Posted January 31, 2007 A young lad is backpacking through China. He's been walking all day and is pretty tired, but unfortunatly there are no hostels for miles around. So he decides to knock on the door of one of the locals in the hope of finding a place to sleep. The door is answered by a small hunchbacked old man. "Sorry, but I really need somewhere to sleep tonight, can you help me?" asks the backpacker. "Yes," replies the old man, "But I warn you, I have a daughter and if you sleep with her I will inflict upon you three terrible curses". The backpacker agrees that he will not touch the old mans daughter, I mean he's like 104 years old so she's probably ancient. Inside the house the old man offers to get his daughter to make some food for the backpacker. Suddenly in walks the most beautiful woman the backpacker has ever seen in his life, who as it happens is the old mans daughter. Over dinner the backpacker and the daughter flirt, but in the back of his mind remains the thought of the curses. Later while lying in bed the backpacker decides he will sneak into the daughters room, have sex and get back to his own room without the old man finding out. I mean the curses can't be that bad, can they. The next morning the backpacker wakes up to find a large boulder on his chest with a note attached, "Curse 1, boulder on chest". The backpacker laughs. Is this the best the old man can do. He goes over to the window and throws the boulder out, when suddenly he spots another note. "Curse 2, string from boulder to left testicle". The backpacker obviously panics at this and decides to jump from the window after the boulder, I mean a broken bone is better then no testicle right. As the backpacker falls though he spots the final cursed note. "Curse 3, right testicle attached to bed post". Man, that made me cringe! Awesome! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 I don't get it, they're not really jokes. No more please. Speak for yourself I liked 'em. And they're 'spoilered' anyway so you don't have to read them. And kudos to 'weeyellowbloke' that joke was great Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Ok my turn! A couple had been trying to have a baby for 2 years. They both recently decided they would go to see if they were both fertile or not. They went and it came back that the male was infertile. After lengthy discussions they both decided they were going to get IBF treatment. So they booked an apoinment with their hospital and were suprised that they could have it done next week. So, the day came when she would be getting the treatment. She walked into the hospital and went to the room. Her and the doctor chatted a while and the doctor asked her if she was definite that she wanted it done, she replied yes. He said ok, stand over there please. So she did. Then the doctor said bend down please, she said puzzled errm ok. She heard some noise so she looked behind her too find the doctor was unzipping his trousers, then he got his penis out. The woman cried WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? He said giving you sperm m'dear! And she said I thought it came in a bottle or something? He said yeah we've ran out of bottles, you will have to have draft. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Why did Miyamoto cross the road? To bomb Sony offices on the other side... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Who likes dead baby jokes? How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them. I have more... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Two potatoes fall off a log. Bud dum. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 What's red and screams? A skinned baby in a barrel of salt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Whys an old woman like a pork pie? Because you have to bite through the crust and lick away the jelly before you get to the meat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Whys an old woman like a pork pie? Because you have to bite through the crust and lick away the jelly before you get to the meat Rather amusing good sir What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine hole? A flat minor Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 A Cowboy walks into a german car dealership, and says to the salesman, audi. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 How do you get a baby into a bowl? A blender How do you get a baby out of a bowl? Nachos Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 How do you get a baby into a bowl? A blender How do you get a baby out of a bowl? Nachos Oh god not those jokes again lol. Anyway: What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Being Raped. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 All of these jokes seem to be coming up again and again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 A female journalist goes out to Kuwait to do a story on gender roles, just before the outbreak of the Gulf War in 1991. She notes with some dismay that the women of the country customarily walk about 10 feet behind their men. Several years later the same journalist returns to the country to see if there has been any change in these gender roles. She is surprised to find, on her return, that the men now walk ten feet behind their women. Amazed at this, she approaches a young lady. 'This is marvellous,' she says. 'What enabled the women here to effect such a reversal of roles?' 'Simple,' the young woman replies. 'Land mines.' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Two tramps are walking along some train tracks. One tramp says to the other, "It was on these tracks last week that I found a dead dog. I ate for three days." The second tramp replied, "That's nothing. Last month I met a woman on these tracks, I took her into those bushes and we had sex for a week." "Wow that's amazing." said the first tramp in awe, "did you get a blowjob?" No." answered the second tramp," I couldn't find the head. I have more tramp jokes if you want 'em. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Two tramps are walking along some train tracks. One tramp says to the other, "It was on these tracks last week that I found a dead dog. I ate for three days." The second tramp replied, "That's nothing. Last month I met a woman on these tracks, I took her into those bushes and we had sex for a week." "Wow that's amazing." said the first tramp in awe, "did you get a blowjob?" No." answered the second tramp," I couldn't find the head. lol, that's sick but damn funny. Another sick baby joke. A woman gives birth to her son in hospital. For a short while her son is taken away to clean him and the usual things. Then the doctor comes back with him. He smiles at the couple and then slams the baby against the wall several times. The father shouts with rage: "What are you doing, you killed our baby." The Doctor responded: "Don't worry, he was dead already." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2007 Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight years olds? Because there's twenty of them. How do you get a baby to stop crawling around in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor. What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 1, 2007 What's red and invisible? No tomatoes What's the difference between a duck? It's got one leg both the same What's purple and commutes? An Abelian grape Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 1, 2007 my joke: this thread :yay: :shock: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 1, 2007 Okay, stolen from Family Guy: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's a woman. Oh right, women-unfriendly joke. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 1, 2007 Two tramps are walking along some train tracks. One tramp says to the other, "It was on these tracks last week that I found a dead dog. I ate for three days." The second tramp replied, "That's nothing. Last month I met a woman on these tracks, I took her into those bushes and we had sex for a week." "Wow that's amazing." said the first tramp in awe, "did you get a blowjob?" No." answered the second tramp," I couldn't find the head. How do you get a baby into a bowl? A blender How do you get a baby out of a bowl? Nachos GREAT!!! Here are some I love: A woman goes to the doctor with a bloated stomach and pains. Doctor doesn't know what's wrong so he takes a blood sample and tells her to come back in a week . The woman comes back and says 'Oh doctor, I'm in such pain, what's wrong with me?' to which the doctor replies 'Well, let's put it this way, I hope you like changing nappies'. So the woman says 'Oh, I am going to have a baby?' and the doctor says: No, you've got bowel cancer'. What's the definition of self-destruction? An epeleptic leper. What do you call a bath full of lepers? Porrige. And this one wich once got me kicked out of class: How do you know when your sister is having her period Your dad's dick tastes funny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 1, 2007 THE ganondorf. Oh yes I did. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 1, 2007 THE ganondorf. Oh yes I did. Biggest. Joke. Ever. :yay: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 1, 2007 THE ganondorf. Oh yes I did. Thou is GOD. (happiness... it makes me cry). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 1, 2007 Whys an old woman like a pork pie? Because you have to bite through the crust and lick away the jelly before you get to the meat Heh, i posted that earlier in this thread :P I love that joke so much. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
