Long-Distance Relationships

[Beast]

I know that we have our very own N-E couple from different parts and they're perfectly happy but I thought I'd make this thread to ask whether they actually work more than what people think. I used to think it wouldn't work that well until I saw someone I knew from work meet this girl from Ireland and they're still together now. I want to know whether you've experienced long-distance and whether it's worked for you. What happened? How'd you meet? What was it like meeting face-to-face, any different? Anything you can say, say it.

[Iun]

My first two major relationships were long distance (the first became long distance after we both moved to separate Universities after six months) and both were eventually failures.

 

Why?

 

Well, in the first case it had more to do with the girl than the distance - we used to see each other every weekend. I would travel on the FUCKING NATIONAL EXPRESS every Friday night to Nottingham and then back to Reading on the Sunday, travel time around 9 hours depending on the buses. Nightmare.

 

She was good to be with for the first year and a half, then she got kicked out of the University for failing the first year. She got into a pyramid scheme and then... just lost all sense. I broke up with her after 2 years together and she was devastated. Then I was devastated that I'd done it and tried to get her back.

 

We eventually got back together two years later when we both moved to the same town again. That was a disaster. She was a bitch and I was looking for a decent job. Anyway, we kind of ... HAD to have the relationship as we never really got to have a proper ending the first time round - I was always convinced I had made a mistake. Turns out I was right to ditch her.

 

The second one was with this Scottish lass I met in another forum. She was two years younger than me, we saw each other every two months. Great sex, but she was a mood swinger: she could go from 0 to UTTER COW in less time than it takes to blink. She was completely devoted to me the rest of the time, but those sudden changes were intolerable after a while.

 

I'd still be willing to believe it can work, but the people have to be right.

[Hamishmash]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 3 years now, very happily. I live in London, he lives in Melbourne, Australia. It won't be forever... but whenever we're together we appreciate it so much more... I think we probably talk and get to know each other a lot more than a lot of couples.

[EddieColeslaw]

Long-distance relationships will never be the same as "normal" ones, and it's entirely up to the couple in question to make it work...determination and good judgement (is the distance worth it?) helps. The future is a big deal, and time moves a bit differently. You end up looking forward to eventually being together in the same location. I wouldn't be in one if there was no possibility of that - it's a good measure of how serious the other person is, I think. We miss each other lots, but we use that to drive us in working hard so we can eventually be together. I wouldn't have gotten my Masters or this job without his encouragement, and he wouldn't have gotten his job now either, so I see it as a good thing (up to your own mindset, really).

 

/ramble

 

We Skype/text/phone every day, send letters, packages, and emails, and fly back and forth to see each other. If you're considering long-distance, hope you have a good job :p

[Will]

I tried it once and never would again. Was with a great girl who went off to Uni (She was from the town I went to university in). Things were great, but it was great two days a week when we saw each other. Not that it was bad the rest of the time, far from it, but it's just kind of nothing the rest of the time. To me you actually need to be with the person to really find out if they're the one for you. We broke up after 4 years, having lived together for the final year. I'm pretty sure had we of had a normal relationship we'd have found out we weren't right for each other sooner and wouldn't have wasted so much time being committed to someone who isn't there.

 

I'm sure it works for some, but the issues I had with it mean I'm super skeptical on them. I just don't see it as the same, and as such wouldn't go for it.

[jayseven]

Currently rocking the UK-AUS thang and I do have to say that I don't think I would choose long-distance. It's basically not the same sort of relationship, and it does kind of erect some odd barriers that give the whole thing a bit of glamour that can disappear once the distance goes.

 

There is a huge danger of falling in love with the freedom of the distance; tying up your heart to someone a thousand miles away gives you a kind of security, but at the same time you are free to live a life without dealing with some of teh grittier elements; compromises, arguments, clashes of timetables, friends vs. loved ones, etc.

 

This also increases the specialness of when you are together, of course. Plus a LD relationship today is nothing like it would've been years ago - as Hamishmash and Eddie say, there's ample room for constant communication, which does make a difference.

 

There are plenty of examples on these forums of success stories, but generally speaking I think it's fair to say that LD relationships are not the smartest.

[Paj!]

My boyfriend just moved back to Brighton (after the longest run of bad luck regarding uni I've ever come across), and while it's not exactly long-distance (I'm at uni in London), it's a lot more distance than I'm used to (we spend most our time together).

