Posted September 19, 2006 Fuck this shit. How could Jack Bauer lose to a lawyer? He took down the mother fucking President of the United States for crying out loud. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Not that i'm bitter or anything, but I count 9 votes for PW and 9 for Bauer. And also Katie said she'd change her vote. So.. Forgive me you're absolutely right, I counted Retro Lovers vote twice because he wrote it twice . It is indeed a tie, there is still one vote left in it. It's up to you Bauer fans to vote if you want him to win. You have until tonight. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Alright, it's got to be the Bauer. I mean come on, the man solves huge sprawling conspiracies by terrorists to destroy the US within the space of 24 hours..... repeatedly. Now that is impressive. Plus, Phoenix Wright, methods of cross examination pale in comparisson to Bauers questioning/brutal torture. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 The Bauer facts: Michael J. Fox doesn't have Parkinsons. He's shaking cause he met Jack Bauer. You know Jack Bauer loves Audrey when he willingly gives up the opportunity to torture her. Jack Bauer does not watch breaking news, he breaks the fucking news. Jack Bauer is the reason men turn gay. Jack Bauer's biological make-up is so advanced that he internally recycles his own human waste into nourishment. That's why Jack never eats or goes to the bathroom. Jack Bauer once went to a religious retreat in high school, where, by the end of the weekend, everyone was singing, "Jack Bauer in the highest." Henderson's men actually took cover behind a water tank. Unfortunately, when Jack Bauer wants an explosion, water turns into natural gas. Police label anyone attacking Jack Bauer as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. If Jack Bauer was on the Titanic the icebergs would have moved out of the way. If Jack Bauer had a time machine, Teri still would have died because he would have saw how much more badass he's become since her death. Jack Bauer smokes after sex. Not cigarettes, his penis literally smokes. Jack Bauer's cell phone would work even if he was a mile underground beneath the desert in the middle of nowhere... because it knows what's good for it. John McCain says torture doesn't work. Jack Bauer tortured him until he said that. If the government made public the fact that Jack Bauer is still alive, China would no longer be the world's most populous country. Jack Bauer invented the Jedi Mind trick. His only needed two words, "Trust me". Jack never played hide and seek as a child. Instead he played seek and afflict pain on whoever he needed to in order to get the information he wanted. Jack still enjoys rousing rounds of this game and remains undefeated. The video game "God of War" was originally conceptualized as "Jack Bauer: The High School Years". John McCain only has no problem with torturing detainees just as long as it's Jack Bauer doing the torturing. In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border. GWB wasnt lying about the war with Iraq, it was to find the weapons of mass destruction. It was to retrieve Jack Bauer from Iraq, the war was a cover up for all the destruction he left behind. If Jack Bauer says theres a wrong way to eat a reeses. There's a fucking wrong way to eat a reeses, and you better not do it. There isn't anything Jack Bauer can't take down with only a handgun, including helicopters. There is a theory that says if a werewolf bites Jack Bauer, then every full moon it will turn into a "were-Bauer" and kill terrorists uncontrollably. This is only a theory of course, because no werewolf has succeeded in biting him. Neither have Vampires, Lizardmen or mosquitoes. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life. When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload. When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death. Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Chloe about schematics. Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants. Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them." Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was. Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun. Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first. Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic. Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer. ...IN the RED CORNER,,,WE HAVE JACK BAAUUUERRR!!!!! IN the BLUE CORNER,,,WE HAVE...wait, where the hell has Chuck gone??? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Well it's over, Jack Bauer pwns Phoenix Wright! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Heh, I knew Phoenix Wright was doomed the moment the match ups were posted. Though admittedly, Wright did better than I thought. I was expecting him to get slaughtered by Bauer. I thought the point was to say why someone would beat the other. Just saying PHOENIX WRIGHT doesnt exactly wager a valid reason why he would indeed beat Bauer. Well, to be fair, there were some people that did the same for Bauer. Well it's over, Jack Bauer pwns Phoenix Wright! You say it as if it wasn't a close match :p. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Well, to be fair, there were some people that did the same for Bauer. Well from now on i expect people to come up with an explanation or reason as to why one character would beat the other. I expect Viper to come here and agree with this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Well from now on i expect people to come up with an explanation or reason as to why one character would beat the other. I expect Viper to come here and agree with this. Yes I do agree with it. Though i'll add it doesn't have to be a huge paragraph or anything. The main arguments are down to the people who chose the character. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Ok: Here's why Batman is going to win: First off: He's a psycho dressed as a giant bat, and that's awesome. He gets to say I'm Batman all the time, usually while a hired goon pisses themselves because there's a psycho dressed as a giant bat telling them he's batman. He's got Ninja Skills. Obviously far better than Chuck's Karate or whatever he uses. He's an awesome detective, and would use said mad skills to find and exploit Chucks weakness. I don't see Chuck Norris having a bridge jumping, rocket armed, high speed, armour plated SUV. Batman killed Superman. this actually happened, really. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 I figured my animation would be enough of a case for my character. Also, go Bauer, justice has prevailed Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 The ginger gay cowboy look doesnt fair well against the Batman Batman = billionaire, gadgets, batmobile. Batman wins. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 chuck would beat the crap out of batman :P Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Sorry, have to vote for Batman. He can take on like 10 ninjas on at once, has an array of deadly gadgets and a fuck off huge car. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Are we talking about the dark, towering Batman of Batman Begins and the Tim Burton films or the chubby, camper then a row of tents Batman of the TV series. Actually either he would win due to the awesome sports car/tank batmobile. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Batman wouldn't stand a chance against Chuck. Chuck would rip his wings off, and stir fry them for breakfast. Chuck wins Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Batman wouldn't stand a chance against Chuck. Chuck would rip his wings off, and stir fry them for breakfast. Chuck wins You know Batman ain't really a bat right? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 You know Batman ain't really a bat right? Yeah of course :indeed: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Chuck doesn't have an awesome car, so Batman! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Are we talking about the dark, towering Batman of Batman Begins and the Tim Burton films or the chubby, camper then a row of tents Batman of the TV series. Actually either he would win due to the awesome sports car/tank batmobile. oh. deffiantly the Dark Knight of Frank Miller and Batman Begins. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Chuck doesn't have an awesome car, so Batman! Chuck doesn't need a car, he doesn't travel ever, he just calls and stuff obeys and comes to him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 I never liked batman much, he's just a rich kid. Chuck it's an internet born legend. So... Chuck Norris wins! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267 Chuck wins because hes already crushed his head in between his thighs. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 I respect 'The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny', It proves Chuck takes Batman . . . Even If the lastest Batman film was amazing. Chuck Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2006 Well untill someone can show me a humerous video which involves Batman taking out Chuck then hte above video shall serve has conclusive proof that Mr. Norris would win! Chuck Norris Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
