Posted June 14, 2011 @haters: I don't see the point in lying to people. You get married, of course you're going to have sad times. People aren't built to monogamously devote themselves, especially if the sex is "poor". Get over your jealousy, or be sad. I'll be sure to remember to give people harsh advice about "getting over it" next time they're going through something painful. This post nearly came out much, much harsher, but I toned it down. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 @haters: I don't see the point in lying to people. You get married, of course you're going to have sad times. People aren't built to monogamously devote themselves, especially if the sex is "poor". Get over your jealousy, or be sad. Very true. Also, what King V said, you want to spice it up with sexy lingerie, etc. but maybe your gonna have to sexy yourself up too. Women are just as shallow as men when it comes to sex appeal Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 I'll be sure to remember to give people harsh advice about "getting over it" next time they're going through something painful. This post nearly came out much, much harsher, but I toned it down. I'm not telling him to get over being sad -- in fact, my first post was a sentiment of solidarity. I'm saying that if you work with the axiom that sleeping with more than one person at a time is wrong, then you're going to be sad. -// And yeah, your best bet without deconstructing your ideals about sex/relationships is becoming Adonis reincarnate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Your first post might have been solidarity but he also asked for advice. He wanted help. I just didn't see the point in that post, am I missing something because I thought the post sounded pretty harsh and even a little bit nasty. @haters: I don't see the point in lying to people. You get married, of course you're going to have sad times. People aren't built to monogamously devote themselves, especially if the sex is "poor". Get over your jealousy, or be sad. It's called having a bit of compassion, maybe you should show it sometime. I'll remember this next time you come on here when you're upset about something and you wanted to seek advice about a relationship or there's someone hating on you or whatever. When you post about someone or something that means a lot to you that has upset you, just think about this moment where you could have helped somebody but instead just gave a one-sentenced post that could have potentially hurt someone. I'm sure you wouldn't like that if roles were reversed. Seriously Chair, that was harsh, he just wanted help, how would that help him in any way? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) @haters: I don't see the point in lying to people. You get married, of course you're going to have sad times. People aren't built to monogamously devote themselves, especially if the sex is "poor". Get over your jealousy, or be sad. He didnt ask for your fucking views on marriage, the thread was about his own problem inside his marriage. Edited June 14, 2011 by Happenstance Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Quick update, i was in a surly mood last night but she had waited up for me. I jokingly said "i thought you might have dressed up for me, seeing as i was away all night". She replied that if she had have i would only have said that she did it just to try and keep me quiet and not moaning. And she was right. If she had have done i would have just said why are you doing that for, you dont need to just to try and keep me happy. I asked why she didnt just wear her new underwear anyway and she asked if i had gone through her drawers. I said that i hadnt and that i noticed it when i fetched her some socks the other week. Now, she says that we bought this underwear together, ages ago before we were married. I have no recollection of this, its meant to part of a set but i really dont remember this at all. So anyway we needed to go shopping for kids shoes and i said "Do you have any money? I cant be arsed to go to the bank". She said, yeah actually iv managed to save up £4000 so far. So there you go. She wasnt hiding the money from me, she just didnt want me dipping into it all the time for things that didnt matter. As for the underwear im not sure but il put it from my mind for now. Hopefully this is a happy ending, we had a gooooood looooong talk and everything feels fresher and happy. Infact we are off to ann summers now to spend some of her money PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Good for you, Esequiel Talking = win Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 I'm not telling him to get over being sad -- in fact, my first post was a sentiment of solidarity. I'm saying that if you work with the axiom that sleeping with more than one person at a time is wrong, then you're going to be sad. -// And yeah, your best bet without deconstructing your ideals about sex/relationships is becoming Adonis reincarnate. So much wrong/stupid with this post. My opinion of you drops by the day. If you sleep with multiple people at once not only does it make you a tart, it means that you devalue sex to something purely instinctual, void of love. But hey, whatever helps you combat the morally corrupt society, eh? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) Ok Esequiel - I'm happy the air has cooled down. But in reflection, as a married couple - shouldn't you be able to speak out frankly and honestly to the one you expect to spend your entire life with?? I don't see the problem in telling her that you DID look through her draws based on how you were feeling - and she shouldn't of had a problem with that; you're supposed to be 'one' now. I remember when i left my Facebook account open at my exs on her laptop and with her being naturally insecure, she browsed through my inbox - and she told me this openly... Sure we're weren't married but we loved each other and I was actually impressed with her honesty - she could have just lied. I don't mean to sound negative, but I will be honest in spite of - but I feel things are being swept under the carpet slightly, in general. Or as Aimless said, you just need to get back in touch. I think even though you are of course relieved, you are a bit too quick to be in a celebratory mood things still need fixing I think... I sincerely mean no offence. Enjoy! Edited June 14, 2011 by King_V Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 So anyway we needed to go shopping for kids shoes and i said "Do you have any money? I cant be arsed to go to the bank". She said, yeah actually iv managed to save up £4000 so far. She saved up £4000 in cash? That's kind of crazy. Don't get me wrong it's great that she's saved. But that would be much better in a savings account or something. If it's cash it could get robbed, and I doubt your insurance would cover it (I'm guessing you don't have proof of it being there, and I doubt an insurance company would cover that amount in cash anyway). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 I'm not telling him to get over being sad -- in fact, my first post was a sentiment of solidarity. I'm saying that if you work with the axiom that sleeping with more than one person at a time is wrong, then you're going to be sad. -// And yeah, your best bet without deconstructing your ideals about sex/relationships is becoming Adonis reincarnate. Jesus Christ, not everyone lives by the same ideals! Some people are happy with casual sex with several people. Others prefer monogamous relationships with only one individual. There's nothing wrong with either way of doing things, nor with any way in between, as long as the involved parties agree on the "rules" so no one gets hurt. You make it seem like monogamous people are being silly and should just accept unfaithfulness because "that's how humans are" (a statement I find highly questionable), all the while expressing sympathy less skilfully than a brick wall. I'm sorry, but with each passing day I lose more and more respect for your views on the world. Ok Esequiel - I'm happy the air has cooled down. But in reflection, as a married couple - shouldn't you be able to speak out frankly and honestly to the one you expect to spend your entire life with?? I don't see the problem in telling her that you DID look through her draws based on how you were feeling - and she shouldn't of had a problem with that; you're supposed to be 'one' now. I remember when i left my Facebook account open at my exs on her laptop and with her being naturally insecure, she browsed through my inbox - and she told me this openly... Sure we're weren't married but we loved each other and I was actually impressed with her honesty. I don't mean to sound negative, but I will be honest in spite of - but I feel things are being swept under the carpet slightly, in general. Or as Aimless said, you just need to get back in touch. I think even though you are of course relieved, you are a bit too quick to be in a celebratory mood things still need fixing I think... I sincerely mean no offence. Enjoy! Surely it's a step in the right direction for them. --- I hope you continue to improve your relationship, Esequiel, and I hope the two of you get better at talking about things. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB Nicely done. Glad everything seemed to work out for the best in the end. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 I'm sorry, but with each passing day I lose more and more respect for your views on the world. But then, I'm not actually an insane militant heterophobic socio-fascist in real life. The majority of what I post is play. Because I grew up in an atmosphere where no one every played with ideals. Where it's like: "Act White, Straight and Middle-Class or else..." -- in fact, that wasn't even said, it was just implicit. When I tell people that they should stop doing their £6/hour job and take up sex work, do you really think I mean that? Comments were read as rude/insensitive, which I didn't intend, but either way, they were, so I'm a bastard. Deal with it, I'm dealing with it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 If you dont subject the people in your real life to all these annoying comments, why do we have to put up with them? You dont seem to be dealing with being a "bastard" at all. Dont just give us an excuse for you acting like this and expect people to just accept it because thats the way you are on here. Maybe a simple, actual apology would go a long way instead of telling people to "deal with it" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 