 

Selfishly, I know it'll be good for my work - in third year now and the workload is so much more! Compacting him into weekends is kinda annoying but my work needs a lot more attention. I just feel sorry for him cause going home for him isn't that nice.

 

But I'm happy.

 

We did watch the last Glee episode where all the long-distance couples broke up the morning he left though.

Edited October 30, 2012 by Paj!

[Hamishmash]

My boyfriend just moved back to Brighton (after the longest run of bad luck regarding uni I've ever come across), and while it's not exactly long-distance (I'm at uni in London), it's a lot more distance than I'm used to (we spend most our time together).

 

Selfishly, I know it'll be good for my work - in third year now and the workload is so much more! Compacting him into weekends is kinda annoying but my work needs a lot more attention. I just feel sorry for him cause going home for him isn't nice. *another story*

 

But I'm happy.

 

We did watch the last Glee episode where all the long-distance couples broke up the morning he left though. Awkkkkks

 

Urgh that was the stupidest bit of telly ever. It had such a mean agenda! There was no balance at all... 4 out of 4 LD relationships fail. It seemed to be written by people who'd never even been in one of those relationships.

 

There's way too much pressure put on young people to "be young, be free" etc.

[Mokong]

In 2003 met Joy in the Philippines while on Holiday visiting family, tried the Long Distance thing for a few years, 2009 we got married and she is now here in Ireland since then. So yeah that worked out well I think

[Magnus]

I like how Paj mentioned the latest Glee episode, because that was my first thought when I saw this thread. Long-distance relationships beware! You'll only last four weeks. :p

 

 

Plus a LD relationship today is nothing like it would've been years ago - as Hamishmash and Eddie say' date=' there's ample room for constant communication, which does make a difference.[/quote']

Ah, but things were so much more romantic back when people just wrote letters to each other every couple of weeks.

 

 

My dearest Jayseven,

 

How I long to hold you in my arms. I cannot fathom that it has been two years since we were last together! I asked my dear papa if he could help pay to have you come visit this upcoming holiday season, and he said that he shall consider it. I should have an answer for you in a fortnight.

 

Yours truly,

 

Jayseven's girlfriend

 

P.S. I have pickled some eels for when you next come to visit.

 

[flameboy]

I met my girlfriend in February 2010 she was studying law in Leeds. She applied to extend her visa when it expired but wasn't able to we never actually thought she would. I remember maybe towards the end March of that year she said "you know I have to go home one day" and I just gave her a kiss and said I know from that point we kind of knew what we were in for. Shortly after her exams finished she moved in with me and we lived together for about 2 months before she went home to Canada. We realised in this time that we were a really good fit living with each other. She returned home and I went with her for two weeks to get to know her family etc... We discussed options with the ultimate aim that I would move to Canada.

 

We just decided that Canada has much better standards of living plus at the time education cuts weren't as obvious and hard hitting at home (since then there have been some shifts but the place I left in England recently started laying off a lot of people looks like could end up being as much as 50% of the college staff in time)

 

I came back the Christmas 2010 after that for 2 weeks. Then she came back to England Easter 2011 for 2 weeks, I went back to Canada for Summer 2011 for 4 weeks. She came to England for Xmas for 6 weeks end of 2011/start of 2012. Then we went all the way to July 2012 before I finally moved to Canada.

 

We got engaged in Rome over Xmas 2011 after I asked her parents the Summer before. That was a huge thing as it gave us a kick and the impetus to push on to the future. Travelling was a theme really aside from the long distance travelling we also visited Krakow, Montreal, New York, Buffalo, Düsseldorf and Rome. This really kept things fresh and made it feel like we were truly making the most of our time together.

 

We ultimately had the aim that would move Summer 2012 and the airport departures each time didn't get any easier. I do feel if we didn't have a goal and "end date" we may have struggled drifting along. During the 2 years of long distance we barely went a day without speaking, I don't even think the total number of days is in the double figures either via phone or Skype. We BBM'd everyday (a saving grace, as crazy as it sounds Whats app etc...just weren't as prevalent or as good back in 2010 and BBM really was the daddio)

 

We didn't always just sit outright talking on Skype, sometimes we just left running as we did whatever cooked, work, watched tv. This kind of kept us still involved in each others lives and hanging out together.

