tapedeck

Seriously. Help!

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TD Your a bigger man than me by far (metaphorically speaking). Chances are i'd be in jail right about now if this had happened to me.

 

Trying to look at the silver lining, at least there are no kids involved and it looks like a lucky escape.

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Hopefully things should get better now then. Your best bet is just to avoid her, nothing but trouble.

 

Another option u can have as backup is still report the incident to the police about the threats etc but make it clear u don't want any action taken as it should be getting sorted, but u want it on record so if anything happens in the future they can refer back to this incident to back it up kinda thing.

 

Hope it all works out ok for u anyway, whatever u decide to do.

 

I just wanted to echo this point. Assuming the worst and thinking this is far from over, you need this on record for if it's actually the case.

Second, have you PROPERLY secured all your passwords? Passwords she'd never guess, a different one for each, and most importantly obvious recovery questions(change them anyway).

 

It sounds, given that an offer was made to fix the passwords back, that it was either her doing, or it is still this other gentleman's doing. She might be crazy. More so, *HE* might be crazy, and want you totally out of the way, but to be honest I'm not gonna even begin to think along those lines cos it's such a slim possibility, and a dangerous one for you. You don't need this girl, regardless of everything, even if she had nothing to do with all of this(though she must have had some part, given the password knowledge), you don't need her and you of all people certainly deserve tons better than this man.

 

Also, props to your handling of things, an excellent way to go about it, I hadn't even considered it but it seems to have totally done the job, I hope this is all done and blown over soon, just remember all the good you have in your life, as opposed to this one little bad thing. As bad as it is as well, I'll have to agree with the others in thinking that you have such a lucky escape from this, I'm glad it wasn't even worse for you. Anyhoo, I wish you all the best and I know things'll get better for you, just remember to keep your chin up! :D

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Sooo I'm well late to the party. Commiserations for me. Sounds like you're in one hell of a pickle, but you're not as sour a gherkin as I thought you'd be about it all. You've dealt with it with skill and dexterity, and I wouldn't be worried about any rape charges. More than 90% of rapes go unreported. lol, I kid! But on a serious note; she's one spanner short of a picnic by, at my estimate, at least five shades of mental. You're better off without her and her I-must-involve-myself-with-queer-nutters reputation.

 

Does she have a sister, btw?

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Holee shit man. I'm literally blown away, that sucks hard. But you handled and are handling it like a true man. Just keep acting honest and as cool headed as possible and keep all those text messages in case you ever need some backup.When you feel like talking, you know I'm here.

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Today I got a call from her father and he stated that he did indeed go round to this guys house last night to see what the heck was going on.

 

He basically said that when he got there he blew his top at all of the threats and all of the allegations made towards me and then this guy started to cry. (He's 21 like). He then said that he took his daughter (my ex) up to the shopping centre and made her get a new phone and sim card and delete numbers and never speak to me again. (Wow. A new phone. Cheers eh?)

 

I made it clear in no uncertain terms that she had lied to me and they had threatened me yet he was still letting her see this guy but taking me out of her life. Yet all I ever did was treat her right and have a great relationship for 3yrs with her & her family. I guess you really can't stop your children from doing what they want to eh? So yeah, I said all of that and the fact that no final goodbyes had been said, just evil threats. He wasn't really warming to anything I said but I guess he was perhaps embarassed or sorry for me. I then told him I was still mulling over the idea of going to the police to say the allegations had beed made against me. He then assured me that nothing further will happen as it was just the lads (stupid?) idea. I said it didn't matter and could affect me in the future if this lad wants to play more games. (Which, for all I know, he may.)

 

I came off the phone and (as I had parked up) I drove so fast and through tears that I just had the thought in my head that "they got what they wanted, they fucking got what they wanted, all along" and just felt like crashing into a wall.

 

So when I got home (I did make it afterall!) I had a text from her old number saying if I wanted to resolve the issue I should call her. I replied saying she should meet me face to face as, for 3yrs I deserve better than an easy-to-put down, phone call. She declined saying if I didn't call then that was that.

