Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[drahkon]

Don't take my word for law, others will give you different advice.

 

You're the only one who's given me good advice so far. Of course there are different ways to deal with an ex, never had the experience, though. That's why I'm happy for any reasonable advice.

 

The main point from my post is that you need to show her that you don't care about her anymore.

 

That's what I will try to do, even though I still care about her. Gonna be tough.

 

Reasons against hooking up with her again:

 

1) You'll get attached to her again

2) You'll look like an idiot if she declines

 

Reasons for:

 

1) Doesn't matter, had sex.

 

I wasn't really being serious about saying "no".

 

There's actually no point in thinking about Saturday, because no one can predict what will happen.

But my brain likes to think...a lot.

[Jim]

Going to have this exact same problem in about 3 weeks time, at the Coheed and Cambria gig. It's at a relatively small venue.

 

My entire plan is based around one strategy, hope like hell I don't run into her.

 

*shrug*

[drahkon]

My entire plan is based around one strategy, hope like hell I don't run into her.

 

*shrug*

 

Hmm

Since life likes to fuck shit up, I'd say you'll run into her. But...hey..be optimisic :p

 

 

Have been thinking (yeah..): Why should I be worried? Why should I care?

She dumped me, she was the one who ripped my heart out (god, how I hate that phrase).

 

I'm going to do exactly as @Charlie said: Have the best night of my life.

[Emma]

So, next Saturday I will see my ex again at a party.

Will be the first time I'll ever see an ex again after a breakup.

 

Any advice on how I should present myself? I'm afraid that I'll relapse, especially when getting drunk.

 

This is going to be so awkward for me...

 

 

Well don't get drunk, just have a few drinks.

 

How to present yourself? As you would do normally, enjoy yourself with friends and don't go dashing towards her, or avoid her either. If you do talk to her, talk about general things, try not talk about anything personal.

I'd advise against trying to act like you don't care about her, because you'll just look like a prat.

[The Bard]

I literally can't stop fantasising about having sex with my own girlfriend. This is awful.

[Beast]

Be the gentleman, you both know that you're both going to be there so you need to 'win' the interaction (i.e. come off better than she does).

 

Be the gentleman when you arrive and go and say hello to her, ask her how's she doing etc. Keep it short and sweet, make your excuses and leave before she has time to say much. Go and find your mates who will have a beer waiting for your return. This is the only time you should talk to her! But don't ignore her, it's a skill, acknowledge her presence but show that you're not interested at all without being rude.

 

You then need to go and have the best night of your life. Don't look over at her when you're not in the same group as her, always have a smile on your face, look like you're having a great time. Don't get too drunk.

 

Don't take my word for law, others will give you different advice. The main point from my post is that you need to show her that you don't care about her anymore.

 

Reasons against hooking up with her again:

 

1) You'll get attached to her again

2) You'll look like an idiot if she declines

 

Reasons for:

 

1) Doesn't matter, had sex.

 

You said exactly what I was going to say. Just have one conversation with her and keep it short and sweet and then go have a good time with your friends but don't look across because it shows you're keen in a way.

 

Also, I honestly would not hook up with her. If she gives it to you on a plate and you accept, you'll only get attached to her again after all of the time it's taken you to not hook up or talk to her. Also, it shows to her that you're stronger and you don't need her and it'll hit home, really.

 

If you need to get your end away as such, hook up with someone else. But yeah, I 100% agree with what Charlie has just said.

[Ashley]

I literally can't stop fantasising about having sex with my own girlfriend. This is awful.

 

Since seeing her picture, you're not the only one.

 

(It was either that response of a patronising 'aww' comsaaddre.)

[The Bard]

Since seeing her picture, you're not the only one.

 

(It was either that response of a patronising 'aww' comsaaddre.)

 

Welp this is going to make it that much more awkward when I bring her to Brick Lane for a curry.

[Ashley]

 

Welp this is going to make it that much more awkward when I bring her to Brick Lane for a curry.

 

Are you implying that I stalk you?

[The Bard]

No you fool, I mean that the restaurant is literally outside your house, so obvs I'd have to introduce you .

 

Although I know you stalk me .

[Ashley]

It's not hard to stalk you, you spend 164 hours a week at home.

 

Going to Dosa World then?

[The Bard]

Not true I made a booze run yesterday. That took a half hour.

 

Yeah Dosa World was awesome.

[Ashley]

Show clap.

 

Hit me up then when you do.

 

Anyway, back to romance...

[drahkon]

Well, here I am. Back home.

