Posted June 9, 2015 Every story I tell from now on will end with "...before going to get a KFC". Brilliant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 9, 2015 Still a better love story than Twilight, etc. Good going sir. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 9, 2015 I've found out that dating sites (and Tinder) are fairly empty. I did spot that one of the girls I was out with on Friday was on Tinder. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 9, 2015 I'm on a night out with three girls tonight.Although none are single. Not with that attitude. I did spot that one of the girls I was out with on Friday was on Tinder. Fuck me, that positive thinking malarkey is strong stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 9, 2015 Moogle. Yes. #BonersBanquet #GreasyBucket #FingerLickingGood Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 10, 2015 @MoogleViper needs to start writing, it'd outsell Fifty Shades of Grey, haha. So apart from having a nurse and a shop assistant give me their numbers and asking me to go for a drink (oh yeah, it's unreal), I've been speaking to a girl for almost two months and we're very alike. We both like horrors, we both hate town, we hate clubbing, we love rock music, we love Disney, we love The Hunger Games and, most importantly, we love Harry Potter. I really like her right now. She's funny, shy but in a cute way and sensible. We're hopefully meeting up in a week or two. It's about time something happy happened! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 10, 2015 As you wish: So I message this girl from Hong Kong on tinder with my classic opening line: "Would you rather: A - go for a meal with me; B - go for a drink with me; or C - skip the date and head straight back to yours?" She responded with, "If you had asked me the other day it would have been C, but as it is B sounds nice." I ask he why and she said, "Just following some friendly advice. I like sex and I'm not weird about it, but the game must be played." So at this point I already know I'm onto a winner. While arranging to go for a drink she said, "I'm pretty broke, so you might be required to come straight to mine". In the end I arrange to go for a drink at a local cafe bar near her place. But on the way there she messages me and tells me to go to her place instead. So I nip into Sainsbury's for a bottle of wine and head there. When I arrive she gets a spliff and leads me to her room. She said, "Sorry about the mess, I've been meaning to clean up." Which is normally girls-speak for, "I spent 4 hours cleaning but still feel the need to say this." That wasn't the case. Her room was a real mess. She didn't have a bed, just a mattress on the floor. It was like a crack den (I imagine). We sat on her bed, talking and listening to music. She has a kitten, which kept biting her and her technique to stop this was to loudly miaow at the kitten. I'm sure that's a bona fide technique but it's still strange to be chatting to somebody who's loudly miaowing every sentence. I open the wine. She said she doesn't have any wine glasses. I said I'm not fussy and a mug or something would do. So she gets a dirty mug off her desk and says, "It's got some coffee dried in the bottom but it should be OK." At this point I'm thinking I've made a huge mistake. However after drinking some wine we start kissing. After about a minute she undoes my jeans and starts blowing me. Honest to god this blowjob was sensational; porn star good. At one point she deep throated it all the way. After a while we switch roles, and she's loving it. Then the sex was fantastic, she was such a nympho. Doing it for ages in every position. At one point she grabbed my hand and got me to choke her (I've never understood choking). After about an hour I'm getting pretty knackered (I struggle to finish when wearing a johnny), so I pull out, keep her going with my fingers while I get myself to the point of no return. Then put it back in her to finish off. Not the best of endings but still an incredible night. Then we cuddled naked for a while before going to get a KFC. Don't say I didn't warn you. Brother got engaged so mum is starting to put pressure on me to find someone. Urgh. Dating sites are bringing nothing, and I'm not meeting enough people outside of that, as very few of my friends have female friends. I keep going back to dating sites but I don't know why. Making contact is easy enough but actually coaxing people out into meat-space has proven an unexpected hurdle. Must be that hot serial-killer vibe I've been cultivating (for reasons). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 I've found out that dating sites (and Tinder) are fairly empty. I did spot that one of the girls I was out with on Friday was on Tinder. In my experience, it depends a lot on the site. Where I live, Tinder has a lot of users. If I wanted to, I could go on it every couple hours and have a few new women to judge. I also tend to see a lot more women on Tinder though who are less serious about it than other dating services. I suspect a lot of them don't really view it as a dating service at all, but rather just something to do when bored, akin to Candy Crush Saga. I've seen tons and tons of profiles of women where they're with someone who is clearly their boyfriend in their pictures. Even one of a woman in a bridal dress. It's certainly not all the women on there. Some are genuinely looking for someone to meet up with (for various reasons mind you), but It's a pretty unlikely place to find 'the one'. The free sites like Okcupid and POF are a little bit better in that sense. They have much fewer users, especially since Tinder became popular, although it's important to keep in mind Tinder, Okcupid, and Match.com are all owned by the same parent company. They're by no means wastelands in terms of users though. I find being able to rely a bit on my wit, and not just looks gets me a lot more success on these sites. At least I've gotten more dates off of them. I mean, I did meet world war three girl on Okcupid, but she was the wors- okay, the second worst I've met up with off of one of those sites. The women I've encountered on Okcupid and POF have certainly taken the dating aspect more seriously than Tinder (It's difficult to pretend a site called Okcupid isn't a dating site), but I've also had women lead me on (for longer than I'd care to admit), and some like almost entirely about who they were. Definitely a step above Tinder though. Then you have the paid-only sites like Match. Very small number of users, but those who do tend to take things much more seriously. Unless there's one really popular in your area though, they're definitely not worth it. Perhaps it's different if you're older, but most of the women in my age range were either single mothers, or not even close to being attractive. I tried match for a year, and only got one date out of it. Although, I suppose I've also only ever actually met one girl off of Tinder, but that one ended in sex, whereas the girl from match ended in ignored texts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 After a while we switch roles, and she's loving it. Good on you for deep throating one of those ladyboys! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 @Emasher, I've used Tinder and OKCupid in the past. I've had a date through Tinder. I'm not expecting anything out of it, but there's no harm in doing so. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) Moogle. Yes. #BonersBanquet #GreasyBucket #FingerLickingGood I'm never going to be able to have KFC again without thinking of that story now.... Great story Moogle, sounds like a right keeper! although not if you were looking for someone to clean your flat i'd guess? you could always hire a maid, a nice slim french one, and it sounds like the sort of woman who'd let you so she could have an affair with the maid herself. My Girlfriend and i are having a rocky patch at the moment, i think our life goals aren't aligned. I want to buy a house, get married and have a kid, she wants to buy a house, get married, but she isn't sure on kids. I know i want kids so i don't want to waste my time for her to never want them, i'd rather cut my losses now I've told her this (which obviously goes down very well ) and she isn't sure, she doesn't want kids right now - and thats the problem she lives in the moment and assumes i mean right damn now She really hates change!I mean she has clothes 10 year old she won't get rid off even though they don't fit because she loved them, when i force her to get rid she has a cry about it as she's sad She can never decide on big things, she's been buying a new car for 2 years now, never committing to one and missing out The end result of our blazing row discussion was that she understands i don't want to have kids right now (as she assumed i meant) but she isn't in a place to have a kid yet, and want to wait until we have our own home*. I love her and want to be with her, but sometimes i question the risk i'm taking for her, if i never have a kid I'll resent her for it and leave her, if she outright never wants one i know now i'd leave her, my only outcome is one she arguable may feel forced into, and like a small child/teen you tell her to do something and she wants the opposite (irrationally so sometimes - i told her moving house didn't have to be hard, she actively made it fucking hard) *our tenancy specifically says no children, we live a few houses down from a school- the landlord wonders why he has trouble getting tenants in this 3 bed apartment.....can't say its other residents they all are younger than 40, one bloke is separated and has kids (who are allowed to stay over for a few days), but the madness off our landlord is beside the point Edited June 11, 2015 by Agent Gibbs Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 Out of interest, @Agent Gibbs, how old is your girlfriend? As for the clothes thing, I often keep clothes for over 10 years too (depends when they wear out), but they do still fit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 Out of interest, @Agent Gibbs, how old is your girlfriend? As for the clothes thing, I often keep clothes for over 10 years too (depends when they wear out), but they do still fit. 34 in November the clothes don't fit though, and aren't fashionable for example she has some shorts, that look like the title sequence of fun house - very 80's coloured "jazzy" lines everywhere, faded too Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 I'm never going to be able to have KFC again without thinking of that