Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[Ramar]

So remember that girl I spoke about on here? Yeah, isn't gonna happen anyway.

 

So we were talking on the phone for a couple of hours a time and she was saying stuff like how she liked hearing my voice and how she really likes me and stuff.

 

She mentioned that it was her birthday so I got her a box of chocolates (Ferraro rochers- yeah, posh!) and a card. I put it in a plain bag so as to not cause her any embarrassment or anything because I could only meet her at work.

 

I gave them to her and she was all "OH MY GOD, I'M SO EMBARRASED!", smiling. I laughed and I explained I wanted to get her something. She said "people will think you're my boyfriend" and I said "would that be a bad thing?". She then replied with "Ha ha ha. YOU'RE funny, aren't ya!". I was like "...okay" and then it turned awkward, I felt like a dick and I said "I'm gonna go" and she said "okay, see ya" and carried on working.

 

A few weeks later, she calls me two days ago in the morning but I ignored it because I was a bit annoyed with her. Anyway, I was locking up the shop last night and she said hello. She's now working two doors down from where I work. I was like "ah cool, okay" and she was saying how she was being transferred. I said "cool" and she said she tried to ring me because she couldn't find the shop. I just said I was still asleep (rang at 7.30). She then left with "maybe we can talk soon?" and I just said "...maybe. See ya" and she said bye.

 

I just felt a bit annoyed, really.

 

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Where's the issue?...

[Beast]

Where's the issue?...

The fact that one minute, she's all "I really, really like you" and "I could hear your voice all day" and the next, she's just deflecting.

 

The whole thing with the birthday gift was massively awkward. It was the way she said it. Like it was impossible or something to even suggest an idea such as being her boyfriend. She could've teasingly answered me back or attempted to flirt or even just be straight and say "I'm not feeling it but being your friend would be cool", I'd have taken that. But saying "Ha ha, YOU'RE funny, aren't ya!" was a bit WTF. Even the assistant at her work was nearby and looked at her like she was weird. It was all just embarrassing.

[Pestneb]

Possibly she was getting mixed signals from you.. liking her but holding back because you were concerned about things not having great long term potential. She may have just assumed you weren't interested, or may also be in two minds herself. you giving her that present she may have felt she had to choose to go for the friend or g/f response.. but as you guys aren't official she blurted that b/f thing out in an embarrassed way. She might have died inside when she heard herself say that... and wondered why the hell she said it after you left... Just saying she may not have everything sorted in her head and can say the wrong things too. Obviously she did say the wrong thing, but we don't know what's going on in her head, her history, her personality etc. there may be a good/weak reason for her doing that, and it could be down to her interpreting your responses as not being interested but being "too nice a guy" to say so... or feeling you're out of her league or idk.... people can be weird, but then you need to figure out if you can enjoy being with someone who is her kind of weird.

[Beast]

Possibly she was getting mixed signals from you.. liking her but holding back because you were concerned about things not having great long term potential. She may have just assumed you weren't interested, or may also be in two minds herself. you giving her that present she may have felt she had to choose to go for the friend or g/f response.. but as you guys aren't official she blurted that b/f thing out in an embarrassed way. She might have died inside when she heard herself say that... and wondered why the hell she said it after you left... Just saying she may not have everything sorted in her head and can say the wrong things too. Obviously she did say the wrong thing, but we don't know what's going on in her head, her history, her personality etc. there may be a good/weak reason for her doing that, and it could be down to her interpreting your responses as not being interested but being "too nice a guy" to say so... or feeling you're out of her league or idk.... people can be weird, but then you need to figure out if you can enjoy being with someone who is her kind of weird.

 

The thing is, I only told you guys about the long-term thing. She knew I liked her in that way the moment we had that coffee because she even commented on it by saying it was a date and stuff.

 

She totally knew I liked her in that way. We both said we were open and she really liked me too, her words. I don't even see why she mentioned the boyfriend thing. It wasn't even what she said, it was the way she said it. It was like really awkward, sarky humour or something. Misinterpreting it or not, it's too...weird...to react like that. I'd have settled for a bit of a giggle but...I don't know.