 

Now I've moved been here for 2 months none of the romance has been lost, certain adjustments have had to made as we are now living with the in laws but ya know I think we will be ok.

 

This is just a jumbled version of my story it worked for us it might not work for others. I don't think we would have worked if we hadn't first lived together for that bit of time before she moved, gone travelling together and realised how well we complemented each other travelling (past girlfriend was fucking hell to travel with), if we didn't have an end in mind.

[jayseven]

As you said, it was much more romantic when you wrote these letters every couple of weeks.

 

(damn I'm out of thanks) Flameboy you're pretty much the embodiment of how chasing it can make it work. Good on you

[Fierce_LiNk]

My boyfriend just moved back to Brighton (after the longest run of bad luck regarding uni I've ever come across), and while it's not exactly long-distance (I'm at uni in London), it's a lot more distance than I'm used to (we spend most our time together).

 

Selfishly, I know it'll be good for my work - in third year now and the workload is so much more! Compacting him into weekends is kinda annoying but my work needs a lot more attention. I just feel sorry for him cause going home for him isn't nice. *another story*

 

But I'm happy.

 

We did watch the last Glee episode where all the long-distance couples broke up the morning he left though. Awkkkkks

 

That's a good point, and I think the same applies to me, too. When I met Ine, I was in the fourth year of Uni, so was coming up to the end of it. After that, I spent a year supply teaching whilst trying to find a proper teaching job, moved back home, then moved again when I got a job. It was quite hectic at times. In a way, the long distance nature of it meant that I could look forward to going to Belgium, without having to worry about my grumpiness impacting on the relationship on a daily basis. I guess.

 

It can work, but it depends on certain factors. Money is a big one. It has to be the right time and the right person, too. Otherwise, it's difficult. If I was 19 again, I don't think I would have been ready for a long distance relationship. I would have missed out on quite a lot. So, the timing was right in that sense.

 

Also, long distance should only be a temporary thing. It inevitably should lead somewhere, which is being with that person. Either here or there. I don't think I could have done it for much longer. Any longer and it would have been too dragged out.

[Beast]

My boyfriend just moved back to Brighton (after the longest run of bad luck regarding uni I've ever come across), and while it's not exactly long-distance (I'm at uni in London), it's a lot more distance than I'm used to (we spend most our time together).

 

Selfishly, I know it'll be good for my work - in third year now and the workload is so much more! Compacting him into weekends is kinda annoying but my work needs a lot more attention. I just feel sorry for him cause going home for him isn't nice. *another story*

 

But I'm happy.

 

We did watch the last Glee episode where all the long-distance couples broke up the morning he left though. Awkkkkks

 

Urgh that was the stupidest bit of telly ever. It had such a mean agenda! There was no balance at all... 4 out of 4 LD relationships fail. It seemed to be written by people who'd never even been in one of those relationships.

 

There's way too much pressure put on young people to "be young, be free" etc.

 

Actually, that was part of the reason that made me post this. I thought it was an awesome episode. Stupid since all stopped working but I kind of feel like Glee's come back on form a bit.

 

Anyways, it's good hearing both sides. Flamey, that's awesome, good for you and your fiancee in making it work like that!

[Sheikah]

Can long distance relationships work? Yes, but that would totally depend on the person.

 

I had a long distance relationship once. Turns out that after 3 and a half years of being in the relationship, I learned that I never truly knew her. Back then I was devastated, but now I can look back and realise that she was not ready for a proper relationship and really probably wasn't in control of her own life, let alone have what it took to be a decent girlfriend. An easily angered temperament and constant depression made for someone who wasn't a nice person to be with, put bluntly. And of course, the betrayal.

 

Long distance relationships can work, but close relationships would always be preferable. Living with my girlfriend now makes me realise this. I know that if anything caused me and my girlfriend now to be long distance we'd be fine, because of the person she is.

[pratty]

Didn't work for me.

 

Started gonig out with a girl here where I live in the North West of England, it was awesome.

 

But she was applying for jobs all over the country, after a few months she got a job near Cambridge, so she had to move. We stayed together for about 6 months after that doing the long distance thing, where I'd go down and see her every month or two (that was all I could afford).

