Posted March 1, 2012 I think it's pretty clear that everyone here is telling you to cut all ties. But if you're convinced you'll regret it in the future, you're clearly not going to take our opinions. It's just human nature to trust your own opinions more than others. You do know more about what happened in the end. So basically what I'm saying is. Go after her again, try everything you think you should. It will get her annoyed, it will make her block you on every mode of contact. But at least you'll learn for the future, and you won't have any regrets. And you'll know it's over. Instead of hoping she'll see your family guy DVDs and thinks of you and calls you to make up. Sorry if this sounds harsh, it's what I think will happen since this conversation seems to be coming back around and I've seen it happen before in other people. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2012 (edited) Yeh i am taking your advice thanks, all i wanted to do was try and talk to her 1 last time so i could say goodbye on good terms so maybe we could be friends oneday ( i simply sent her a message saying i hope your ok and that there were no ill feelings towards her and i hoped he could be friends) she just ignored me. Im always a really nice person but i feel angry with her now im not going to waste another second. Seems nice guys get taken advantage of sometimes, with girls like this. Thinking with my head now but i was blind at the time, i knew that she had been treated like crap from previous bf's and kinda used me to make her feel good again before dumping me for somone else. Oh well thats life, altho i made a huge effort, spent money, treated her really nice as a gentleman, it feels wasted time right now but at least i learned a lesson or two from it all. Life goes on Edited March 1, 2012 by yesteryeargames Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2012 stuff her, shes not worth your time or kindness. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2012 Just a word of advice (based on something I hate myself): don't be clingy/needy/pushy. If you come on too strong and are constantly trying to contact a girl and do things for her etc, it can be a huge turn off... It's like you can't live without her anymore, and some people just don't like that when people are too dependable on them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2012 (edited) Yeh i feel that i may have sent the wrong message or seemed a little clingy i meant well tho, i can see all of my mistakes now but i was too blind at the time. was a honeymoon period of dating i was just about ready to slow things down be cooler but then this happend, she talked about the same saying she never wanted to lose me ect,led me on a bit i feel . i should have played it cool and a bit harder to get. Argh sadly there is no way back out of a situation like that even if i explained all the wrong stuff i did it would seem a little desperate make matters worse . Will have to just cut all ties , very sad but least a lesson learned. Edited March 1, 2012 by yesteryeargames Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 1, 2012 Exactly. The concept of "the one" is ridiculous. Couldn't agree more... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 2, 2012 So I spent 4 hours with the girl that I split up with after she moved down to Reading on Saturday night - we were both at the same uni thing and ended up sat in the corner talking, holding hands, for 4 hours. It was pretty intense and a really dumb thing for both us of to do but it brought back alot of the feelings that were never resolved. I sent her a 600 word message outlining my feelings on Monday night, she replied with a 900 word message tonight, and I've just finished composing a 1200 word reply to that. Basically we both really want to be together but its just so difficult. I'm not going to go completely into it but basically we've somehow managed to find some really intense connection in a very brief time together then unfairly had to end it prematurely, and we both want to explore it but can't. She's talking about wanting to move back up here "eventually", but that could be 6 months, could be 6 years. So I've given her the option that I am willing to try it long distance now that circumstances are at least a little easier (when we broke up we were looking at 0 weekends free to visit for 4 months, now I have a month of uni in April and then after exams I have the entire summer) but only on the assumption that she's going to be moving back within the next year or less. If we don't do that, I simply can't move on from her unless I completely cut all ties and don't speak to or see her any more. If we find ourselves on the same night out again, its a 2 minute "hi how are you" and thats it. It's one of those situations where as much as I'd like a yes, I can't accept maybe. If it's not a yes, then...it's a no. All not very fun, though such serious and intimate mature discussions about this stuff makes me feel very grown up and mature. Not used to having things out in the open and said so honestly. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 2, 2012 So I spent 4 hours with the girl that I split up with after she moved down to Reading on Saturday night - we were both at the same uni thing and ended up sat in the corner talking, holding hands, for 4 hours. It was pretty intense and a really dumb thing for both us of to do but it brought back alot of the feelings that were never resolved. I sent her a 600 word message outlining my feelings on Monday night, she replied with a 900 word message tonight, and I've just finished composing a 1200 word reply to that. Basically we both really want to be together but its just so difficult. I'm not going to go completely into it but basically we've somehow managed to find some really intense connection in a very brief time together then unfairly had to end it prematurely, and we both want to explore it but can't. She's talking about wanting to move back up here "eventually", but that could be 6 months, could be 6 years. So I've given her the option that I am willing to try it long distance now that circumstances are at least a little easier (when we broke up we were looking at 0 weekends free to visit for 4 months, now I have a month of uni in April and then