 

It was a good night. I think I did everything right on the outside. Gave my ex a hug, "Hey, how are you?" "Fine and you? "Good, too"

Then I went and had a good time with my friends.

 

Everything was fine, until I sat next to her for an hour or so. I couldn't say a single word to her. I tried, but nothing came out. Couldn't even look at her. I've been talking to the others the whole time.

 

Why? Why have I been such a nervous wreck? Why couldn't I start a simple conversation? It was ridiculous. I felt like an idiot.

 

I didn't show anything, though. I laughed, had fun, all that shit, you know?

 

@jayseven once told me: "She's the only love of your life, so how do you know she's the love of your life? You've not lived your whole life yet."

 

But how do I know she is not the love of my life? And why does this concept - "the love of one's life" - keep fucking me up when it comes to this particular girl?

 

When I sat next to her..I felt...I don't know. It's kinda inexplicable. I keep asking myself: "Why haven't you said a single word to her?" Why haven't I been able to just start a fucking conversation? I felt helpless...

 

 

Some part of me (possibly the drunk part) wants me to get back in touch with her.

But I know my sober part will tell me something else later...or maybe not.

 

Well, I just leave it at that...if I keep writing I think I'll just continue to run in circles.

[Iun]

Can I ask: why did it stop in the first place?

[Beast]

Well, here I am. Back home.

 

It was a good night. I think I did everything right on the outside. Gave my ex a hug, "Hey, how are you?" "Fine and you? "Good, too"

Then I went and had a good time with my friends.

 

Everything was fine, until I sat next to her for an hour or so. I couldn't say a single word to her. I tried, but nothing came out. Couldn't even look at her. I've been talking to the others the whole time.

 

Why? Why have I been such a nervous wreck? Why couldn't I start a simple conversation? It was ridiculous. I felt like an idiot.

 

I didn't show anything, though. I laughed, had fun, all that shit, you know?

 

@jayseven once told me: "She's the only love of your life, so how do you know she's the love of your life? You've not lived your whole life yet."

 

But how do I know she is not the love of my life? And why does this concept - "the love of one's life" - keep fucking me up when it comes to this particular girl?

 

When I sat next to her..I felt...I don't know. It's kinda inexplicable. I keep asking myself: "Why haven't you said a single word to her?" Why haven't I been able to just start a fucking conversation? I felt helpless...

 

 

Some part of me (possibly the drunk part) wants me to get back in touch with her.

But I know my sober part will tell me something else later...or maybe not.

 

Well, I just leave it at that...if I keep writing I think I'll just continue to run in circles.

 

Has she been your only girlfriend? If not, is she the only one you've had proper feelings for? That could be why. I've felt like this before with my ex and she turned out to be a lying psycho who wanted my babies (very long story but she didn't get pregnant in the end, phew!) but even after we finished the relationship, I still wanted to talk to her and hug her and kiss her because it was the first time I felt very strongly about a girl. I think you might be going through the same thing. What I'm trying to say is that you know this girl is bad for you and yet you want her just as bad. The thing you need to do is keep away and one day, those feelings you have will kind of fade away. You won't exactly hate her though but you may not love her either. You'll...well...nothing her. Nothing wrong in that. These things take a lot of time. I think it took me a few months to get over my ex and I spoke to nobody and ate everything in sight and ballooned. Don't do what I did, you're doing the right thing coming on here and talking to us about it. Whenever you feel anything like that at all, just come on here and the good people here will listen to you and see you through it!

[drahkon]

Wow, never have I written something this honest. Not like I don't remember writing it, I'm just surprised

 

Can I ask: why did it stop in the first place?

 

I was a very moody person. One day amazingly cheerful, the other day I just threw every single bit of my bad mood at my ex.

And that - in the long run - destroyed her.

 

Has she been your only girlfriend? If not, is she the only one you've had proper feelings for?

 

No and no.

Have been together with my first girlfriend for almost two years and was madly in love with her.

 

A couple of months after that had ended I met my now-ex.

 

What I'm trying to say is that you know this girl is bad for you and yet you want her just as bad.

 

That's not it. She is not wrong for me. I know she is right for me.

Of course, you can say "You can't know that, how do you know that, there are others, etc."...I can't say that.

I thought I can, and for the first few hours of last night I kind of could.

I did everything you guys told me. Didn't ignore her, but I also didn't pay attention to her. It was fine.

But somehow I ended up sitting next to her and that changed everything.

 

I think what I was trying to say this morning is: Why is it that this little thing, this little moment - me 'having' to sit next to her - fucks my mind/heart?

 

The thing you need to do is keep away and one day, those feelings you have will kind of fade away.

