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Long-Distance Relationships

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@uəʌəsʎɐɾ (hope that tag works!) Just spoke to Dan about this. He said if he was offered to go to another country, he'd take me with him or not go. I'd do the same too!

 

A temporary long distance situation for a relationship already grounded is a rubbish situation to be in but obviously worth holding onto. I just don't see why some one would start one that way.

 

It's hypothetical for Emma. It took Dan about 5 years to find a job in Sheffield. I can't see him leaving Yorkshire any time soon :heh:

This is exactly what I thought. :laughing:

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I'm just going to ignore the rest of your post and assume you're talking about Flameboy. :p

 

Haha, are we that obvious!? :p

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From reading this thread I don't understand why some people from the start would want to be in a REALLY long distance relationship with someone, where they only meet up once every few months. Surely you would rather be with someone nearer? Chances are highly likely there is someone nearer that you could see every day and be far happier with??

 

If you had the option to be nearer to somebody, then yeah, it makes sense to go for that. But, if you think somebody is worth the effort, then you'll try your best to make it work. Whether that means only seeing them on weekends or even months apart. It's not easy, so it has to be worth it.

 

I don't really get the last part about "chances are that there will be someone nearer." I'm sure if I went out and spoke to 100 women, there would be a fair few that I would be attracted to. But, life doesn't really work like that. You meet people in different circumstances and different situations. At that point in time where I met Ine, I wasn't really looking for anything, and didn't really have anybody else in mind at that time. So, I just rolled with it and saw how it went. Basically, I fluked it. It seemed to work, we both liked each other, so why not.

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From reading this thread I don't understand why some people from the start would want to be in a REALLY long distance relationship with someone, where they only meet up once every few months. Surely you would rather be with someone nearer? Chances are highly likely there is someone nearer that you could see every day and be far happier with??

 

You don't choose people based on how far away they are, you choose the person for who they are. No one ever thinks "I want to be with someone who I can only see a few times a year!" (unless...distance fetish? :s), which is the amount of times I see mine. Even though that's the case, he loves me, takes care of me, and I can imagine a future with him, so we soldier on. Didn't mean to be too ranty or anything, I just don't understand the logic behind the assumption :( If you had met Dan while holidaying in another country, would you have kept in touch considering how well you guys are doing now? It's just nice that he happened to be near :)

 

And I've been in Ireland my whole life and haven't ever met anyone I could imagine being remotely serious with, so I'm keeping this one! :D

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@EddieColeslaw If I'd have met Dan when I lived in Liverpool and he lived in Hull, I definitely wouldn't have started seeing him. Yeah I'd have fancied him, but I'd have still gone for someone more locally.

 

When I was on Ok Cupid, I had interesting guys 1hr + drive away contacting me, but I never considered taking it further because of the distance.

How can he take care of you when he's not there? Like yes you can Skype and stuff but surely there's always that human yearning to be with someone physically?

 

Isn't there a big chance (like a REALLY big chance) you could move over to be with him, and very quickly realise it's not working? Then that's a massive piece of time, effort and money wasted? I really don't mean to be rude, and I'm sure plenty of people have brought this up with you before. But I'm really just interested in your thoughts on this, because surely you've considered it, and it's there in the back of your mind a lot of the time?

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How can he take care of you when he's not there? Like yes you can Skype and stuff but surely there's always that human yearning to be with someone physically?

 

Isn't there a big chance (like a REALLY big chance) you could move over to be with him, and very quickly realise it's not working? Then that's a massive piece of time, effort and money wasted? I really don't mean to be rude, and I'm sure plenty of people have brought this up with you before. But I'm really just interested in your thoughts on this, because surely you've considered it, and it's there in the back of your mind a lot of the time?

 

Love/attraction can overrule practicality and concerns over logistics. It's really not as simple as pick one close to you; you pick someone because of who they are rather than their proximity to you.

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From my eyes, I see long-distance relationships through a sort of 'la vie en rose'. I romanticise them because, in a sense, it is incredibly romantic. 2 lovers torn by distance who plan to eventually go against what they are expected to do (be with someone local) and, if it works out, live together.

 

I've had some experience of this type of relationship. The guy I'm seeing at the moment is from Singapore so we were together for a short period of time before he left to Singapore for a few months. Again, to reiterate, with modern communication it's ridiculously easy to keep in touch. In fact, we probably kept more in touch in each others absence. Every day we messaged / sent pictures / skyped. We got to know each other, probably, better through this method of communication.

 

More often than not this separation should intensify the feelings of both partners.

 

PLUS!! Most importantly -- sex after not seeing each other for a long time is simply the greatest

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The longest distance relationship I've been in is my ex that lived in London.

 

We saw each other 2 weekends a month, So one weekend i'd go to London, then 2 weeks later she'd come to Bristol. As we were both only 17, Money wasn't great that we were earning, so couldn't afford to see each other more than this, and at the time I wasn't driving. We actually lasted over a year, which at the time seemed like a long time. However after a year, both turning 18, our friends would be going out to town on nights out, and paranoia set in, on both sides. She wasn't sold on the idea of me going out drinking with the boys, who knows what I'd get up to blah blah etc etc.