after exams I have the entire summer) but only on the assumption that she's going to be moving back within the next year or less. If we don't do that, I simply can't move on from her unless I completely cut all ties and don't speak to or see her any more. If we find ourselves on the same night out again, its a 2 minute "hi how are you" and thats it. It's one of those situations where as much as I'd like a yes, I can't accept maybe. If it's not a yes, then...it's a no. All not very fun, though such serious and intimate mature discussions about this stuff makes me feel very grown up and mature. Not used to having things out in the open and said so honestly. Exactly 600, 900 and then 1200? That's such a coincidence! Also, you should move to Reading, it is an awesome place with "Cops! Camera! Action!" constantly being filmed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 2, 2012 Sorry, I didn't know the pernickety police were patrolling N-E today. 600, 900 and 1200 +/- 25. The three years I have left of my degree kinda count out moving at this point. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 2, 2012 Sorry, I didn't know the pernickety police were patrolling N-E today. 600, 900 and 1200 +/- 25. The three years I have left of my degree kinda count out moving at this point. You're story is less heartbreaking now I know the messages weren't counted out exactly into rounded amounts of words Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 2, 2012 You're story is less heartbreaking now I know the messages weren't counted out exactly into rounded amounts of words Aren't you meant to be at work for one of the largest consultants in the country? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 2, 2012 I am currently on study leave for one of the largest professional service firms in the world. Yes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 So I spent 4 hours with the girl that I split up with after she moved down to Reading on Saturday night - we were both at the same uni thing and ended up sat in the corner talking, holding hands, for 4 hours. It was pretty intense and a really dumb thing for both us of to do but it brought back alot of the feelings that were never resolved. I sent her a 600 word message outlining my feelings on Monday night, she replied with a 900 word message tonight, and I've just finished composing a 1200 word reply to that. Basically we both really want to be together but its just so difficult. I'm not going to go completely into it but basically we've somehow managed to find some really intense connection in a very brief time together then unfairly had to end it prematurely, and we both want to explore it but can't. She's talking about wanting to move back up here "eventually", but that could be 6 months, could be 6 years. So I've given her the option that I am willing to try it long distance now that circumstances are at least a little easier (when we broke up we were looking at 0 weekends free to visit for 4 months, now I have a month of uni in April and then after exams I have the entire summer) but only on the assumption that she's going to be moving back within the next year or less. If we don't do that, I simply can't move on from her unless I completely cut all ties and don't speak to or see her any more. If we find ourselves on the same night out again, its a 2 minute "hi how are you" and thats it. It's one of those situations where as much as I'd like a yes, I can't accept maybe. If it's not a yes, then...it's a no. All not very fun, though such serious and intimate mature discussions about this stuff makes me feel very grown up and mature. Not used to having things out in the open and said so honestly. Mate, story of my fucking life. Literally THE reason me and my girl aren't together, bleh. For one reason or another she's now had to end it for the 3rd time in about 8 months. Fuck women. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) Oh well , she has now sent me a message saying im not interested in anything ,dont contact me again and unfriended me, all i said a couple of days ago before i took your advice was that i hoped we could be friends and sorry if i came on too strong ect And i left it at that. Makes me think she had found someone else or an EX, just wanted red of me , do feel sad lost a friend but also kind of glad its officially over , was nothing but a nice guy i made some mistakes i admit, but she led me on too then a week before all this happend revealed all that deep stuff to me,things were not the same after , treated me like crap when she wanted to end things ( joined a dating site before she even dumped me ) gave me a cold shoulder and 1 text later i was dumped . oh well thats the end of that. Dont need friends like that, its clear she had some issues looking back on it with my head and not my heart, who knows what could have happend if this had gone on for a while i could have got seriously used and hurt. Wish i took your advice and removed her from my friends list immediatly when you guys said but i wanted to try and maybe just be friends oneday i think im too nice for my own good. Lesson Learned, a hard one:( but life goes on feel wiser and i wont make the same mistakes if i find somone nice again , will be nice and gentleman thats who i am but not over do it think there is a fine balance between being too nice and a doormat or the complete opposite. Edited March 3, 2012 by yesteryeargames Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 At least that's definite closure for you. It's unfortunate it had to end like that, but now you can move on without looking back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 Oh well , she has now sent me a message saying im not interested in anything ,dont contact me again and unfriended me, all i said a couple of days ago before i took your advice was that i hoped we could be friends and sorry if i came on too strong ect And i left it at that. Makes me think she had found someone else or an EX, just wanted red of me , do feel sad lost a friend but also kind of glad its officially over , was nothing but a nice guy i made some mistakes i admit, but she led me on too then a week before all this happend revealed all that deep stuff to me,things were not the same after , treated me like