Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[Kurtle Squad]

Slight thread hijack: Just wondering Flink/Eenuh what's the longest you guys have not spoken for at times? an how that made you feel? (Assuming all is well now) Mostly for my own long distance comparative reasons, I do understand all situations are different blah blah blah.

 

From experience I wouldn't suggest making it long distance after a period of it not being.

[Fresh]

Might be slightly late there then Kurtle, I've been long distance for the last 9 months. Seen each other once over Christmas and must say I'm very envious of even seeing each other every 6 weeks as Flink and Eenuh do. Just something you have to do though.

[Eenuh]

Might be slightly late there then Kurtle, I've been long distance for the last 9 months. Seen each other once over Christmas and must say I'm very envious of even seeing each other every 6 weeks as Flink and Eenuh do. Just something you have to do though.

 

I used to be in your situation with my ex, only seeing him twice a year (Christmas and Summer). After about 3.5 years I had enough of it heh.

 

And now I find myself in a long distance relationship again. =P

*will never learn*

[jayseven]

Well the more the better so any input is great so you're more than welcome. I'm just wondering, as i said, for my own comparative reasons and it's certainly a situation I don't want to find my self in again after now and must remain focused on whats at the end, something worth it. I suppose, and I don't know if you had this as well but there seems to be good and bad patches mostly due to breakdowns in communication and the inability to express what you mean in 160 characters.

Well it's been a few years since we were long-distance so it's hard to be precise, but generally it would be a few texts during the day followed by a phonecall in the evening. It varied and was rocky at points because personally I don't like phone-calls, and often I'd be in a social situation and not be great on the phone. But whether it was text, phone or msn there was always a sense that my attention was a bit split, and I can understand that it can come accross as uncaring even if it's not intended.

 

Looking back - yeah, it was very difficult, and hard to manage. Sometimes the contact felt forced, sometimes it felt like I wasn't communicating enough. As you say, it's easy to be misinterpreted with text, but also I think phonecalls are tricky as well as there's not really any external stimulus so it was... yeah. Hard.

 

Of course, with long-distance relationships the time you spend together is that much more special - in itself this can be a danger, warping the actual relationship a little.

 

So yeah. It's important to recognise that the distance itself can cause frustration, and important not to let it allay your actual relationship. Yeah. Very hard.

[Kurtle Squad]

I don't think I could be bothered with the effort (and costs) of a long distance relationship again.

Edited June 16, 2011 by Kurtle Squad

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

I say more power to those that decide to brave a Long-Distance relationship. Just reveals your strength of spirit and faithfulness.

 

In reality, 'normal' close-range relationships get repetitive and 'boring' very quickly, but I find the spice of a long-distance or 'less frequent' relationship is the longing to see and be with your partner. I feel all the tension and emotion that builds with not seeing them strengthens the relationship, ESPECIALLY when you settle together.

 

But of course only certain character types have the perserverance. In a relationship apparently based on love, I found it pretty disturbing when I asked/tested an ex that if I had to live in another city will she still want to be with me... Her answer was a half-hearted "it will be hard...I don't know". LOL - and thats fair enough, but I think thats just a sign of things to come and shows a lack of willingness or even love.

 

Because at the end of the day, whether you emmigrate to the moon, its the same feelings in the heart. [/corny]

 

[Beast]

I've never been in a long-distance relationship but I know a few people who have successfully moved to either country or either town and have made a new life. It's really nice to see how two people are far apart and when they're together, it's like they were always there and never miles away.

 

I haven't been in a relationship for about 3 years now and I like it but I don't. I'd like to meet someone but they always end up taken or not my type. Right now, I'm speaking to a girl and she's really nice at the moment but I'm not sure whether something will come out of it, I hope it does, that'd be cool!

 

But yeah, as most guys have said on here, it's all about the confidence!

 

[chairdriver]

It's also about looking attractive too. And having good chat.