 

I didn't call.

 

So I sent this last text:

 

"So, it ends like this?

I get left alone and you (and him) get what you want? In all honesty I've never been so low. I contemplated driving into a wall today so you would actually feel responsible about your actions. Or maybe you would come and see me at the hospital. I wouldn't count on it though. I guess I just feel numb. I just sit and try to occupy my mind whilst contemplating if I can turn back time. But I can't. I can't at all.

Nothing works anymore at the moment. Only my heart. Everything feels broken but I'm left here with this heart. This heart that somehow still works but feels broken and stupid."

 

 

 

Now I need to stick my head in the sand and wait for the dust to settle.

There should be a survival guide for this kind of bullshit.:blank: Or some way of punishing 'emotional rape'.

Life's cruel but I perhaps am only really starting to learn now that it's only cruel beause of the people that occupy "life". I've always been a believer in people and seeing the good in them - and that will continue. But damn, is it not hard to become a total cynic.

 

Your replies over the last few days have actually given me hope (honestly) and I have been shocked to see that you all genuinely care about helping others. Thanks for making this whole thing easier. Even though I don't 'know' you all. This whole process has helped massively. Thankyou, friends.

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In the end, I think you definately did all the right things you could have done. It's just a shame all this happened to such a nice guy.

 

Maybe it's best if this just gets a final stop put to it asap and you cut all contact with her. And I'm not being patronising here or anything, but it's pretty understandable that that would be the hardest thing to do if you were in love with her for 3 years. I can't imagine how hard. Afterall, what do I know? I'm 7.

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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity - and I'm not sure about the universe."

- Albert Einstein

 

I for one am completely sure about humanity. It will forever baffle me how egocentric, unempathic, and effing stupid humans can be. I sometimes doubt the view of the human as a highly evolved being. We still follow our most basic survival instincts, we've just become very sophisticated in doing so.

 

I must echo the echoes of comments of praise in here: You have certainly acted in the most mature and wisest way possible throughout this whole thing. I am truly sorry when good guys have to be treated to this kind of shit, but the best thing to do is probably try to move on. But if you as much as think they're still trying to harass you, go straight to the police.

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It sounds you really have emotional rape and it will change your options on things.

 

Did you even get your accounts back?

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Aww man reading that almost set me off and I'm not the crying type. Probably because it brings back some memories that don't die hard. I'd say the only difference between your story and my story is that your heart is still intact. I was just left with a big gaping hole where it should be. (Eventually healed up) but don't get too down about it TD. Your equaliser will come soon enough. She'll eventually see his dark side.

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I must echo the echoes of comments of praise in here: You have certainly acted in the most mature and wisest way possible throughout this whole thing. I am truly sorry when good guys have to be treated to this kind of shit, but the best thing to do is probably try to move on. But if you as much as think they're still trying to harass you, go straight to the police.

 

I agree. I can't believe you kept so cool after all this. I would have probably threatened him, lol. But you did the right thing so you can now look forward to a happier future without her (I'm sorry if it seems a little harsh considering she was your partner for three years and I can't begin to imagine how much this is hurting you but I'm speaking through truth). You seem like a good guy Tapedeck and I can't believe all of this happens to good guys like you. But don't worry, what goes around, comes around. People will know what her and the other guy is really like one day.

 

Anyway, Dannyboy-the-Dane's right, if you feel like you're getting harassed from them in any way, you immediately tell the police everything. Oh and I'd still keep those texts...just in case. But good luck mate, I mean that :)

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Glad to see everythings finished now. Felt sorry for you reading alll this, you handled it all well. Hell, I even wished I was near where you lived to help you out.

 

Though, exactly how did this start? She texted you saying she wanted to sort stuff out, but then changed her tune and started texting crap to you? Just seems totally odd.

 

Hopefully you can move on now. Really, good luck with everything, you seem like a great guy.

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It's bullshit what they did. You're a top lad and you don't deserve stuff like this.

 

But, chin up, mate. We're all here for you. :smile:

 

Good luck.

