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Raining_again

Living a life of solitude..

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.. can you do it?

 

I just got to thinkin'... is it possible?

 

Today I found out that my mum's sister died... apparently she died last freakin' november!! And her body wasn't found for 3 months. I mean for flips sake, living a life where no-one even thought to visit you, or where you went to work?? She was in her fifties, so by no means retirement age.

 

This woman had sort of distanced herself from my mum and her other siblings. They had been trying to contact her and my mum is completely gutted they never got to talk and say that it was all okay and be at peace with one another..

 

I just couldn't imagine living for months on end without ever having contact with people.. Some days (very rare ones) I wake up in the house on my own.. and it weird, and a bit depressing. And I'm not a big social person, I quite like my own space. The idea just is completely beyond me.

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Quite frankly, if you're unemployed or retired, I think it'd be all too easy to never see a person you know again. It's different for our generation, because we've got the internet, but in all honesty most of my pals along the way have been from school, then college, then work. Apart from a very few true friends, people really just make the most of the people they regularly see (ie. at work) then, I've noticed, find it very easy to forget about people.

 

Sorry to be glum - You do pick up some really good people on the way.

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I've thanked your post for its honesty and openness and general this-is-why-I-go-to-n-europeness, and I've since realised that the 'thanks!' could come across as a rather beligerant and offensive thing.

 

Sorry to hear about your aunt, that's some ridiculous shit right there.

 

I think, in regards to the OP's posit of solitary existence, that it is entirely possible, though not favoured. I've spent months attached to my various forms of escapism, sustaining a rather pungant and vulgar happiness in myself, egotistically abiding in the thoughts of my own damned self. I've also been fortuitous enough to encounter an army of awesome people, who maintain a war against my solitude and, with vigour, encourage my persistant attendance to various social endeavours. I've thus learnt that it is through the difference in social construct, in varying concepts of How A Life Should Be Led that I have learned the most -- and that is the key to my argument! You cannot learn alone, living off of the dandruff of your intellect as it stews in its own soup of limitation. It is in allowing other differing views and experiences of life into your thoughts that you level up.

 

I may be biased! I just spent a long weekend catching up with some good friends and it has taught me that a life lived alone and away from the rest of the world is a life condemned to an endless pit of similarity. Without associations, one never accesses the novel or, even, the sublime elements to life - the things that surprise you.

 

I surmise that my months of alienation were only possible because I had the social network to delve back into. Promising myself even a night at the pub is a risky business; it may turn out to be a waste of money, or it may be a life-altering event. I remember a certain night, five years ago, where I begrudgingly agreed to attend a regular pub meeting - and I ended up going home with the most beautiful girl on the planet (and, thus, remain trapped in a web of confusion and insanity) because I risked it. Because I hazarded the unknown - which is precisely what socialising is! You allow yourself to be poured into the cocktail of interaction that is friendships.

 

So yeah, like, totally. This post is full of interesting words.

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Honestly now, i can't live a life without speaking to at least 1 person face to face.

 

Sure you get days where all you want to do is to spend it alone, and that is fine. Because the human being has this inside of them, that they need to spend time alone and really relax and sort themselves out. I seem to spent a few hours alone each day, most of the time it is in the morning and at night/evenings where i tend to browse the net, play games or watch TV/DVD's (that is at the moment, with my current status of employment equaling not applicable).

 

Jay is right, you cannot learn life alone. Because if you know nothing already, what can you learn?. You need to get out there and see the world around you. Learn how people cope with different problems. Learning is the key to life, and something which can present us with our mistakes and achievements made throughout. Life is also filled with risks, some of which are good and some are bad. But hey, that is life really. Take the risks, get out there and see what you can do with them. You may end up with new friends, a new job or even a new girl/boyfriend. Who knows where you will end up.

 

I took a medium risk a few years back, and ended up in the best job i ever had. Why did i do it?. Well, there is no good to come from saying you'll do it. Do it, and the worst that can happen is "no".

 

I don't really understand how people can hide away from life, it is their decision after all and we can't change it for them. We can put forward ideas and suggestions and see if that changes their minds. It is the person who hides who makes the choice after all.

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Wow, such a thought-provoking thread.