 

It's one of those things, you can be all lovey-dovey and be like "Just be confident!", but realistically you also have to make an effort to make yourself look good, and make an effort to become a more interesting person.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I say more power to those that decide to brave a Long-Distance relationship. Just reveals your strength of spirit and faithfulness.

 

In reality, 'normal' close-range relationships get repetitive and 'boring' very quickly, but I find the spice of a long-distance or 'less frequent' relationship is the longing to see and be with your partner. I feel all the tension and emotion that builds with not seeing them strengthens the relationship, ESPECIALLY when you settle together.

 

But of course only certain character types have the perserverance. In a relationship apparently based on love, I found it pretty disturbing when I asked/tested an ex that if I had to live in another city will she still want to be with me... Her answer was a half-hearted "it will be hard...I don't know". LOL - and thats fair enough, but I think thats just a sign of things to come and shows a lack of willingness or even love.

 

Because at the end of the day, whether you emmigrate to the moon, its the same feelings in the heart. [/corny]

 

 

Still, long distance relationships just aren't for some people. If what you want from a relationship is closeness, mental as well as physical, long distance just won't work all that well.

 

It's good to persevere and have faith in your feelings, but like with everything else, they might not be able to endure, and that's not necessarily because they weren't strong enough. Feelings needs to be nurtured, and if they can't get the nurture they need from a long distance relationship, they'll eventually wither.

 

It sounds like I don't believe in long distance relationships, but I really do. It's just that V made it sound a bit like if a long distance relationship didn't work, it was because the love wasn't strong enough or the people didn't try hard enough, and I think that's the wrong way of looking at it. Note that I don't think that's necessarily what he meant, but I just felt like sharing my own thoughts on the matter.

 

It's also about looking attractive too. And having good chat.

 

The chemistry if important, of course, but looking "attractive"? I don't think so. I find it a weird thing, "attractiveness", because it's all in our minds. Things and people aren't beautiful by nature; "beauty" is a concept that exists solely in the mind, and although there are general ideals (which are entirely dependent on culture, by the way), what each individual human brain sees as beautiful varies a lot. Besides, when people fall in love, the person they love will seem beautiful to them even if he or she doesn't fit the "established" ideals of beauty.

 

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Edited June 16, 2011 by Dannyboy-the-Dane
Automerged Doublepost

[Beast]

It's also about looking attractive too. And having good chat.

 

It's one of those things, you can be all lovey-dovey and be like "Just be confident!", but realistically you also have to make an effort to make yourself look good, and make an effort to become a more interesting person.

 

I agree although sometimes looks isn't everything to some people. I believe everybody would try their best to look good for a date. I do think that sometimes you shouldn't put all of your cards on the table, it just adds that bit of mystery and fun in getting to know the person. First impressions really can be everything at times but then again, they can be nothing but a mask.

 

I believe what Dannyboy says as well. I like girls who are quite big (sorry if this offends but I really can't think of another way to say it) where others wouldn't. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what I may find beautiful, you may not.

[Ashley]

Slight thread hijack: Just wondering Flink/Eenuh what's the longest you guys have not spoken for at times? an how that made you feel? (Assuming all is well now) Mostly for my own long distance comparative reasons, I do understand all situations are different blah blah blah.

 

Hamish might be a good man to talk to about that. His gentleman caller lives in Aus. But then I'm offering up his help so...I apologise Hamish if you're not in the mood

 

I kind of have a crush. Which is annoying, I hate crushes. And just as I start to get over it their names has been brought up a lot the last few days. ^_^

[Razz]

Ash you need to text me more about it. I may be in no-mans-exam-land but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy goss.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I agree although sometimes looks isn't everything to some people. I believe everybody would try their best to look good for a date. I do think that sometimes you shouldn't put all of your cards on the table, it just adds that bit of mystery and fun in getting to know the person. First impressions really can be everything at times but then again, they can be nothing but a mask.

 

I believe what Dannyboy says as well. I like girls who are quite big (sorry if this offends but I really can't think of another way to say it) where others wouldn't. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what I may find beautiful, you may not.

