Posted July 13, 2008 Lately this has come up several times in different ways, mostly thanks to my brother. He's quite an unhappy person and he holds onto grudges like it's a good thing and vents his anger about almost everyone. In particular, he has decided to hate our cousin's wife entirely based on one ill-advised (and totally in bad taste) joke that she made. Not only does he think that she's an idiot but he actually hates her. It got me thinking about how we all react to people making mistakes. Some of us perceive mistakes as just that but sometimes we see them as malicious or at least things done, whilst well informed and out of choice. Day to day things can be quite easy to forgive but if they re-occur frequently then they can really start to bug you (classic bad housemate situation for instance). So how do you guys deal with this? Do you forgive easily? How does it make you feel doing it? What kind of things do you forgive and what do yo not? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I tend to forgive quite easily, to those I want to give it too, given my past lovelife, there was somebody I forgave quite a few times, when most people would have slammed the door in his face repeatedly. To everyone else I am not, I can be utterly spiteful and worse than your brother and I have no issue with admitting that. I can make a thousands of mistakes and hope for forgiveness and try to earn it but with everybody else, once chance and that's it. I think I know the reason behind it and it's not fair to let my past judge those who I know in the present. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I don't forgive. As a rule of thumb I see no point. I know everyone is flawed and for that I don't care about the small stuff that may bug others. But to get to the level where I don't wish to forgive someone means it is big and theres only a few people that it really applies to and it goes either two ways; complete unforgiveness (i.e. my uncle) or eventually just resulting in apathy (i.e. my sibling). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I'll forgive but I'll remember. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I'll forgive but I'll remember. So you'd hold it against someone? That's not exactly forgiving... that's more like not bringing it up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 So you'd hold it against someone? That's not exactly forgiving... that's more like not bringing it up. He might work by ''one time I'll trust you but I'll remember and if you break it again that's it''? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I don't forgive. How can you? Especially as most people aren't even sorry for what they've done. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I forgive anyone who honestly asks for it, but I only forgive once or twice at maximum for the same mistake. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 So you'd hold it against someone? That's not exactly forgiving... that's more like not bringing it up. If that person made an honest mistake, fine. I'm cool with that, we're only human. But, in some cases it would be like Nightwolf said. I'd be wary about trusting that person in the same kind of situation. Otherwise I'd forgive them to cause the minimal disruption to a problem that has already been caused and then not associate with that person again. Like JFK said, "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.". It's all cost-benefit analysis. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I forgive very easily but I'm not like a door mat you can't just walk all over me! I forgive pretty much everything... Well I have done so far. I don't hold grudges against anyone. That doesn't get me anywhere and I'd be unable to move forward if i did! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 Wow, some of you have some pretty discrete answers considering the range of things there are to forgive and the differen type of person you are forgiving (as in your relationship to that person). If most of you dealt with most things that way then I'm surprised that any of you have any friends! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I'd like to think I'm a forgiving person. But it does depend on what the person has done. If somebody makes a mistake, and is trying to rectify it, then I'll give them a chance. If they accept they've done wrong, then its ok, but we all make mistakes. But, I found my ex pretty hard to forgive. I was on the road to it, but she must have done about a dozen or so other things to set us back. I think since then, I've kinda had low expectations of a lot of people, and now just expect pretty much everyone to mess up somewhere along the line anyway. So, I'm not as easily shocked when they come to me saying they've made a mistake. If they truely want forgiveness, then I'd like to let it go. I've made a lot of mistakes too, and I'm trying to work my way through and put everything back in its right place. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 Wow, some of you have some pretty discrete answers considering the range of things there are to forgive and the differen type of person you are forgiving (as in your relationship to that person). If most of you dealt with most things that way then I'm surprised that any of you have any friends! I bury things deep down. It makes life easier. After all there's only one person I can trust. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 Life's too hard a journey to be weighed down by such baggage. I'm not saying forgiveness is easy, but if you can't leave things in the past where they belong then you're only making things harder on yourself. That said, in reality I think some things are simply unforgivable. If someone you know is killed and the person responsible feels no remorse... well, who could sit down with that person and say, "Okay, I can see where you were coming from"? Luckily most people won't encounter such situations, though. I try to forgive as I'm something of an idealist. However, I do find it hard to forget if someone has repeatedly wronged me. And rightly so, I think: even a rat will be cautious of its food if it shocks them too many times. There can be a thin line between being forgiving and letting yourself be exploited, so I think it's important to keep your eye on where you think it lies. I prefer to believe in people. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 Wow, some of you have some pretty discrete answers considering the range of things there are to forgive and the differen type of person you are forgiving (as in your relationship to that person). If most of you dealt with most things that way then I'm surprised that any of you have any friends! I don't. (Well not good friends, I have a crap loads of friends I have superficial banter with.) Because: I bury things deep down. It makes life easier. After all there's only one person I can trust. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 That said, in reality I think some things are simply unforgivable. If someone you know is killed and the person responsible feels no remorse... well, who could sit down with that person and say, "Okay, I can see where you were coming from"? Luckily most people won't encounter such situations, though. If that's the only thing you can't forgive then you are waaaaaay to forgiving. Or at least in my opinion anyway. (Which is always right.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 Only if the apology is decent and genuine. You know, when the screams of pleasure dont sound artificial. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I don't see why I should forgive the people who have wronged me in my life, why I should bury it all under the carpet and say all is forgiven. Alot of the times I have forgiven and I have moved on and kept that person in my life, whether it be a friend, a boyfriend, an ex, family, even a friend of a friend. But there just comes a point in your life where you just don't need them there to continue on in your life and after forgiving them they repay you by a swift kick in the teeth. I can understand why people wouldn't want me in their life too, it works both ways, if I make a big mistake, say sorry, get forgiveness and do something else I can see why they'd give me a swift kick out the door! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I hold grudges, even if that person doesn't know it I'm loathing them from the inside. I get over it after a while, but it takes time. If they do the sligtest thing to annoy me in the "loathing period" - that's it. They're gone. Sounds wierd, but it's always worked for me. I can;t be arsed with people that aren't genuinly sorry for what they did. For more specific things like say someone killing someone without a very good reason, then nothat should never be forgiven. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 i dont trust really as a rule theres like 2 people int he world atm that i trust (my dad n greg..lol) one of my friends was a total dick a month or so back n it was completly unsensitive things like that that make me wonder why bother trusting if epople will hurt u? (i wasnt close with this friend so it actually surprised me how much he hurt me).. .. we still hang out but i probably would never trust this person n if he hurt me again that prob would be our friendship ( tho we arent close - we wouldnt hang out./talk if it wasnt for greg..lol.. ) .. he kinda apologised but in some backward way i eneded up apologising to him.. didnt know what teh hell i was on abouts .. n i dont have many friends cause its hard to trust - due to them doing stupid things.. oooo.. to FINALLY answer your question i dont forgive - not truley anyway i just note what happens and if something else happens then BAM.. your definately not firgiven .. n another thing i only "forgave" the dudes apology cause if i didnt i prob wouldnt have any friends left Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 Depends on what i had to forgive. A small thing then yes, larger thing then i'd think about it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 Jesus fuck, forum. You all need to chill the fuck out and relax a little. First we have the loneliness thread where you all look like sociopathic mentalists, now you all look like bitter misanthropes and enraged hermits. relax you bellends! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 Jesus fuck, forum. You all need to chill the fuck out and relax a little. First we have the loneliness thread where you all look like sociopathic mentalists, now you all look like bitter misanthropes and enraged hermits. relax you bellends! Couldn't have said it better. Everyone is so depressed these days... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 To be fair, I'm lonely yet forgiving. Can we at least get away with being one? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2008 I couldn't care less. You cheat on me or doublecross me? It doesn't change why I like you, only how much you like me, so I don't really care. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
