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Paj!

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Posts posted by Paj!


  1. I definitely don't have a ridiculous amount of friends, when I see people with 1000+ I feel sick/weird. I have 400 or something, and about half I could live without. I do a cull at every major life 'chapter'. When I finish uni I'll do another cull.

     

    And also most things I put up get hardly any attention, bear in mind. Only a few pics of mine got an unprecedented amount, and then a big status I did the other day when I was INFLAMED by injustice in the world (RE:LGBT) and that got quite a lot, which was rather heartening.


  2. LOOK EVERYONE! [/Liza Minelli in Cabaret]

     

    557552_10152022133605244_37191869_n.jpg

     

    I like this photo. This is the first time I've ever had a 'hairstyle' that isn't a failed attempt at something else. Alas, I was by myself in the bathroom. However this picture got an unprecedented amount of 'likes' on Fbook. I felt pretty.

     

    Then my boyfriend had to go and get 50 likes on one of his pictures, beating my record for a single photo (46) >:( - but it's fine. Now we both feel stunning. :bouncy:


  3. I sometimes wonder If I should look more into facial products...like, I'm gay, it's acceptable. *

     

    My least fave thing is that women get to wear foundation to cover their horrible skin, and I don't. Well I could..lots of gu/ays I know do, but then I actually don't like the look of foundation on men...not what I find attractive. So...I'm at a loss. RN the only beauty thing I have any finger-in-the-pie of is cologne. But most people are.

     

    I also hate the concept of money spent on things I don't trust work.

     

    *falls backwards out the window, then is seen swinging away*

     

     

    *won't even go into this as a topic/women/beauty/masculinity/societal expectations etc


  4. Yeah..too much info means too much choosing/not choosing based on silly things. RE: Dating anyway. For hook-up only things, it's a different thing, I think specifics are ok/make sense in that regard. But looking for people to go on dates with, you have to be more open-minded to stuff. Couples in real life are very rarely just two versions of the same person, sharing all the same interests...what makes a relationship interesting I guess is learning about what makes the other tick. Yes, having something to talk about in common is important, but you don't have to share the exact same taste in everything - and maybe if you see something that doesn't appeal at first like "Likes dogs, hates cats", might not matter if you end up caring about someone.


  5. I saw Searching For Sugarman today.

     

    sugar.jpg

     

    Genuinely great. And likely no one here (or in the UK) will know the twist/story, which is nice. Turns out my mum and her side of the family knew all about it...having lived in South Africa...that's all I'll say. A brilliant little film - gets you so entwined!


  6. Yeah most reviews are the same, the singles are decent for what they are but the album is blah. She seems appealing though (first I saw of her was on X Factor). Listened to about half the album but gave up. Not interested.

     

    --

     

    Chills remembering how epic this opening was when I saw her. I was completely unspoiled before I saw the tour. The chanting... "Oh my god-" "Oh my god-"

     

    The choreography, Material Girl, the ascent, the freaking choreography....

     

     

    That fact is, your fave could and would never. No one else. *dies* No one else does a show like this. It's theater. *gay gasp* Pop bitches need to bow at the her (crow's) feet. Enter the confessional for sins against not-being-good-enough.

     

    When the glass smashed in Hyde Park, I was rebøürne. Baptyze me. I'm nothing. We're all sinners.

     

    Fuck your plastic castle Gaga, here's my digital cathedral, it's fine, it can change into anything I want later in the show. k bai

     

    I'm live editing this.


  7. I'm currently feeling very intolerant (lololololol considering what I mention in the coming out thread) of depressives who make themselves too victimised. Or enjoy becoming a victim. Depression affects each person differently, and obviously I understand and appreciate that it's nobody's fault (my dad is a depressive, I've lived with it, I understand it) - but I'm tired of it. Some people 'like' being all sad and 'the victim', y'know? That annoys me. Many don't and it's sad they feel the way they do without explanation. But right now I can't be around it.

     

    I could never be in a relationship with a depressive - that's a personal choice of mine. It's too hard. Sorry. As much of a shame as it is, it's one of the pieces of advice my mother gave me, and from things I've seen with my own eyes. I couldn't give a depressive the chance. It's a personal thing.


  8. As I think I wrote in my long-winded Madonna post elsewhere I think the saddest thing is that so many young people's sexuality (and by extension a visceral, important, defining part of who they are) is TOLERATED by their family. Obviously there's cases of being kicked out/beaten, whatever, but how horrible to live in your home knowing you were loved in spite of who you are, not because of who you were.

