sure about that one...fuck it, I'll change it anywayz.

 

Actually I think you were right.

[Roostophe]

Doooooooooh!

[jayseven]

She's banned from games/dvds? But her mum just left :P Surely she can do what she likes now she's at home while the parents are away!

[Roostophe]

That's not what I used to do when I got suspended...I was a good boy despite being chest-deep in the shit.

 

Honest, dude. That's how I was. Back then, the Gamecube would be all shiny and screaming "Play me, you bastard!" and I wouldn't. Not even when I got Resident Evil 0. :awesome:

[jayseven]

Hmm... Well then you need to develop her character so we can see that. She threw the letter on the table and it slid over and she didn't immediately pick it up. Her room's a mess. Someone who obeys their parents even when their parents are away would, in my mind, have a cleaner room. Of course that's now law, I'm just saying.

 

You'll get comments like this from me a lot on w-i-p :P

[Paj!]

I agree with Jayseven about the banning bit, to me, she seemed to be a pretty independant person up until then, and It would be far more "in character" for her to not obey her parents (as they weren't there).

 

Or at least contradict what we think of her so far by dealing with the banning a bit more. Something about her being tempted, but for some reason, not doing it, despite it being something she would normally do. That migt add dimension to her a bit more - why isn't she playing her games? etc

 

That's the only thing that felt out of place. I might reword bits slightly, but that's not really "wrong" or anything.

 

EDIT: Just remembered I hated the use of "straddled". Innapropriately used imo, and ineffective. While it CAN mean what you want it too, sprawled would be better.

[Roostophe]

'Straddled' is a word I hardly ever use in normal language...I don't even know what it means...

 

Change of word get.

[Paj!]

To straddle.

 

[Roostophe]

Yep, straddle isn't a word I use often in everyday speech...

 

 

...well, not yet, anyway.

[Dyson]

Yep, straddle isn't a word I use often in everyday speech...

 

 

...well, not yet, anyway.

 

[Konfucius]

Very good story, really liked the way you described everything and the choice of words.