But then, I'm not actually an insane militant heterophobic socio-fascist in real life. The majority of what I post is play. Because I grew up in an atmosphere where no one every played with ideals. Where it's like: "Act White, Straight and Middle-Class or else..." -- in fact, that wasn't even said, it was just implicit. When I tell people that they should stop doing their £6/hour job and take up sex work, do you really think I mean that? Comments were read as rude/insensitive, which I didn't intend, but either way, they were, so I'm a bastard. Deal with it, I'm dealing with it. It's getting increasingly difficult to tell your caricatured views apart from your genuine views. Also, your "deal with it" mantra is another thing I disagree with entirely, but I won't go into that here. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) If you dont subject the people in your real life to all these annoying comments, why do we have to put up with them? Some of the stuff you post is annoying to me too, so why do you subject yourself on us? How's that for a subjectivity argument? For extra climatically relevant shebang: why should I censor myself? If you don't like what I say you don't have to read my posts. --- But yeah, feel I've erred into territory across the "don't be a dick" line, particularly with that last post, so I'm going to phase/teleport away and leave you to judge me. Edited June 14, 2011 by chairdriver Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 But then, I'm not actually an insane militant heterophobic socio-fascist in real life. The majority of what I post is play. Because I grew up in an atmosphere where no one every played with ideals. Where it's like: "Act White, Straight and Middle-Class or else..." -- in fact, that wasn't even said, it was just implicit. When I tell people that they should stop doing their £6/hour job and take up sex work, do you really think I mean that? Comments were read as rude/insensitive, which I didn't intend, but either way, they were, so I'm a bastard. Deal with it, I'm dealing with it. If you were pretending therefore and they were not your real views, answer this: Do you genuinely, in real life believe that people who do not sleep with more than one person at once are going to be crushed? You either don't retract that, in which case you are every much the ass you protest to not be in reality, or you reject it and unmask yourself as a troll who deliberately said something hurtful to someone clearly in need of support. Either way, you'll look an a-hole. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Some of the stuff you post is annoying to me too, so why do you subject yourself on us? How's that for a subjectivity argument? For extra climatically relevant shebang: why should I censor myself? If you don't like what I say you don't have to read my posts. --- But yeah, feel I've erred into territory across the "don't be a dick" line, particularly with that last post, so I'm going to phase/teleport away and leave you to judge me. Because im not putting on some fake persona for the internet that you claim to be doing Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Infact we are off to ann summers now to spend some of her money PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB ..now that's more like it I hope the conversation you had together and these new 'investments' go a long way towards making your relationship stronger Enjoy your evening Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Marriage problems make me nervous because my parents are nuts (not really), so I'm glad things seem to have turned out well for you, Esequiel Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Congratulations (?) , Esequiel. Hope it's fine. "If I could learn to give like a rubberband, I'd be back on my feet." Think about that, everyone. We're all in a big rubberband, let's just learn to twang. It's all we can do. *bursts into iridescent flames, leaving nary but a pile of ashes* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Did you find out why she wanted you out of the house? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Not yet , still trying to figure it out. Things have stalled over the last few hours, trying to talk through it now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 esequiel - glad to hear everything went well. Sorry that chairdriver has taken over the thread :P Chair; if you post a short post like that, it's going to draw attention due to its ambiguity. If you feel you were misinterpreted then there's little favour to be won anywhere by switching to the battle stance of defense/attack. For someone who claims to let things go with the flow you do seem to try awfully hard to steer opinion one way or another. Let it be and deal with it yourself rather than be offended when other people are offended. SHRUG! Ultimately, as with many 'debates' on here, the problem is not with the matter of opinion but in the method of communication. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 14, 2011 Not yet , still trying to figure it out. Things have stalled over the last few hours, trying to talk through it now. I know how that is. Things can go from good to bad really fast. Hope things end up fine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