crap when she wanted to end things ( joined a dating site before she even dumped me ) gave me a cold shoulder and 1 text later i was dumped . oh well thats the end of that. Dont need friends like that, its clear she had some issues looking back on it with my head and not my heart, who knows what could have happend if this had gone on for a while i could have got seriously used and hurt. Wish i took your advice and removed her from my friends list immediatly when you guys said but i wanted to try and maybe just be friends oneday i think im too nice for my own good. Exactly, sounds like you were too friggin' nice! I mean she started to treat you like crap...and you just accepted that? I would've been fuming at that point...Yeah, it's difficult when you're attracted to someone, but if they start acting like a total cunty mccuntersson, they need to be told that! I bet you were a little pissed off when she didn't even reply to you, eh? And still, even though it was clearly her fault of lacking basic communication skills and being just an inconsiderate bitch, you were constantly apologising and acting like you had done something wrong? Lesson Learned, a hard one:( but life goes on feel wiser and i wont make the same mistakes if i find somone nice again , will be nice and gentleman thats who i am but not over do it think there is a fine balance between being too nice and a doormat or the complete opposite. Yes. Be a gentleman, but boost your self-respect as well. You don't need to take shit from anyone, so if someone's being rude to you, either say it to them straight or move on. No need to waste your time with such people, you deserve better... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 Indeed. It'll sting for a bit but like you say, you don't really need friends like that, it's best you found out what she was like now rather than 5 years down the line (with possible house and kids involved) where she could have been doing all sorts behind your back. It just sucks more because you felt it was the real deal at the beginning. I've found myself in a bit of a strange position recently. For most of my adult life, I've been in a relationship and have recently discovered the joys of being free and single. I've been on my own for about 5 months now, which is probably the longest time I've ever been single. I'm now in my mid thirties - I have my own house, business, car and I don't have much baggage (no kids or crazy exes to speak of) And all of this seems to make me pretty desirable to women of my age, which I'm certainly not used to. Most of them are divorced or recently separated and the problem is, they're looking for that special someone again, and I'm really not. Went to a house party at my friends' last month and there was a nice woman there. We've been out a couple of times, just to the cinema and I've cooked for her a few times. I've told her I don't want a relationship and she says she's ok with it, but I get the feeling that she wants more from me than I can provide and I get the feeling she may try to push things further between us than I want them to go. We don't really have a great deal in common - different tastes in music, films, TV etc - and she doesn't like gaming But she is nice enough, just not for me. There are other women I've met up with or just talked to on fb, and it's mostly the same story as the one above. However I've been speaking and have met up a few times with this girl who is 10 years younger than me. She's nothing like the kind of girl I usually go for - she likes her hair extensions, fake tan, make up and nails which is normally a turn off for me. She's really stunning though, and she's not stuck up like a lot of really hot girls can be. She likes her food - actually eats more than I do! And we like a lot of the same stuff - she comes over to watch the Walking Dead, she is on Xbox Live and we regularly play Free Mode on GTA IV where she takes pleasure in running me over when I least expect it! I think because she's younger, she's not after anything too serious so I may see how things go with her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 Does anyone notice how the conversation over the last couple of pages has revolved around someone being too nice and apparently losing the girl for it? Remind you of anything I've said in this thread before? I jest... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 What I've read the past few pages is that people are too nice. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) I hear you wont stop being a nice guy but i wont take crap of anyone who takes advantage again. I actually feel like huge weight has been lifted on my shoulder today even tho i feel a bit bad about how it ended and that i lost a friend forever, in reality to remain friends with an ex is hard i should have just took your advice and cut all ties but least i know for sure now no false hope and can move on knowing i tried my best. Feel that so called nice guys often end up with girls who have been treated bad in the past and are looking for a safe option lead them on, and then hurt them. Oh well Its a lush sunny day, i have good family and friends ,im alive and well and wiser, i can get stuck into some gaming again most importantly :p Edited March 3, 2012 by yesteryeargames Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 Good on you, there's always going to be a few bad experiences, but at least you've got one over and done with! I like a guy at work. This can only be a very bad thing.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 Nightwolf, shame on you! You're supposed to like a guy on N-E! What does this guy have that Goafer doesn't? Does he own three cars? I think not! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 Nightwolf, shame on you! You're supposed to like a guy on N-E! What does this guy have that Goafer doesn't? Does he own three cars? I think not! Haha, me and Goafer have taken our separate ways. I just couldn't compete and his love for his three cars was too strong. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 3, 2012 Aww, you should have bought the oldest and dinkiest car you could find and cruised around his neighborhood. He wouldn't have been able to resist you! Oh well. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