 

Of course making yourself look the best you can will improve the impression you leave on people, but again, I think it's more about sending the right signals than about "looking good" in the conventional sense. You don't need to fit society's ideals of attractiveness to be successful on the dating market, it's more about selling yourself in the right way. Take a shower, put on some deodorant, wear some nice clothes - it's all about giving the impression that you're a guy with your life under perfect control. It's still all about confidence. From my experience these things are way more important that conventional good looks.

[Fierce_LiNk]

It's also about looking attractive too. And having good chat.

 

It's one of those things, you can be all lovey-dovey and be like "Just be confident!", but realistically you also have to make an effort to make yourself look good, and make an effort to become a more interesting person.

 

Yeah, telling someone "just be confident" doesn't mean they will suddenly become it. It's a pretty fucking hard thing to do!

 

To be confident you need to believe in yourself. That might takes years to achieve. You almost need to have inner peace by that point. How do you achieve that? By doing what you want, basically. Doing what you want, being happy with that.

[Ashley]

Ash you need to text me more about it. I may be in no-mans-exam-land but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy goss.

 

There is nothing to tell. Nothing has happened in the last two weeks. Other than me outlining what happened at E3 but no response.

 

I'm too busy (being awesome) for anything anyway

 

Also I've been in no man's land too.

 

Yeah, telling someone "just be confident" doesn't mean they will suddenly become it. It's a pretty fucking hard thing to do!

 

To be confident you need to believe in yourself. That might takes years to achieve. You almost need to have inner peace by that point. How do you achieve that? By doing what you want, basically. Doing what you want, being happy with that.

 

Actually I told myself to be confident and I was.

 

I can still seriously doubt myself at times but when I need to be confident I can make myself it.

 

Also you achieve it by listening to a lot of Nicki Minaj, Kanye and Justin Timblerlake. They're aaaaall about self confidence.

[Beast]

Of course making yourself look the best you can will improve the impression you leave on people, but again, I think it's more about sending the right signals than about "looking good" in the conventional sense. You don't need to fit society's ideals of attractiveness to be successful on the dating market, it's more about selling yourself in the right way. Take a shower, put on some deodorant, wear some nice clothes - it's all about giving the impression that you're a guy with your life under perfect control. It's still all about confidence. From my experience these things are way more important that conventional good looks.

 

I agree but if it's from a point of view of what gets you going (if you catch my drift), looks would most likely come into it (no jokes please!). Personality plays a big part for me; a great sense of humour and always smiling would go a very long way for me but people would see looks as a factor too, even if personality comes first.

[chairdriver]

"Looking attractive" meaning making an effort to present yourself well. Wearing nice clothes -- wearing sexy clothes (not lingerie or the like, lol, but like... believe in the power of augmentation of clothes), looking after your body, having looks-good-hair, having a sense of individuality in how you present yourself (perhaps allowing your sense of humour to show through), having nice teeth, having non-smelly breath etc etc.

 

It's not even a case of being shallow, it's a case that it requires a tad of effort.

[Beast]

Also, self-confidence can surprisingly be easy sometimes. I normally listen to some rock music to boost my confidence or I just look in the mirror and tell myself what I've done and what people have said would be impossible for me to do but have overcome them and hey presto, self-confidence done in 2 minutes. People should try that technique.

[Eenuh]

Yeah I agree with chairdriver. It's important you present yourself well. Just make sure you look good, put on a nice smell, some nice clothes. It shows that you care about yourself and that you can put in the effort to look good for someone else too.

 

 

Men like it when girls dress up for them.

Well girls also like it when men dress up nicely for them.

 

No matter how much I tease Jim about him being a woman (he takes longer than me in the shower for example), I do think it's great he takes care of himself like that and tries to look good (for me... or for his secret lover or something).

[Beast]

"Looking attractive" meaning making an effort to present yourself well. Wearing nice clothes -- wearing sexy clothes (not lingerie or the like, lol, but like... believe in the power of augmentation of clothes), looking after your body, having looks-good-hair, having a sense of individuality in how you present yourself (perhaps allowing your sense of humour to show through), having nice teeth, having non-smelly breath etc etc.

