Adverts That Blow: Summer '07 Remix

[EEVILMURRAY]

I'll never stop this crusade until the adverts that blow are removed from my screens.

 

My first advert that blows is the Glade pushy shit thing that people put in their toilets. This time featuring a dodgy dubbed Chinese kid.

 

After having what appears to be a smelly shit, I assumed this after the kid wafts his nose in an attempt to save his nose from his own dump. He discovers that the Touch N' Fresh lacks a fragrance refill. Some unconsiderate bastard left it empty. How dare they. They even removed the refill just to rub it in and make it more obvious that whoever shat next will be tortured by their own aroma.

 

Mummy comes to check on the kid [Whom I'm sure isn't his biological mother] and he shouts "It's gone!" to which she replies "What's gone?" The kid has magically found a felt tip pen and some paper [A must-have for any bathroom] to draw the touch & fresh, an impressive diagram I think you'll agree. We know he hasn't wiped his arse at this point so he's waddled around the bathroom, or he's given his pants an unprecedented quantity of skid marks.

 

Mummy comes in with the refill, meaning junior has waddled to the door, unlocked it, and waddled back, the next shot showing him, clearly sitting on the toilet [i am assuming his trousers are still down at this point, or he really wouldn't be sitting]. Mummy finally gives the shitsmell a royal beating, but since it's been SO long it's probably disappeared, embedded itself in the towels to give the next shower occupant a nice surprise.

 

Your turn.

[Paj!]

First off..

 

Every morning, I have breakfast in front of the final 5 minutes of the GMTV Newshour, so I always se the break between sections of GMTV. This would be fine, if they didn't use the same adverts EVERY TIME.

 

I thunk i've memorised the script fro the 4head migraine relifief, or the worst of them all.. "confused.com". They use THE EXACT same sript for each advert, only with different actors.

 

ARGH! I hate ADVERTS!

[thirtynine.]

Its better to use Cureanail than be a crimi-nail....

[Guest Jordan]

Speaking of glade.

Who the fuck would want a god damn air freshener with 'an exciting light show'.

 

Its a bulb with a colour filter. How high tech can you get? Seriously the people that buy these things (my sister constantly sprays them around the house, thankfully i'm getting the fuck out of here soon.) have to be utter morons!

[Ashley]

I don't normally participate but the loans.co.uk one. Not because its another loan advert thing but the script of it which basically has a man saying "I work all day long and I'm tired so I can't be arsed to do any paperwork-ey stuff that I should do when I get home. Instead I let my wife do it because I'm sure she sits down all day long doing nothing but paint her nails. That bitch needs something to do."

 

Its so damn sexist, am I the only one who sees that?

[AshMat]

EEVIL, that was the BEST analagy of that advert i've ever seen.

[Sanchez]

I'm going to spain now where every adbreak cycles the same 10 yogurt/drink/car/purfume/food adverts for at least 5 minutes. No I'm not exaggerating. The adbreaks are at least 5 minutes long. I remember once I wanted to finish watching a movie but I had to have a shower, so I left at adbreak, had a shower and came back with several minutes to spare. Spanish television is shit.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Another thing has me a little confused is the Hastings Insurance advert, before with it's lovely jingle so you'd remember the number. It was just a normal jingle.

 

However with the addition of the website the bloke suddenly went Egyptian... Was Ancient Egypt a deciding factor in the battle of Hastings?

 

Spanish television is shit.

I'm pissed off for another reason, the got the end of the Cell Saga way before we did. Not fucking happy.

[thirtynine.]

Hastings Direct dot com Hastings Direct dot coooooooohooom

[Solidus]

I don't get the advert where the male model in white speedos kisses that woman in the boat then someone yells, "cut". Stupid fragrance ads.

 

Anyone seen that new Mercedes C-class ad know what the fricking music is playing in the background? Tried a million searches and nowt.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I don't get the advert where the male model in white speedos kisses that woman in the boat then someone yells, "cut". Stupid fragrance ads.

It's all explained by Lee Mack here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1oElIM2B6o

This is part 3 of 3. I recommend watching them all [in order of course] The bit about Big Brother makes perfect sense, but the point of the link in this topic is that, skip to the 8 minute mark, a perfect breaking down of French perfume adverts.

[Ant-Shimmin]

Picture Fucking Loans

 

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING VIDEO RECORDING YOUR FUCKING LOAN THING AND YOUVE GOT A STUPID FUCKING STICKER ON YOUR BALL WHICH WE FUCKING KNOW IS MITRE.

