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Fierce_LiNk

Sexism or Etiquette?

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I was running short on clothes because my arse is getting fat, so took the Ine off to West Quay and dragged her around the shops.

 

I tried on lots of clothes. Each time, Ine follows me into the changing rooms and stands directly outside of the curtain where I am getting changed. Nobody said it was bad. From what I know, most men don't give a toss if there's women waiting around.

 

Ine decides she wants to try on clothes. I follow her into the changing rooms, stand outside of the curtain (as she did for me), only to get told by one of the female workers, "sorry, we don't allow MEN in here."

 

I waited outside, had no idea if the top she bought was any good or not as I didn't GET A CHANCE TO SEE ITTTT.

 

Generally, in women's stores, they seem to be quite picky about men even being in there, like we are all sexual perverts who want to pry on women as they are changing.

 

In men's stores, like I said, nobody seems to care.

 

Is there a bit of injustice here, or is it just polite to stand outside? Are there any other instances similar to this?

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I've never heard of this before.

 

Maybe you were drooling?

 

Maybe if I had seen the damn clotheeeeees.

 

The drool could have been in anticipation, I guess.

 

Either way, I retreated to the outside area and awkwardly got my phone out and pretended I was doing something important on it.

 

In reality, I can now memorise every text I have sent in the last week. All 2 of them.

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I believe it's due to the perception that men are more likely to take advantage of situations

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Not something I have a great deal of experience with, but AmAppy once seemed to suggest I go in the changing room with my housemate. Then again, AmAppy is the worst place on Earth so maybe their customs are different from elsewhere.

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Is there a bit of injustice here, or is it just polite to stand outside? Are there any other instances similar to this?

 

I'm not sure. I used to stand outside the curtains/door for my sister/mom or a female friend and never had any issues...but that's because I never looked at my surroundings.

 

It was actually early last year when I accompanied my sister to one of these stores and asked me to wait outside the changing rooms but this time I had nothing to do (forgot my phone). That's when I started to notice others around me, I was stunned. Never in my life was I stared at so intently, some women even stood there whispering to each other whilst pointing towards me.

 

That was the last time I ever waited in front of a changing room. I don't remember this happening in the past, I'm guessing its how the world has changed and how the environment has become more dangerous, crime-wise. I think they're trying to prevent crimes such as pedophilia. I'm fine with it though, I don't want to cause other women any kind of discomfort.

 

I haven't noticed this happen the other way around though but I hardly ever have a female accompany me whilst I'm in the changing room so I probably wouldn't know best.

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Either way, I retreated to the outside area and awkwardly got my phone out and pretended I was doing something important on it.

 

Ah this.....i've done this. So many times.

 

I don't even try and go in after my gf anymore, i just assume i'll be ejected like a pervert.

 

As for the other way around, i wouldn't know, i always just hold the clothes up against me and buy the one that lies nicest, the way a man should.

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I believe it's due to the perception that men are more likely to take advantage of situations

 

How would you take advantage, though? There's a curtain between you and the person you're with. It's usually in an area with one of the workers being present and overseeing it/helping.

 

Not something I have a great deal of experience with, but AmAppy once seemed to suggest I go in the changing room with my housemate. Then again, AmAppy is the worst place on Earth so maybe their customs are different from elsewhere.

 

What is AmAppy?

 

I'm not sure. I used to stand outside the curtains/door for my sister/mom or a female friend and never had any issues...but that's because I never looked at my surroundings.

 

It was actually early last year when I accompanied my sister to one of these stores and asked me to wait outside the changing rooms but this time I had nothing to do (forgot my phone). That's when I started to notice others around me, I was stunned. Never in my life was I stared at so intently, some women even stood there whispering to each other whilst pointing towards me.

 

That was the last time I ever waited in front of a changing room. I don't remember this happening in the past, I'm guessing its how the world has changed and how the environment has become more dangerous, crime-wise. I think they're trying to prevent crimes such as pedophilia. I'm fine with it though, I don't want to cause other women any kind of discomfort.

 

I haven't noticed this happen the other way around though but I hardly ever have a female accompany me whilst I'm in the changing room so I probably wouldn't know best.

 

It's pretty sad in general that this sort of thing is happening. It's a very innocent thing though, you're going into a store and helping somebody choose clothes.

 

If it were a lingerie store, I would understand it more. But, this was a bit over the top, I felt. Also, we were in at least 3 other stores shopping for me, and nobody once told Ine that "women weren't allowed here". So, it's unfair that there seems to be additional "un-written" rules for men than there are women.

 

Also, in the upstairs part of that store, Ine went to try on another top and I was wandering behind her, and the woman told me I could wait over there, pointing to a bench on the opposite side of the store.

