Dan_Dare Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 this was a short piece i did for an english seminar last week, i hope you like it. Eric goes to the shed. A short story by Dan Phillips. He waited till she had gone out. Then he walked back through the house, his feet treading lightly on the beige carpets, his arms nimbly avoiding the hazardous gauntlet of wall mounted plates and assorted ornamental crockery that transformed his home into a non offensive display cabinet. Passing through his wife’s realm, Eric strode boldly into his own. The Garden. Eric knew what was what out here, it was where he spent his time relaxing after work or at the weekends. It was Eric’s space. Comfortable now, Eric headed towards his final destination, his castle amongst his kingdom, the last bastion of manhood in his home: His shed. Pausing to unlock the padlock on the freshly painted door he pondered his very suburban life. He’d moved down here 5 years ago when he had got the job of managing the local branch of a very successful model train manufacturer. Ever since he had been enjoying a comfortable lifestyle. No surprises either, which suited Eric just fine. The door swung slowly on its freshly and well oiled hinges. Escaping from this new opening was that smell which seems to accompany every single garden shed in England- a combination of hot, stale air, pine wood and a hint of motor oil. Inside the shed was a collection of particularly manly objects. Gardening tools lined the walls in an almost military fashion, rakes, strimmers, hoes and spades were all there, ranked and ordered by function, effectiveness and the all important factor of shiny. Casting an eye over his handiwork Eric could hardly stop his heart skipping a beat as his gaze fell upon his real pride and joy. His lawnmower. However, now was not the time for idle eyes and serious work had to be done. Turning to the centre of the room Eric passed the stereo by the wall and flicked the play switch. Seconds later the sounds of ‘hip to be square’ by Huey Lewis and the news was filling the shed and Eric got down to Business. The centrepiece of the room was a large model railway set up that had been a five year gift from the team at work. It was a spectacular piece with a steam engine that circled a large hill and passed through a quaint village on its way. Eric’s own customisation to the set up, however, was far more spectacular. Reaching over to the station controller, he twisted the small plastic man round on the spot in an incomprehensible series of counter and clockwise alternations. When he had done this, the whole table began to hum with a deep bass sound. Then, in an amazing way, the hill top opened up and a hologram began to appear over the railway! The hologram was a truly strange sight as the creature it displayed resembled a rather large, rather hairy slug with nine eyes, six tusks and a beard that, unbelievably, was actually better than Brian Blessed’s own incredible facial hair. Gazing down at Eric, the creature spoke. “ZWIP! WHAT HAVE YOU TO REPORT ON YOUR MISSION STATUS?†“All hail lord Mallazeuse! Overlord and master of the intergalactic zingmaheleon empire! The mission, my lord, has been a complete success, these earthlings may have defeated your old adversary Ming The Merciless if their history records are correct but I feel that they would only be forced to submit to our more powerful forces! “EXCELLENT WORK ZWIP! RETURN TO THE MOTHERSHIP IMMEDIATELY! OH, AND TAKE OFF THAT REDICLIOUS DISGUISE, YOU LOOK SILLY.†“Yes my liege, at once!†Eric bowed, turned off the hologram projector, and turned round. He looked at his shed one last time with genuine fondness and then climbed aboard his lawnmower. The machine promptly started to fly and then with a rev of the engine, Eric blasted off into the atmosphere. if the end reads wrong, i redrafted it this morning in a considerable rush =).
King_Mushroom Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 "Gardening tools lined the walls in an almost military fashion" - i really like that line. Nice short story, i totally didnt see that ending coming. Do you dream about alien invasions alot?
Dan_Dare Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 not really, it came about by just thinking 'whats the most rediclious thing I can think of for those guys who dissapear into their sheds for peace and quiet.' =)
Konfucius Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 That story is really good, but the ending wasn't totally unexpected because while reading it I thought I'd give it a really strange ending with some secret agent touch. The idea that he flies off on a lawnmower amuses me a lot and overall very good use of words. I hope you rewrite the ending, as you already stated it feels a bit rushed.
Dan_Dare Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 I might do...thing is i have to plan and write my creative writing coursework atm so i dunno when I'll get time.
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