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Ashley

CV Woes, Cheats and Wins

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CVs are a pain in the ass eh? Asked my lecturer to give me a reference and she's asked for an updated CV so need to do that. Probably do half a job as its only for reference I presume but still, annoying. And next to McDonalds I want to put "SEE WHAT THE BUDGET CUTS DID TO ME!!" :p

 

Also added this to my job description for there: "Working alongside other branches to ensure the branch operated effectively." Sounds nice eh? It basically meant when we ran out of chicken I walked to the other end of the centre.

 

So any CV faux-pas, fibs and fabrications you want to share?

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I asked you to help me Ashley. #1 fail right there.

 

You got a job you stupid rugrat.

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Just applied for a new Job with the council - I've worked for them for 15 years. This job I've applied for does not ask for a CV you basically fill out an online application form.

 

After I answered all the questions it asked for it looked like a fucking novel!

 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's a £10,000 pay rise! :p

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fudge the truth. You can blur your "duties" but you can't make it up completely, especially if said employer is providing a reference. For example, you can use management duties as a part of your job even if you only cover once a blue moon, or if you get given one off tasks.

 

Making everything sound fancy is basically the only way to look good on a CV. You're not on "till duties" you are "providing a customer focused service" or something like that.

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Making everything sound fancy is basically the only way to look good on a CV. You're not on "till duties" you are "providing a customer focused service" or something like that.

 

Your absolutely right it's all "flannel" - they use it in the form so give them it back in spades!

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under work experience i listed the fact i can arrange games alphabetically. Apparently thats enough to get me a placement as a 'Student Engineer' :D

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I put on my CV, "I provided a service to those in desperate need."

 

Whoever thought that you could make being a rent boy sound righteous.

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Here is an example of "flannel" from my current application form - nobody talks like this it's all "twaddle" but sounds brill.

 

In my line of work influencing others is all part of the job and occurs daily e.g. giving advice to children to enable them to make the right decision, giving a member of teaching staff support when dealing with a pupil and suggesting a strategy which will benefit all parties.

 

I'm a great believer that to influence others you have to gain their respect and this is something I strive to accomplish.

 

As you can tell from my text outside of the quote box - I don't talk like that, it's utter wank but that's what they want!

Edited by Cookyman

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fudge the truth. You can blur your "duties" but you can't make it up completely, especially if said employer is providing a reference. For example, you can use management duties as a part of your job even if you only cover once a blue moon, or if you get given one off tasks.

 

Making everything sound fancy is basically the only way to look good on a CV. You're not on "till duties" you are "providing a customer focused service" or something like that.

 

But I did run Game, no liesies! :p

 

Also using big words helps. "Amanuensis" sounds so much better than note taker.

 

under work experience i listed the fact i can arrange games alphabetically. Apparently thats enough to get me a placement as a 'Student Engineer' :D

 

Wish I'd known that. All my jobs between 2003-2009 required me to alphabetising products. This of course has led to me having alphabetised games and DVDs (even in their current still-packed-in-boxes state).

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One part of my CV that apparently stood out was that I "did voluntary journalist work for an independent gaming website, including attending industry events and interviewing well-known industry figures".

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I put BISH on my CV...

 

You should have put your CV in BISH!

 

One part of my CV that apparently stood out was that I "did voluntary journalist work for an independent gaming website, including attending industry events and interviewing well-known industry figures".

 

Ha. I never put this place in mine, mostly because its never relevant. Although maybe now I might (if relevant) as I'm EIC.

 

Think that really shows what shitty jobs I've been applying for.

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I do try and add to the CV with minor additions, things that i've done once or twice. I don't think it works with employers somehow. So i keep it only with everything i've done more than once, still doesn't work.

 

You could say you are European on the CV. Hey, its not a lie is it?.

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I do try and add to the CV with minor additions, things that i've done once or twice. I don't think it works with employers somehow. So i keep it only with everything i've done more than once, still doesn't work.

 

You could say you are European on the CV. Hey, its not a lie is it?.

 

Why would saying you are European mean anything?

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I'm currently looking through some CVs to find a new member of staff at work.

 

One tip: Don't send your CV in Microsoft Works format (wps). Lots of people don't have Microsoft Works and they won't open in office.

 

Edit: Also, people have sent CVs as zip attachments that open wrongly. After a bit of re-naming I discovered that all they've done is renamed the file and put .zip at the end.

Edited by Cube

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I'm currently looking through some CVs to find a new member of staff at work.

 

One tip: Don't send your CV in Microsoft Works format (wps). Lots of people don't have Microsoft Works and they won't open in office.

 

Edit: Also, people have sent CVs as zip attachments that open wrongly. After a bit of re-naming I discovered that all they've done is renamed the file and put .zip at the end.

Isn't most writing software able to read Rich Text Format?

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Isn't most writing software able to read Rich Text Format?

 

They are, but Windows and Office don't know that they can read the .wps files - you have to open with. Most people would just see the "select a program to open this file" dialogue box and give up.

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Why would saying you are European mean anything?

 

Most Europeans get work here.

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A CV is absolutely no time to be modest. Make yourself out to be far more awesome than you are.

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