 

But..how am I supposed to see...nevermind.

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You should ask why they don't have a transgender changing room and then break down in tears.

 

 

That'd shut them the fuck up.

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That seems sensible security policy - we don't live in a world where sexes are treated equally yet and men generally don't live with the same fear of invasion of privacy or assault that many women do. I rather imagine their female customers would feel extremely uncomfortable letting a man into the changing area, even one apparently accompanying his girlfriend. I do rather imagine it wouldn't be long before some pevert with a phone camera and a Reddit account took advantage of it.

Edited by gaggle64

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That seems sensible security policy - we don't live in a world where sexes are treated equally yet and men generally don't live with the same fear of invasion of privacy or assault that many women do. I rather imagine their female customers would feel extremely uncomfortable letting a man into the changing area, even one apparently accompanying his girlfriend. I do rather imagine it wouldn't be long before some pevert with a phone camera and a Reddit account took advantage of it.

 

There's plenty of security in place already, though. There's always a curtain there so you can't see the women getting changed. Usually there is a store-person there too, ready to assist if needs be. It greatly differs from store to store. Some stores even have seats directly opposite for the people to sit, ready for people to reveal the curtain and show off their clothes. I remember one instance in Belgium, I think it was Vera Moda, where the changing area is huuuuuge. Lots of small stalls with curtains, and a huge seated area in the middle of the room.

 

No security issues there whatsoever.

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I believe it's due to the perception that men are more likely to take advantage of situations

 

Hehehe... "Oh no! That man is taking ADVANTAGE of the SITUATION!"

 

Unlike those innocent ladies who go out on a date with a guy just because they're bored and want to get out of the house. "I thought I might like him more on a full stomach".

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even one apparently accompanying his girlfriend

 

I'm with you man, he was probably trying to blow it up or something, the bastard!

 

Tbh I think it's silly, but that's the world for you. We can't be trusted to not be total sexual deviants, especially not in a clothing store with our girlfriends.

 

I bet she isn't even really your girlfriend, it's just the ultimate ploy to get your kicks. Flippin' sicko.

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I've honestly never even heard about anything like that here in Belgium. Most stores here do have some waiting benches in the changing areas. I go shopping with female friends from time to time, and that never gives problems. There also aren't any security issues, or not that I've ever seen.

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I've had some of my favourite "mutually bored and not allowed inside" stares with other boyfriends outside women's changing rooms saddled with countless bags. There's that initial barrier of weighing your coolness against theirs (I always lose) before that barrier is destroyed by a joint nod of respect that says "You and me both, brother."

 

If only they'd stop letting us into women's clothes shops altogether, that'd be great. "Sorry, sweetheart, he's got hunger in his eyes and he ain't getting anywhere near the changing rooms so he can slide his hand inconspicuously into his pockets to jingle his change. Better wait for her in GAME, pal."

 

Ahh, a boyfriend can dream.

 

In all seriousness, this is probably just a precaution more than anything. It's all Anita Sarkeesian's fault.

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I've honestly never even heard about anything like that here in Belgium. Most stores here do have some waiting benches in the changing areas. I go shopping with female friends from time to time, and that never gives problems. There also aren't any security issues, or not that I've ever seen.

 

It has happened in some shops in Belgium too though. I remember going into H&M's changing rooms and Jim wasn't allowed to go in there either. We should've tried to see if it worked the other way around or not, but didn't think about it at the time.

 

This sort of thing seems to really depend on the store though I guess. Some might be fine with it, others not. Also seems to be a more recent thing, as I don't remember it being an issue a few years ago. Back then guys even joined their girlfriends into the changing room itself so they would be in one together. I guess maybe too many incidents happened or something. =P

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If only they'd stop letting us into women's clothes shops altogether, that'd be great. "Sorry, sweetheart, he's got hunger in his eyes and he ain't getting anywhere near the changing rooms so he can slide his hand inconspicuously into his pockets to jingle his change. Better wait for her in GAME, pal."

 

I think that shopping mall planners must be male (with significant others) because ive noticed that usually next to every clothing outlet is a GAME or a HMV or a Waterstones for us to browse in.

 

Normally if my GF is going to spend more than 5 mins in a shop, i'll be all like 'i'm off', and she'll be all like 'whaaaaa'.

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The solution is clearly this.

 

My usual telegraph that I'm bored when shopping is constantly using my phone. Whenever I get asked "Is it okay if we pop in here?" and "here" happens to be a clothes shop, I'll usually grab my iPhone and be like, "Yeah, battery is full. Let's go."

 

It's meant to be more amusing than dickish though. I must look like the worst boyfriend ever to anyone paying attention to our conversations in public.