 

It's really kind of put me off.

[Ashley]

Well if you don't want to carry on just tell her (unless you've had more interactions since the one you mentioned at your shop). I know you feel hurt but two wrongs don't make a right (I'm getting so old...) and it's better you explain to her why you're hurt than just giving the cold shoulder.

 

If you're still in two minds, you should still explain to her why to see if you both can move past this.

[Kav]

Just talk to her @Animal, communication is key. Without clear communication things won't work.

[Ramar]

The fact that one minute, she's all "I really, really like you" and "I could hear your voice all day" and the next, she's just deflecting.

 

The whole thing with the birthday gift was massively awkward. It was the way she said it. Like it was impossible or something to even suggest an idea such as being her boyfriend. She could've teasingly answered me back or attempted to flirt or even just be straight and say "I'm not feeling it but being your friend would be cool", I'd have taken that. But saying "Ha ha, YOU'RE funny, aren't ya!" was a bit WTF. Even the assistant at her work was nearby and looked at her like she was weird. It was all just embarrassing.

 

You put her in a potentially awkward situation then got mad because she reacted awkwardly. Go figure.

[Beast]

You put her in a potentially awkward situation then got mad because she reacted awkwardly. Go figure.

In what way did I put her in an awkward position? I put the gift and card in a bag for life that could've had anything in it to avoid embarrassment just in case. I didn't even bring the 'boyfriend' thing up, she did and all I said was if it was such a bad thing if they did anyway.

 

Roles reversed and I was in her shoes, I'd have just thanked her for the gift and that would be that. I wouldn't have brought anything up.

 

If anything, she made it awkward herself for some reason.

[Happenstance]

Personally I think you've read way too much into it. She was obviously feeling a but embarrassed and answered your question a bit awkwardly. I'm sorry but if anything you were the one who made things worse by saying "would that be such a bad thing", basically putting her on the spot to answer.

[Beast]

Personally I think you've read way too much into it. She was obviously feeling a but embarrassed and answered your question a bit awkwardly. I'm sorry but if anything you were the one who made things worse by saying "would that be such a bad thing", basically putting her on the spot to answer.

 

I guess so but it wasn't like she had to answer the way she did. She always said she was straightforward and she was when I worked with her. If she didn't like something or agreed or disagreed, she made it known. It's not even about what she said but more how she said it that got me.

 

If she flat-out said "yeah" to me, I'd have accepted that more than her response. It'd feel crap but I'd appreciate the honesty. If she said "Well, not right now", I'd accept it but she didn't.

 

I'd talk to her again and see what's up but I'm sure I know where I stand.

 

I think it was because it took me by surprise. I was straight up with her from the start, she knew I liked her and she's said she really liked me. She phoned me having conversations lasting two hours whilst saying she really likes me and stuff.

 

I dunno. I'll speak to her again and see what happens. I don't feel attracted to her in that sense but I don't mind being friends.

Edited April 16, 2017 by Animal

[Ashley]

We can all say, or assume, we are "straight talking" and will be honest with people but emotions fuck all that out the window. Your reading of the situation may be right, but don't assume it to be right because in the past she said she'd always shoot from the hip. You may have caught her at an off moment (unrelated to you), or perhaps you caught her when she'd been wanting to take things further with you and this completely caught her off guard and she panic-joked and it went the wrong way. Maybe she didn't want to have that talk in front of her colleagues.

 

Basically, talk. Just talk. Ignore the hilarious antics of all sitcoms (and the wrought conflicts of all soaps) and just talk. And don't go in thinking you know where you stand because that will affect how you react. You obviously have emotions at play, but don't go in thinking "I'm going to hear here talk but I can't get past this!" because you won't then listen to what she says, you'll listen for your queue to give your prepared statement.

 

Is there any reason why you didn't ask her before? Something along the lines of "oh hey it's your birthday, am I getting you a gift as your boyfriend or just a friend..." but in a more relaxed environment.