     

    H8. I'm so thankful for my situation.


  9. :zzz:A lot of stuff is 'of a context/time'. Like, it resonated at the time.

     

    To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. Came at a time when rememberance/time/death/meaning/life was playing on my mind a lot. I felt lanced. :zzz:::shrug:

     

    Exprss Yrslf Dn't Rprss Yrslf

     

    You gave me back the paradise

    That I thought I lost for good

    You helped me find the reasons why

    It took me by surprise that you understood

    You knew all along

    What I never wanted to say

    Until I learned to love myself

    I was never ever lovin' anybody else

    - "

    ", Madonna, Bedtime Stories (1994)

     

    Just a pop song, but as cliche as it is, Madonna is my most beloved, and perhaps only, DIVA I worship. Obviously with a sense of objectivity, but she is the only person I feel that vague obsessiveness with, as I know many gay men do. I first got a lot of her albums when I was about 13/14, when I got my first iPod and my dad gave me all his music collection. From that I discovered a lot of her stuff (I already had some of her more recent-at-the-time hits, I liked her) - but as a gay boy going through puberty, although I didn't know it at the time, this/she would have a huge effect on me. The lines above as well as the line "Happiness lies in your own hand" rung around my head for years until I realised they (to me) were referencing being gay. I think the song might actually be about that (her lover confessing he's gay), though it's intentionally obscure. I reckon it is. And the fact is, I didn't love myself - not all of myself. For a long time. Not to say I was particularly angsty, but I just didn't accept my own sexuality for a long time. (Well I did in that I knew I was gay, but in the world knowing and it being a real thing, no)

     

    "I have a tale to tell

    Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well

    I was not ready for the fall

    Too blind to see the writing on the wall

     

    A man can tell a thousand lies

    I learned my lesson well

    Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned

    Till then it will burn inside of me"

    -

    , True Blue (1986)

     

    I love a lot more stunningly written and composed music, Madonna isn't the be all and end all of music, but as far as POP MUSIC goes, she has always hit me like none other. I'm not highlighting her lyrics as "OMG!" like I would Joni Mitchell - but these are lines in pop songs designed to strike hard and fast (generally speaking), listened to by a 13 year old boy discovering his sexuality. She is still the artist behind Material Girl, I know! :p But she has a sway over many gay men, a power and influence, so her words hit home.

    She was there for part 1 of my 'sexual awakening' I suppose. She told everyone that anything goes and to never be sorry for that. It took me a while to take that on board and turn it into action (years in fact...) but no matter what I or others will think of her personality or music nowadays, she and her music had that impact on me, subtley over many years. I mean, I was listening to Human Nature and Erotica at 13...but it wasn't innapropriate or damaging, cause she isn't innapropriate or damaging. It's not a shock tactic. There's a difference between the superficial, aesthetic 'deviant sexuality' in lots of pop music nowadays and how she did it. I learned a lot. As someone whose sexuality would always lean on the side of what is considered by the majority of the world 'deviant' itself, this obviously spoke to me.

     

    "I made a vow that I would never need

    Another person ever

    Turned my heart into a cage

    A victim of a kind of rage"

    -

    , American Life, (2003)

     

    It took it's time, but it doing so my acceptance of sexuality wasn't reactionary, it wasn't angry. I had no one in my personal life to be angry at/rebel against, because no one was angry at me. Thank god. Many gay people come from horrific homes. And I don't just mean being kicked out/beaten/whatever...just to know you are living in a home with a family who love you in SPITE of a part of you, not because of a part of you. As it should be.

     

    She is, to me, an inspirational figure for many reasons. She takes so much ridiculous shit from the press/peers/competitors, and it doesn't shake her. She stuck to her guns and carved her own career, under the influence of no one else, never swayed by what she was being told was the better option for sales or marketing. She is an exhausting performer, flawless even at 54, whose tours (regardless of what you think of her music) are the gold standard of big budget pop shows, incorporating themes and issues, the setlist reflecting the story she tries to tell on stage. She is a relentless supporter of the oppressed masses etc et but she is human too! Even i question the whole adoption business and stuff...I'm not blind. But she represents a whole lot to me and she will always be/have been an important part of my life, as for many gay men I'm sure.