Edited by Guy

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I tried on lots of clothes. Each time, Ine follows me into the changing rooms and stands directly outside of the curtain where I am getting changed. Nobody said it was bad. From what I know, most men don't give a toss if there's women waiting around.

 

Ine decides she wants to try on clothes. I follow her into the changing rooms, stand outside of the curtain (as she did for me), only to get told by one of the female workers, "sorry, we don't allow MEN in here."

 

Exactly the same thing happened to me once. I think it's terrible. Why do we base rules on the assumption that all men are rapists?

 

 

men generally don't live with the same fear of invasion of privacy or assault that many women do.

 

Actually men are far more likely to be assaulted.

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I've had this situation happen to me as well. I live in Canada. I assume if the clothing store or section is mainly for women and if even one woman has felt uncomfortable with men in the area, a store would put this policy in place.

I'm sure men could have women banned from the fitting rooms of men's clothing store if a few of us just made a fuss about it.

A place with locking doors for change rooms seems fine but for those with just curtains might make women feel insecure. I'm not sure if they were real but I have seen some "prank" videos where guys who acted like they were waiting for their gfs, slipped their phones through the curtain and took a random picture before taking off. Real or fake, perhaps some female shoppers (and stores) want to make sure that doesn't happen + have the thought of that happening eliminated as well.

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A lot of women's clothes shops have seats outside/next to the changing rooms specifically for the men to sit around bored on.

 

What they should do is have magazines next to them with products that they sell in the store that men would be interested in. If the shop also sells mens clothes they should have a stand for boxers/socks next to it so that you're tempted to pick them up as boxers are the type of thing you never go out to buy.

 

Similar to having sweets at a the checkout in a super market.

 

tl;dr I'm a marketing genius

 

Edit: This was meant to be a quote of @Guy's post. Not sure why I deleted his quote!

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I was running short on clothes because my arse is getting fat, so took the Ine off to West Quay and dragged her around the shops.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

 

You don't take the girl shopping with you! That increases the time you'll be shopping by several hundred percent.

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

 

You don't take the girl shopping with you! That increases the time you'll be shopping by several hundred percent.

 

Hahaha so wrong. I tried on and bought one top. Jim on the other hand tried on numerous clothes in many different shops. I may just as well not have been there, the shopping was all for him. =P

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I've gotta say.. If I was waiting in a normal spot while my gf was using the change rooms.. and there was some weird freak dude waiting for his gf in a not normal spot where other women are getting changed.. I'd be like.. that dude is a weird freak.

 

It's social norm for a chick to walk up to the stall where her bf is getting changed to offer advice etc... deal with it.

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A lot of women's clothes shops have seats outside/next to the changing rooms specifically for the men to sit around bored on.

 

What they should do is have magazines next to them with products that they sell in the store that men would be interested in. If the shop also sells mens clothes they should have a stand for boxers/socks next to it so that you're tempted to pick them up as boxers are the type of thing you never go out to buy.

 

Similar to having sweets at a the checkout in a super market.

 

tl;dr I'm a marketing genius

 

Edit: This was meant to be a quote of @Guy's post. Not sure why I deleted his quote!

 

You are a God.

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

 

You don't take the girl shopping with you! That increases the time you'll be shopping by several hundred percent.

 

It's a day out, though. Getting new clothes is awesome.

 

I've gotta say.. If I was waiting in a normal spot while my gf was using the change rooms.. and there was some weird freak dude waiting for his gf in a not normal spot where other women are getting changed.. I'd be like.. that dude is a weird freak.

 

It's social norm for a chick to walk up to the stall where her bf is getting changed to offer advice etc... deal with it.

 

Post: Your sense makes none.

 

Gay marriage also hasn't been the social norm for many, many years. Let's just deal with that, too. :indeed:

 

So, if the girl wants advice, she should just "deal with it!" Boyfriend of the yeaaaaar.

 

In many shops, the waiting areas can be awesome and it isn't made into a huge deal. Not every guy out there is a pervert or a freak and it is damn well rude and (in my opinion) discriminatory to make guys feel this way.

 

Vero-Moda-flagship-store-by-Riis-Retail-Aarhus-09.jpg

 

This is sort of what the Vera Moda was like in Hasselt, Belgium, except the chairs are just one big slab that acts as a seated area. Men sit there, women sit there, people get changed and it isn't any issue whatsoever. You aren't made to feel like a pervert. You can sit there and chat with other people if you want to (I didn't, because my Flemish isn't good enough). You're not physically going into the changing area, you're waiting at an appropriate spot and can view your friend/girlfriend in their clothes, which they are trying on (which is the whole point of you being there in the first place).

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