[Ramar]

In what way did I put her in an awkward position? I put the gift and card in a bag for life that could've had anything in it to avoid embarrassment just in case. I didn't even bring the 'boyfriend' thing up, she did and all I said was if it was such a bad thing if they did anyway.

 

Roles reversed and I was in her shoes, I'd have just thanked her for the gift and that would be that. I wouldn't have brought anything up.

 

If anything, she made it awkward herself for some reason.

 

You brought her a gift into work. That for me would be the awkward part. No one wants to deal with colleagues and work gossip.

[Beast]

You brought her a gift into work. That for me would be the awkward part. No one wants to deal with colleagues and work gossip.

Like I said, I put it in a bag for life. I could've handed her anything as a friend. You couldn't see what was in it at all. I did it because of that purpose.

 

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[Ashley]

How can you guarantee though that colleagues won't try and sneak a peak? Or just gossip that it's something more than it is?

[Beast]

How can you guarantee though that colleagues won't try and sneak a peak? Or just gossip that it's something more than it is?

I guess but like I said, it could've been anything and I could've been anyone and she used to tell me to pop down when she's on shift to see her.

 

I guess I don't know anybody who would've reacted that way. I'm not used to it because family members and friends (including mine) have come in before whether it's to have a quick chat or drop something off.

 

Eh, who knows ^_^

 

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[bob]

 

Ignore the hilarious antics of all sitcoms (and the wrought conflicts of all soaps) and just talk.

 

I feel like you've not met Animal before.

[Raining_again]

She could be just as equally confused about this whole thing as you are.

 

I agree with Ashmon x2. Speak to her and listen and don't assume you have it down that shes in this avenue when shes maybe somewhere else. This is a generalization, and its not always 100% true BUT i find that younger women just aren't good at talking about these things, whether it be young inexperience, or childish games. I was freakin' terrible at that age.

 

Also colleagues are twats, there is usually AT LEAST one person who will nosey and poke fun at this scenario, and that combined with the youthful awkwardness is a bad combination! Even in a stealthy bag, its still not the best idea, imo. But it was a lovely thought & i understand you may not have had the opportunity to give it to her at any other time.

 

edit: can I just say @Animal you do deserve someone really wonderful, and maybe all this running hot and cold isnt for you, thats ok too.

[stuwii]

Not heard back from the date girl that offered to pay for the entire meal , messaged me about ten times when drunk one night and talked constantly on our date ... Rather odd . So hard to read people

[Shorty]

Step 1. stop messaging her

Step 2. wait til she messages you

[MoogleViper]

Not heard back from the date girl that offered to pay for the entire meal , messaged me about ten times when drunk one night and talked constantly on our date ... Rather odd . So hard to read people

 

How long have you been waiting for a reply? What and how many messages have you sent since her last reply?

[dwarf]

Does anyone else have a problem with the hidden criteria they set for potential partners? I've been speaking to a girl for a few weeks and she's attractive, ambitious (doing a Masters in psychology, considering a career in humanitarian work) and all the other good stuff, but there's a big bee under my bonnet at the moment. The crux of it is: while she professes to be a sceptical person who values science/reason etc, she also says that science/the scientific community is arrogant in what it claims to hold certain, and that she's open to alternative explanations of the universe like astrology.

 

In principle that's not a wildly dumb position; science doesn't offer answers to everything, theories are constantly debunked, and it's perfectly healthy to acknowledge that there are limits to human understanding about nature and the cosmos. At the same time, astrology is patently a load of bullshit; it controverts our ever-dependable laws of physics, there's not a shred of evidence for it, and it smacks of the worst kind of exploitative moneymaking scheme going. It's really nothing more than man-made wishful thinking. I could propose the idea that all human souls past and present originally emanated from my arsehole, but there's no sense in being open to that idea just because it can't be totally disproved. Also, science is in fact a humble enterprise - researchers and theorists show deference to new evidence and willingly admit to the limits of their powers. [All of which I've tried to argue.]

