Kurtle Squad

Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

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And what happens in a few months time, when she hasn't managed to find a job, and she's getting depressed, and you're getting frustrated that she's not working, and that you're paying the bills, and it's putting a strain on your relationship?

 

Questions I don't know the answer to, it's why I'm conflicted

What you say is a very good point, but the same could happen when she's back in 6 months anyway, only then she'll have some more money...

 

Thing is she has only been job hunting for 3 weeks and had 2 interviews, and she has a promising one that's asked her back for a second interview / assessment day, which she is willing to abandon for this temporary post

Sacking of potential permanent full time work for a temporary role, all because she has no confidence and thinks she won't get it, it's probably because her 58 year old dad lost his job 2 years ago and has never found another job

I think there's an element of fear from her that's She'll end up the same, so she's running from the unknown to a certainty even if it's a temp post

 

It's all too much for me to process really, I can't weigh up what's best at all, I've confidence in her and I think she can get this job she has the interview for, so won't need to go to donnington.

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Questions I don't know the answer to, it's why I'm conflicted

What you say is a very good point, but the same could happen when she's back in 6 months anyway, only then she'll have some more money...

 

More money, a stronger CV and 6 months to find permanent work.

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Was quite hungover on Sunday morning so I decided to spend the morning in the fresh air in a really beautiful public park in Vienna. On my way home there was a protest by a group of Taiwanese protesting against the treaty signed recently by the Taiwanese government regarding china.

 

I hadn't heard so much about it so before going home I decided to stick around for a few minutes and get some info. As I was there I heard, "Are you traveling here?" Really loudly but I ignored it. The same guy said it to me again after another 10 minutes. We talked a little bit together and explained he was from Taiwan etc. and we both explained how we ended up in Vienna. After a few minutes he quite directly asked, "ugh...you wanna get ice cream together or something?" So we ended up getting dinner and a beer together before heading to an open amusement park and riding the really famous Ferris wheel at sunset :3 it was so ridiculously romantic. After he invited me to a gathering and as we were on our way home he grabbed me and kissed me and has since been saying such sappy things to me.

 

Life is fun.

Edited by Frank

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So i've told her this and she's turned it down, but she can change her mind before the 11th of April, and her TA mates are telling her i'm holding back her TA career

 

Am i wrong?

 

I think half of this is i see the TA for what it is a hobby for her, she freely admits she couldn't be a regular soldier, so she knows its an occasional weekend thing, so it seems a waste doing this for 6 months eitherway as it only progresses her hobby, whilst allows her to avoid finding a full time career, which she is shit scared she won't find

 

You did the right thing.

 

If you've just made a serious commitment to live together and you've just moved in you don't then pull it apart for a temporary job that most likely won't go anywhere. I could understand you considering her taking the job if she had been unemployed for ages and it was the only chance she had, however that isn't the case.

 

You say by your own admission that she's already had two interviews - which is great news. Support her, boost her confidence and help her with the job search. Also, if you have money and can support her financially as well and it shouldn't be a problem.

 

The thing is, if you want to spend the rest of your lives together you work through these things as a team, supporting each other through the ups and downs.

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I was wanting opinions from you guys on a relationship situation

 

My Girlfriend and I have just moved in together (2nd week in Feb) and its been going well, only she's lost her job and is now job seeking.

She's also in the TA and they've offered her a temporary job running a vehicle garage (basically she's the receptionist and signs out vehicles) for 6 month, 5 days a week on the equivalent of £20k over the year (so whatever that works out as per month)........The down side is its in Donington which is 2.5/3 hours away, so for that 6 months she'd have to live there and can see me when she has days off, if she comes up and i'm not working

 

I understand its money, and something extra to add to a CV,but we've just moved in together and i think its a bit much to effectively move out for 6 months, when were seeing if we can live together before buying a house, not to mention when she comes back she'll still have to find a proper full time job.

 

So i've told her this and she's turned it down, but she can change her mind before the 11th of April, and her TA mates are telling her i'm holding back her TA career

Am i wrong?

 

I think half of this is i see the TA for what it is a hobby for her, she freely admits she couldn't be a regular soldier, so she knows its an occasional weekend thing, so it seems a waste doing this for 6 months eitherway as it only progresses her hobby, whilst allows her to avoid finding a full time career, which she is shit scared she won't find

 

So yeah it might suck being away from each other for 6 months - but financially do you come out on top? She'll be paying rent to live there? But earning more? Sounds like a good idea to me if she comes out up. 20k is like what...1200 take home a month? To me it sounds sensible, especially if you're looking to buy a house; that's money that can go towards a deposit. The stuff about her TA mates and ruining her TA career is completely irrelevant - though I think that's sitting on your mind more than it should be maybe? Looking at it from pure financials and CV sense; it looks good to me.

 

As far as the relationship is - how long have you been together and how far apart were you before you lived together? The 6 months may be a test for that, but even then it's a good one imo(though sucky in the short term).

 

More money, a stronger CV and 6 months to find permanent work.

 

And this - she can start to look for work in the interim?