 

but at the same time, I had the same feeling,

 

so we decided if we were both feeling that, then clearly we didn't trust each other, therefore it wouldn't work, so we broke up.

 

That was my first proper long term relationship. Since then I've never been to sold on the idea, fair play to the people that do make it work, if there's trust in each other then you can make it work.

 

One thing I did like about it though, is when we did see each other, it was a highlight of the fortnight, Like I'd really look forward to seeing her, and really enjoy every minute spent with her. The distance made the relationship stronger when we were actually together, but yeah as I said towards the end, the trust just went. And I think it's to do with the 'going out drinking' culture that did that.

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My ex girlfriend moved to Canada for uni for 3 months. We'd only been going out for 1.

 

Never, ever, again. Terrible decision to stay together. We should have had our fun for the month, split up for 3 months knowing that we would more than likely get back together then.

 

You run out of things to talk about, you get no physical affection from the person, no benefits of being in a relationship other than it's 'safe'.

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@EddieColeslaw If I'd have met Dan when I lived in Liverpool and he lived in Hull, I definitely wouldn't have started seeing him. Yeah I'd have fancied him, but I'd have still gone for someone more locally.

 

When I was on Ok Cupid, I had interesting guys 1hr + drive away contacting me, but I never considered taking it further because of the distance.

How can he take care of you when he's not there? Like yes you can Skype and stuff but surely there's always that human yearning to be with someone physically?

 

Isn't there a big chance (like a REALLY big chance) you could move over to be with him, and very quickly realise it's not working? Then that's a massive piece of time, effort and money wasted? I really don't mean to be rude, and I'm sure plenty of people have brought this up with you before. But I'm really just interested in your thoughts on this, because surely you've considered it, and it's there in the back of your mind a lot of the time?

 

Fair enough, thanks for sharing your views - everyone has different criteria and outlook on dating then :)

 

Yes, there is definitely a chance it won't work out, and I'm prepared for it to happen - that's why I'm not there yet, and instead working to save up (in case I need to leave), get experience here first (so I have a higher chance of getting a job there), and getting my parents' permission (so I can always come back and/or ask them for help. And of course general research about the industry and economy there. (And scraped his Internet presence.)

 

I am actually inwardly very paranoid and very OCD about planning, so any problem you or anyone else has thought of, I will probably have thought of it already and have a contingency plan for it >:D I take a VERY longer time to trust someone and I trust my judgement, so the chance that it won't work out it slim by my calculation.

 

In the end I feel that it's all about the perspective I take...if it really doesn't work out, I think I do have the capacity to recover and treat it as a learning experience. (I've been meaning to move out of the country for years and years anyway, why not start in one of the IT hubs in the US :D) After all he has made me very happy so far and he's encouraged me to work hard, so I'll be bringing that with me - it would be worth the money, time, effort, etc. that I've spent on the relationship :) Feelings can't be bought and money is ultimately useless when sitting in the bank!

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I was with a girl who lived near Reading back in the mid 90s. We got on ok, but this was in the days before widespread internet and mobile phone use, so it was pretty tough to stay in contact (just the odd phone call) We met through work (she worked for one of the suppliers of my previous employers) when I went down there for a visit.

 

She was prone to the odd psychotic episode, as someone mentioned on the last page - she also went from 0 to complete bitch in less than a few milliseconds. then she'd clam up for hours afterward. No idea why I put up with it, but the times she wasn't like that were amazing. We were both young then I suppose. She's been back in touch recently through Facebook, and I was going to go down there to see her after talking about some of the old times, and that we've changed a bit over the years. But then I thought better of it - she's got 2 kids now and I don't think things would work out in the long term, so I picked my Xbox instead.

 

@Magnus I hope you don't mind me saying and asking, but I've always noticed you commenting in these sort of threads (like the Love N-E one as well) but I can't remember you ever talking about your own relationships. Not even sure whereabouts you live. Hope you don't think I'm being cheeky or stalker-ish for asking, but I was just curious, as you're quite a prolific poster, but I know little about you (apart from your keen eye for game screenshots ;) )

 

Of course, tell me to mind my own if you like :)

Edited by Dog-amoto

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@Magnus I hope you don't mind me saying and asking, but I've always noticed you commenting in these sort of threads (like the Love N-E one as well) but I can't remember you ever talking about your own relationships. Not even sure whereabouts you live. Hope you don't think I'm being cheeky or stalker-ish for asking, but I was just curious, as you're quite a prolific poster, but I know little about you (apart from your keen eye for game screenshots ;) )

I'm the second-highest poster in the Relationship thread after Serebii! :hehe:

 

And maybe I'm just a very private person ("NO YOU'RE NOT," said every person who's ever talked to me in the chat room). But mostly my life is just filled with nothing but the internet and video games, so there's very little to talk about!

 

You could always stalk me on Facebook if that's easier. Like everyone else, I'm friends with ReZ, so I'm easy to find. :p

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