I find that fascinating that nobody knew until 3 months after her death. Quite morbid. Did you ever meet her?

 

As for the question itself. Being alone for at least a few minutes a day I think is recommended. It's just so easy to get lost in your thoughts and think of anything you want without any people. Which I find quite comforting.

However, at the same time I don't think that living a life of solitude is particularly worth it, well not for me anyway.

Why hold your own values close to you and just stick to those your entire life? Although it's possible to grow, mentally, alone it's probably a very slow process. Other people make you question, think and wonder. For the better or worse, it depends. However, meeting different people, in my opinion, is absolutely fantastic and really makes you learn so much.

 

That's what I believe anyway. I'm also a little tired so I won't go off on a rant :)

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Trying to use what I learnt in Psychology today. Some people are introverted, which means they need very little stimulation for arousal of certain parts of the brain [depending on the level of intreverted-ness]. So it is very possible that someone can live alone for months and be OK with it. Learning from books or just doing what they enjoy. It doesn't necessarily need to be a bad thing that someone likes to be alone.

 

In my case I don't think I could be alone for that long. I'm extroverted. I need more stimulation in the form of interaction with other people.

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While I love my me-time, just being by myself, doing what I want to do without having to deal with the energy-consuming task of being a social individual, I could never live a life of solitude, a life without human contact. It's an absolute necessity for my happiness/quality of life/entire existence to have loved ones whom I know care about me. I don't want everybody to like me, but I need somebody to love me.

 

In regards to jayseven's post, I've always found the old saying to hold true: It's the things you didn't do that you regret the most.

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I've kinda had the same experience. My uncle was a looser nobody who threw away all the chances my family gave him, yet it obviously never stopped my mum caring about her brother. One day we went over to his flat because he hadn't been seen or heard from in months. There was no sign of him so I had to break down the door. It was then that the worst smell i've ever smelled in my life, hard to describe but definitely something you don't forget. I found him in his bedroom, his head had been caved in against a wall and his body was almost half decomposed. It was literally like something off of bones but with more flesh. Police estimated he'd been dead for months.

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Quite frankly, if you're unemployed or retired, I think it'd be all too easy to never see a person you know again. It's different for our generation, because we've got the internet, but in all honesty most of my pals along the way have been from school, then college, then work. Apart from a very few true friends, people really just make the most of the people they regularly see (ie. at work) then, I've noticed, find it very easy to forget about people.

 

Sorry to be glum - You do pick up some really good people on the way.

 

^ What he said.

 

This is why i mean to stay in employment as long as i possibly can. Not only to avoid boredom, but to prevent being cut off, which i know would happen. I'm friendly with quite a few people from work, but know it's not strong enough to last outside of the job if i left.

 

I guess as long as you have a job you'll always be okay, which is comforting (except if you can't get a job/ are of retirement age). I really dread getting old.

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Wow, such a thought-provoking thread.

I find that fascinating that nobody knew until 3 months after her death. Quite morbid. Did you ever meet her?

 

Well. This sister (my mums sister) lives in Birmingham with the rest of her siblings - there's 9 of them in total. So I don't know her. I can't recall ever meeting her.

 

She died last November. She was found three months or so later. According to the post mortem - they said that the cause of death was natural but they weren't able to identify what caused it exactly, due to the state of the body.

 

My mum's family in Birmingham found out last night, an ENTIRE YEAR later. And they only found out because one of the sisters has access to a hospital record. She had obviously distanced herself enough from the family that they were never told... which is so freakin sad..

 

 

---

 

Basically... I know most people meet others on a daily basis... but is that enough to care? If most of my friends didn't hear from me in 6 months they would think very little of it.

 

I do have a connection though... because I still live with my parents, I think my mum would worry if I didn't come home overnight. But your friends, or even your other half... would they worry if they hadn't heard from you in 24 hours? Its a real thinker and pretty scary.

 

Obviously my auntie never had anyone that connected with her.. well not enough to worry when they hadnt heard from her in 3 whole months.. maybe even more? For all we know she could have been sick for longer.

 

@jayseven - no offence taken dude :smile:

 

I'd like us to debate it freely, please don't worry about offending me.

 

Oh and just an FYI - please DO NOT mention this on my facebook account because my family are on it and not everyone has been told yet.