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She won't be job hunting while she's on her temporary posting, she's already admitted that, she will just start again when she's back as there isn't any point to looking for work while she has a job apparently ::shrug:

 

financially i can support her, indefinitely if i really had to

 

We've been together 5 years, before she lived about 20 min drive from where we are now, and we saw each other all the time.

She was recently on a course in Wales for 10 days and she absolutely hated being away for so long, she missed me loads, so I'm confused how she's justifying 6 months in her own mind, she says as she can come home most weekends it will be "different" somehow

 

We were wrong on a lot of it anyway, its Donnington in Telford so its off more towards Wales than down the M1, and the pay is more like £17k a year.

 

The more i've discussed this with her the more i've come to think she shouldn't do this; Having explained the job more to me i really don't get what benefit it is to her CV....its a really basic admin role, where she sits at a desk in the vehicle garage each day behind the desk, and she fills out a log book, signs vehicles out, signs them back in, issues fuel cards and passes on faults reported to her about vehicles to the mechanics......considering she already has 9 years experience in admin roles, 6 extra months to add to a CV mean diddle squat

I know the type of job she is on about, where i work we have exactly the same desk job that we give to aging manual laborers because nobody wants to do it, its boring and a garden post for those nearing retirement (funnily enough this army post is vacant because the last bloke retired)

 

Since the job interviews she has this week are for jobs paying £22k plus and are permanent roles, i really feel this is a confidence thing, and she's taking the guaranteed work over the potential to fail, and have no work......jesus she left her job on the 28th February, its been a month...this is Typical of her to panic though, even in discussions she keeps bringing up what if she doesn't get a job.

I've tried and tried to convince her to have confidence, in the month out of work, she's done an electricians course for the TA (but failed the 17th edition test) and had 3 interviews with two wanting her back for a second round of interviews, to me this is really jumping the gun to abandon all her interviews to go do a desk job on a small barracks in telford

 

I also wonder if its an element of her being used a doormat/being too nice at the TA? henever they can't get volunteers for a job, they go to her knowing she won't say no - she has this misguided belief that she's should always do as she's told by her CO; for example when they have formal dinners for senior ranks, they get lower ranks to volunteer to do waiting for them, and it should be a case of everyone does at least 1 of these so its fair, because nobody ever volunteers she's done the last 8 in a row, as she "doesn't want to let people down because nobody else has volunteered", i suppose an element of the CO looked if they had any work at other bases for her while she's looking for work could come into it, as she feels obligated to accept the favour, but the whole point of them throwing her scraps of work was to help her with money while she job hunted....giving her a post for 6 months give her money but delays her hunt for permanent work

 

 

Thanks for all the opinions though guys, even if i come to the same conclusion that its not right for us, at least i know I've properly spent time thinking about this, or i could change my mind, who knows just because i'm leaning one way now doesn't mean i won't flip flop (I'd make a good politician)

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Ahhh, yeah @Agent Gibbs looking at it like that, I must say you make sense. Sounds like it is just a confidence thing for her, and it really doesn't seem all that worth it if you can manage otherwise. All you can do is the support and encouragement with the current jobs/interviews.

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I also wonder if its an element of her being used a doormat/being too nice at the TA? henever they can't get volunteers for a job, they go to her knowing she won't say no - she has this misguided belief that she's should always do as she's told by her CO; for example when they have formal dinners for senior ranks, they get lower ranks to volunteer to do waiting for them, and it should be a case of everyone does at least 1 of these so its fair, because nobody ever volunteers she's done the last 8 in a row, as she "doesn't want to let people down because nobody else has volunteered", i suppose an element of the CO looked if they had any work at other bases for her while she's looking for work could come into it, as she feels obligated to accept the favour, but the whole point of them throwing her scraps of work was to help her with money while she job hunted....giving her a post for 6 months give her money but delays her hunt for permanent work.

 

The TA has a terrible habit of doing this. I know several young lads that have been 'convinced' that a training week or long weekend with the TA is of such importance they have missed important job interviews, interviews for apprenticeships and other events that would actually get them somewhere in life.

 

Instead their CO told them that they would be letting the side down and put the heavy emotional hand on their shoulder. Needless to say the young lad who wanted to impress their CO ditched the job opportunities to go on what amounted to a camping trip with the TA.

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@Frank, that whole story just made me want to watch Before Sunrise again. Your life reads like a discursive passage in a Fitzgerald novel.

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Miss K is looking extra hot today. :(

 

I was fine before. Guess I'm just at that point.

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She won't be job hunting while she's on her temporary posting, she's already admitted that, she will just start again when she's back as there isn't any point to looking for work while she has a job apparently ::shrug:

 

Why not? She knows in X months time she won't have a job yet she doesn't want to look for another one? Ludicrous.

