Posted August 7, 2012 I went to a lot of weddings around that age. I'm 33 and am now all my friends are announcing the birth of their 3rd or 4th child. I've actually got a feeling that there will be a few engagements in my friends group over the next couple of years (we're all 22/23). A few very long term relationships which look like they'll be going that way soon. Depressingly, amongst my closest friends we're all single. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I've actually got a feeling that there will be a few engagements in my friends group over the next couple of years (we're all 22/23). A few very long term relationships which look like they'll be going that way soon. Depressingly, amongst my closest friends we're all single. I thought that, but recently there have been a high number of long-term relationships break up in my friends group. Once one happens, more tend to collapse in their wake Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I'm glad it's just not me then! Maybe it's just our profession. I go to work, spend the whole day with kids there. I love being able to come home and do something else, whether that's gaming, music stuff, working out, or something. I love my job, but right now, I would go insane if I was around kids 24/7... Totally agree, one of the kids in my class (guess my old class now) recently had a baby brother, mum came in one morning with the baby and she asked me if he made me broody. I replied spending my day with her child and 21 others is enough for me. She laughed and replied fair enough. I used to say there was no way I would EVER have kids.. but recently it has changed, maybe one day, in the VERY distant future I might possibly decide I'm mental/selfless enough to do it. Y'know what goes well with three weddings in two days alone? A girlfriend who is kinda a little bit not-so-subtle about the whole thing. She has a penchant for watching tv shows about weddings' date=' wedding dresses, babies, wedding planning... She's told me that the ring doesn't have to be glamorous... She knows what dress she wants... So no pressure! But of course I don't want to propose, knowing that I can't support us... She deserves the Big Day that she wants and I don't want to propose until I know that can happen.[/quote'] That's a bit of a predicament. If you had the money would you propose? Dan would probably say I'm more than a bit obsessed with the whole thing, but in a different way. I'm really into OTHER people's lives, decisions etc. I went to a lot of weddings around that age. I'm 33 and am now all my friends are announcing the birth of their 3rd or 4th child. Blimey. How can people even afford so many children? I've actually got a feeling that there will be a few engagements in my friends group over the next couple of years (we're all 22/23). A few very long term relationships which look like they'll be going that way soon. Depressingly, amongst my closest friends we're all single. I have bets with @Dan Dare on who it will be next. A friend of mine has recently decided to act ridiculously middle aged and so I've decided it'll be him. All my closest friends are either male or single or both. It makes me a bit that I'll probably never be a bridesmaid and wear a horrible matching shiny dress. EDIT: While writing this post, another of my friends from University has just got engaged. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I used to say there was no way I would EVER have kids.. but recently it has changed, maybe one day, in the VERY distant future I might possibly decide I'm mental/selfless enough to do it. I find this funny. It seems to be a stage that LOADS of girls go through towards the end of their teen years. Not wanting kids, then a few years later they slowly change towards wanting them. I've told a few girls (who don't want kids) this and they are all adamant that they never will. I actually had a catch up with one of these girls (she's a sort of ex, we were never going out, FWB perhaps) and she was always dead against kids but now she says she wants them. Anecdotal point proven. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I have no friends for whom to invite me to weddings. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I have no friends for whom to invite me to weddings. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 That's a bit of a predicament. If you had the money would you propose? If money was no object then yes. But my perception of marriage is different to hers. She comes from a successful one, albeit with a margin for lonely childbearing. I, on the other hand, am a bastard! ... And my family is riddled with second marriages and the lark. My dad only got married (to his gf of 26 years. Note that I am 25 years old) for tax purposes. And even then, it turned out that he married some german girl 30 years ago. So yeah, marriage to me isn't this holy, sanctimonious, pure thing. It's a knot-- a noose that cements the finality of the world's interest in you as a fertile being. Ahem. As for children - I've been 'looking after' teenagers for 6 months, and it's made me go from being a "hell yeah I want kids!" fanatic to ".... well... let's think about it, now..." kinda guy. I've witnessed a few different parenting techniques and it really makes me wonder what sort of a parent I'd be. I've gone from, 6 months ago, thinking I'd be a great Dad, to now believing I'd be a really shitty one. ASIDE: Genuintely, this is the first time I've noticed the guinea pig in your avatar. My lady has two -- do you have them? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 If money was no object then yes. But my perception of marriage is different to hers. She comes from a successful one' date=' albeit with a margin for lonely childbearing. I, on the other hand, am a bastard! ... And my family is riddled with second marriages and the lark. My dad only got married (to his gf of 26 years. Note that I am 25 years old) for tax purposes. And even then, it turned out that he married some german girl 30 years ago. So yeah, marriage to me isn't this holy, sanctimonious, pure [i']thing[/i]. It's a knot-- a noose that cements the finality of the world's interest in you as a fertile being. Ahem. As for children - I've been 'looking after' teenagers for 6 months, and it's made me go from being a "hell yeah I want kids!" fanatic to ".... well... let's think about it, now..." kinda guy. I've witnessed a few different parenting techniques and it really makes me wonder what sort of a parent I'd be. I've gone from, 6 months ago, thinking I'd be a great Dad, to now believing I'd be a really shitty one. ASIDE: Genuintely, this is the first time I've noticed the guinea pig in your avatar. My lady has two -- do you have them? My family are similar, although my parents are still together (even though they argue and yell at each other constantly) and my Dad has been married with kids previously. To me marriage isn't always final. It's a celebration of your relationship and how much you mean to each other, right there and then and possibly in the long future too. Personally, I say, if you're both ready, then go for it! You sound like you're pretty much there anyway, just without the ring :P. You can always save up for the big day afterwards. Yes I have 3 guinea pigs, I've just posted pictures of them in the pet thread . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 As for children - I've been 'looking after' teenagers for 6 months' date=' and it's made me go from being a "hell yeah I want kids!" fanatic to ".... well... let's think about it, now..." kinda guy. I've witnessed a few different parenting techniques and it really makes me wonder what sort of a parent I'd be. I've gone from, 6 months ago, thinking I'd be a great Dad, to now believing I'd be a really shitty one.[/quote'] Looking after someone else's teenagers is very different to looking after your own. You'll have known yours for 12 years and will love them unconditionally. You'll have raised them. As a swimming teacher I've seen smother parents, over-bearing parents, pushy parents, shitty-parents, non-existent parents. It's always easy to think you'll be a good one but until you actually have kids you'll never know. I would obviously like to think that I will be a good dad and from my experiences with kids so far there's nothing to suggest otherwise. However, the kid could be a wee shite, or I might not even know I have a kid for a number of years or anything could happen for me not to be a good dad. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 or I might not even know I have a kid for a number of years I think we all know that there's a little Charlie running around somewhere. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 To me marriage isn't always final. It's a celebration of your relationship and how much you mean to each other, right there and then and possibly in the long future too. Personally, I say, if you're both ready, then go for it! You sound like you're pretty much there anyway, just without the ring :P. You can always save up for the big day afterwards. Pretty much my thoughts, though I understand jay's hesitance. It's not a small thing, after all. Regarding kids I'm terrified of being a bad father. I'm still learning to take proper care of myself, it wouldn't be fair to leave another human being in my responsibility! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I think we all know that there's a little Charlie running around somewhere. If there was it would be quite likely there'd be two of them. Twins are quite possible due in my family this generation... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I think we all know that there's a little Charlie running around somewhere. All the ladies know about 'little Charlie' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I just joined a dating website. Now to see how many women I can repel before bed time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I love reading this topic! But yes, something I've noticed recently... Everyone I know seems to be getting engaged/ married. Well, at least that's what Facebook tells me. I'm going to my best friend from uni's wedding on Friday, and my other friend from uni is currently 8 months pregnant. Out of my closest four friends from college, two are engaged, one is married and the other is married with kids. I've got countless other friends that are also recently engaged/ pregnant/ have children. It seems that every weekend another announcement is made. Is it just the age at which things happen, or has it become popular again? Has anyone else around my age (24) noticed this? This happened to me seven years ago. My little brother and his friends are now doing the whole kids and marriage thing. Someone actually asked me today when I'm having kids as I was at a wedding and apparently that's the kind of conversation you have. I told them not for another ten years. My life first please! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 I just joined a dating website. Now to see how many women I can repel before bed time. Haha, go get 'em, tiger : D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 If money was no object then yes. But my perception of marriage is different to hers. She comes from a successful one' date=' albeit with a margin for lonely childbearing. I, on the other hand, am a bastard! ... And my family is riddled with second marriages and the lark. My dad only got married (to his gf of 26 years. Note that I am 25 years old) for tax purposes. And even then, it turned out that he married some german girl 30 years ago. So yeah, marriage to me isn't this holy, sanctimonious, pure [i']thing[/i]. It's a knot-- a noose that cements the finality of the world's interest in you as a fertile being. Ahem. As for children - I've been 'looking after' teenagers for 6 months, and it's made me go from being a "hell yeah I want kids!" fanatic to ".... well... let's think about it, now..." kinda guy. I've witnessed a few different parenting techniques and it really makes me wonder what sort of a parent I'd be. I've gone from, 6 months ago, thinking I'd be a great Dad, to now believing I'd be a really shitty one. ASIDE: Genuintely, this is the first time I've noticed the guinea pig in your avatar. My lady has two -- do you have them? I personally (and I believe I have said this before) think you'd be a great Dad. You're going to think that and be potentially terrified/scared/nervous/insert feelings here. But I'm sure and I get told a lot, it'll be different when you plan to have kids and they arrive! I'm still under no certain terms wanting children and/or marriage. It's something I've had to defend I guess for quite a few years. On the other hand, I am more open-minded than I was perhaps 5 years ago and know that time changes, but as of yet, I'm still going to be Aunty Steph and nothing more...and I'm ok with that. Even my own parents don't believe I'll have children, although this support is actually very welcome, as my step-mum never had her own children either, she's pretty understanding and knows where I'm coming from. Marriage wise..perhaps more likely than children. To me, I don't see the fuss over a big day with everyone looking at me, but that's not to say I wouldn't have a nice relationship way into my old age, it just isn't a priority. It doesn't scream 'I love you so much' to me, it screams 'expensive day where everyone looks at me' but people are different and I'm happy for my friends who are getting married soon. So yeah, we'll see, but spinster it is! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 Speaking of dating websites, does anyone have advice on first messages. My current tactic doesn't even get a response most times. I usually say hi, say a bit about myself, mention a few things we have in common and end with a question based on their profile. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 Speaking of dating websites, does anyone have advice on first messages. My current tactic doesn't even get a response most times. I usually say hi, say a bit about myself, mention a few things we have in common and end with a question based on their profile. I try to say something interesting, something random so that it'd embed me in their mind, but not so random that they think I'm crazy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 No, just a random factoid few people would know of an interesting talking point, based upon the interests they post on their profile Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 @Cube perhaps skip the talking-about-yourself. Let them peruse your profile if they want, just try and chat to them I suppose, and if they like your manner and personality they'll inquire further. Perhaps you're approaching a bit too formal? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 My main problem is that I don't really know what good conversation starters are. What do I talk about initially? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 Speaking of dating websites, does anyone have advice on first messages. My current tactic doesn't even get a response most times. I usually say hi, say a bit about myself, mention a few things we have in common and end with a question based on their profile. @Cube perhaps skip the talking-about-yourself. Let them peruse your profile if they want' date=' just try and chat to them I suppose, and if they like your manner and personality they'll inquire further. Perhaps you're approaching a bit too formal?[/quote'] I was just about to say what Jay did. By telling them about yourself you are essentially making it unnecessary to go onto your profile. You want them to head onto your profile because that is where you will sell yourself. My brief foray into online dating I just said "Hey, how are you?" then commented on a couple of things they said on their profile. It seemed to work quite well. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