 

It awasn't ideal but it was ok considering, but eventually she broke up with me because we just didn't see enough of each other. In hindsight maybe I should have moved with her, I still miss her now and that was years ago. We live and learn I suppose.

[LegoMan1031]

I'm in a long distance relationship which is now in it's fourth year.

 

We had been together for four years and she went down to Cardiff for uni. I drive down and visit normally every 3 weeks over the weekend. Normally she would be back for a month over xmas, easter and 3 months over the summer holidays.

 

This year is going to be harder as she is doing her masters so has had to get a part time job as well etc for money so she wont be able to come back as much over xmas etc but we will find something to work around.

 

It is hard every time we part ways but we want to make it work and long term it should work out the best as it is something she needed to do for her to have a career etc.

 

Random fact is I have a lot of family in cardiff so can visit them while I am here as well (I'm down here at the moment, travelling back tomorrow morning for work in the afternoon!)

 

There is light at the end of the tunnel as we can be together again perminantly, certain things are uncertain about where we will end up being together as I'm on the verge of getting my dream job and she is working towards her career but once it all settles then it will be awesome!

 

I look at how @flameboy handled it as we used to speak pretty much every day before he went to Canada and he got to see his girlfriend so much less than what I do and he made it work so hats off to you bro! I think if he did it then I can!

[Ashley]

We did watch the last Glee episode where all the long-distance couples broke up the morning he left though. Awkkkkks

 

Your biggest mistake was watching Glee. Let's be frank.

[Beast]

Your biggest mistake was watching Glee. Let's be frank.

 

I'd rather not be @Frank, I'm happy being Animal!

 

.....I'll just get my coat!

[Emma]

I've been in a long distance relationship before and even though we got to see each other most weekends, as soon as we moved nearer to each other, the relationship soon broke down. We weren't very well matched together, but it wasn't obvious until we saw each other more often.

 

To me, a relationship is where you get to see and be with that person physically. I get to see Dan every day and there's no way I'd want to change that. You only get one life. I'd rather see the person who makes me happy every day rather than only once in a while.

 

From reading this thread I don't understand why some people from the start would want to be in a REALLY long distance relationship with someone, where they only meet up once every few months. Surely you would rather be with someone nearer? Chances are highly likely there is someone nearer that you could see every day and be far happier with??

[jayseven]

To counter your latter points, @Emma; suppose Dan has to go to Brazil for 6 months. Do you break up? You know he'll be back eventually, so you work through it. What if you know he'll only be back for a month before shooting off for another 6 months? It'd be tricky, but doable. Not something to break up over, right?

 

I think having that point to move towards really helps. I agree that having the relationship formed upon the distance means you're postponing a lot of tests and tribulations for a later date.

 

But if one could choose, one should certainly opt for the more 'complete' relationship experience.

[Jav_NE]

I've not had to do it, but my work mate is currently in one with an American girl and he hates it. Was easy at first he said but it just gets harder and harder.

 

I know why people try it though, and power to those experiencing it, but don't you wonder why you're not together in the same place? If you love this person then what is it in this world that is more important than that? A job? A degree? Surely these things just make your seperation grow bigger every day. I'm a bit of a romantic, so i'd like to think i'd just pack my bags and move. Lets face it, that has to happen at some point anyway so why not do it earlier rather than later and have more time to settle? If that isn't on the cards for either party then I think they're both wasting each others time.

[Paj!]

Your biggest mistake was watching Glee. Let's be frank.

 

I don't really (stopped in the second series) - but my boyfriend does. And I've been surprised by some stunning song choices. One episode had Hole in it! And they played

(which I for some reason thought only I knew existed) as background music in one scene. But yes. Still kinda bleeeeurgh.

[Magnus]

I'm in a long distance relationship which is now in it's fourth year.

I'm just going to ignore the rest of your post and assume you're talking about Flameboy. :p

[Ashley]

To counter your latter points' date=' @Emma; suppose Dan has to go to Brazil for 6 months. Do you break up? You know he'll be back eventually, so you work through it. What if you know he'll only be back for a month before shooting off for another 6 months? It'd be tricky, but doable. Not something to break up over, right?[/quote']

 

It's hypothetical for Emma. It took Dan about 5 years to find a job in Sheffield. I can't see him leaving Yorkshire any time soon