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So....I think he's having a mental breakdown, or I'm soon to be getting dumped. His personality has changed completely. Won't talk to me about anything and shows me very little affection. Compared to him being embarrassingly lovely in private (which I enjoyed anyway).... to nothing. He has had issues with changes to his work rota, and general troubles with work which does effect our relationship, but to me its not an end game. Feels like he's just given up and completely withdrawn. Normally when he is not working (he doesn't work thursdays) he is texting me a news feed of all the random goings on, but today, not a thing. Yet hes posting random crap on facebook...

 

My heart is breaking into pieces :(

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Oh @Raining_again I'm sure he's just a bit stressed, have you been able to give him a quick nudge to ask if you two are ok?

 

Fingers crossed for you both <3.

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So....I think he's having a mental breakdown, or I'm soon to be getting dumped. His personality has changed completely. Won't talk to me about anything and shows me very little affection. Compared to him being embarrassingly lovely in private (which I enjoyed anyway).... to nothing. He has had issues with changes to his work rota, and general troubles with work which does effect our relationship, but to me its not an end game. Feels like he's just given up and completely withdrawn. Normally when he is not working (he doesn't work thursdays) he is texting me a news feed of all the random goings on, but today, not a thing. Yet hes posting random crap on facebook...

 

My heart is breaking into pieces :(

 

Aww baby! *hugs*

 

When you go over today, try and show him a little affection. Normally, you'll find it's the little things that can make a person happy, whether it be a hug, a shitty joke or even a peek on the cheek or a cheeky smooch. I think, by the sounds of what you've told us, he just needs to forget himself and the situation he's in.

 

If that fails and he's still sad, maybe it's a good idea to have a conversation with him about this. However, I do think it's probably the fact he needs some cheering up and some TLC. Surprise him with his favourite meal, watch his favourite film, do a favourite activity of his (bow-chicka-wow-wow)...just remember, sometimes it's the little things that can make a difference in cheering a person up. For me, it'd be a Harry Potter film, a bowl of popcorn, spaghetti bolognese and hot, sweaty sex for afters! xD I know, it's quarter past 11 and I'm a mucky bastard! hehe.

 

I wish you good luck and I hope everything gets fixed! :heart::awesome:

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@Frank, that whole story just made me want to watch Before Sunrise again. Your life reads like a discursive passage in a Fitzgerald novel.

 

One of my favorite things someone has said to me.

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Met someone for lunch in central earlier and we spent the day just hanging around, taking in the city, before heading back to mine to watch shit TV and eat. Just what I needed after feeling like crap the preceding two days :)

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So....I think he's having a mental breakdown, or I'm soon to be getting dumped. His personality has changed completely. Won't talk to me about anything and shows me very little affection. Compared to him being embarrassingly lovely in private (which I enjoyed anyway).... to nothing. He has had issues with changes to his work rota, and general troubles with work which does effect our relationship, but to me its not an end game. Feels like he's just given up and completely withdrawn. Normally when he is not working (he doesn't work thursdays) he is texting me a news feed of all the random goings on, but today, not a thing. Yet hes posting random crap on facebook...

 

My heart is breaking into pieces :(

 

The worst feeling is being ignored. Sitting and waiting for a text or a call only to know damn well that the person could have (and probably should have) contacted you is infuriating and gutting. What is worse is when someone has ignored you but you can see they've been on Whatsapp or have been busy posting mindless garbage on Facebook and Twitter. Also don't kid yourself - it takes seconds to send a text, if someone can't find a few seconds to send that text there is an issue.

 

I think the best thing you can do is confront him and ask him out right what is wrong. Skirting around the issue only prolongs things and will lead to more heartache and pain in the long run.

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Last Friday a girl I've met 6 years ago messaged me via Facebook, asking "is that you, blabla?".

After 15 minutes we exchanged numbers. We have been texting occasionally.

 

Yesterday I asked her if she wants to get Sushi with me sometime. Her response: "Yes, I'd like to."

 

excited.gif

 

Also...going to the zoo with that lady tomorrow.

 

oh-goodie.gif

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holy fuck. There are no words for how I feel right now. We met up this weekend to talk. Turns out something was on his mind. We went out for a walk and he just wasn't talking to me. I figured it was something big so I just gave him the time. We got in and sat down. And he foofed and faffed about trying to say something for ages, like it was on the tip of his tongue.

 

Eventually he told me - he was abused by someone when he was younger and he came across someone talking about said person on facebook... which brought it all back.

 

He said that he has no feelings for anyone or anything. His best friend and basically like a brother tried to hug him a few days ago and he was horrified. He wouldn't sit with me or hug me.

 

He looked into my eyes and said... "i know i should feel love for you when i look at you, I want to, but I just feel nothing". To which point the tears started tripping down my face. Mostly because I know how desperate that numbness is..

 

He took me to the bedroom for some sexytimes (not through my initiation), and his whole demeanor changed. I just knew in his eyes that he was forcing himself to do this in the hope of something. There was no love or tenderness at all. It felt like he was just going through the motions.

 

However he has seen his GP and by now will have seen a specialist counselor, so... fingers crossed it helps.. We've agreed that space is needed for both of us, but we're staying together.

 

I just hope I can stick out the ride...

 

TIME FOR ICE CREAM :)

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