 

Maybe it's the right thing to do, but maybe I need to make another mistake...take a risk.

 

Doing nothing will hurt, but the feelings will fade away, as you said.

Taking the risk, getting into touch with her again, may be devastating but it may also end up being the best thing that can happen.

Edited March 31, 2013 by drahkon

[Iun]

 

 

 

I was a very moody person. One day amazingly cheerful, the other day I just threw every single bit of my bad mood at my ex.

And that - in the long run - destroyed her.

 

 

 

 

 

Answer this question honestly and for your own sake: Is this an issue that you have resolved?

 

If not, there's no point in contemplating talking to her again. Sorry to be brutally honest, but if you admit that it's YOU with the problem, and you haven't solved it, there's no incentive for her to get back with you. Even if she does, the same thing is going to happen again.

 

If you HAVE resolved the issue, then you should just put the feelers out very gently: see where she is now in her own mind and whether or not she could consider being close as friends again. Then you can build from there.

 

However, be aware of the "unfinished business" trap: my ex and I were ultimately wrong for each other, but we got back together after two years. I was still as emotionally distant and she was still living in a fantasy world. There was a reason we had split up in the first place, and it was a good one. But we never got to end it properly, and I spent two years mooning over the way I had ended it. It was good for us to get back together, because we worked out the issues we had before and finally came to the conclusion that there was no hope for us. And, thank goodness, I've never been troubled with thoughts of her again.

 

It's possible that what you had can be had again. But you both have to want it, you oth have to need and it it has to be for the right reasons, Mein Freund.

[drahkon]

Answer this question honestly and for your own sake: Is this an issue that you have resolved?

 

It is. For the last 8 months I've been working on that. It was a slow process, too slow to save the relationship.

But now it's fair to say: I've done it.

 

It kind of sounds dishonest given my sitation and state of mind/heart. It's the prime example of "easy to say".

 

But I changed. And for the last two months this change was for no one but me. It wasn't for her, it wasn't for us. It was for me alone.

 

 

I keep thinking: Is there anything to lose, if I try to get back in touch with her? We don't talk, we don't see each other...I'll lose literally nothing if it doesn't work out.

Edited March 31, 2013 by drahkon

[Debug Mode]

So uh, how does one "be a man" enough to tell some one that they like them? It's been about 5 years around since I've actually told a girl/asked them out, because I kinda reached the point were it was just better not to say anything at all.

[Magnus]

If TV has taught me anything, it's that it's usually best to pine over them in silence until they're dating someone else.

[Fierce_LiNk]

So uh, how does one "be a man" enough to tell some one that they like them? It's been about 5 years around since I've actually told a girl/asked them out, because I kinda reached the point were it was just better not to say anything at all.

 

You need to get up close and personal to that woman, lean in gently and whisper into her ear this:

 

"Let me lick you up & down

Til you say stop

Let me play with your body baby

Make you real hot

Let me do all the things you want me to do

'Cause tonight baby,

I wanna get freaky with you"

 

Breathe gently onto her neck as you do it. She'll be putty in your hands. PUTTY.

 

Or, ask her if she wants to go out for a meal, just the two of you.

Juuuust the two of usss.

[Debug Mode]

That is not a wise song to make a drunken man remember, I'm going to be listening to it all night now!

 

Hopefully Wednesday is a good chance to -try- and make a move (It's very unlikely though). There's some other exchange student who is fishing for an invite to some place we're going with a girl whos boyfriend is friends with the girl I've taken an interest in. Unfortunately, I can see this girl I've taken an interest in inviting this other girl along, which would make the unlikely into the impossible to ask.

[Fierce_LiNk]

That is not a wise song to make a drunken man remember, I'm going to be listening to it all night now!

 

Hopefully Wednesday is a good chance to -try- and make a move (It's very unlikely though). There's some other exchange student who is fishing for an invite to some place we're going with a girl whos boyfriend is friends with the girl I've taken an interest in. Unfortunately, I can see this girl I've taken an interest in inviting this other girl along, which would make the unlikely into the impossible to ask.

 

Could you ask her on Wednesday if it's possible for the two of you to do something the day afterwards, or on the Friday? Orrr, can you contact her beforehand?

[Debug Mode]

Could you ask her on Wednesday if it's possible for the two of you to do something the day afterwards, or on the Friday? Orrr, can you contact her beforehand?

 

I can, but because of her lack of internet, she's usually in the room of the girl I'm trying to get away from if I'm ever going to ask her anything.

 

The only reason I usually avoid this sort of shit is because I'd rather things not go awkward like they usually do if there's no interest.