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Well, honestly, you did the right thing. You're strong enough, and I'll believe you'll pull through this.

 

You're a nice guy. I'm sure things will get better.

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Keep your head together, mate. Her dad has done a good thing - he's helped you out by ending this silliness. Three years is never going to be something easily forgotten, but that's no reason for her to still be in your life. She's caused you grief, and unfortunately you're going to feel more of that for a while to come, but don't think that they've gotten it their way. Her family will never treat the guy with the respect he will want after what he's done to her and to you. They both seem immensely immature and you're better off without them in your life.

 

I would also say that sending her emo texts like that will not resolve anything :P But they're also a natural response, a way to deal with this new black-hole-feeling you've got. You gave her a piece of your heart that you're never going to get back, and the piece she gave you seems smaller and somehow not quite as good as the bit you gave away. With time you'll put that chunk in a box, and stow it away on a shelf labelled "mistakes that I'm glad happened".

 

I'm sorry for you dude. You've been through a lot, and it's not over yet. But it gets easier. ... With drugs, sex and good friends!

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Ahh im well late to the party, crazy few pages.

 

Anyways, sounds like you handled it well, good on ya. Seems like leaving it is the best thing now, you can get on with your life. In some ways it seems like this girl, or the guy, were trying to provoke some sort of reaction out of you, so just leave it, don't give them one.

 

Sounds like the worst is over now, things are sure to improve from here on out :)

(touch wood)

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I'm glad it worked out for you. It may not seem like it has now, but it will in the future. You're better than both of them so move on and continue to live your life.

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I'm sorry to hear all this shit has happened to you tapedeck. You seem like a more than decent bloke from what I've seen around here and whenever we play online. Quite frankly you deserve better. A lot better.

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Sorry to hear about all of that - that was heartbreaking stuff.

Personally, I would disregard every text message you've received from her phone, since it sounds like he was sending them most of the time.

 

He sounds immature, vindictive and a total pussy. If she chooses him over you, then I think that says a lot about her. On the faintly bright side, it's better that this has happened now and not ten years down the line when you're married with kids. If she hasn't got the cahoonas to meet you face to face, then draw the line and move on.

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Today I got a call from her father and he stated that he did indeed go round to this guys house last night to see what the heck was going on.

 

He basically said that when he got there he blew his top at all of the threats and all of the allegations made towards me and then this guy started to cry. (He's 21 like). He then said that he took his daughter (my ex) up to the shopping centre and made her get a new phone and sim card and delete numbers and never speak to me again. (Wow. A new phone. Cheers eh?)

 

I made it clear in no uncertain terms that she had lied to me and they had threatened me yet he was still letting her see this guy but taking me out of her life. Yet all I ever did was treat her right and have a great relationship for 3yrs with her & her family. I guess you really can't stop your children from doing what they want to eh? So yeah, I said all of that and the fact that no final goodbyes had been said, just evil threats. He wasn't really warming to anything I said but I guess he was perhaps embarassed or sorry for me. I then told him I was still mulling over the idea of going to the police to say the allegations had beed made against me. He then assured me that nothing further will happen as it was just the lads (stupid?) idea. I said it didn't matter and could affect me in the future if this lad wants to play more games. (Which, for all I know, he may.)

 

I came off the phone and (as I had parked up) I drove so fast and through tears that I just had the thought in my head that "they got what they wanted, they fucking got what they wanted, all along" and just felt like crashing into a wall.

 

So when I got home (I did make it afterall!) I had a text from her old number saying if I wanted to resolve the issue I should call her. I replied saying she should meet me face to face as, for 3yrs I deserve better than an easy-to-put down, phone call. She declined saying if I didn't call then that was that.

 

I didn't call.

 

So I sent this last text:

 

"So, it ends like this?

I get left alone and you (and him) get what you want? In all honesty I've never been so low. I contemplated driving into a wall today so you would actually feel responsible about your actions. Or maybe you would come and see me at the hospital. I wouldn't count on it though. I guess I just feel numb. I just sit and try to occupy my mind whilst contemplating if I can turn back time. But I can't. I can't at all.