     

    Now I can see things for what they really are,

    I guess I'm not that far,

    I'm at the point of no return

    I can't actually breathe re: this, btw ^

     

    Lady Gaga, for the "..."-ness I feel of her as a popstar (she really is the internet/tumblr-generation version of Madonna, endless 'reinventions' while remaining exactly the same, in an effort to acheive...what? Art? It feels like when I keep changing my Fbook cover photo, as though it means anything, as though suddenly I will have transcended into something...fame? glory? Maybe that's what she trying to do. Meh..) - she is having this effect on many many young gay people around the world, which can only be a good thing.

     

    I've neither spell-checked nor read this back. It kinda went a little off tangent maybe just somewhat.

     

    And THAT'S why I love Madonna.


  10. Word.

     

    I think Beyonce is quite popular in Africa. I read in South Africa, album track/un-promoted single 'Ego' got to no.1.

     

    NO ESCAPE.

     

     

    tbf this one reminds me of the exact Beyonceness I imagine you hate! :laughing:

     

    I just find her so much more refreshing than the other current pop singers all chasing the current dance sound. She actively goes against that most of the time, her last album got loads of acclaim cause of it's relative maturity, the incorporation of elements of old-school, world-music etc. She even worked with critical flavour de jour Frank Ocean who has a sound VERY removed from that video above/her usual stuff. Laid-back, haunting minimal.

     

    I just think she one of the few popstars is genuinely talented enough to deserve the recognition she gets. There's no "Well she can't sing/dance/perform live, but the beat is good!" with her, she's the whole package.

     

    I'm not even her biggest fan or anything, but I can't deny her talent. But if her voice annoys you, that's fair! :)

     


  11. Realistically people that need to be got rid like far-right politicians and the assorted madmen and women who have too much power in this world. However, their deaths wouldn't solve anything.

     

    While I have no problem with James Nesbitt, Daft's mention of itv makes me want to kill. If itv was a person, I'd kill it.

     

    I really don't understand wanting to kill Beyonce of all popstars...? Rihanna is at least the most obvious of the current megastars, setting chart trends, not exactly an artist, and fairly disposable (though I enjoy her). Beyonce is actuallly much more of an 'artist' in her music, doesn't produce the current dance stuff, lovely singer, spends a lot of time and effort on humanitarian causes. Her voice isn't annoying...I dunno. I don't get killing singers (except Chris Brown), cause you can always just not listen to them. *shrug*


  12. One of the standard tests used for autism (of which aspergers is a high-functioning form) is the autism-spectrum quotient, which you can take here. As it says in the link, the average score for non-autistic people is 16.4, and autistic people tend to score 32 or higher - I tend to get around 30, so I'm pretty borderline. Some members of my family are more clearly autistic though.

     

    Edit: So this time I only got 25. I guess it depends a bit on how I'm feeling at the time, but I probably am slightly less aspy than when I was younger.

     

    What does my score mean? P.s I in no way display any characteristics of autism, and my friends and I have talked about it/the signs RE: another friend of ours before, so presumably people would have picked up on stuff before.

     

    "Agree: 12,41: 1 point

    Disagree: 29,49: 1 point

    Score: 4"


  13. RE: Meeting new people, going out with people, whether online or in real-life - one of the few things that is so much easier if you're gay. There's just so much less beating around the bush.

     

    I mean, most young gays in the UK are now of the grindr generation, it seems to be completely socially acceptable to be scanning for someone to have sex with down the road while talking with some other people at the same time. Not to say whether that's a pleasant fact or not. Kinda rude just in terms of ignoring other people or making people aware where your mind actually is...but I'm such a non-prude - I of course think it's really interesting/cool that there is no stigma attached to things like grindr (generally).

     

    It was never really for me though. I wasn't ever driven by out-of-the-blue random sex enough/didn't have a smartphone lol. And If I wanted a one-night stand, I prefer the "Go to a club, dance, meet someone" way, since there's fun involved beforehand.

     

    Blaaaaaah

     

    [but then I think there has always been more of a precedent of such things in the gay community/more acceptance of hook-ups or online dating just cause of how gay people have had to meet one another throughout time - often secretive, without strings etc. Just an extension of that.]


  14. ^ But then at the end of the day, Batman's thing is his mystique, appearing out of the shadows/thin air. Yes, we're meant to know he's a normal man who does this, with no powers, but without the mystique, it wouldn't be Batman. Nolan's films err very much on "realism", but Batman always was about a comic book (super) hero who used a lot of seemingly unfathomable theatricality. So I wouldn't think too much into how he got out of the plane, why he did the burning bat on the bridge etc. It adds mystery/feels very Batman, so it's fine.

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