 

So I'm in a position where I feel like I should overlook this belief because, hell, we all have stupid beliefs and personal delusions, most of them kind of harmless. To be this strict on relationship criteria would be to ignore my actual feelings towards this person, and overemphasize the importance of intellect. And yet why can't I shake the feeling that it's quite important to share the same universe as your partner? [melodramatic close]

[Goafer]

Does anyone else have a problem with the hidden criteria they set for potential partners? I've been speaking to a girl for a few weeks and she's attractive, ambitious (doing a Masters in psychology, considering a career in humanitarian work) and all the other good stuff, but there's a big bee under my bonnet at the moment. The crux of it is: while she professes to be a sceptical person who values science/reason etc, she also says that science/the scientific community is arrogant in what it claims to hold certain, and that she's open to alternative explanations of the universe like astrology.

 

In principle that's not a wildly dumb position; science doesn't offer answers to everything, theories are constantly debunked, and it's perfectly healthy to acknowledge that there are limits to human understanding about nature and the cosmos. At the same time, astrology is patently a load of bullshit; it controverts our ever-dependable laws of physics, there's not a shred of evidence for it, and it smacks of the worst kind of exploitative moneymaking scheme going. It's really nothing more than man-made wishful thinking. I could propose the idea that all human souls past and present originally emanated from my arsehole, but there's no sense in being open to that idea just because it can't be totally disproved. Also, science is in fact a humble enterprise - researchers and theorists show deference to new evidence and willingly admit to the limits of their powers. [All of which I've tried to argue.]

 

So I'm in a position where I feel like I should overlook this belief because, hell, we all have stupid beliefs and personal delusions, most of them kind of harmless. To be this strict on relationship criteria would be to ignore my actual feelings towards this person, and overemphasize the importance of intellect. And yet why can't I shake the feeling that it's quite important to share the same universe as your partner? [melodramatic close]

 

You're overthinking it.

 

You're such a pisces.

[Fierce_LiNk]

Does anyone else have a problem with the hidden criteria they set for potential partners? I've been speaking to a girl for a few weeks and she's attractive, ambitious (doing a Masters in psychology, considering a career in humanitarian work) and all the other good stuff, but there's a big bee under my bonnet at the moment. The crux of it is: while she professes to be a sceptical person who values science/reason etc, she also says that science/the scientific community is arrogant in what it claims to hold certain, and that she's open to alternative explanations of the universe like astrology.

 

In principle that's not a wildly dumb position; science doesn't offer answers to everything, theories are constantly debunked, and it's perfectly healthy to acknowledge that there are limits to human understanding about nature and the cosmos. At the same time, astrology is patently a load of bullshit; it controverts our ever-dependable laws of physics, there's not a shred of evidence for it, and it smacks of the worst kind of exploitative moneymaking scheme going. It's really nothing more than man-made wishful thinking. I could propose the idea that all human souls past and present originally emanated from my arsehole, but there's no sense in being open to that idea just because it can't be totally disproved. Also, science is in fact a humble enterprise - researchers and theorists show deference to new evidence and willingly admit to the limits of their powers. [All of which I've tried to argue.]

 

So I'm in a position where I feel like I should overlook this belief because, hell, we all have stupid beliefs and personal delusions, most of them kind of harmless. To be this strict on relationship criteria would be to ignore my actual feelings towards this person, and overemphasize the importance of intellect. And yet why can't I shake the feeling that it's quite important to share the same universe as your partner? [melodramatic close]

 

You are never going to find a "perfect" person without flaws. Everyone has them. Also, just because this person holds this belief now doesn't mean that she'll hold it forever. Like you mentioned, she's open to alternative explanations, so she's not completely closed off and isn't, say, a Christian fundamentalist.

 

If you like this person for the good qualities that she has, then go for it. I guess only then will you be able to figure out if the astrology stuff is too big to ignore, instead of overthinking something that may turn out to be easy to live with.

[dwarf]

Gee, when you put it in reasonable terms like that you make me sound like a cunt!

 

*googles 'am I a cunt?'*

[stuwii]

How long have you been waiting for a reply? What and how many messages have you sent since her last reply?

 

I messaged her the night after the ten drunk videos and no reply , then once when in Rome four days later , then on Sunday after that . So three messages with four day space between each one