 

I'm just heartbroken for my mum and I just want to give her a million hugs :(

Edited by Raining_again

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An interesting subject, especially the point that r_a just raised in that post, but it also opens up the other things.

 

For me personally, I could never be alone or live a life of solitude, I just don't know how I'd cope with it. I aired my thoughts on that in Coolness's thread a while back, though. Basically I spend alot of time socialising, I live for the people around me, and I've gotten so used to it I'm not sure if I'm sure how to not be that anymore.

 

The bigger point, is exactly what raining asks though, is it enough!! I often, I guess gloomily, wonder what would happen if myself or someone I know passed away for whatever reason. It's something I don't have much opportunity to discuss like ever though, because apparently it's a morbid thing to talk about, like we have to constantly live in denial of our mortality, and if we don't talk about it then it won't catch up to us, a bit like He Who Shall Not Be Named.

 

If we lost anyone on this forum, would we know? I use anyone in a literal anyone sense, because with the newer age of the internet and internet socialising, we all tend to have alot of e-friends, but y'kno, passing away is quite an IRL sort of thing. Personally, I'd hate to die and not be remembered, call that whatever you will, but I don't want my life to have just been something insignificant and forgotten when I'm gone(funny thing is this was something I was contemplating just a few hours ago before I saw this thread).

 

I guess with the more and more merging of things both internet and rl however(facebook and other social networking, forums/networks overlapped, essentially an internet six degrees of seperation), it could eventually trickle through, but then if someone disappears for a while do we ever start to ask the questions, or is it again the notion not to think or mention it else the boogeyman'll get you?

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*hugs for Raining & family*

 

Ending up in solitude can be sort of a scary prospect. Few go out looking for it deliberately but it's far too easy to imagine losing contact with the people you know and who know you just because you're busy or geologically or socially isolated. You can still end up in solitude even when you're surrounded by people, but unless they're the same ones looking out for you it's all the same.

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As close as I feel I have grown to this forum, if I'm suddenly gone for a month or so without warning, you should start to worry. I might be dead. Or, y'know, without internet access.

 

But yeah, massive condolences to you and your family, Raining. :(

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Thanks R_A.

My mind can't help but think of what your Aunt was thinking about for her last few hours, days, or months of her life.

Sad thought :(

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I've wondered about some of your points (in your new post) before, R_A. if I died I'm fairly sure that you lot would find out. There was a stage a few years ago, when I was getting stoned all the time and depressed and stuff, that I was so uncertain and worried about teh future that I wrote a little... 'will', shall we say. It had URLs on it. The geekiness of that alone made me laugh and forget all about it.

 

I've heard of stories where lonely and isolated drunks have been found dead because the guy who worked at the off license he went to daily noticed that he had not come in for two days. TWO! Regardless of the drunk's self-imposed alienation from his own family and what-not, someone had noticed his absence.

 

So yeah! This post doesn't have any awesome words in it.

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:o

Reminded me of this

 

 

oh yes! That film was so sad at the end :(

 

I've wondered about some of your points (in your new post) before, R_A. if I died I'm fairly sure that you lot would find out. There was a stage a few years ago, when I was getting stoned all the time and depressed and stuff, that I was so uncertain and worried about teh future that I wrote a little... 'will', shall we say. It had URLs on it. The geekiness of that alone made me laugh and forget all about it.

 

I've heard of stories where lonely and isolated drunks have been found dead because the guy who worked at the off license he went to daily noticed that he had not come in for two days. TWO! Regardless of the drunk's self-imposed alienation from his own family and what-not, someone had noticed his absence.

 

So yeah! This post doesn't have any awesome words in it.

 

 

Yeah its like... you could have a live full of people, many many people.. yet you could be "alone" because none of them have a strong enough connection to you to care enough if you went missing. The only people who would worry enough about me not existing would be my family. Like your example of the drunkard who obviously had no-one yet was noticed because he existed in someone's life enough for them to wonder.

 

I laughed at your "will" :heh: I think I'd only have a will if I had anything of value, like a house or...money. Which I don't really have..:grin:

 

Argh. Sitting watching the tv with my ma, and on comes "life after the loss of a sibling"....

 

christ.

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