Roostophe Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Usually, when I'm bored, I listen to music, browse teh interwebz or write some lines for my massive story (which has taken me over a year to write now). As well as get some work done on my articles for N-E. But during a recent spat of boredom, I decided to write a small piece based on Clannad - my favourite anime. I tell it from the p.o.v. of the main character, Tomoya Okazaki. In this bit, I describe the opening two minutes of episode 1. What I've written is rather small. Maybe in another few bouts of boredom, I'll extend it to the whole of the first episode. Anyway: Reveal hidden contents Alone, I walk along the same streets, past the same houses and buildings that tower over me. The usual sky of a sunny spring morning stood over this town, the familiar town that I have known and where I have lived for so long. This town is probably just like every other unknown town in Japan. It has no famous monuments, no landmarks or tourist attractions like the ones Tokyo or Osaka boast. It's just your typical, boring Japanese town. I hate this town, since it is filled with memories I would rather forget. I go to school every day, make idle talk with friends, then return to a home I would rather not return to. This is the same, monotonous pattern that I do, day in and day out. The weekend being the only break from the mundane life that I am currently enduring. Even then, the weekends that come and then go are always exactly the same as the one before it. Will anything ever change, if I keep going like this? Will such a day ever come where, just once, something unexpected and surprising was to occur? I stop at the foot of a tall hill, which my school sits at the very top of. I let out a small sigh of despair, then begin to walk up the hill towards school. The same path, lined with the same sakura trees that I have walked past ever since I started at this school. I walk up this familiar hill in the same, familiar way; My hands in my pockets and my schoolbag nestled underneath my left arm. I wear the same beige school blazer, the same red tie. The only things that would change are the white shirt and blue trousers, but who else could tell? I probably have the same emotion scrawled on my face as I had during every other slow walk to school. But then, I see something: A young girl, a student to the same school as I am, standing still in the middle of the path. Her back is turned to me. I walk closer to her, then I stop. A few of the pink leaves of the sakura trees had landed on the top of her head, she must have been standing there for some time. Her face is stuck in pure concentration; her eyes are closed, and her body is rigid. She does not make a single move, bar only a couple of short breaths. "Anpan." she suddenly says to herself. I react to such a strange burst of speech. Why would she randomly blurt out something so common as a type of bread? Then she spoke again, on a topic that has nothing to do with bread. "Do you like this school?" she says, "I love it very much...B-but nothing can stay the same forever." A young girl I've never seen before. Her words weren't directed at me. Was she talking to somebody in her mind? "Everything fun..." she continued, "...Everything happy...can't stay the same forever. Even then, can you continue to love this place?" "You just have to find something." I spoke to her, she didn't know that I was close. She gasps, and turns to face me. Her shoulder-length brown hair flows in the wind, and her hazel eyes stare curiously at me. The wind began blowing stronger than before. The pink leaves being pushed by the wind like they were small boats on the sea. I stand still, returning her glare. Albeit without curiosity. "You just have to find something new." I said, "Something else that's fun or happy." She continues to stare at me, but I wasn't waiting for her to respond. I make another sigh. "Come on, let's go." I say to her, and I resume walking. She makes a small sound, before following me. A pace quicker than mine as she catches up with me. We begin to walk up this long, long hill... I'd like for some of the Clannad fans here to tell me what they think of this. The feedback of non-anime fans' are also welcome.
jayseven Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 First thing's first: You should take the time to double-space your paragraphs :P Just an aesthetical thing, though. So what's he found that's fun and new to keep him going? Up to the point of meeting her, nothing? You obviously want to make the impression that this town, that his life is monotonous and unchanging. What would be interesting would be to relate to the audience some of the specific-to-his-life details that he finds dull that we might find curious or interesting, even if only in a voyeuristic way -- like the houses he walks past; perhaps comment on some detail on a certain house, or describe the other people he walks past or observes every morning (shop-owners, old people waiting for the bus that's always late, old man that always feeds the birds on the same bench, always looking glum, a fish pond that always seems to have a shoe floating in it, a plastic bag caught in a tree...) -- think about your own walk to school or whatever, and think about the recurring objects/events that you take for granted now. I remember my walk to school had certain characters that me and my friends expanded upon; we imagined their whole lives, gave them reasons for all of their actions, etc. No town is utterly void of history or status; all towns are proud of some giant rock, or bent church spire, or famous resident (living or deceased), or whatever - tourists find them quirky, odd, while the residents again just take it for granted. I have no idea what themes you are going to write about, or what's going on at all, but it does remind me of several anime-things; ichigo's "meh, women" approach, and FLCL's "everything is the same forever!," and of course, Haruhi Suzumiya's "quirky girl" essence I know nothing about the boy's character yet besides he isn't phased too much by odd instances (like finding a girl talking to herself) and is confident enough to say "c'mon, let's go" even though he doesn't know her. As always, I look forward to reading more
Roostophe Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 Aah, j7. I just knew you would comment. Not that I don't appreciate it, of course. Quote So what's he found that's fun and new to keep him going? Up to the point of meeting her, nothing? Yep, nothing. Like I've tried to describe; everything is unchanging for him, and his life just seems to keep repeating the same pattern. Yet, as you might expect, that all changes during the course of this series. It definitely needs a bit more description; it's lacking because I merely wrote this on a whim. I'll go back and add some more when I get some ideas. You also don't learn anything in this bit. It's just about the boy and the girl meeting for the first time. You've only learnt the boy's name because I said it at the top. The truth about the town is that you learn next to nothing about it in the anime. You aren't even told its name. That does give me the chance to get creative and make something up, though. j7: I never really had you down as a proper anime-watching person (It surprised me a bit that you know about Haruhi and Bleach). But you do live with Shorty, so I shouldn't say that isn't to be expected. :wink: That you've said that you look forward to seeing more, gives me more incentive to carry it on.
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