story now.... Great story Moogle, sounds like a right keeper! although not if you were looking for someone to clean your flat i'd guess? you could always hire a maid, a nice slim french one, and it sounds like the sort of woman who'd let you so she could have an affair with the maid herself. My Girlfriend and i are having a rocky patch at the moment, i think our life goals aren't aligned. I want to buy a house, get married and have a kid, she wants to buy a house, get married, but she isn't sure on kids. I know i want kids so i don't want to waste my time for her to never want them, i'd rather cut my losses now I've told her this (which obviously goes down very well ) and she isn't sure, she doesn't want kids right now - and thats the problem she lives in the moment and assumes i mean right damn now She really hates change!I mean she has clothes 10 year old she won't get rid off even though they don't fit because she loved them, when i force her to get rid she has a cry about it as she's sad She can never decide on big things, she's been buying a new car for 2 years now, never committing to one and missing out The end result of our blazing row discussion was that she understands i don't want to have kids right now (as she assumed i meant) but she isn't in a place to have a kid yet, and want to wait until we have our own home*. I love her and want to be with her, but sometimes i question the risk i'm taking for her, if i never have a kid I'll resent her for it and leave her, if she outright never wants one i know now i'd leave her, my only outcome is one she arguable may feel forced into, and like a small child/teen you tell her to do something and she wants the opposite (irrationally so sometimes - i told her moving house didn't have to be hard, she actively made it fucking hard) *our tenancy specifically says no children, we live a few houses down from a school- the landlord wonders why he has trouble getting tenants in this 3 bed apartment.....can't say its other residents they all are younger than 40, one bloke is separated and has kids (who are allowed to stay over for a few days), but the madness off our landlord is beside the point Before we had kids my wife and I weren't totally sold on the idea of it in the present, but both of us had a vision of what we wanted to have happen in the future. I want all my family to gather around me at my house for Christmas dinner, and for it to be a substantial gathering. That couldn't happen unless we had kids, so that's what we did. (Me, wife, two kids, their partners, their kids - enough of a substantial gathering for me!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 Yeah apparently he doesn't invite random people from an internet forum to Christmas. Obviously not that keen for a substantial gathering. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 11, 2015 @Emasher, I've used Tinder and OKCupid in the past. I've had a date through Tinder. I'm not expecting anything out of it, but there's no harm in doing so. I've met girls off of Tinder as well. My point isn't that people shouldn't use it, but rather to have realistic expectations. I'd say the best thing to do is to sign up for all the free ones that have a decent user base in whatever area you're in, and just not bother with the paid ones unless there's one with a really good user-base where you are. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 12, 2015 So I took my Grandads advice and decided to live in the moment. I've arranged a date on Sunday to go for coffee! I asked her and she said "Yeah, definitely!" and she's said she can't wait to see me. I'm well excited but so nervous. I can't remember the last time I even went on a proper date! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 13, 2015 Got engaged. That is all. Congratulations, mate! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2015 Coffee has now been turned into pizza and now I'm nervous as fuck but excited too. I just don't want anything to go wrong... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2015 Coffee has now been turned into pizza She's a wizard as well?! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 15, 2015 Great story Moogle, sounds like a right keeper! Apparently not. Seems she's now seeing somebody. That's the end of my fantastic encounters. In other news I had sex with a prostitute from Ghana over the weekend on my cousin's fiancée's stag do. That's gonna make donating blood a little tricky. Yeah apparently he doesn't invite random people from an internet forum to Christmas. Obviously not that keen for a substantial gathering. I got an invite. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 15, 2015 In other news I had sex with a prostitute from Ghana over the weekend on my cousin's fiancée's stag do. That's gonna make donating blood a little tricky. I think I speak for everyone here when I ask; did you have a KFC afterwards? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 15, 2015 I think I speak for everyone here when I ask; did you have a KFC afterwards? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 15, 2015 I think I speak for everyone here when I ask; did you have a KFC afterwards? Almost. We debated between KFC and kebab; kebab won out. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