Nothing works anymore at the moment. Only my heart. Everything feels broken but I'm left here with this heart. This heart that somehow still works but feels broken and stupid."

 

 

 

Now I need to stick my head in the sand and wait for the dust to settle.

There should be a survival guide for this kind of bullshit.:blank: Or some way of punishing 'emotional rape'.

Life's cruel but I perhaps am only really starting to learn now that it's only cruel beause of the people that occupy "life". I've always been a believer in people and seeing the good in them - and that will continue. But damn, is it not hard to become a total cynic.

 

Your replies over the last few days have actually given me hope (honestly) and I have been shocked to see that you all genuinely care about helping others. Thanks for making this whole thing easier. Even though I don't 'know' you all. This whole process has helped massively. Thankyou, friends.

 

Mate, still just make a record of everything with the police. I know it seems silly, insignificant, and probably pointless right now, but just go to your local and inform them about things, ask if it's worth having on record in case anything does happen in the future, and get it done.

Next thing to do, which isn't going to be easy and won't happen overnight, is to let go. Let go and move on. Try not to dwell too much on this whole situation. You will for a while, and whilst this thread is here, but then you'll need to get on with life and not get stuck on this. You've dealt with all this immensely, and I'm so glad to hear you didn't do anything stupid.

You are so lucky to have escaped this, it won't feel it and you won't realise it now, and it doesn't mean you need to regret what you had, but as I said before I think you've had a brilliant turn of fortune with all of this, in the sense that it could have been much worse, or this all could have happened after longer than 3 years. Anyways, we're all here for you, and if you ever fancy a chat then drop me a PM or something, I know talking can help sometimes.

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Mate, still just make a record of everything with the police. I know it seems silly, insignificant, and probably pointless right now, but just go to your local and inform them about things, ask if it's worth having on record in case anything does happen in the future, and get it done.

Next thing to do, which isn't going to be easy and won't happen overnight, is to let go. Let go and move on. Try not to dwell too much on this whole situation. You will for a while, and whilst this thread is here, but then you'll need to get on with life and not get stuck on this. You've dealt with all this immensely, and I'm so glad to hear you didn't do anything stupid.

You are so lucky to have escaped this, it won't feel it and you won't realise it now, and it doesn't mean you need to regret what you had, but as I said before I think you've had a brilliant turn of fortune with all of this, in the sense that it could have been much worse, or this all could have happened after longer than 3 years. Anyways, we're all here for you, and if you ever fancy a chat then drop me a PM or something, I know talking can help sometimes.

 

Me and Rummy must be thinking the exact same thing coz i agree with this comment as he agreed with mine.

 

I have a few police friends (i know them through the job i do) and i have told them of ur situation. They all think it is a good idea just to have something on record should something bad happen in the future, it can't hurt.

 

At the end of the day it is up 2 u and it is ur life but i would say its a good idea. As alot of other ppl have said we are all here for u mate and well done in how u have handled the situation so far.

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I don't really know you tapedeck, but you seem like a nice enough bloke and it's a shitter that all this has happened.

 

I'm not really too sure how old you are, but I'm sure you'll get over it.

 

Though I can honestly say that I don't think that that last text you sent was a good idea, about you driving into a wall and all that. To me, it sounds like your fiancee is getting some kind of sick satisfaction from hurting you and that would have given her more to feast on.

 

A relationship that isn't working should just end. It sounds like she wants to have this new man, but needs something familiar (you) waiting in the wings if it all goes tits up.

 

I've come to the end of many serious relationships, both as the one doing the finishing, and the one being finished and if I can offer any advice, don't hesitate to send me a pm.

 

Keep your chin up.

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I've skimmed the basic details of this thread the last couple of days and while it's pretty shit what happened then I don't think you should have sent that reply to her.

 

Just leave it.

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Im not good with words but group hug?

 

It really does suck though. Sorry to see you go through this.

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