Posted March 14, 2010 No, that's not nerve-wracking at all! It's just that while I obv. have this deep bond with her, what with her being a pivotal part of my life, both positive and negative, but we tried twice to be a couple and it doesn't really work, so it's just romantic notions that make me think we can get through our shit by leaning on each other, as well as a fear that I'll be wearing a sort of "I'm ok!" mask the whole time. I know we don't work, but I hope that we could... but we can't. I will be embarassed of my housemates and I will be embarassed of her. I want to help her and I want her to help me but there's just... a fuckload of shit involved in all this that only the keenest of readers of my life will really appreciate. The sex will be good. Past experience proves that. But ultimately I'm just setting a course to further demolish my own path in life... And stuff. These are thoughts that can only be shared over pints and blood oaths. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 Well, who really needs to be a "couple"? Not everyone needs to shoehorn themselves into that archetype. I get the being embarrassed part though, mostly happens with friends you make in different parts of your life, both groups have deviating ideas of who you are, and attempting to reconcile the two always results in various admissions you weren't ready to make. Like...how wednesday nights were always spent at your local games workshop playing Warhammer and eyeing every homely looking lass that walked past the window... Alas! but maybe that's not what you're getting at. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 The problem with defining is that both parties need to both be aware and in agreement over teh definitions. 'Friends' is too strong a word. I'm confident with (the utterly desolate) myself, but the whole housemates/ex thing is more along the lines of the "I can see in their eyes what they are thinking, and they are ignorant" veing of things. I think, based on my own experience of course, you become less faceted as you age, allowing the ruling factors of the different divisions to meld together. In this instance I am not worried about any admissions of my own, more of third parties and how they will deal with the situation. And Warhammer is for gays. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 (edited) That's why I picked a strictly non-autobiographical anecdote, but rather one that I would chuckle at, derisively, myself =p. Anyway, fuck being apologetic, people are always gonna be ignorant. Sounds to me like you'd enjoy her being there if it wasn't for the anxiety of having people that you don't wholly give a shit about judging you to some extent (or maybe I misinterpreted this part). Just be extra awesome to compensate for any awkwardness =p. I'm sure I'm oversimplifying, but to be fair, anxiety is something that I'm constantly trying to beat off myself...it's just something you need to de habituate yourself from. I find that expecting bad shit to stir, ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy. Chill brah. Buy some mdma. Edited March 14, 2010 by The Bard Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 I had a weird dream... I was in a park on a sunny day with my camera and I bumped into Rez who was pushing a pram. Then he showed me his pet owl who was perched on a nearby bench. Then we had to row to some kind of boat house because the owl needed something...it gets hazy. ...weirdness. Rez has managed to osmosize into my dreams, I feel violated. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 I had a weird dream... I was in a park on a sunny day with my camera and I bumped into Rez who was pushing a pram. Then he showed me his pet owl who was perched on a nearby bench. Then we had to row to some kind of boat house because the owl needed something...it gets hazy. ...weirdness. Rez has managed to osmosize into my dreams, I feel violated. Thats awesome. Interestingly my dream had a boat in. There was a pirate ship, (not a real one, it was some kind of jungle gym type thing) and I was climbing over it with this chick. We got down and started chatting more, and then my dad came along, and he was like "The cinema rang. You're gonna be late" and I was like...oh hell I forgot I booked a ticket to see Evita. So I ran around Aylesbury (which now had the queue to Saw Alive in it) looking for the cinema I booked a ticket to. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 By the way, I think you should get a pet owl. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 Yay, I have some linguistics proofreading work - basically getting paid for revising. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 And Warhammer is for gays. That's why they made Warhammer 40k, for the real men. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 By the way, I think you should get a pet owl. I'd like to think I'm immune to that sort of thing but AWWWWWWWWW. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 14, 2010 Had an AGM today at my local, was alright i suppose. At least the club can remain open for another year thats all i can say to that. Came back after the cash count, took the dog out for a long long walk. So long, that my sister thought i killed it (the dog litteratly dropped off within 15-20 minutes of getting home. Woke up about an hour later). Had the dog off her lead whilst in the parks. Have to admit for a 9 month old dog, she is very obediant. Came back when i said, stopped at the end of the field in the case i wished to re-lead her. Spent the best part of the afternoon (well, from 5pm anyway) on Warrior Within (just opened the final lock, preparing for the next battle). Work again next week, all good i say all good. Hopefully, NCC get their fingers in gear and sort my pay out. Otherwise me won't be happy at all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 Merf, wanted an early night so went to bed early. But my body is not co-operating at all. It's now past 2 am and I'm still wide awake. Fail. Also not a very fun day. Spent pretty much all of it either working for school or being at actual work (yay for some money though). Plus family arguing, boooh. =( Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 - A customer returned a faulty microwave - The shop smelt, strongly, like weed all day - Turns out Agros doesn't discriminate between normal people and drug dealers - Friend came to visit for the evening, effectively only contacting me for use of my sofa. - His ex girlfriend stayed over with him. - He doesn't know I practically boned her. - She left her phone here. - She wants to come over, with Mead and Port, and drink to celebrate the fact she left it here - And she wants to stay over in my bed. - Bad. Bad. Bad. - And no need for hyphens in this post... - But I can't let a good habit die! - Going to watch Bones and drink cider for the rest of teh evening, then play solitare 'til dawn with a deck of 51, watch some Captain Kangaroo, count the flowers on the wall, dress up in... Wait, what? That's why I picked a strictly non-autobiographical anecdote, but rather one that I would chuckle at, derisively, myself =p. Anyway, fuck being apologetic, people are always gonna be ignorant. Sounds to me like you'd enjoy her being there if it wasn't for the anxiety of having people that you don't wholly give a shit about judging you to some extent (or maybe I misinterpreted this part). Just be extra awesome to compensate for any awkwardness =p. I'm sure I'm oversimplifying, but to be fair, anxiety is something that I'm constantly trying to beat off myself...it's just something you need to de habituate yourself from. I find that expecting bad shit to stir, ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy. Chill brah. Buy some mdma. You are right - if the world was just me and her, we'd be fine. We spent many an hour in our own little hole, oblivious to the external. MDMA won't exactly... chill me, and ideally it'd be everyone else that'd be taking it! But I have to say thank you for the advice, all in all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 So the latest flurry of my life is over, or something. Intense week: I went to London on Tuesday and went to visit some magazine publishers etc. First up was IPC Media- publishers of a raft of Women's weekly....tripe, frankly. A disturbingly low common denominator is formed in your mind when you read their portfolio. They also do Nuts, NME, Uncut and a bunch of magazines for the disgustingly rich though, so I guess it evens out a bit. Kinda want to work for them as their building is astonishingly great. I'd feel good about life if I was a janitor there. Wednesday was fraught with sleep deprivation, following some bullshit Tuesday night. Went to parliament for a tour, PMQ and a talk from notable prestigious people, which was excellent, particularly the latter item. Thursday we went to Future, which was immense. I love their portfolio, their style, their approach...everything. Want to work there. Will accept payment in basic rations and survival sustenance if need be. Want. Friday was a day of rest / Mass Effect 2. I also had a pretty productive meeting with my peers about a magazine we're making soon. I feel the build up of ego and confrontation like the smell of the air before a storm already. It's going to be magnificent, caffeine drenched melodrama. Yes. Saturday and Sunday I went to Leeds for drinkin and partyin with uni buddies. Great fun, but reminded me of the things I got sick of in 3rd year too. It's crossed my mind that many of my uni friendships are based on...circumstance and chance rather than any deep bonds. It's an odd sensation being friends with people I often find basically alienating. and so much to do this week. I'm constantly bouncing between little lulls in activity and intense periods of mania. Problem is, I'm so time inefficient that any free time I have I end up squandering on my own fickle amusements and distractions instead of forging ahead with anything meaningful or useful to me or anyone else. Time to end this post before I turn wildly introspective. This shit should be dealt with in the small hours. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 Don't i just love it, i'm the only one in the office all afternoon. Nothing to do except Internet and updating the diary/booking thing. Hour and a 1/2 before home-time. All good, all good. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 Yesterday i phoned up work to get my rota for this week, and was told i've been given a week off, to use up my holidays. I must have sounded dumbstruck on the phone cos the receptionist started giggling. I didn't want a week off. I wanted to keep busy and not have lots of free time to think about being dumped. I guess i'll just have to make the most of it. Enjoy the long lies, and just be a bum for a week. Today i sorted out my clothes, put any hideous ones in a bag for the charity shop. Also hoovered and polished. Since then i've just slobbed out on the computer. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 Merf, wanted an early night so went to bed early. But my body is not co-operating at all. It's now past 2 am and I'm still wide awake. Fail. Also not a very fun day. Spent pretty much all of it either working for school or being at actual work (yay for some money though). Plus family arguing, boooh. =( Do you hear that? *low rumbles* That. Do you hear it? *louder sounds. Closer. Ground shakes* It's the hugglesaurus reeeeeexxxx. - Friend came to visit for the evening, effectively only contacting me for use of my sofa. - His ex girlfriend stayed over with him. - He doesn't know I practically boned her. When you say practically boned, what do you mean? Light fingering? Or perhaps more? *strokes beard* Yesterday i phoned up work to get my rota for this week, and was told i've been given a week off, to use up my holidays. I must have sounded dumbstruck on the phone cos the receptionist started giggling. I didn't want a week off. I wanted to keep busy and not have lots of free time to think about being dumped. I guess i'll just have to make the most of it. Enjoy the long lies, and just be a bum for a week. Today i sorted out my clothes, put any hideous ones in a bag for the charity shop. Also hoovered and polished. Since then i've just slobbed out on the computer. Woman, play loads of games and enjoy your free time. Make eet a movie weeeeek. You can go to work for me if you like? No? Today was alright, as I had a half day so only had to work the afternoon. Got a lovely reception from the little ones I've been teaching for the last 3 weeks as I walked past the playground into the office. But, the ones I taught in the afternoon were right professional bastardos. My router is playing up, and it refused to let me access mon internets the other day. Just had to reset it twice, and it worked on the third time of asking. Now, I'm overdosing on tea. Teeea. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 First day at the new job today, spent it just pairing up files and putting them away, which was a bit boring, but everyone there seems really friendly. Plus I finish at 4 so can get home around 5 which is awesome (The last two weeks I've been getting home at around 7)! Even better news though is that the girl who also started today is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, unfortunately they put her somewhere else so it's gonna be a bit harder for me to work my magic (they clearly knew she would be too distracted if we were working together...) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 - Woke up at 3pm - Dull work. - Cider, chips n' dips tonight. Nostalgic! - Pacific and Bones to watch - MW2 to play. - My life is stuck on repeat, but I'm ok with it. - Somebody post an interesting thread so I can have a drunk ramble later, k? When you say practically boned, what do you mean? Light fingering? Or perhaps more? *strokes beard* Yes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 Yes. What is the yes aimed at? The last part? There was more than one question, sucker. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 What is the yes aimed at? The last part? There was more than one question, sucker. Maybe it was the beard stroking :/ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 It was to leave TEH AIR OF MYHSTERYYYEH... Um... Well essentially we snogged the faces off of each other on three separate nights out over the last 3 years and we've never pursued it because of her ex, my mate. Gossip hounds. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 Snogged is the least cool word ever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 And yet it's still cooler than you Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 15, 2010 And yet it's still cooler than you Nothing is cooler than Shorty. Except for this: Shorty once said it was his favourite film of all time. Alternative words for kissing: Smooching Eat the face of another Peck Getting off with Sucking face Making out (I hate this term) Tonsil Hockey Kissing in the name Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