 

It's not even a case of being shallow, it's a case that it requires a tad of effort.

 

Yeah, I get what you mean. All people would be more attractive when they're clean and well-presented and that's what I like, I like girls who'd make the effort and I assume that they'd expect the same from me.

[chairdriver]

Also you achieve it by listening to a lot of Nicki Minaj, Kanye and Justin Timblerlake. They're aaaaall about self confidence.

 

Yes!

 

I hope they coming for me

Because the top is lonely

What the fuck they gon' say?

I'm the best bitch doing it

I'm the best

It's OK

As long as you know

As long as you know

As long as you motherfuckers know

I'm the best.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Yeah, telling someone "just be confident" doesn't mean they will suddenly become it. It's a pretty fucking hard thing to do!

 

To be confident you need to believe in yourself. That might takes years to achieve. You almost need to have inner peace by that point. How do you achieve that? By doing what you want, basically. Doing what you want, being happy with that.

 

I think you're part right, part wrong.

 

Yes, believing in yourself can be very difficult, and everyone will feel insecure in themselves sometimes. Doing the things you want and feeling happy about it is a good way to build confidence, and it can also help to sit down and outline the things you are good at or want to be good at.

 

But on the other hand, sometimes you actually just need to "fake it till you make it". Just pretend you have self-confidence and act like it. It's a psychological trick; the brain reacts "in reverse", so to speak. For instance, if you feel sad, you can make yourself feel better by smiling. It doesn't matter that you don't feel like smiling at all - the physical act of smiling is associated with happiness in your brain, and it reacts accordingly. Instead of smiling because you're happy, you can become happy because you're smiling.

 

Most negative emotions like low self-esteem and fear are self-reinforcing, meaning they create a negative spiral. Replacing these negative emotions with positive emotions like confidence and happiness can reverse the spiral and turn it into a positive one.

 

The brain is easily influenced and even tricked, so you might as well influence it and trick it into being positive instead of negative.

 

Yeah I agree with chairdriver. It's important you present yourself well. Just make sure you look good, put on a nice smell, some nice clothes. It shows that you care about yourself and that you can put in the effort to look good for someone else too.

 

Indeed, and another very important factor is that it makes you feel good about yourself as well.

[Kurtle Squad]

Also, self-confidence can surprisingly be easy sometimes. I normally listen to some rock music to boost my confidence or I just look in the mirror and tell myself what I've done and what people have said would be impossible for me to do but have overcome them and hey presto, self-confidence done in 2 minutes. People should try that technique.

 

Have you been playing too much Sims?

[Beast]

Have you been playing too much Sims?

 

God's Honest Truth, I've never played a Sims game before, lmao. Why, is there some kind of reference or something?

[jayseven]

I'm a fan of the whole "love yourself before you love others" thing. Not just because you'll be honestly yourself but also because if you don't trust or know yourself then you'll be incapable of trusting or knowing another individual, let alone someone you want to actually spend time with.

 

People put too much faith in being 'loved' without truly knowing what the emotion is. Yes, it's gratifying and meaningful, but it is not the be-all and end-all of life. You have to spend your entire life with you alone, and I think there is no excuse in saying that confidence is built merely upon how many/few people find you appealing. While you ought not be an idiot and think highly of yourself when, in actual fact, you're a dickhead, you should still put yourself first and believe in your own worth before you put yourself out for sale.

 

If someone is going to invest in you as the person of their dreams then surely they don't want a whinging wreck who hates themslves. Simlarly, why should you be waiting for someone to call on you? I found love not just because I stopped 'chasing' or 'looking' but simply because I started being, started just enjoying myself and not caring if something happened or not. As it was, someone saw my easy-going nature and gave me a go. No intentions there at all.

 

But if you focus so much of your life on "love" then you're going to miss out on life. Gain some perspective- stop watching tv for a few months and see how you feel. Jeez/