Posted September 13, 2007 And this too, because it made me LOL: OMFG! LMFAO! luckily I wasn't drinking anything or I would be need of a new monitor. I heard they were discontinuing Steve Irwin´s new sun lotion.Apparently it dosen´t protect you from deadly rays That joke made my day yesterday Thats so wrong yet so funny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 Got to say I am quite enjoying this thread, so here's my contribution. You've all probably seen it before but funny as hell: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 I went to see the nurse for a check up the other day she said "You've got to stop masturbating." I said "Why?" She said "Because I'm trying to take your blood pressure!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 What's up with all the videos lately - we already have a thread for those. *ducks for cover* "Mommy, Mommy I'm 13 now! Am I allowed to wear a bra?" - "No, Peter!" "Mom guess what. Today at school they asked what 31+15 is and no one but me knew. Is this because I'm blond?" - "No, it's because you're 17." and a really old one: Bill Gates, the Pope and Bush sit in a plane that is going to crash land and there are only two parachutes left. Bush bursts out: "I'm the most intelligent man in the world. I need to stay alive." He takes one and jump out. The Pope to Gates: "I'm old but you have your life still ahead of you. I'll leave you the other parachute." "There's no need to," replied Gates "the most intelligent man in the world jumped out with a backpack." The characters in this joke are purely fictional. Any resemblance to dead or living people is pure coincidence and not intended - or is it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 There's been a new car designed especially for women: It has a compartment for lipstick, a horn that loudly tuts at men in white vans and indicators that change their mind at the last minute. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 What do you call a female Peacock? A Peac*nt. Thank you George Carlin Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 "If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.” — Cyndi Lauper "Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost an important part of your life.” — Brooke Shields “It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.” — Axl Rose “I’d rather be dead than singing Satisfaction when I’m forty-five.” — Mick Jagger “We are going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” — NBA player Jason Kidd “If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s Big Business.” — Donald Trump “He speaks English, Spanish, and he’s bilingual too.” — Don King “Predictions are difficult, especially about the future.” — Yogi Berra I don’t think anybody should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.” — Samuel Goldwyn “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” — Britney Spears “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.” — Britney Spears "Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says chicken of the sea.” — Jessica Simpson “I’m sounding worse than Jessica Simpson right now. She’s looking like a rock scientist.” — Tara Reid “I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger “You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” — George W. Bush “Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?” — George W. Bush Friend: "Jessica, you want some buffalo wings?" Jessica Simpson: "Sorry, I don’t eat buffalo." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 I went to see the nurse for a check up the other day she said "You've got to stop masturbating." I said "Why?" She said "Because I'm trying to take your blood pressure!" Is it wrong that in my head I read that in the style of Bernard Manning? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 Have a look at this: http://pya.cc/pyaimg/pimg.php?imgid=13376 i was sent the link at about midnight last night and i can't tear myself away from it's endless loop! That was sooooooo creepy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 Whats worse than havin Micheal jackson babysit ur kids? The McCanns takin them on holiday. Sorry, harsh but I still thought funny. You can kill my dad if you found it offensive. =] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 Whats worse than havin Micheal jackson babysit ur kids?The McCanns takin them on holiday. Sorry, harsh but I still thought funny. You can kill my dad if you found it offensive. =] haha - i found that funny does that make me a bad person? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 Whats worse than havin Micheal jackson babysit ur kids?The McCanns takin them on holiday. Sorry, harsh but I still thought funny. You can kill my dad if you found it offensive. =] Awesome . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 Whats worse than havin Micheal jackson babysit ur kids?The McCanns takin them on holiday. Sorry, harsh but I still thought funny. You can kill my dad if you found it offensive. =] ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ouch Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass? Very satisfying. What do you call a sheep tied up to a lamp post in North Wales? A leisure centre. A married couple are on holiday in Wales, and they stop for lunch at the famous town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. The husband calls over the waitress and asks: "I was wondering if you could settle an argument, how exactly do you pronounce this place?' The waitress looks at him confused and says: "Bur-Gur-King?" Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep." Girl takes a dress into Dry Cleaners and asks for it to be cleaned. The man is deaf and says "Come again?" Girl blushes and says "No, it's yogurt this time!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 I hear Renault are bringing out a new car. It's designed for the whole family but even if your kids can't fit in someone can always go in the boot. They're calling it the Renault McCann. This would probably have had more impact if Ellemeister hadn't posted a McCann joke first, at least he softened the blow! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 13, 2007 I hear Renault are bringing out a new car. It's designed for the whole family but even if your kids can't fit in someone can always go in the boot. They're calling it the Renault McCann. This would probably have had more impact if Ellemeister hadn't posted a McCann joke first, at least he softened the blow! You see this is why i love tragedies they make for great comedy. Also Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 14, 2007 *looks for stefkov* <_< >_> Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 14, 2007 Sorry, I know. Go straight to hell, do not pass go. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 14, 2007 You see this is why i love tragedies they make for great comedy. Also Ah ah ah ah. That's Matt Bellamy for you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 14, 2007 Sorry, I know. Go straight to hell, do not pass go. That is fucking awesome. The funniest thing I've seen in weeks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 14, 2007 Some classic jokes in here, more please! Rhys, your jokes had me in stitches. And my mum sent me the Renault McCann one today. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 14, 2007 I don't want to got to Japan, simply because I don't like fish. And I hear that's very popular in Africa I go to lots of overseas places, like Canada I think gay marriage should be between a man and a woman These quotes had me in states, bloody awesome. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 14, 2007 "you know what the best bit about having a girlfriend is?" "what?" "i don't have to pay for sex anymore" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2007 I go to lots of overseas places, like Canada I don't get it =[ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2007 I don't get it =[ She's from the US, meaning that Canada isn't overseas. It's like us saying "I like to go overseas, to places like Scotland and Wales". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