 

AND WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM LIKE HE IS YOUR FRIEND

 

AND AS FOR THE OTHER FRIEND WITH THE WELSH MOTHER AND THE IRRATING SON OF A BITCH SON WITH THE INBRED DAD, AND SHES LIKE OMG ME HOUSE IS A MESS BUT I CAN GET ME CREDIT SORTED.

 

FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF PICTURE FUCKING LOANS

[EEVILMURRAY]

Taken from the Facebook group - I HATE JOSH, AND HIS BLOODY SCOOTER

I hate picture loans and everything they stand for. there are many things wrong with this company, but i would like to focus my anger towards there adverts.

 

the origional advert:

- the bloke on the phone obviously doesnt like football because he is the size of a small country.

- and the blokes amazingly flippent attitude towards borrowing £25,000. he is asked how much he wishes to borrow he, he then has to double check that it is 25grand they want to borrow.

 

the second advert

-THE RUBBISH/FAKE GEORDIE ACCENT

i wouldnt mind if this woman was actually a geordie, but dont pretend. why is it necessary for her to be a geordie. perhaps they are exploiting the stereotype of northern people have no money. sorry but we do!!!! contrary to picture loans belief we have loads of modern things like money and healthcare.lol

- why does josh want his scooter so badly, he sounds about 16. (little faggot)

- once again there is also an incredibly flippent attitude to borrowing money, with the helpful husband who just answers with a thumbs up, thank god he got hurt. i hope he broke something.

 

im now finished

thanks for listening

[Dyson]

Picture Fucking Loans

 

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING VIDEO RECORDING YOUR FUCKING LOAN THING AND YOUVE GOT A STUPID FUCKING STICKER ON YOUR BALL WHICH WE FUCKING KNOW IS MITRE.

 

AND WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM LIKE HE IS YOUR FRIEND

 

AND AS FOR THE OTHER FRIEND WITH THE WELSH MOTHER AND THE IRRATING SON OF A BITCH SON WITH THE INBRED DAD, AND SHES LIKE OMG ME HOUSE IS A MESS BUT I CAN GET ME CREDIT SORTED.

 

FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF PICTURE FUCKING LOANS

 

Erm..calm down..

[weeyellowbloke]

I think Charlie Brooker sums up my opinions on many adverts nicely here.

 

However I have a Particular gripe with Hastingsdirect.com. The whole using a little cartoon Norman soldier and massive bloody historical massacre to advertise insurance. It's like if some company of the future decided to call itself Somme Loans and had some cheerful British and German cartoon soldiers dancing together to the jingle "You don't have to go over the top to get a loan". It just pisses me off. Plus his little wooden car, hate it.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I think Charlie Brooker sums up my opinions on many adverts nicely here.

Genius. That was actually on BBC Four?! Stunning.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Double post I know, but I just saw this advert again and it's pissed me off...

 

That Bitesize Shredded Wheat advert where there's a shitload of women wanking on about there's only one ingredient and giving more bullshit about how they go "whoa" after seeing more than one ingredient in something else.

 

I'll put good money on every one of them putting sugar or something else on it.

[rokhed00]

Those MFI ads where it shows families having arguments and it turns out they're ina furniture showroom and not at home are pissing me right off.

 

Those new Starburst ads are a bit much too, nobody wants to see Graham Norton licking some blokes face.

[UK]

Barry Scott is a legend. I love the way he uses the penny test. Soooo manly. Enough to turn a straight man gay.

[Raining_again]

Any credit / finance company. Making out like this credit will FUCKING SAVE YOUR LIFE its all lies i tell you!

 

actually you'll be in even more debt. YAY >_>

 

QVC - the channel of non-ending advertisements.

[triforcemario]

All adverts on TV. 'Nuff said.

[EEVILMURRAY]

No no no Triforcemon, put some effort in, we're going to rape shitty adverts for our own amusement.

[Zell]

The newest Halifax ad with the fat lady. Jeeesus why didn't they just stop after the "sex bomb" one?

[EEVILMURRAY]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEVjbosMqFM

The original one with my main man Howard Brown, he was meant to be in a Nottingham branch just after that ad came out for publicity, me and a few friends went up and I printed certificates for him to sign... no such luck.

[Ramar]

Anyone seen the new claims direct ad that has someone telling some bullshit about how she was injured at work or some crap. Then at the bottom is says "Fictional Story"... The advert is just one lie.